If only life were this bubble. If only life were back to normal.

Maybe he wouldn’t feel like he was drowning.

~*~

“I swear I will kill you both-” Bill stopped at the look on his friends’ faces.  “What’s wrong?” Georg handed him Tom’s phone and he looked at it blankly. “Tom doesn’t go anywhere without this.” He whispered. It felt strange to see the phone and not its owner. His twin never let it out of his sight.

“We know. He wasn’t in his room, and Jost hasn’t seen him either. We’re going to need to tell them we can’t find Tom.” Georg said lowly, leaning against the doorway.

“Maybe he’s just sightseeing.” Bill said, trying to quiet his nerves and the roiling of his stomach.

“Without his phone Bill? Without telling Saki?”

“What did he say? Does he know where Tom is?”

“We haven’t asked him yet. When we do he’s going to go search for him. Saki’s told him a million times not to leave the premises without telling him. Now he doesn’t have his phone…” Gustav shook his head. “This isn’t good.”

Bill couldn’t turn away from the phone in his hand. If he could will it to his brother he would. What if Tom got in trouble, or lost? They didn’t know the city, anything could happen to him. He sighed and tried to stay calm. “Let me get dressed, I’ll go with you.”

Author's Chapter Notes:

It's good and good for you.

David tried to keep his temper under control; it wouldn’t do anyone any good to see him explode in fury. He paced back and forth in his room, watching Saki bark some orders into his phone. Probably to his security team combing the area around the hotel. He looked over at the band, the boys in various stages of concern.  Georg was definitely agitated, fidgeting every couple of seconds as he tore a napkin to shreds in his hands, picking up the pieces that fell to his lap and tearing them into even smaller pieces.

Gustav was drumming out a quick staccato rhythm on the edge of the table; eyes unfocused as he stared at whatever he saw when he drummed a beat. David could tell he was upset by the way he held his shoulders. But the person who worried him most was Bill, who sat there at the table between them, staring down at the table and not saying a word. He looked tired; even more so than he remembered and wondered if Bill would listen if he told him to go lie down.

Probably not. Jost turned as Saki got off of the phone. “I’ve coordinated a search and we’re spreading out; starting with the hotel grounds.”

“It’s been some hours. What are the odds that something’s happened to him?” Jost asked quietly. The large man shook his head.

“I’m not going down that road. It’s quite possible he’s pitched a fit and just decided to let off some steam. We’re prepared for any eventuality and everyone’s armed. We have people checking the area hospitals and we’ve sent out a picture to law enforcement. Due to Tom’s high profile they understand the need for discretion.”

“Good. Thank you Saki.” David turned to his boys with a frown. “I need you guys to be honest. Is there a possibility that Tom’s holed up in some girl’s room?”

Georg looked at his manager as if he’d sprouted another head. “I told you already we didn’t go out last night.”

“I know what you said, but I also understand the need to cover your own tracks. I won’t be mad-”

“But I will be if you keep insinuating that we aren’t being upfront with you. No one went clubbing or drinking last night okay? The only reason why we did the other night was because we didn’t know we had a radio show to do. Just fucking drop it.”

“Fine, then you tell me why Tom would run out into a city he doesn’t know for who knows how long? No one saw him after the concert.”

“We talked about an hour after we got to the hotel. I fell asleep and when I woke up he was gone. That was about almost eleven.” Bill said quietly.

“Did you two fight?” David asked.

“No.”

“Would you tell me the truth?”

“Are we all liars all of a sudden David?” The teen asked tiredly. His nerves were snapping painfully, and his stomach was hurting. Tom had been missing the whole day, and with the interviews and signing they had the following evening it was getting worrisome. “I would tell you if he ran off after we fought.”

“I don’t mean to make you think I’m calling you guys liars…. I just… I feel like there’s something off. Something’s different and I am painfully aware of how a band can collapse when dynamics change. You four are too talented to let pettiness ruin your careers. I just wished I had someone to tell me and my friends that before we imploded under our own egos and whatnot.” David hoped he was being heard.

~*~

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand you.” Tom said apologetically, backing away slowly. He’d spent the better part of four hours trying to get back to the hotel. He caught a cab and realized not only did he not remember the name of the hotel, but the cabbie couldn’t understand him. Trying to retrace his steps didn’t help things and he wound up more lost than he started. The sun would be going down soon and he knew he needed to be back at the hotel or people would freak out. They probably were freaking out now. Tom continued walking in the direction he was almost pretty sure he came from, not recognizing a single building.

The man made shooing motions and he just shook his head, backing away from the store front and continuing down the street.

“You look lost.” Tom looked over and blinked. An old woman with stark white hair was staring at him with a smile. She spoke perfect German.

“I am. I’m trying to find my hotel.” He said after a second. The woman shook her head, coming closer.

“That’s not what I meant.” When she stopped she didn’t even come up to Tom’s chest. He hadn’t seen many tiny old ladies, and immediately he wondered what she was doing out on the street alone.

“I just have a lot of things on my mind.” He said, blushing under her scrutiny.

“I can see that. Would you mind doing me a favor? I have a few purchases to get home and my grandson couldn’t come along. He usually carries everything.”

“Oh, no problem.” Tom grabbed the few bags from her and offered his arm.

“You’re so well-mannered. Your mother must have taught you well.”

“I would like to think so.” He shifted the surprisingly heavy bags in his grip and allowed himself to be led down the street.

“What’s your name young man?”

“Tom.”

“Tom, nice to meet you. You can call me Oma Helga.”

“Oma Helga?” Tom looked down at the old lady fondly. She looked like someone’s grandmother who spent most of her time elbow deep in cookie dough. The thought warmed his heart and he was surprised to find some of his anxiety falling away.

“Yes. Everyone in my building calls me that, so I don’t fight it. It’s been so many years I’ve taken to introducing myself that way to whoever seemed to be of age. If you don’t mind me saying Tom, you look like you have the world on your shoulders.”

“Life is… complicated.” Tom said sadly.

“Sounds like it wasn’t always so.”

“It was… but not like it is now.” They progressed down the street slowly, Tom taking care not to drop her bags as she walked along next to him, leading the way. “I mean, my life has always been hectic and a bit crazy. My job takes me on the road a lot.”

“Ah. My Gabriel was in the military until he retired. Always gone. You have someone you miss?”

“No. They’re with me actually. We have the same job.”

“So what’s the problem?” He hesitated and Oma Helga caught his indecision.

“I don’t mean to pry. I just hate to see someone your age vexed so. Sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger, someone you don’t have to see again.”

“My life is changing faster than I can keep up with it.” Tom said in one breath, startled at the admission. Once the floodgates opened he couldn’t hold back. “I’ve put someone in a particular position and I feel guilty. It wasn’t what we wanted; it especially wasn’t what they wanted.”

“Unexpected pregnancy isn’t the end of the world. It just seems that way.” Oma Helga laughed softly at his expression. “Do you think you’re the only person who failed to wrap it up tight?” She teased gently.  Tom wanted to sink into the concrete. “Son, you’re going to get through it.”

“I don’t know what to do… Everything I do is wrong whether I try and help or give them space. I can’t take it. My life is tumbling out of control and I don’t know what to do.” Tom repeated again.

“Is this person very special to you?” Oma Helga asked. He nodded. “Then all you can do is be there for them as best you can. They’re going through a tough time that even they might not understand. It’s important that you don’t lose sight of your feelings for each other. A child is a great gift, no matter the circumstances.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Tom nodded slowly, trying to release the tension he felt. Oma Helga squeezed his arm affectionately.

“And as for feeling that nothing you do is right… that’s normal. Most pregnant people have no idea what they’re doing to others around them. The body goes through so many changes at once and they can get a bit crazy. Just sit them down and tell them you’re there for them. Usually that will shut them up. That’s what my Gabriel did to me. We had four beautiful children together, and now we have seven grandchildren.” She said proudly.

“I’m glad to hear that. You really know how to cheer someone up.” Tom smiled, and for the first time in a while it actually felt okay to do so.

“How to be a Grandma 101.” Oma Helga laughed, Tom joining in. “But getting back to you, face the fact that you might not be able to do this alone.”

“We haven’t told anyone yet.” He admitted, suddenly apprehensive again; but he noticed it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was before.

“You’ll have to. Get that out of your mind right now that you can do it alone. You’ll drive yourself crazy.”

“It’s a… delicate situation.”

“It always is.” Oma Helga’s voice brooked no argument. “Listen to me Tom, the most important thing to remember is that you have to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the baby. All that matters now is what’s necessary for the baby. Got it?”

“Yes ma’am.” Tom said meekly, wondering where the tiny woman next to him got her strength from. The grip on his arm was powerful. “But no one knows I’m the father.” That was one of the things tearing him up inside. His reaction wasn’t proportionate to the position he was supposed to occupy in the equation.

“Why not?”

“…Because it would hurt a lot of people. Ruin lives actually.” He said morosely.

“Then I guess you’ll have to keep it a secret then, won’t you?”

“But it’s not fair!”

“Your point being what?” She asked sternly.

“I-”

“Are you there?”

“Yes, but-”

“Will you be able to spend time with your child after it’s born?”

“Yes, but-”

“But what?” They stopped on the sidewalk and Tom looked down at her miserably. “But what? If you’re going to be there and love the child what does a title mean? If I never had any children of my own I’d still be a grandmother, because I love those who come my way. I teach when and where I can to those who need to hear someone with some sense. You got it?”

“Yes ma’am.” Tom smiled and laughed softly. He’d been so wrapped up in feeling horrible he didn’t take a moment to think of the good thing that would come of it. How many people got to have a child with the love of their life?

“It’s going to be difficult, and you’re going to wonder if you can do it, but know that you can.” Oma Helga smiled up at him and shook her head. “You remind me so much of my Gabriel. He had strength inside of him he never realized.” She took the bags from his arms and put them on the ground and straightened the wrinkles out of his shirt. “Are you ready?” The lights of the city had come on during their slow sojourn and the street was becoming quieter by the moment. People were going home.

