It helps. To Vee for the awesome banner, t for still reading, Kat for being excited, and last but certainly not least; forever Ida.

Bill sighed and sat next to Tom on the porch. It appeared that he was looking down at his guitar but in fact he was watching the slightly sad expression on his twin’s face. “What’s wrong Bill?” he asked quickly as he pulled his fingers away from the strings. Tom watched as Bill shrugged helplessly.

“I don’t know,” he finally replied, wrapping his arms around his legs and hugging them close. It was a beautiful autumn day, the sky was clear and the leaves were falling gently from the big tree in the back yard. Tom knew that Bill would tell him as soon as he was ready, so he decided to give them some music while they waited. He concentrated so he could remember what chords Gordon taught him, trying to make beautiful music. Slowly Tom felt Bill relax next to him, and he uncoiled his limbs until a knee was resting against his.

“Tomi,” he finally spoke again, “do you think I’m weird?”

“Who said you were weird?” At ten both twins were considered ‘weird’ by their classmates and ‘strange’ by their classmate’s parents. It wasn’t an unusual place to find yourself when you were a Kaulitz, but Bill had never asked him if Tom considered him to be that way.

Bill shrugged. “Lots of people. Because I like to sing and stuff, because I said we’ll be famous one day.” He cocked his head. “Do you believe me?”

“Absolutely,” Tom affirmed. There was no question; if Bill said it then that made it so.

“Good.” There was a long quiet stretch as Bill stared into the sky and Tom watched whatever it was he saw when he played. “Tomi?”

“Hmm?”

“You never told me if you thought I was weird,” he said quietly. Tom looked over at him and shook his head.

“Of course not, I always get you,” he said quickly.

“What if one day comes and you don’t?” Bill asked worriedly.

Tom shook his head. “Never gonna happen, okay?” He cocked his head and laughed. “Besides, if you’re weird then I’m weird, remember that,” he reminded him gently.

Bill smiled and laughed. “You are a bit weird.”

“See?”

“Yeah,” he nodded and smiled. “Just like that, huh?”

“Just like that.”

Tom kicked the pebbly roof of the hotel in frustration. Bill knew how much he hated to argue; it was pointless and no one got their point across. These hormones were going to be the death of him. He looked down at his pocket and pulled his phone out. There was no name, just a star. Bill. He pressed the ignore button and sent the call straight to voicemail. He loved his brother, he truly did; he just didn’t want to talk to him right now.

He knew as an older brother he had to have more patience for his younger sibling but sometimes… it was just too much. Tom felt bad for walking out, sort of, but it had to be done. Bill couldn’t just stomp all over him when he was upset and hadn’t done anything. He pulled out his phone again and sighed. The call had been ignored long enough; it was time to head back.

Tom went to the door and pulled, but it didn’t budge. He frowned and tried again after putting his phone in his pocket, but it remained shut. “Stupid fucking door,” he grumbled, “not you too!” The door mocked him mercilessly, and he frowned and tried tugging again. “Shit!” Tom kicked it, and the hollow ringing of the metal sounded a lot like derisive laughter.

He pulled his phone out and brought Bill’s number up but at the last minute decided to call Georg. Some Oasis song rang in his ear and he gaped as his call went to voicemail.

Karma, what a skank whore.

~*~

“Can I come in?” Bill stepped aside soundlessly and closed the door behind him.

“What do you want David?” he asked tiredly.

“I wanted to know if you were serious about no interviews while you’re on break. Not even radio shows? No one can see you then,” he pleaded, shaking a folder full of requests. “I don’t want to have to…” David frowned as he looked down at the open suitcases. “Not again…” he muttered.

“No appearances. Period,” Bill emphasized as he held out his arm. “Do you see that? I’m shaking because I’m so tired. I can’t do it. There’s more to think about than just me.”

“Fine, I don’t want you to have…” the words seemed to be clogged in the older man’s throat, “complications.”

Bill looked at David with amusement. “Thank you.”

“Where’s your brother?”

“Why?” he asked suspiciously.

David sighed. “I’m not going to fight with him again; we have to go over the schedule. You might not be able to participate in interviews, but there’s nothing wrong with Tom. I mean, besides the obvious.”

“You two need to make up. I don’t want everyone to scatter and continue to be mad,” Bill huffed.