“No.” He said truthfully, and she laughed.

“Let’s try it again. Are you ready?”

Tom took a deep breath and exhaled. “I think I will be.”

Oma Helga’s smile was positively radiant. “There we go. What you’re looking for is right behind you.” She motioned over his shoulder. Tom turned around and gasped, walking a few steps towards the hotel, the same hotel he’d been searching for almost all day.

“But how did you-” He turned around and his eyes widened. There was no Oma Helga, nor any bags sitting on the curb. Tom looked up and down the street and didn’t spot the bright white hair anywhere. The wind blew and he shivered slightly, turning and running towards the building.

~*~

“You are not allowed to go out unless you tell me exactly where you’re going, is that clear?” Saki said quietly, staring down at the dreadlocked teen. Tom looked up and nodded quickly. The bodyguard looked as if he wanted to say something else, but instead silently exited the room. Jost pushed up from the table he was leaning against and sighed.

“What’s been going on with you lately Tom? You’ve been different. If I didn’t know any better I would say you were depressed.” His manager frowned. Tom looked at him and nodded.

“That would be right.”

“What?!” David’s jaw dropped. “Why?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Tom, seriously, I hope you know you can talk to me about anything. I’m in your corner, if you’re in trouble please let me know, especially before it gets too big for me to do anything about.”

“I’m tired David. I’m just going to head up, okay?”

“I cleared the schedule tomorrow. Everyone’s to get some rest before we move on.” Tom looked back at Jost and nodded.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” He looked at the teen and squinted. “Something’s changed about you.” The man wondered what could have happened while his head was turned that quickly. Tom shrugged.

“I got some perspective.” He said eventually.

“Better than my foot up your ass.” David teased, and Tom left laughing. He sighed; those kids were going to be the death of him.

~*~

Georg frowned as the door was opened and punched Tom on the arm. Hard. “Fuck Georg, that shit hurt!” He said, releasing the towel on his head and rubbing his bicep gingerly. “What did you do that for?”

“That, asshole, was for leaving and not telling anyone.” Gustav glowered next to him, punching Tom on the other arm. “And that was for leaving your phone, dumb fuck!”

“Stop! I won’t be able to hold my guitar if you break both of my arms!” Tom hissed, rotating his shoulders. “Look, I’m sorry about running off, but I didn’t mean to leave my phone. I didn’t realize I didn’t have it until it was too late.”

“You’re such an idiot. Real smart, going out into a city you don’t know where they speak a language you can’t understand.” Georg rolled his eyes.

“Coupled with the fact that you have the navigational skills of a blind and deaf drunk baby you’re lucky nothing happened to you!” Gustav chimed in. Tom snorted. He wouldn’t be so sure about that. “Do it again Kaulitz and I’ll stomp you into the ground and we won’t have to worry because we’ll know where you are; in the hospital!” He said hotly. Georg grinned and put his hand on his friend’s shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“Why do you always have to reach for violence?” Tom asked, pretending to be hurt as he rubbed the towel over his locks to get out as much water as he could.

Georg looked at Gustav quickly. “Hush!” He cut him off before he could start. “Have you seen Bill yet?” The bassist asked, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Not yet. I wanted to shower first.”

“Well, we’ll let you finish up. I’m kind of worried about him, he had no appetite after he found out you were missing.”

“Did you make him eat?” Tom asked. Gustav looked at him as if he were insane.

“Yeah, your twin brother, black hair, maybe an inch taller than you? That Bill? Uh…no. Because pigs still can’t fly. Come on Georg, I’ve had enough of the Brothers Kaulitz for one day.” The drummer grabbed Georg’s wrist and pulled him away. Tom looked at the both of them strangely, wondering why Gustav didn’t let go of the other boy’s wrist.

He looked down the hall to Bill’s room and decided now would be as good a time as any to try and patch things up. Throwing his towel on the bed Tom grabbed both keycards and walked resolutely to his twin’s door. Swiping the card, the light turned green and he opened the door softly. Bill was sitting with his back to the door, kneeling on the bed and sorting through something. Seeing the Prada bag next to him Tom guessed he was doing his ritualistic cleaning of the bag.  “Hi.” He said softly, closing the door behind him.

“Hi.” Bill’s voice sounded dull and lifeless, totally unlike him. Tom flinched because he knew that was partly his fault.

“I got back.” He said, watching his brother nod, still facing away from him.

“I see. I’m glad.”

“You don’t sound glad.”

“I am.” Tom was starting to hate the monotone.

“Bill, I’m sorry.”

“What for?” He asked, finally stilling his movements. It was an improvement, even if he didn’t turn around. Tom stepped further into the room and sighed.

“Because I hurt you.”

“It seems I’ve hurt you too. I’m sorry you felt the need to run. It won’t happen again.” Bill lowered his head as Tom came around the bed to face him.

“Bill, please don’t be like this.” Tom asked lowly, getting down on his knees next to the bed so he could see up into Bill’s face. “I said I’m sorry.”

“I heard you.” He replied calmly, moving to continue to repack his bag. Bill frowned as Tom’s hands grabbed his wrists, again stilling their movement. “What do you want from me Tom?” He asked as he finally looked up into his twin’s eyes.

“I want you to act like you hear me!” Tom said desperately, moving onto the bed and crouching in front of his brother. He looked down at what Bill was wearing. “You always did like to take my hoodies.” He said fondly. Bill shifted and looked away, not quite irritated but obviously in no mood for nostalgia. “Look Bill, I’m sorry.  I fucked up and I don’t know why I couldn’t stop.” Bill finally looked up at him. “Part of the problem I was having was I felt like I didn’t have anyone to talk to.” He sighed, waiting for Bill to interrupt him but he didn’t. “I… couldn’t talk to you about it because I felt guilty, and compared to what you were going through I was insignificant.  I can’t let Georg and Gustav know because then they’ll know everything and I don’t know what will happen then.

“So I just… started having these… attacks whenever I would think about what was coming up. I felt guilty because of what I’m putting you through now, weak because I can’t give you what you need. I don’t know what to do.” He finished honestly, watching the tears fall from Bill’s eyes as he blinked them away. “Besides, I should be used to you being bossy. Hormones would just make you worse.” Tom teased as Bill laughed quietly, pulling his hand away and wiping at his eyes.  He smiled and lifted his oversized tee. “Do you want to blow your nose?”

That earned him a full laugh from his brother, and Bill shook his head, turning away. “Tomi, I just… I’m going out of my mind. I’m tired all the time, my stomach hurts, I just want to sleep all the time. At least the fucking morning sickness is all but gone.” He sighed and shrugged. “What are we going to do?”

“The best we can.” Tom said resolutely. “We have some tough decisions to make, but I’m not running anymore. Are you?” Bill shook his head. “Good. Now why aren’t you in bed?”

“I might have pretended I didn’t care that you were back, but I did.” He smiled softly. “The only reason why I wasn’t in Jost’s room when you arrived was because I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction.” He picked at the hem of the hoodie on his knees.

“I can understand that. I would have done the same thing.” Tom nodded slowly, feeling bad for only thinking of himself for so long. “I’m not going to lie and say I’m better.”

“I don’t want you to lie, I just want you.” Bill said simply. “I want you to love me again.”

Tom’s heart broke. “Of course I love you Bill… I never stopped!”

“It feels like it. You won’t even kiss me!” Tom sighed and nodded, gathering Bill’s assorted odds and ends and stuffed them back in the bag, clearing the rest of debris with a hand. Bill watched with a frown as Tom slid off the bed and turned off the light, plunging the room into darkness. “Tom, what are you doing?”

“Just…” Tom climbed into the bed and gently pulled Bill down so they were both facing each other. Their eyes adjusted to the darkness and the lights outside the room gave them weak illumination. He looked at his baby brother and sighed; Bill had silently started to cry. He inched closer until they were nose to nose. “I’m just afraid I’ll hurt you.” He admitted.

Bill sniffed loudly. “You can’t hurt me with a kiss Tomi.”

“You can hurt me with one of yours.”

Bill looked at him and laughed. “That was so lame.”

“You know you liked it.” Tom rolled his eyes and quickly pressed a kiss to his brother’s lips, momentarily caught off guard at how much he missed just simple kissing. But it was never just kissing when it came to Bill. It deepened, and Tom ran his hands down Bill’s side and groaned because he couldn’t feel skin. He pulled away breathlessly and frowned. “Why are you wearing this thing? You’ve got to be hot.”

“I just felt like it.” Bill said uneasily, resting his forehead against Tom’s neck. “Oh, that feels awesome…” He said as he felt the comforting circles being rubbed on his distended stomach. “I missed them.”

“Honestly I missed giving them.” Tom admitted, taking his hand away briefly. “Bill, take it off.” His twin huffed and wiggled out of it, throwing it over his shoulder and curling under him quickly. “Why are you being so shy all of a sudden?” He asked, frowning. Bill mumbled something and his frown deepened. “What?”

Bill sighed and grabbed Tom’s hand and placed it squarely on his chest. Or what should have been his chest if it didn’t have a breast on it. Tom pulled his hand away in shock. “I knew you’d do that.” He grumbled, hiding his face. Tom reached over and turned on the lamp, bathing the room in soft light. “They’ve been growing and they won’t stop…” He covered his face with his hands, unable to look at his brother.

Tom stared at him with a weirded out expression. He didn’t know how to feel honestly. Just when he thought he was getting a handle on things something else came along and knocked him for a loop. “Oh my god…” He whispered, trying to remember to take deep breaths so he didn’t pass out again. “Oh god…”

“Tom, please say something else, anything else. You’re scaring me. You know what; I’m putting the hoodie back on. We can pretend you never saw anything and I’ll totally understand you-” His words were cut off by Tom’s lips on his.

When Tom pulled away he sighed for what felt like the fiftieth time that day. “Will you shut up and let me get used to things?” Bill nodded silently, clutching him around the shoulders, thankful he wasn’t running away again. Tom looked down at Bill’s stomach and nodded to himself. “You’re really starting to show…”

“Is it that bad? I can’t button my jeans.” Bill whispered, as if someone could overhear them.

“It’s not yet, but it will be.” Tom looked up and kissed him again before turning out the light. “Come on, we’re going to have a long day tomorrow.” He pushed Bill back gently and rubbed tender circles on his tummy. Tom smiled as he felt his twin relax. “Little one, I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you before, but I’m here now. I’m going to do my best to make sure you know you’re loved.” He said as he leaned down close to Bill’s stomach.

Bill looked down at him with a trembling lip and burst out crying, releasing everything he’d felt since he first found out he was pregnant. Tom just made soothing noises, trying to comfort him and the baby as he cried until he ran out of tears. He pulled Tom closer and placed little kisses all over his face, choking on unshed tears and words he couldn’t say. One of the rare times in Bill’s life words failed him. Tom continued his massage as Bill ceased murmuring and fell into a deep sleep. He watched over him until dawn, and with the morning light he knew what he had to do.

Tom climbed out of bed and put his shoes on, not bothering with a cap on as he left the room and walked down the hall to their manager’s room. He knocked until he heard something moving around inside. David blearily opened the door, one eye closed and the other one cracked just enough to ensure he didn’t run into anything. “Tom…” He yawned. “What are you doing up so early?”

“Remember when you said I could talk to you about anything?” Tom asked seriously. David woke up further, yawning hard and nodding; at least now both of his eyes were open.

“Yeah, of course. Do you need to talk?”

He nodded slowly, trying to slow his heart rate; he felt an impending panic attack but tried to will it away, hoping for some courage. “Yeah.” Tom finally said. “I do.”

~*~

Bill woke up and looked around. Tom was gone. He smiled as he lay back down and stared at the ceiling, rubbing his stomach and feeling happy for the first time in a while. He might be by himself, but he was no longer alone.

Author's Chapter Notes:

No, but it's nice. Sometimes cheesecake can make it all better.

Georg slipped into the room unseen, smiling at the lump of man on the bed. Toeing off his shoes he crept forward, smiling as his quarry shifted and continued to snore. Even Gustav’s snore was at a distinct and precise rhythm. He didn’t know how he did it. Sliding in the bed next to him he rolled over and watched the drummer sleep, smiling at the way his eyes fluttered every once in a while. He was smitten.

“Juschtel…” Georg nudged him. He knew it was earlier than even Gustav normally awoke, but he wanted to wake him up and the only way that was going to happen was if he woke up first. The bassist moved closer, letting his nose touch Gustav’s. Still he didn’t wake. He huffed and scooted even closer, breathing in deep the smell of sleep and the blond boy’s unique scent.  “Juschtel…” He murmured, still fighting sleep himself. Nothing.

Georg was about to try something else when strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him close, as Gustav buried his nose in his hair, exhaling noisily. “Good morning Georg…” He rumbled, tightening his grip.

Georg’s eyes were wide, but melted into the bear hug, smiling into the drummer’s shoulder. “Good morning Gustav.”

“If I get a wake up like this every morning, I might be more inclined to greet the day.”

“If you want to wake up like this every morning then you’ll have to start a bit later.” Georg laughed, yawning now that he was even more comfortable. “Do you think Bill killed Tom yet?”

“Probably not; but knowing him Tom probably wished he were dead.”

*

“Do you really expect me to believe you? Did one of the G’s put you up to this?” David asked skeptically, fighting with the coffee pot in his room.  Tom crossed his arms and shook his head.

“David, I’m telling the truth.”

“Stop it.”

“David-”

“Stop it!” The man turned around, waving the empty coffee pot around angrily. “It doesn’t make any sense!” He laughed mirthlessly and shoved the pot back on the machine, giving up on coffee. “It’s too fucking early for this.”

“Where’s your laptop?” Tom asked, looking around the room.

“What do you want my computer for?”

“To show you proof. “ He spotted it on the table and slid in the chair, pulling up Google and typing quickly. Tom sighed and turned the laptop around so David could see it. “It’s spreading. You know that patch you gave Bill to quit smoking?”

“Yeah…” Jost sank into the chair next to him and read the page, paling at the amount of sites dedicated to the occurrence around the world. He caught the name ‘Ridia’ and blanched. “Oh god…”

“Yeah. It had some shit in it that no one knew about, and it caused men to be able to get pregnant. This is real David.” Tom watched him shake, rubbing his hands over his face.

“What are we going to do? This is a public relations nightmare! How am I supposed to explain this to the press?” He babbled, standing up and pacing again.

“I don’t care what you tell them, but Bill needs time off.” Tom frowned as he watched the man move back and forth.

“Who’s the father?”

“…Excuse me?” Tom squeaked, unprepared for the question.

“Who is the father?” David snapped.

“He… didn’t tell me.”

“Bullshit. Everyone knows he tells you everything. Hell, everyone automatically assumes he’ll tell you whatever he knows so cut the crap.” He snapped.

Tom swallowed and shook his head. “He didn’t tell me this.” He hated to lie but the truth was unacceptable.

“Fuck that, he’ll tell me!” Jost went for the door and Tom jumped in between him and the exit.

“No, he’s still sleeping. This can wait until he wakes up.”

“Tom, this is horrible! We’ve spent so many years defending Bill’s sexuality to the public… when they find out he’s pregnant they’ll find out he’s gay! That we’ve been lying!” David hissed angrily. Tom shook his head.

“Bill’s not gay.” He said resolutely.

“So it was the immaculate conception?” David asked dryly, going back to pace. Tom didn’t know quite what to say to that so he left it alone, trying to remember to breathe deep. “I need to talk to Bill.”

“You can talk to him when he wakes up.” He said firmly, crossing his arms again. “He needs rest. David, we’re going to have to cancel the rest of the tour.”

“What?!” Jost sank down onto the couch, imagining the lynching his bosses would embark upon. People would lose their jobs…  “We can’t do that. You guys would end up owing the label millions.”

“I don’t care.” Tom said, shaking his head. “Make it happen.”

“We need to sit down as a band to discuss this!” David jumped up, behaving as if he were on a caffeine high. “It’s only fair to everyone else Tom.”

“Fine, we’ll wait until Bill wakes up.”

“Two hours Kaulitz. I can’t or won’t believe this until I see it.”

~*~

Gustav took another kiss and laughed at Georg’s stupid joke before opening his door. Georg looked out and they both watched as Tom backed out of their manager’s room, looking angry. In unison they shoved the door closed, eyes widened. “What are we doing?” Georg whispered, looking at Gustav confusedly.

“I don’t know.” The drummer whispered back.

“That was Tom, right? What is he doing in David’s room?”

“And he looked angry. Did you see David?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Why are you whispering?”

“Because you’re whispering…” Gustav whispered back, and cleared his throat. “I don’t know.” He said normally.

“Are we hiding?” Georg asked slowly, standing up and looking through the peep hole. “I think we’re hiding.”

“I think we’re hiding too.”

“You’re not ashamed of me, are you?” Georg didn’t turn around because he didn’t want to see his friend’s face. Slowly he was turned around against his will and he sighed, staring up at the ceiling for courage until he looked down and fell into a kiss. When they pulled apart he was happily dazed and definitely reassured.

“What do you think? I just don’t want everyone knowing about us just yet. It’s new for me, and I have to get used to it. Give me a little time and we can shout to the world we…” Gustav trailed off uncertainly.

“…Like each other?” Georg finished for him, much to Gustav’s relief. “Yeah, I get it.” He leaned forward and kissed him again. “I like kissing you.”

“I like kissing you too. Now come on, my stomach is growling.” They checked the hallway before exiting.

~*~

Bill awoke to see Tom sitting next to him, staring down at him as he drank some coffee. It smelled heavenly and he reached out for some, but his twin pulled the mug away, shaking his head. “Caffeine isn’t safe for the baby.”

“Withholding coffee isn’t safe for the twin either.” He retorted, sitting up awkwardly. “Good morning.” Bill climbed into Tom’s arms and sighed, feeling more relaxed than he had in weeks. “How long have you been awake?”

“I didn’t go to sleep.” Tom admitted as he kissed him softly. “Good morning and good morning.” He leaned over and placed a kiss on Bill’s stomach through the thin tee shirt he wore. “How are you feeling?”

“Famished. What time is it?” Bill yawned and stretched backwards as Tom’s eyes went straight to his chest, making him laugh briefly. “You can’t be ogling my… boobs.” He said in disbelief.

“They’re actually kind of nice.” Tom blushed as he looked away. Bill’s eyebrow rose and he smiled.

“Really? You think so?” He was nothing if not vain.

“Yeah. Can I see them?”

“Fuck no!” This time Bill blushed, reaching for the discarded hoodie on the floor. Tom stopped his movement and pulled him back. His twin refused to meet his eyes and Tom sighed.

“Bill. Bill, please look at me.” He pleaded gently. “I know this is weird.” Bill nodded, but still wouldn’t meet his gaze. “How are you supposed to get used to them if you ignore them?” Tom frowned as his brother mumbled something. “What?”

“I said I don’t want to get used to them.” Bill said louder. “I’m a freak, and if it’s not one thing it’s another!”

“Calm down.” Tom murmured, rubbing Bill’s arms comfortingly. “It’s going to be okay.”

“That’s easy for you to say. Your chest isn’t ballooning out.” He said sardonically. “What are you staring at?” Bill whined.

“They’re nice!” Tom defended himself, shrugging helplessly. “You know how much I love boobs, and if you recall you like them almost as much as I do.” He pointed out.

Bill huffed. “Sure, on a chick. Not on me Tom!” He said hotly. “You’re not being sensitive Tomi.”

“I think you’re being overly sensitive Bill.”

“Fine, I’m being overly sensitive as always.” He pouted, crossing his arms and glowering.

“You know you’re adorable when you pout.” Tom said calmly, tugging on his arm. Bill moved out of his reach and turned away, still glaring but at least now it was directed at the wall. “Bill, I just wanted you to know that I still find you attractive.”

“I’m a freak.”