“Sure, you tell that to him. When you see him tell him I need to talk to him before you two leave, okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” he watched David leave and huffed again. Bill looked at the mound of clothes on the bed and realized he couldn’t even lie down if he wanted to. There was still a half folded pile of tee shirts sitting on the floor and damn it to hell if he didn’t have to go to the bathroom again!

~*~

Tom stared at the phone and the number he’d pulled up about ten minutes ago. Saki would come and get him, and give him a big lecture on safety when in foreign countries, and about running off without letting someone on the security staff know… He didn’t want to deal with any of that right now but he wanted to get off the roof.

Stupid hobbit wasn’t picking up his phone. Fine, he would just deal with Saki and his Talk. He hated the Talk. Everyone on the staff hated the Talk. Act with Safety in Mind. If he heard that phrase one more time it would probably make his head explode.

Just as Tom pressed the call button, his phone rang and he ended up connecting the call. “Kaulitz, what’s up?”

“Georg?”

“Yeah… you called me remember?”

“I’m on the roof!” Tom exclaimed as he rose from his crouched position against the roof access door.

“…Congratulations,” Georg said slowly as Tom rolled his eyes. “What do you want me to do, throw you a party?”

“I’m locked up here asshole,” he hissed as he shook his head. “I need to get down.”

“Sounds like a personal problem to me,” the bassist laughed. “Why don’t you call Saki?”

“Come on Georg, would you?”

“I don’t want to hear the Talk again for as long as I live. Does that man like to repeat himself or what?”

“Yeah. So are you coming to get me?”

“Fine. Give me about five minutes.”

“No problem,” Tom breathed a sigh of relief as he hung up his phone. Dodging Saki was a feat that always left a person drained. His thoughts drifted to Bill and he felt bad for leaving as he did. But it was frustrating and Bill didn’t want to understand it was difficult for him too. Time passed and the door he patiently paced in front of swung open almost viciously, and Georg stepped out with Gustav, both squinting in the sun. “Do you guys follow each other around now?” he asked with a smirk.

Gustav looked at Georg and pushed him back into the building as he shut the door again. Tom screamed and tried to reach it before it swung shut but he wasn’t quick enough.  “Come on,” he yelled as he pounded on the door, “let me in!”

“Fuck you Kaulitz!” was the reply. Real mature.

“I’m sorry!”

“No you’re not.”

Shit. “I am; I really am. It was a dumb crack and I wish I had never said it,” Tom said truthfully as he rested his forehead against the door. After a few moments he could hear the knob turn and he backed away as Georg pushed the door open. “Thank you,” he said carefully, not saying a word until he was completely inside the building again.

“Such an asshole,” Gustav rolled his eyes as he and Georg accompanied Tom back to the elevators. “What were you doing up there anyway?”

“Thinking,” Tom pushed the button and impatiently waited for the arrival of the elevator car.

“Aww, Tom thought he had to go outside to think,” the drummer said to Georg in an extremely cutesy voice, then turned back to the guitarist. “I know how difficult it must be, seeing as to how you’ve never done it before, but normal human beings, and even people who strive to be like normal human beings such as yourself, think inside. They think wherever they are actually.”

“Funny,” Tom shook his head as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. “So funny I think you should take the next one,” he stuck out his tongue.

“Fine, we can keep ourselves occupied,” Georg pulled Gustav to him and laid as blazing kiss on him just as the doors were closing. Tom wailed in agony and the door shut; he looked down at Gustav and smiled to find the blond still had his eyes closed. “He’s gone,” he said, resisting the urge to kiss him again.

“So?” Gustav opened his eyes and frowned. “I’m still here.”

“Well, alright.”

~*~

Bill looked around the room and sighed. He only felt marginally better but now his suitcases were organized into what he could still fit and what he couldn’t. He hadn’t known how many pairs of tight pants he owned until he couldn’t fit them anymore. Almost his entire wardrobe was going to be put away for the next couple of months.

His stomach grumbled and Bill looked down and rubbed his tummy. “Are we hungry?” he asked absently as he closed another suitcase and zipped it up. “I think we are.” Before he could figure out what he wanted someone knocked on the door. If it was David again he was going to get an earful, no matter how tired he was right now. Bill opened the door and cocked his head at the person standing before him. “Oh, it’s you,” he said as he moved away from the door.

“Some greeting,” Tom frowned and stepped in, in his arms was a pink box. Whatever was inside smelled heavenly; Bill’s stomach growled again and he scowled. “I brought you something, sort of an edible peace offering,” he said as he stepped over the remaining suitcases, putting the pastry box on the table.