“But you’re my freak.” He said gently. Bill cracked a small smile, trying to turn so Tom didn’t see it. “I caught that. You’re not still mad.”

“I might be.”

“So what do I have to do to get on your good side?”

“Cheesecake.” Bill turned enthusiastically. “I want a whole cherry cheesecake.” He clapped his hands and started wiggling around. “Yum yum yum.”

Tom couldn’t help but shake his head and smile. “You want cheesecake. For breakfast?”

“Yes Tomi.” He nodded emphatically.

“Wow… Okay. I’ll order it from room service.” Tom kissed him quickly and picked up the phone and placed the order, getting some normal breakfast food while he was at it. When he turned back to the bed Bill was stretched out, looking slightly drowsy already. “Tired again?” He asked as he climbed in next to him.

Bill smiled apologetically. “Sometimes I’ll have unbelievable energy, and not long after I feel like crashing.” He yawned, snuggling closer and cooing happily as Tom started to rub his stomach. “I’m going to get spoiled if you keep doing that.”

“You, spoiled? Never.” Tom said mockingly, earning him a tired chuckle. They stayed that way for some minutes, until he was almost sure that Bill was sleep again.

“Tomi?”

“Hmm?”

“Where did you go this morning?” Bill asked sleepily.

“I had to talk to David about some things.” Tom forced his tone to stay light, but he could never lie to Bill for long. His twin cracked an eye open and glared at him.

“What about?”

“The situation we’re in.”

Bill opened both eyes and sat up, frowning. Before he could say anything someone knocked on the door, and Tom scooted off the bed to go answer it. Bill again reached for the hoodie and slipped it on; just in time too because David pushed his way into the room.  “I know I said I’d wait until he woke up but this can’t wait any longer.” Bill looked at his brother briefly before turning his attention to their manager. “Bill, are you pregnant?”

His heart dropped into his stomach and Bill almost fainted. “You told him?” He accused his brother, face reddening.

“Of course he fucking told me. You should have told me!” David practically screamed. “So is it the truth or isn’t it? Take off the fucking hoodie!” He snapped.

Tom stepped forward, shaking his head. “David, calm down okay? There’s no need to yell.”

“Fuck that! You come to me at the fucking crack of dawn and tell me this craziness, you have me pacing in my room for the past couple of hours looking up this bullshit online and becoming more and more hysterical as time wears on and I’m not supposed to yell?” Jost laughed humorlessly. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?” He turned to the dreadlocked teen as if he were crazy, throwing his hand up in the face of no response. “Just shut up. Bill, the hoodie. Off.” He snapped his fingers and motioned for him to take it off.

Bill’s bottom lip trembled as he took the hoodie off and bowed his head. He’d never felt so humiliated before in his life. David gasped and took a step forward, mouth gaped open as he stared at the faint but telltale swell of Bill’s stomach, the curve of… of…

Tom watched as David fell, and hit the floor unconcious.

~*~

When David awoke he was staring up at both Kaulitz twins, looking at him with much concern. “What the fuck happened?” He asked, head still spinning.

“You passed out.” Bill said quietly, looking unusually subdued. Tom was a tad angry, looking like he was torn between being worried and wanting to punch him out. “Are you okay?”

“Holy shit…” Was all David could say as he was helped to a sitting position. He looked over at Bill and saw he was wearing the hoodie again, obscuring his body. All three turned as someone knocked on the door.

Room service.

Tom sighed and rose, walking over to the door while Bill helped David up and into a chair. “Are you going to be okay?” Bill asked, noticing how pale he was. He went into the minibar and pulled out a cool bottle of water and handed it to his shell shocked manager.

“What the fuck happened Bill?” He asked miserably as he gulped down the water in record time.

“The patch.” Bill said simply, twisting the drawstring on the hoodie nervously. “Tom told me he explained it.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. You’re going to have to come out now, after years of everyone lying for you!” David wailed.

“Wait, I’m not gay!” Bill said, frowning.

“Stop fucking with me Bill. My head can’t take it. I’m going to have to figure out what we’re going to do, Tom said you wanted to cancel the tour-”

“Wait, Tom said what?” Bill’s eyebrow rose and he turned to glance at his brother. Tom frowned and looked away. “I said no such thing.”

“You don’t want to cancel the tour?”

“No! We only have a couple of weeks left! Like three right?”

“Just about.” David looked at him suspiciously. “Can you keep going?” Bill nodded.

“Of course! I don’t want to disappoint our fans! They paid good money for our concerts.” Bill crossed his arms.

“We’re not doing any more photo shoots.” David was already thinking of how this could be feasible. “You’ll be starting to show soon. Oh my god my lead singer is pregnant…” He put his head in his hands as he moaned. “I can’t believe this.”

“You? Imagine me.”

“Who’s the father?” David looked up into Bill’s face, searching for an answer.

Bill shook his head. “I’m not telling you.”

“Bullshit Bill. Who’s the father?”

“It’s none of your fucking business!” Bill walked away, shaking his head.

“Is it Bushido?” Tom rolled his eyes as his twin whirled around to face their manager.

“Get out David.”

“Bill-”

“Get the fuck out!” He screamed, pointing at the door. David jumped and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Bill turned to Tom with fire in his eyes. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Tom asked, wondering how this got turned around to him so quickly.

“You talked to him, you told him without talking it over with me first!”

“I had to tell him Bill! You can’t keep going on with the schedule we have!” Tom stepped forward, trying to get him to see. Bill stepped out of his reach and shook his head.

“No, I refuse to continue to feel out of control in this situation anymore; but that’s exactly what you’ve done to me, put me back at square one. I wanted to be there when we told our manager.” He fought back tears that came out of nowhere.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know.” Tom said helplessly.

“Because you didn’t ask!” Bill hissed, wiping his eyes furiously. “Shit!” He screamed.

“What?!” Tom asked; eyes wide.

“I’ve got to go to the fucking bathroom! Again!” Bill wailed, stomping off and slamming the door behind him. Tom stared at the door and sank onto the bed, closing his eyes and wondering if he could get through this with his sanity intact. “And get the fuck out of my room; don’t think I’ve forgiven you for that shit!”

~*~

Everyone was once again piled into David’s room, and this time the room was somber instead of panicked. Tom was staring at the table while Bill was staring at the ceiling, and Gustav and Georg looked vaguely lost. David was sitting at the table with everyone, and he looked tired and beaten. “Okay, I’m guessing I was the last to know.” He finally started.

Georg looked around and frowned. “Last to know what?” He asked innocently. Bill shook his head and placed a hand on his forearm.

“He knows now.” He said quietly. Georg nodded slowly and shrugged.

“Yep.” He confirmed.

“Guys, if you don’t keep me in the loop how can I protect you? Protect what we’ve all worked hard for?” David sighed and rubbed his temples. “I’m not trying to be the bad guy here. I’m really not.” No one said a word, and Bill continued to stare up at the ceiling. “Fine, I’ve cut all photo shoots and interviews except the ones we can’t blow off, like really important publications.”

“No photo shoots? Bill you should get pregnant more often!” Gustav said before getting punched by Georg on the arm. He hissed and rubbed his bicep, frowning at the bassist.

“Nice dumbass.” Georg retorted, rolling his eyes.

“Please. Can we keep the p word to a minimum, at least until the migraine goes away?” David pleaded before continuing. “I’ve talked to the label, and I told them the situation-”

“Wait, you told them without talking it over with me first?” Bill finally looked down from the ceiling, pinning the manager to his seat with a glare.

“Well, I had to tell them something! I mean, what did you want me to do?”

“TALK TO ME FIRST!” Bill shouted, slamming his fist on the table. “Is that so hard to understand?” Everyone looked to Tom for understanding. “No, don’t look at him, look at me! This is my body, got it? If you have a question about it or if you come under the delusion that you need to make a decision about it behind my back, I suggest you talk it over with me first, got it?” He glared around the table. “And it’s not fucking hormones!” Bill added for good measure.

Jost was staring at him with his jaw dropped; he shook his head and closed his mouth. “Uh… they wanted to know how long they would have to postpone the next tour. I know we haven’t announced it yet but talks are underway with the various venues.”

“I don’t know. I’ve never done this before.” Bill said tiredly. His rant took a lot out of him. This whole day took a lot out of him and all he wanted to do was sleep. “Fuck, no one cares what I think anyway. Do what you want.” He stood up and just walked out.

By the time he got back to his room he was shaking. He felt so worn out, and now behind closed doors and alone he felt he could strip down to his tee shirt without being embarrassed. Bill rubbed his stomach and sighed, feeling butterflies underneath his palm. He blinked and looked down as he realized it was the baby.

It was moving… The fluttering in Bill’s tummy was the life inside of him, making itself known. So many emotions welled up inside of him he didn’t know how to feel right away, but awe outdistanced the others by miles as he stood there just caressing his abdomen. There was a baby in there…

“Little one… what am I to you?” Bill asked quietly as he sighed in the empty room. “I’m not your mother because I’m a guy. I’m not your father because Tom is… So what am I to you? All my life I’ve spent most of my time telling people I’m not a girl and here I am… pregnant… Irony of ironies. So…. What am I to you?” He asked again, willing himself to calm down.

Bill didn’t turn around as he heard the door behind him open and close quietly. Strong arms encircled his waist, and Tom placed his hands over Bill’s as he gently massaged his stomach. “I’m sorry.” He whispered in his ear, drawing him close so Bill was leaning against his chest.

“I didn’t mean to snap that badly.” Bill thought for a moment. “No, actually I did. I was so… so angry with you. I couldn’t believe you told Jost without talking it over with me first.”

“I just wanted to make the right decision for you and the baby. You two are the only things I care about now.”

“So you didn’t care about me before?”

“Bill, I think this situation is difficult enough without you purposefully trying to misunderstand me.” Tom said sternly. Bill grunted and rolled his eyes, but he didn’t move out of Tom’s embrace. “No, you were the only thing I cared about before, but now there’s you and the baby. I’ve got to remember to talk to you before I just go and make decisions about you without your input, but my first priority is to make sure that you’re safe and healthy. That both of you are safe and healthy.” Tom nuzzled Bill’s neck and sighed. “To tell you the truth I don’t care if you get angry at me, if I have to make a decision that I know is in your best interest I’ll do it every time. You’re my baby brother and I’ll make any decision necessary.”