Bill looked at it briefly and opened it to find a mouth watering cobbler. “Oh Tomi… what kind is it?”

“Peach, I know you haven’t had one in a while,” Tom shrugged as he produced a spoon from behind his back. “You didn’t eat this morning, so I was a bit worried.”

Bill ducked his head and blushed as he took the spoon and scooped out a big portion from the middle of the cobbler. He wanted to stop fighting with his twin; he wanted to stop feeling crazy. Maybe it was time to stop acting like a victim to the mood swings. “I’m sorry for being a little crazy,” he mumbled around a large mouthful of peaches and buttery crust. “I don’t mean to be.”

Tom watched the spray of crumbs from Bill’s mouth and smiled slightly. Only his brother could go from so infuriatingly annoying to heartwarmingly cute. He sighed and stepped forward and took the hand that did not currently have the spoon in it. “I know you don’t, I just think we have to understand we have each other in this,” he sighed and watched his twin demolish almost half the cobbler. “Did you let yourself get hungry?” Tom asked accusingly.

“It just snuck up on me,” Bill said, his patented innocent expression firmly plastered on his face. Tom rolled his eyes and rested his chin on his shoulder.

“You shouldn’t do that, it’s bad for you and the baby,” he admonished as he relaxed into the embrace of his brother. “I don’t want you getting sick or passing out again.”

“That was one time and I promised I wouldn’t let myself get that bad again,” Bill kissed him on the cheek before shoveling another spoon of cobbler into his mouth. Tom wiped his cheek off with Bill’s shoulder, much to his dismay. “Hey!” he exclaimed, spraying a few crumbs down Tom’s collar. “Stop.”

“Stop eating and kissing me at the same time; just let me go and you can eat,” Tom chided him gently, but Bill’s arm tightened around his waist as he shook his head.

“No,” the word was a bit thick because it couldn’t get around crust and peach syrup that well. Bill shook his head again and swallowed, “no. I’m not letting you go right now Tomi.”

“Okay, okay. We’ll figure something out,” Tom promised as he pulled a chair out with his foot and eased his brother into it. He moved quickly since he saw Bill was becoming agitated, and placed a chair right next to him and fell into it. Bill smiled as Tom took his hand again and he quickly went back to eating. “We should think about getting you a better diet,” he mused as he let his thumb slide back and forth over the back of Bill’s hand.

“Hsmsing,” he replied as he looked at him briefly. Tom frowned.

“What?”

Bill swallowed before attempting to speak again. “I guess,” he said. Tom smiled and laughed as he pointed to the corner of Bill’s mouth.

“You’ve got something right there,” he sat forward and took his twin’s face into his hands gently, and with the utmost care he kissed away the bit of cobbler at the corner of Bill’s mouth. When Tom pulled away he smiled and placed a quick kiss on the full of his mouth.

Without warning Bill dropped the spoon and deepened the kiss, and Tom couldn’t help but moan as Bill’s tongue grazed the roof of his mouth before sliding against his own. The kiss tasted like peaches and longing and peace of mind. If they could just remember this feeling they would be okay.

When they pulled away Bill smiled wide, and tugged Tom to his feet with him. “You’re wearing too many clothes,’’ he said as he lifted the hem of his tee shirt.

Tom laughed and obliged his brother; he lifted his arms and wiggled out of the large cotton shirt. The small neck couldn’t accommodate his hat, and it was knocked off somewhere with his shirt. When he turned around and looked into Bill’s eyes they looked different; and his gaze knocked him breathless. He watched as Bill stepped closer and hesitantly kissed him, and Tom could feel all the love he felt for him. He could never stay mad at Bill for long, and if he hadn’t been stuck on that roof he would’ve been in his arms a lot earlier.

Tom pulled him closer; cradled him gently as the fire was stoked between them. Bill wrapped his arms around his neck and moaned breathlessly into what felt like a never ending kiss. Tom stumbled as his brother pulled away with a groan, pushing him out of the way. “What, what’s wrong?” he asked anxiously.

“Bathroom! Strip, I’ll be out soon!” Tom watched as Bill started to wiggle out of his pants before he even made it to the door. He sighed in frustration and decided to make himself useful and clear off the bed; Tom paid close attention to the piles that were haphazardly drawn, Bill’s clothing system made no sense to anyone but him. Tom looked up just as he was transferring the last pile and found Bill staring at him with a small smile. “You didn’t have to do that by yourself, I was going to help you,” he said quietly as he came back into the room.

Tom realized Bill had left his pants in the bathroom, presented before him in only his boxer briefs and a tee shirt. He held his hand out and Bill walked over to him and put his hand in Tom’s. It meant more than just a hand in another; Bill was trying to tell his brother that no matter what, he trusted him. Tom didn’t take that lightly as he pulled him close and kissed him as gently as possible. Bill melted into the kiss and made small noises at the back of his throat as he tried to get closer to Tom.

Bill whimpered as Tom’s lips left his and mouthed a hot trail down his neck to his collarbone. He felt like his body was heavy and pulled tight with the need to have Tomi as close as humanly possible.  Tom gently sat him down on the bed and leaned him back, careful all the while.

Bill breathed through his nose as he tried to lift his head to see what Tom was doing, but he couldn’t hold the position for long as feather soft kisses started at his instep and worked their way up his calve. He sighed and relaxed into the comforter, the discomfort his legs had given him the past few days eased away under the light kisses. When they hit his left knee Bill jerked and laughed breathlessly. “Sorry,” Tom murmured as he continued up his thigh.

He couldn’t help but frown mentally; with all the food Bill consumed he still wasn’t getting any bigger anywhere else but the small swell of his stomach. Tom gently dragged his teeth on his twin’s sensitive inner thigh and Bill moaned and spread his legs further, erection evident in the thin underwear. He grabbed the waist and pulled them down slowly and eased them down Bill’s legs and threw them over his shoulder somewhere. That earned him a short laugh that collapsed into a groan as Tom swallowed Bill down without warning.

“TomiTomiTomiTomiTomiTomiTomi,” he babbled, eyes widened and hands fisting the comforter near his head. Tom hummed and Bill’s scream broke into an almost sob. “Oh god, Tomi,” he panted desperately as he writhed under his ministrations.

Tom didn’t give blow jobs often; he felt sort of stupid when attempting to return half the pleasure that Bill gave him. This time it didn’t matter, he would make it feel good no matter what. Ignoring his gag reflex he took his twin as far as he could into his mouth, sucking steadily at the hard member. Bill was beyond words now as he tossed his head and tried to stay still so he wouldn’t fall out. The sensation got the better of him and he managed to twist in such a manner that his cock popped out of Tom’s mouth wetly. “Bill,” he laughed as he worked his jaw. It wasn’t as easy as it looked.

“Sorry. I’m so sorry,” Bill said elatedly; face flushed and eyes wide. “I just… wow…” he trailed off and Tom’s heart burst with pride. His brother, the love of his life was spread on the bed looking thoroughly blissed out and he hadn’t even come yet.

“Do you want me to finish?” Tom asked as he ran his hands up the satin of Bill’s thighs. His fingers brushed the beginning of the swell of his stomach and his heart beat faster for a totally different reason.  Bill shook his head and pulled him up and Tom braced himself on either side of his head. “You don’t want me to finish?” he asked, somewhat surprised.

“No,” he shook his head. “I want you up here with me. I want you inside of me.” Bill lifted himself up and placed small kisses along Tom’s jaw and down his neck, any area of skin his lips could reach. Tom’s arms were shaking slightly as he tried to remain gentle; with his libido raging and Bill spread beneath him looking so beautiful it was becoming more and more difficult to be restrained.

“Are you sure?” he asked raggedly as he forced himself to remain in control. Bill smiled up at him and laughed. “What, I don’t want to hurt the baby,” he said breathlessly.

“You’re big, but you’re not that big,” Bill teased as he pulled him down for another kiss. Tom laughed against his lips and found himself looking up at his twin instead of down. “But I want to be on top,” he chuckled at the look on Tom’s face.

“I have no problem with that, but you’re wearing too many clothes,” he pointed out as he tugged on the hem of the tee shirt Bill was wearing. Tom watched him blush and look away briefly. “You’re not still embarrassed are you? It’s just me here,” he said as he kissed him quickly. Tom kept kissing him until the smile came back and he wiggled in his arms.

“Okay,” Bill breathed, “fine.” He sat up and unbuckled Tom’s pants as he huffed impatiently; and finally managed to get them pushed down past his knees. “You have cute knees,” he murmured, and Tom laughed weakly.

“What?”