Bill huffed and tried to stay mad but he found he couldn’t. “Damn you Tom.”

“Love you too.” Bill allowed himself to be led to the bed and Tom gently laid him down and crawled in next to him.

“What did everyone decide about the next tour?”

“Oh, I told Jost to tell the label we’ll have to get back to them. I don’t know what we’re doing, you don’t know what you’re doing and Jost for damn sure doesn’t know anything so we’re going to have to play it by ear.”

“You were always good at that.” Bill smiled with his eyes closed as he felt his twin chuckle.

“I learned by listening to you hum all the time.” Tom opened his eyes as he stared into a memory.

“I know it used to annoy you.” He said slowly, running his hand up and down Tom’s arm.

The guitarist shrugged. “It did, but not for the reason you think. I was annoyed because I couldn’t keep up. I love hearing you sing, and I wanted to give you music to sing with. I just wasn’t good enough in the beginning.”

“Now you are.” Bill opened his eyes and smiled at him. “You’re the best guitarist in the world Tomi.”

“Well, I do my best.” Tom joked as they both laughed. He raised himself up on one elbow and leaned down to kiss him. “I love you.”

“I love you too Tomi.” Bill watched as his twin scooted down so he was eye level with his stomach.

“I love you too, baby blob.” He said, resting his head lightly on the swell.

“Baby blob?” Tom looked up to see Bill’s dubious expression.

“Yeah, I read on the internet that either the baby is fully formed or almost fully formed at this point… I don’t remember.” Tom admitted. “So I’ve decided to call it baby blob.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.” Bill shook his head, caressing Tom’s cheek with a smile. “Definitely not.”

“How about Baby Kaulitz?”

“That sounds like its missing. Unfortunately I know exactly where it is because sitting on my fucking bladder.”

Tom snorted. “Well, soon we’ll be going home and…” His smile fell off. “Oh shit, we’ll have to tell Mom…”

“Oh god… I think I was blocking that out.” Bill groaned. “And Andreas!”

“Shit.” Tom looked at Bill’s stomach and winced. “Sorry baby blob.” He apologized.

“I thought I said we weren’t going to call it that.”

“I don’t have any alternatives, do I?” Tom stared at the baby bump for a moment, thinking. “I wonder if it’s a boy or a girl.” Bill shrugged. “Are you curious?”

“I don’t really know.” He admitted, yawning.

“You should get some sleep. The bus will be here in about six hours, and then we’re on the road for about two days straight.” Tom kissed his twin’s stomach before coming up to join him again, smiling as Bill snuggled into his arms.

“I’m glad you’re here Tomi.” He said sleepily.

“Me too.” Tom smiled into his hair, and as Bill dropped off quickly he found himself staring the future in the face with unease.

What the fuck would his mother say?

Author's Chapter Notes:

David offers some advice that ends up just confusing Bill and almost ruining everything.

“You can’t be serious.” Bill said incredulously. Tom crawled into the bunk and closed the curtain behind him. It was the twilight hours, and per the usual on the first day back on the bus, everyone had gone to bed early because there was nothing better to do. Bill found he couldn’t sleep, and was curled on his side watching the scenery pass by as he hoped for sleep sometime soon. When his twin pulled back his curtain and held up his iPod and headphones, he raised an eyebrow.

“I read on the internet that the baby should listen to calming music.” Tom said lowly, turning Bill around so he was lying on his back. He watched as his brother stretched the headphones and put them on either side of his emerging stomach, and pressed play. Bill could feel the vibrations and laughed as it tickled his stomach.

“What is the baby listening to?” He took the iPod and quickly squinted at the display. “Fuck that!” Bill hissed, yanking the headphones from his stomach. “Samy Deluxe?”

“What?” Tom said defensively. “It’s relaxing; it doesn’t get more relaxing than Samy Deluxe!”

Bill shook his head and crossed his arms resolutely. “No, I don’t think so.”

“My son is going to like Samy Deluxe, just you watch.” He whispered.

“Maybe our daughter would like Nena?” Bill retorted quickly.  Tom stared and lay down next to him, looking at his stomach.

“Do you think it’s a girl?” He asked curiously. Bill shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want a girl?”

“I don’t know Tomi.”

“Do you ever think about it?”

“Do you?” He countered, frowning and looking up at him. Tom nodded.

“All the time.”

“Really?”

“Yes Bill. What else am I going to think about? It’s weird… it’s like nothing else is as important anymore.” Tom gave a one shoulder shrug and stared out the small window over behind Bill. “We’ll get through this, I promise.”

Expression unreadable, Bill leaned forward and brushed his lips against Tom’s. “I believe you.” He whispered, scooting closer and smiled as his twin’s hand landed on his stomach gently. “I love you so much Tomi…” Bill breathed against his lips; and he sighed as Tom’s hand circled his waist and palmed his back, pushing him closer.

The kiss was slow and gentle, and Bill rubbed against him unconsciously, slipping his arms around Tom’s neck and moaning quietly. He’d missed this, the intimacy that kissing brought. Tom abruptly pulled away and Bill almost broke.  “Bill-”

“Don’t Tomi. You don’t have to say anything. I know what the problem is.” Bill curled up and turned over, facing away from him.

“Wait, what?” Tom asked; totally confused as his brother’s mood did a complete one eighty. “What are you talking about Bill?”

“You think I’m ugly now. I don’t blame you. I’m fat and ugly now.” The words were muffled, but were still audible. Tom frowned and touched his shoulder, turning him over gently.

“What are you talking about Bill?” He asked quietly.

“You want to stop because you don’t think I’m…”

Tom rolled his eyes in the dim light and sighed. “That’s not why I stopped. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t hurting you.”

Bill looked at him dubiously. “…Really?”

“I still think you’re the hottest thing ever.” He said quietly, tucking some errant strands of hair behind his twin’s ear, kissing his cheek before pressing his mouth against his neck. Tom inhaled deeply and wondered why Bill’s scent never failed to drive him crazy.

Bill sighed and pushed him back slightly as he sulked still. “No, I don’t think I want to do this anymore.” He said slowly, crossing his arms over his chest. Tom closed his eyes and tried to remain calm; then he realized what was probably at the bottom of all this.

“Bill?”

“What?”

“Is it the boobs?” His twin looked scandalized and tried to turn back over but Tom had a good grip on his forearm. “Answer the question.”

“Don’t call them that!”

“…What am I supposed to call them?”

“I don’t know.” He hissed. Tom stopped as he heard someone roll out of a bunk, shuffling towards the back of the bus. From the abrupt cessation of sound it was probably Georg, whose snore could wake the dead and make them all commit suicide.

“Bill, I want you to close your eyes, okay?” Tom asked him, pulling him closer so he tucked underneath him. Bill looked up at him skeptically, and he kissed both his eyes closed. “Just relax, and let me talk. So that means you can’t say anything, okay?”

Bill huffed and nodded, keeping his eyes closed reluctantly. Tom leaned forward and kissed him softly; feeling him relax as the kiss deepened, and regretfully he broke it off as he trailed little kisses down his cheek and neck. He smiled as his brother squirmed, sighing prettily as a hand wound itself in his locks. Tom rubbed comforting circles on Bill’s hip, letting his hand drift upward underneath his tee shirt.

He spread his hand against the bump of Bill’s stomach, noticing the difference in the skin on his abdomen, smiling as he felt the muscles shift beneath his palm. Tom continued upwards, and felt Bill tense. “No, it’s okay.” He murmured, kissing him again until he could feel him relax once more. “I’m going to show you that they’re not bad.”

“It’s not normal.” Bill mumbled, hiding his face in Tom’s neck.

“So? They’re a part of you so I think they’re perfect.” He kissed him on the cheek and continued on his journey. Tom’s hand reached the underside of a swell and watched Bill’s nipple harden through the thin tee shirt. He smiled and thumbed the nub firmly. Bill hissed and arched, breathing deeply. “You like that huh?”

“No. They’re kind of tender.”

“Sorry.” Tom winced briefly and cupped his brother’s breast, beginning to breathe hard as he watched his hand work underneath the tee shirt. Bill shifted around, pushing up into Tom’s palm involuntarily. He hadn’t known they were so sensitive. The pleasure went directly to his dick with lightning speed as he pulled Tom down for another gentle kiss. When they broke apart Bill looked dazed, and he felt proud of himself. “Is that better?”

“Oh yes.” He breathed, biting back another moan as Tom’s touch became more exuberant. Tom chuckled, that low sound that wrapped itself around Bill’s spine and pulled him up. His breath hitched and just when he thought the sensations couldn’t get better Tom shifted and pushed his other hand underneath his shirt and grasped the other one, kneading both in tandem. “Oh shit!” Bill gasped, and Tom kissed him to swallow the sounds.

“Bill, I’m going to stop if you don’t be quiet!” Tom hissed, trying to ignore the desire tightening his groin.  His twin tossed his head and breathed deep, stuffing his fist in his mouth and biting down. “God, you’re driving me crazy.” He half whispered, half moaned.  “Take off the shirt!”

“No!” Bill opened his eyes wide and shook his head. “No, I don’t want to.”

“Trust me, you do.” Tom eased the shirt over Bill’s stomach, ghosting his hands over the satiny skin as he pushed it up further. Bill stopped him briefly and he kissed him, trying to cram all the desire he felt for him into that kiss so he could feel it. His brother’s hands relaxed and eventually he allowed Tom to continue until the shirt was completely off. He threw it at the end of the bed and turned back to find Bill covering his chest with his arms. “Uh, Bill… you’re a little bit too big to hide behind your skinny arms.”

Bill looked down and blushed. “I want my shirt back.” He mumbled.