“You heard me,” Bill leaned forward and kissed him as he moved against Tom restlessly. He felt so hard and hot against him, making his stomach jump in anticipation. Unfortunately he already knew Tom wouldn’t screw him into the mattress like he normally wanted, but he would see what he could do from his position. Taking a deep breath Bill pulled off his tee shirt and closed his eyes.

 “Bill… oh Bill, I wish you knew how beautiful you are,” Tom murmured as he sat forward and kissed his collarbone. Bill smiled against Tom’s temple and gasped as he felt tentative touches against his hardened nipples.

“Oh god…” he whimpered. “I forgot how good that feels,” Bill gasped as he wound his arms around his twin’s neck and allowed his head to fall back.

“Still not touching them,” Tom sighed as he pressed his face between Bill’s breasts and inhaled his brother’s scent. “But they’re so pretty; I wish you could see them like I see them.”

Bill shrugged and screamed as the sensation of Tom’s lip ring on his nipple was quickly replaced by his mouth as he sucked on the nub. The fire pooled quickly in his groin and he clutched Tom’s shoulders and groaned long and low. It was like waves and waves of pleasure that made him harden even further. Unconsciously he began to rock his hips, and his brother’s hands tightened his grip and brought him closer, pushing more of his breast into his mouth.

He ground his hips down in a harsh rhythm, Tom thrusting upwards as they moved against each other. “Oh god Bill,” he looked up at him in a daze; “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Bill panted, eyes tightly closed as he bit his lip as their pace became more desperate and less controlled, their cocks trapped between them sliding wetly against their abdomens. The sensation was deliriously good and he felt an orgasm coming. Tears fell as his body crashed into his climax; he came with a whimper of relief as his body sagged. If Tom didn’t hold him up he would have slipped off the bed and onto the floor. When sight and sound returned he was breathing deeply in Tom’s face, and he looked sweaty and so happy that Bill felt so good.

Bill could still feel his erection straining against him and he rolled his hips in such a manner that Tom closed his eyes and hissed. “Oh Tomi, that felt so good,” he murmured as he kissed him deeply. It was obvious his brother was trying to take his time and not just pound into him. It made Bill feel treasured and precious and horny all over again.

“It looked like it felt good. Hell, it felt good just watching you,” Tom breathed, painfully aware of the fact that Bill was still rocking against him.

“Do you have any lube?” Bill asked as he felt the fires begin to roar again. Tom shook his head and Bill reached for the black toiletry bag on the nightstand. He opened it and produced a small white bottle and unscrewed the cap as he backed off of Tom’s lap. Tom watched eagerly as Bill squeezed some of the clear liquid onto his hands and rubbed them together to warm the lubricant up a bit. When it was to Bill’s satisfaction he reached out and stroked Tom’s very red and swollen cock.

His twin hissed and jerked his hips up against the steady tugs; Bill paid special attention to the engorged head as he swiped his thumb against the weeping slit. Tom shivered and swore as he babbled Bill’s name unintelligibly. With a surprised squeak he was pulled into Tom’s lap almost desperately “I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Tom asked breathlessly as he struggled to maintain control.

“No, you didn’t,” Bill reassured him, kissing him urgently. “But I will be hurt if I don’t get to feel you moving inside of me-” his words were cut off by a half groan half kiss from his twin.

“Shit, Bill you’re not helping,” he positioned his cock as Bill lifted himself in anticipation. Tom could feel the wet heat coming from his twin and he tilted his head back and grunted as it enveloped his dick. He could barely breathe until Bill was fully seated on his groin. They kissed until Bill adjusted, and when he finally moved Tom was almost gone.

Bill stared down at him with one of his secret smiles, the smile that only Tom got to see. It was sly and sensual; Bill moved his hips just so and he couldn’t see anything because he’d closed his eyes up tight and pushed his head against the comforter in ecstasy. The room was filled with the smell of sex and the sound of grunts and groans as they grinded against each other on the bed.

Tom stared up at Bill, totally enraptured as he moved above him. His breasts bounced tantalizingly as Bill threw his head back and moaned, caught up in the delirious pleasure of riding Tom’s cock. He knew he was going to come soon, the sights and sounds were too much and he was already hard when Bill kissed him tasting of peaches and flaky crust.

He gripped Bill’s hips and thrust upwards harsher than he intended, but it dragged a particularly grateful moan from his twin’s lips so he did it again as he watched as Bill shuddered deliciously before falling forward to kiss him. Tom sat up and buried himself deeply into Bill over and over again as his orgasm stared him right in the face. Bill licked his ear and scraped his nails down his back and he came with a howl and thrust twice more before spilling his seed deep inside of his brother. Bill shuddered and fisted his cock just once before he too came.