“Hey, it’s me here okay? I’m not going to do something to make you feel better, you know that. I’m doing this because I’m interested…” He kissed him quickly. “And desperate to know all of you…” Bill smiled into the next kiss. “And you’ll always be beautiful to me. Hell, I swear, since I thought about it I just figured that boobs were an upgrade.” Tom took off his shirt and left his boxers on, sliding down next to Bill and pulling him into a hug. He closed his eyes and tried to remember he had to go slow but his groin acted as if it didn’t want to listen.

Bill relaxed at the skin on skin contact, burying his face in Tom’s neck as he rubbed comforting circles on his back. He shifted and shuddered at the way his nipples dragged across his twin’s chest. His body tightened with need and he lifted his face to kiss him breathlessly. Tom tried to hold back but soon he was kissing Bill just as desperately, running his hand up his side and cupping his breast again.

Bill jerked against him unconsciously, nails digging in the nape of his neck as Tom manipulated his nipple. If he had only known he wouldn’t have ignored him like he did. “Oh god Tomi…” He moaned lowly, trying to keep it down.

“Shh…” Tom grunted, feeling Bill’s erection digging into his thigh. He pressed against it, earning him a hiss as Bill shuddered deliciously. His body felt deprived of this; he’d missed Bill in more than one way.  He groaned inaudibly as Bill’s thrusting hit his dick steadily, causing him to harden further. “You’re driving me crazy…” He whispered against his skin as he kissed his neck and tongued the sensitive area behind Bill’s ear.

Bill couldn’t hear him, his body was on fire and he hadn’t had release in so long it was like he’d reverted back to being a virgin. It had been years since dry humping came even close to doing anything more than riling him up; now it was about to finish him off. He bucked helpless in the face of his impending orgasm and Tom’s eyes widened as he felt Bill clutch at his shoulder’s desperately. He placed his mouth over his twin’s to swallow the surprised wail as he climaxed almost violently.

Tom watched as Bill’s muscles unclenched and he fell back onto the bunk, breathing deeply and looking happily dazed. “Better?” He murmured, kissing him gently. Bill just nodded as he lifted his head to look down at his chest.

“Well who knew?” He blinked, letting his head fall back against the pillow.” Tom chuckled and caressed his stomach gently. That was the wrong move because in less than five seconds Bill was out like a light. Tom’s jaw dropped and he swallowed his groan mournfully. The source of his desire was fast asleep, leaving him with the hardest cock he’d ever known. Extracting himself gently he eased himself out of the bunk and into his own. Tom stared at the ceiling and sighed; he’d have to take matters into his own hands.

~*~

Bill’s disposition was now sunny as he bounced into the small kitchen area. Georg was slumped over a bowl of cornflakes, still not quite able to join the land of the living. “HI Georg.” He chimed, grabbing a bowl and a vanilla pudding cup.

“We ran out of milk.” Georg said lowly, finally looking up. Bill shrugged and opened the pudding, scooping the contents inside the bowl and pouring cornflakes over it. He blanched and shook his head. “That’s kind of nasty Kaulitz.”

“I’ve been thinking about this all night.” He admitted, stirring his concoction up really good before sticking the spoon into his mouth. “Oh my god… that’s amazing.” Bill breathed as he munched happily and stretched. Georg blinked and watched as he got his first full view of the singer’s rapidly changing body.

His jaw dropped and his groin tightened all without consulting his brain, and when Bill relaxed he caught the bassist’s inadvertently lust filled stare. He frowned and glanced down to see what he was looking at and froze. His breasts were prominent through the thin tee shirt he usually bummed around the bus in, and he covered his chest with his arms uncomfortably. “I’m going to go change.” Bill mumbled, scooting out of the booth and carefully making his way back to his bunk as the bus unexpectedly jerked.

Georg opened his mouth to apologize, but found that nothing came out. When Bill didn’t return he felt like shit.

~*~

“Going somewhere?” Bill looked up from his magazine and shook his head as David slid next to him in the media room.

“Nope. Just tired of people staring at my chest.” He said, angrily flipping the page. After he cried away his appetite Bill nabbed Tom’s black hoodie and put it on, even though he was hot enough as it was. Better than being stared at with a mixture of horror and lust. He didn’t know which was worse.

“Oh.” Even David was uncomfortable and there was a rapidly growing list of words they couldn’t use around him. Tits, for one. Baby was definitely another. Pregnant, stomach, and record label rounded out the group of forbidden terms so far.

“Is there something you want David?” Bill asked tiredly. He closed off this room because he wanted time alone, away from everyone including his twin. Having someone in the room was spoiling the effect and the stress he had pushed away began to creep back.

“I wanted to talk to you since you claimed I asked everyone else before speaking with you. What do you want to do about the upcoming tour?”

“What do you mean?” He looked up with a frown.

“As you know we were going to have the next tour almost immediately after this one, with a month long break in between. Obviously you won’t be able to do that so-”

“So we’ll push it back.” Bill interrupted him. “No biggie.”

“Bill, have you thought about what’s going to happen to your life after you have this kid?”

“Sort of.” He admitted truthfully. David sighed and slouched in the seat, picking at an imperfection of the metal table.

“Sort of. Let me tell you, show business and kids don’t mix. Not music anyway. You’re always on the road; you can’t keep a child on a tour bus-”

“Nelly Furtado did.” Bill said pointedly.

“Serious Bill, our schedule is crazy. Do you think you can handle a newborn on tour? Not even Nelly Furtado did that.” David pointed out. “And you know as well as I do we’re going to have to strike while the iron’s hot; we’ve got to keep pushing to maintain popularity. In this business they love you one day and forget about you the next. I don’t want to see that happen to you four. “

“What do you suggest I do David?” Bill snapped. “It’s not like I have any options.”

“If you had come to me in the beginning I would have told you that’s not true.” He looked up at David and frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want an abortion?” David came right out and asked. Bill’s jaw dropped and he looked at him like he was crazy before shaking his head to clear the shock.

“What?”

“Do you want an abortion?” He repeated as if he were just asking the time.

“I told you I’m too far along.” Bill said slowly. “You remember? You yelled at me for being too lazy to find out what was wrong with me earlier.”

“I have found a way.”

“It’s illegal, isn’t it?”

“Yes it is, but I’m not telling anyone and no court in the world would convict you. It’s unnatural to force a man to carry a child to term. I know you didn’t want any kids Bill and this would be a good time to do it. Over the month break. You’d have a chance to recuperate and everything would be back to normal.”

Bill’s heart was beating fast and his stomach fluttered. Was this real? Was an out really being handed to him? “David I-”

“I don’t want a response right now. Just think about it for a day and get back with me. I can set it up at any time.” He left the same way he came, leaving Bill staring after him in slight shock. He didn’t know how he felt about this, but when an opportunity like this presented itself Bill knew he had to think about it fully. He felt winded, and rubbed his stomach unconsciously.

~*~

Tom handed his twin a water bottle and smiled.  “Here.” He said. Bill looked up at him distractedly and took it.

“What’s this?”

“A water bottle.”

“Okay, what’s in it?” Bill clarified.

“Water…”

“Did we run out of coke?”

“Bill, you need to drink more water. I read on the internet that a pregnancy requires the body to consume far more liquid than it normally needs. You’re creating blood and junk for the baby.” Tom nodded seriously.

“Okay.” He nodded and put the bottle next to him on the table, going back to staring out of the window. Tom frowned; he knew something was wrong but every time he tried to talk to Bill about it he would say everything’s fine and go back to staring out the window, or blankly at a magazine or lying in his bunk staring at the ceiling.

“When are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” He tried again, sitting down in the booth across from him.

“Nothing’s bothering me; I just have a lot on my mind.”

“You’ve been like this all night last night and all day today. I’m worried!” Tom said, reaching for Bill’s hand. His twin moved away as if embarrassed, sighing and moving to stand.

“I’m not allowed to have deep thoughts?”

“No.” Tom joked, and the smile fell off of his face as he realized this wasn’t a time to joke. “I’m sorry Bill; I’m just trying to get you to lighten up.”

“Guess what Tom; life isn’t letting me ‘lighten up’ right now okay? So if you can excuse me, I have a lot of crap to think about.” Bill snapped, sighing and stomping off to his bunk. Tom sighed and leaned against the headrest, watching the scenery go by.

Of course he knew this was serious, but if he didn’t try and keep smiling he would probably cave under the pressure and start having panic attacks. He didn’t want Bill to see him like that; his baby brother needed him to be strong. So if he had to crack stupid jokes all day then he would, whatever it took.  He closed his eyes and sighed again.

When he opened them it was night; Tom didn’t realize he had fallen asleep and no one had tried to wake him up. Stretching uncomfortably he stood up and stumbled as the bus went over a particularly rough patch of road as he tried to get his bearings. Yawning hugely he went to the bunks and idly noticed that Georg and Gustav weren’t asleep; probably watching a movie.

The only bunk with the curtain closed was Bill, and he sighed and rubbed his face. Tom wouldn’t be able to go to sleep if he knew Bill was still mad at him. He shook the curtain, an acceptable alternative to knocking, and waited. “Go away.” Came the muffled reply.

“Bill, you can’t still be mad at me. I’m sorry!”

“Go away!” Tom huffed and groaned loudly.

“Bill, can you stop acting like you’re two for one moment and hear me out? I’m sorry, whatever it was I did I’m sorry!” He pleaded, and ignoring the possible consequences he jerked back the curtain and was assaulted by a stench he hitherto had not met. Tom swore and backed up, shocked. “Bill, are you fucking a dead rabbit in there?” He asked as he waved his hand in front of his face.

Bill was lying on his side and clutched a can of air freshener as he sprayed it quickly, much to the relief of Tom’s olfactory sense.  “It’s gas.” He said quietly, not quite looking at his brother. “I’ve been getting it worse and worse lately. I read on the internet that some people have the same thing.” He sprayed again and Tom began to see colors again. “That’s why I wanted you to go away. I don’t want Gustav and Georg to know because then they’ll make fun of me.”

“Only if they live.” Tom said helpfully, biting back the grin under the glare of his brother. “Okay, what’s wrong? Why are you nervous?”