They were both silent as they stared at each other, small smiles on their faces. Bill climbed off of Tom to rest beside him as he pulled him close. Tom nuzzled against Bill’s breasts and smiled. “Nice pillows,” he murmured, earning him a tired chuckle from Bill. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Tom opened his eyes and looked up at Bill seriously.

“I would have thought that the way I was screaming my head off would have given you a clue.” Bill yawned and kissed the top of Tom’s head before he rested his cheek against it.

“Mmm, you were loud.”

“You like loud,” Bill reminded him. Tom tightened his grip around Bill’s waist as much as he dared and found himself drifting off. “Tomi?”

“Hmm?”

“What are we going to do when we go home?” the apprehension in Bill’s voice woke Tom up fully and he rolled his twin over so he could see his face. Tom smiled softly and placed a hand on Bill’s abdomen; he spread his hand wide and covered almost the whole area. There would be a time when he wouldn’t be able to do that. His son or daughter was in there, and it slept and grew inside of his favorite person in the whole world; his other half.

He gently rubbed the stretching skin and realized Bill would be obvious sooner than they both wanted. “We’ll figure something out, I promise,” he said gently as he continued his massage. Bill hummed in happiness and his eyes started to droop without warning.

“Tomi,” he murmured as he fought sleep, “David wanted to speak to you. I was supposed to tell you…” the rest became a mumble and Bill drifted into slumber. Tom smiled and kissed him on the mouth before he placed a quick kiss on his stomach.

“Sorry if I jolted you around in there. Couldn’t help it at the end,” he whispered to the baby as he pulled the covers back and placed Bill beneath them. Tom frowned because Bill didn’t stir once, not even when he had to lift him up to tuck him in. He could see the bags under his eyes and the way he held himself sometimes. He was exhausted and Tom felt bad for the sex briefly until a small smile ghosted across his twin’s lips.

Maybe he needed a little ‘Sexual Healing’. Tom bit back a laugh and shook his head as he got dressed. Bill would’ve punched him for that lame line. He chuckled as he let himself out of the room quietly.  On the way down the hall Tom wondered if David wanted him to apologize for hitting him. He knocked on the door and wondered if he would. The manager opened the door and Tom realized immediately that he never would.

“Tom,” Jost nodded and stepped aside so he could come into the room.

“David, what’s up?” he asked as he turned around in the room. There were tons of papers on top of the table sorted out into stacks and folders and files everywhere. Tom did not envy his job.

“Public appearances; I know that Bill wants to take a break but we have obligations we agreed to before this happened. I book all appearances at least six months in advanced and you have to cancel at least four months before the show. For some of these that time has passed. I need you to convince him to make these interviews before he gets to big to get in front of the camera,” David crossed his arms and looked at the teen carefully. He looked like he was fraying around the edges and extremely tired. He had a heart, he really did but there was too much he didn’t know.

“I’ll do them all by myself. If they want a Kaulitz they’ll get one, just not Bill.”

“Tom-”

“David, I’m serious. I don’t want Bill pressured to make a public appearance while we’re off tour okay? No radio, no television, nothing.”

“Why won’t he tell me who the father is?” David changed the subject as he started pacing in front of his door.

“It’s complicated,” Tom said resolutely. His head was clear and he could take the question now. David looked up at him and glared.

“Of course it’s complicated. I need to know the father won’t come out and ruin everything for everyone. What if he wants custody, what if he wants money?”

“Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that,” Tom shook his head as he tried to reassure their manager.

“You don’t know that! People act crazy when they think money is involved; how could you possibly know?”

“I know this person like… I know myself,” he finished lamely. “Trust me.”

“That’s what people say right before things go wrong,” David said seriously as he paused his pacing.

“Do we have a deal or not?” Tom asked wearily.

“We have a deal.”

~*~

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Honestly? Molesting your poor suitcase,” Georg quipped as he stared at Gustav on the floor. He was currently bouncing on his suitcase so he could close it. “Why don’t you just fold your clothes?”

“My mom likes to think that she has some sort of role in my life, so when I come home I make sure that all my clothes are wrinkled up and a little dirty so she can wade through mounds and mounds of clothes and wash everything that doesn’t say dry clean only