“Besides the obvious?” Bill evaded. Tom’s eyes narrowed and he nodded.

“Yeah, besides the obvious. What happened yesterday?”

“What do you mean, what happened?”

“You were fine before yesterday. After that you’ve been jumpy, no appetite and snapping at everyone left and right. What’s wrong Bill?” Tom ignored the sensation of his nose hair burning and came closer, touching his twin’s cheek in worry. He sniffed and a tear slipped down his nose and without another thought Tom eased Bill’s legs out of the way and climbed into the bunk. “Bill please, tell me what’s wrong? I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s broken.”

“David…” Bill sniffed as he wiped his face and tried again. “David, he said he could get me an abortion.”

“…What?” Tom asked flatly.

“He said he knew contacts that could get it done. I’ve been thinking about it all the time and I don’t know what to do.” Bill sat up and faced his brother.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tom said in the same tone.

“Tomi…”

“Don’t. Just answer the question. Why didn’t you tell me?” He hissed. Bill shrank back and shrugged.

“I… don’t know.”

“You weren’t even going to tell me!” Tom accused, betrayed beyond belief.

“I thought you’d be mad!”

“Were you going to do it?” He screeched, forgetting his voice. Bill shrank back further and shrugged again. “You can’t be fucking serious. You were going to abort my baby?”Tom started breathing heavily as he became lightheaded.

“But Tomi we could go back-”

“There is no fucking going back!” He whispered, shaking his head to clear the vertigo. Tom couldn’t stay in this bunk with Bill right now. He just couldn’t. “You weren’t going to tell me…” He whispered again, sliding to the ground and running away to escape Bill’s cries. He ran to the media room and yanked open the door to find Georg bent backwards over the table, Gustav pressed against him as they made out. They broke apart at the sound of Tom’s strangled gasp and he slammed the door, squeezing his eyes closed and staggering away. “I can’t deal with all this right… now…” The world slowed and slid down to the ground, winded.

“Tom? Are you alright?” He looked up helplessly into the eyes of his manger. Tom blinked and he growled; jumping on David with his hands wrapped around his neck as he screamed obscenities.

Author's Chapter Notes:

*shrugs* Who really knows? But it helps.

“You asshole!” Tom screamed as he squeezed the man’s throat. David tried to shove him off, but the blond was all limbs and righteous anger. He grasped the teen around the waist and lifted him off of the floor; both men fell to the ground with a grunt and rolled around the floor. Neither was willing to let the other go as they struggled back and forth. “How could you?” Tom screamed, finding renewed strength as he slammed his fist into David’s stomach.

David was winded, but the blow would have been worse if it weren't for the awkward position of Tom's arm, and the trajectory his fist was forced to take. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He managed to force Tom to stop moving briefly.

“You told Bill to get an abortion?” He screeched and tried to move again. David pressed down and moved to his knees as he tried to get the boy to understand.

“Yes I did! This is crazy; we can’t really expect Bill to do this! We’re on fucking tour for god’s sake!” David pushed him against the floor as he emphasized his point.

“You didn’t even talk to the father!” Tom grunted as he tried to twist out of the older man’s grip. “How could you do that?”

“How? Why wouldn’t I?” He looked down at Tom angrily. David had so much pent up frustration with the whole situation and he was sick to death of it. “I gave Bill a chance for a way out; the father doesn’t care!”

“You don’t know that!” Tom said desperately as he fought back.

“You know who the fucking father is, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question, and David shoved him against the floor again. “You fucking know! He doesn’t get a say in this fucking issue because he’s not around to say anything. He’s a fucking coward who doesn’t want to come forward. He doesn’t get a say!”

Tom started hyperventilating as he shook his head. “He’s not a…” He tried to speak but his vision flickered and he couldn’t breathe. “I’m…”

“David, what the fuck?” Gustav ran forward and pulled the man upward sharply, throwing him in the booth with a shove. “What are you doing?”

“Talk to your fucking guitarist! He jumped me!” David touched his cheek where it felt raw and abraded.

“What is going on with you two?” Georg asked, kneeling beside Tom. “Are you okay?” He frowned as Tom tried to push him away, but he was too weak. It was happening again; his worst fear was to have an attack in front of someone else. He waved him off, hoping everyone would just leave him so he could calm down. “Tom, calm down!” The bassist was concerned and tried to pull him up from the floor. Tom struggled against the oncoming darkness and lost.

“What the hell…” Gustav breathed as both he and David watched in horror as Tom passed out. “What did you do to him?” He yelled, pushing the man harshly.

“Nothing! I did-”

“Get out.” The three men looked up at Bill with different expressions on their faces. Georg looked scared, Gustav confused and David looked vaguely guilty. Only vaguely. “I said get out.” He repeated quietly.

“Bill, should we-”

“Get out.” Bill interrupted Georg and shook his head, unable to take his eyes off of his twin. The area was vacated quickly, and he sighed and crouched beside Tom, turning him so he would be in a better position. He couldn’t lift him, so he’d wait until he woke up. Almost three minutes later his patience was awarded as Tom opened his eyes slowly. “Hi.” Bill reached out and touched his cheek gently.

Tom pulled away and rolled over in embarrassment. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.” He said thickly as he pulled himself up to his knees. His whole body felt painfully tight and a headache throbbed right behind his eyes.

“Tom, please.”

“Go away Bill.” He warned, taking deep breaths.

“No. We’re going to talk about this. You said no more running, remember?” Bill responded hotly, trying to keep the exhaustion out of his voice. Tom looked over at him with a glare.

“I’m not running. I’m not the one running.” He spat as he rocked backwards and rose to his feet. Bill stared up at him and looked away.

“Can we talk about this please?”

“What is there to talk about?”

“I’ll tell you, but I don’t want to have the conversation like this, right here.”

Tom looked down at this brother and held out his hand. Bill watched it shake a little and he took it, allowing himself to be eased off of the floor. In silence they trudged to the abandoned media room and Bill closed the door behind him and looked anywhere but at his brother as they sat on opposite sides of the table. “Speak.” The word was such an ugly bark coming from him and Bill cringed slightly.

“It’s complicated.”

“Try.”

Bill nodded slowly. “I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t think about it. It was all I could think about really.” He sighed and rubbed his stomach. “I’m not sure why I didn’t tell you.”

“Did you want to do it?” Tom absolutely did not want to know the answer, so he asked again. “Bill, did you want to abort the baby…. Our baby?” He whispered, trying to catch his twin’s gaze. Bill refused to look at him. “How are we going to have a conversation if you won’t talk?”

“I don’t know what to say.” He responded as he turned to finally look at his brother.

“Say something.” Tom pressed as he shook his head. “How could you?”

“What do you mean?” Bill stared at him incredulously. “What the fuck do you mean, how could I? How could I what, think about how this will change our lives? Did you see me bouncing off the bus going, ‘hi, I’m ready for my abortion now please’? No, you didn’t.”

“Bill…” Tom flinched at his phrasing.

“What were you thinking fighting David like that?” He asked, resting his elbows on the table between them. Tom shrugged and mirrored his movements, looking into his brother’s eyes.

“I was just so angry.”

“You were going to tell.”

“Was I?” Tom didn’t remember that part. Actually most of the fight was a little hazy. His heartbeat increased at the ramifications his confession would produce if he had managed to get it out. “Oh god…”

“Yeah. “ Bill didn’t have to say aloud the consequences. If they were allowed to keep the child they would be separated; the band would be over. Their world would be over in the blink of an eye. “After David and I talked I just… I wondered if I could do it.”

“Can you?”

“I wanted to.” Bill nodded slowly as he blinked back the tears. “I really wanted to go to him and say yes. I don’t want to be pregnant Tom.” He wiped his eyes as the tears finally spilled over. “I hate it so much sometimes.”

“Do you hate our baby?” Tom asked fearfully as he stared down at the table.

“No.”

“Do you think I’m a coward?”

“What?”

“Do you think I’m a coward?” Tom looked up at Bill and laughed mirthlessly. “Do you think I’m a coward because I can’t tell anyone I’m the father?”

“I don’t want you to tell anyone.” Bill said truthfully.

“Why do you want to abort our baby?”

Bill squirmed and shifted in the seat. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “I’m not sure.”

“Why don’t you know the answer to the question?” Tom asked helplessly. “How can you not know what the answer is?”

“What hurts more, that I’m actually thinking about this or I didn’t tell you?”

“Don’t.” Tom shook his head, suddenly disgusted. “Just don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t change the subject.” Tom ground out and slammed his fist on the table. “Don’t do this. Just answer the fucking question.”

“Asking me over and over again isn’t going to make me know the answer.”

“You know the answer. Bill, we’re in this together! How can I help if you won’t let me?”

“We’re not in this together!” Bill screamed as he rose from his seat. “It’s me who is carrying the baby. Me who will have to deal with everyone looking at me strangely, who will have to explain what’s going on to Mom. It’s me, not you! You’re just… just…” Tom watched as Bill’s face crumpled and he flopped back down on the seat, running his fingers through his hair desperately as if he could glean some sort of strength from the strands. “Want to know why I didn’t tell you?” He asked through the tears.

“Yes.”

“Because I wanted to be able to blame you if I decided to go through with it. I wanted to be able to tell myself that you were the reason I did it. Why I couldn’t go through with this pregnancy. But you know what? I couldn’t.” Bill shrugged and wiped his face angrily. “I thought and thought about it but I couldn’t. I have no easy way out of this and I’m sick of it. I want this over with!”

“Bill this is not just about you. We didn’t decide for this to happen but it has. Why punish the child?” Tom asked quietly. Why punish me?

“This child won’t be normal. Our lives aren’t normal and when it comes out looking exactly like us… what are we going to say?”

“We’ll figure out something in the coming months.” Tom shrugged. “I don’t know Bill; I don’t have all the answers right now. I’m scared to death that something might happen to you, or the baby, and I come to find you might just get rid of it without even telling me. I don’t even know what to think right now…”

“Welcome to my world. Except I feel that way twenty four hours a day. I walk around in a daze because all I can think of is the craziness my body is going through. I want my body back. I wish I had never gotten pregnant.”

“You should have said this before I got emotionally attached. I think I care more about this baby than you do.”

“Maybe you do.” Bill whispered. “Does that make me a bad person?”

“I don’t know.” Tom said tiredly.

“What do you want me to do Tomi?” He asked lowly, staring at his hands splayed on the table surface. Usually looking at his nails calmed his nerves, but it wasn’t helping right now. He was drowning.

“Why are you asking me Bill? I mean, it’s not like you were going to ask my opinion anyway.” Bill started crying anew, and didn’t bother to wipe his face. “The whole thing makes me want to throw up.”

“Please Tomi.” Bill wiped his face on his shoulder and tried to control a shuddering gasp. “Please don’t hate me.” He shook his head and reached for his twin. Tom stared at his hands and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. “Tomi!”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Bill, stop!”

“You can’t hate me; I’ll die if you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you!” He yelled at him. Bill blinked at him miserably and Tom tried to get his emotions under control. “I can’t tell you what to do with your body.”

“I don’t want to make this decision.”

“You’re going to have to.” Tom slid out of the booth and left the room, closing the door behind him with the faintest of clicks.

~*~

David looked up and frowned. “Have you decided?” He asked as Bill slid into the booth across from him. They were at a rest stop, and everyone ran into the store to replenish snack stores.

“How’s your cheek?” He asked, pointing to the red mark on the side of David’s face.

“Don’t change the subject. Did you decide?”

“Yes. I don’t want to choose between my career and… and my baby.”

David sighed. He’d never heard Bill actually claim the baby before. It was always ‘it’ or ‘the’, never ‘mine’ or ‘my’. “Think of the band.” He said flatly. “What about everyone else? It’s not always about you!”

“And now it’s definitely not about me.” Bill rubbed his stomach and sighed. “I know you don’t understand David but this is final. I’m not going to abort my baby. I’m just not. I’ll figure something out after it’s born but right now it’s the most important thing to me.” He said resolutely.

“I remember when you used to say the band was the most important thing to you.” David stood up, suddenly sick to his stomach. “You can’t be serious!”

“David, please.”

“No, you listen to me. Everyone has made a significant investment to make sure this band makes it to the top, and you ruin it by not being able to keep your legs closed for one night?” He hissed as he threw his hands in the air angrily. “How am I supposed to react when you refuse to make the right decision?”

“We’re done talking about this David.” Bill felt something flutter in his abdomen. Their baby was moving. “One day I hope you’ll understand.” He stood up and walked around the sputtering manager to greet the night air. He felt oddly empowered, and caught the back of a dreadlocked head inside the small store. Straightening his back Bill knew he had one last thing to do before everything would be right. Hopefully his twin would want to hear him now.

Bill walked into the store and nodded to Gustav as he made his way down the small aisles to where Tom was trying to make one of the big decisions, barbeque chips or salt and vinegar. He looked up and turned away quickly as he caught Bill’s stare. “Tom, can we please just…” He didn’t even know what he could say. Bill walked closer and put his hand on Tom’s arm. “I’m sorry.”

Tom shrugged. “You shouldn’t be.”

“How can I not when you’re ignoring me?” Bill huffed and shoved his hands in the pockets on the hoodie. It was hot but he didn’t dare leave the bus without it on since he didn’t have the chance to tape himself up before leaving.

“I’m not ignoring you.” Tom said quietly. “I’m trying to give you your space so you can think about… whatever it is you have to think about.” He shoved the salt and vinegar chips back onto the shelf and walked towards the cashier. Bill watched him walk off and tried to understand; sometimes it was hard with a brother like Tom. When he got it in his head to do something, nothing much was able to dislodge it.

He looked away and found himself staring at the chips. “Ooh… honey mustard flavored…” Bill’s stomach grumbled and he grabbed four bags before getting in line. Gustav came up behind him and watched as Tom just paid for his purchase and marched out to the bus.

“What’s going on with the two of you?” Bill jumped as the drummer addressed him. He was too busy staring at the back of Tom’s head to notice when his friend walked up.

“What? Nothing.”

“Yeah, okay.” Gustav watched him blush and turn away. “Look, I know better than to get in the middle of whatever you two have going on, but I want to know, is Tom okay? I’ve never seen him pass out like that before.”

Bill‘s eyes widened and he nodded hastily as he gave the cashier his credit card. “He’s fine. We’re both under a lot of stress.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” He reached around Bill to grab a Snickers. The singer looked at the candy bar and grabbed six of his own as he smiled apologetically at the man behind the counter. “I forgot I should never pick anything up in front of you.”

“You need to remember next time.” Bill said absently, ripping open one of the bars and taking a huge bite as he signed his name and grabbed his bags. “I’ll see you on the bus.” He threw over his shoulder as he exited. Quite a few of the crew were standing around smoking cigarettes, Tom with them as he laughed at a joke someone told. A couple of months ago Bill wouldn’t have felt uncomfortable going over and jumping into the conversation; if his twin was there then so was he but now… He sighed and walked onto the bus.

Jost was nowhere to be found and that suited Bill just fine. All he wanted to do was watch a movie and ignore the world just as the center of his world ignored him. He opened the door to the media room and found Georg sitting and trying to pick a movie. “Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in here.” He said as he backed out.

“It’s a public room Bill.” Georg said as he put the remote down and beckoned the singer to come in. “I’m not going to kick you out.”

“I just don’t want to disturb you.” He shook his head.

“I’m sorry Bill.” Georg sighed and fiddled with the remote. “You know, for that thing that happened that afternoon? I wanted to apologize then but you didn’t come back.”

“Would you have come back?” Bill countered as he crossed his arms over his chest. Georg laughed weakly and raised his hands in defeat.

“I know I was a jerk; you just caught me by surprise. Please, will you come and watch a movie with me?” He asked nicely, pulling something out of a bag next to him. “I have ice cream…” It appeared with a flourish.

“Are you trying to bribe me?” Bill asked, idly thinking about how nice the Snickers and the ice cream would be together.

“Absolutely; chocolate chip cookie dough.” Georg held the pint and a spoon out to him with a smile. “A cold and sugary ‘I’m sorry’ straight from the heart.”

“I can’t be mad at you for long, can I?” He asked slowly, closing the door behind him and reaching for the ice cream.

“I hope not.” The older boy laughed as Bill opened the container and licked the top with an expression of bliss. “Bill?”

“Hmm?”

“I just wanted to tell you that I listened to your conversation. I didn’t mean to, but it was so loud I couldn’t help but hear.”

Bill froze. “What?” He squeaked. “What conversation?”

“You and David.”

The singer could have collapsed from relief. “Oh, that conversation.”

“Yeah. I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you.”

“What?” Tears prickled at the back of Bill’s eyes and he had no idea why.

“I’m proud of you. David’s just trying to bully you. I’m glad you’re not going to let him.” Georg looked slightly red as he spoke. “Gustav and I were talking and we support you one hundred percent. Whatever you decide.”

“Oh.” Bill wiped his eyes and sighed. “I just wish Tom felt the same way.”

“Of course he does idiot.” Georg shook his head. “He just doesn’t know what to do right now. You know how your brother hates to not know what to do. It makes him cranky.”

“True.” Bill laughed through his tears. “Thanks Georg. For a hobbit you’re not that bad of a listener.”

“I wish you guys would drop that fucking joke.” The bassist said good-naturedly. Bill laughed loudly at that and he was proud to put a smile on the singer’s face. It’s too weird to see someone cry over a container of ice cream with a spoon in one hand and a candy bar in the other. “So what did your Mom say?”

“What?” Bill sputtered, caught off guard.

“Your mother? Did you tell her?”

“Not yet.” Bill admitted. “I don’t know what to say.”

“What can you say besides the truth? Your mom is cool. She’ll understand.” Georg reassured him. “Shit.” He said as he scrambled out of the booth. “I forgot something.”

Bill watched him run out the door and he pulled his phone from his pocket and flipped it open, pulling up his mother’s number. He stared at it and swallowed. The door opened and he closed the phone hastily to look up to identical chocolate eyes. Tom was standing over him nervously. “Yeah?” He asked quietly, trying not to cry again. Having him so close made him realize how much he missed him in such a short time.

Without a word Tom leaned over and gave him a kiss. When he pulled away he knelt beside Bill and put his head in his twin’s lap. “I’m sorry Bill.” He said, the words muffled by the table and the position he was in. Bill blinked and placed his hand on his cheek.

“I’m sorry too.” He said, feeling his body relax.

“I just… I was just so angry and then I realized I can’t tell you what to do with your body. That made me sad.” Tom sat up again so he could stare his brother in the face. “I don’t want you to have the abortion.” He shook his head desperately, hoping he could get his brother to see. “I like the idea that you’re having my baby.” Tom whispered, putting his hand on Bill’s stomach possessively.

“Oh Tomi…” Bill breathed as he put his hand over Tom’s. “I’m not going to have the abortion. I told David I wasn’t going to do it. I wanted to tell you in the store but you were still upset.” Tom looked at him disbelievingly, but when Bill smiled he knew it was the truth.

“Really?” He asked again, just to be sure.

“Really Tomi. I want to have your child.” Bill said quietly. He leaned forward and kissed Tom again as he pulled him close. “Just don’t leave me again. I don’t think I could take it again.” He muttered against his cheek.

“I promise.” Tom shuddered as he pushed his face into his brother’s shoulder. Bill ran his hands up and down Tom’s back and frowned.

“Are… you crying?”

“No.” Tom laughed and wiped his eyes on Bill’s shoulder.

“You are crying.”

“Nope.” Tom shook his head as a sob escaped. Soon the floodgates opened and the smile Bill wore fell away. His mind went back to the night in the hotel room when he had told Tom the first time. Maybe they were starting over. Maybe everything that happened before didn’t count.

As Bill kissed away his twin’s tears he knew one thing. This time it would count.

Chapter End Notes: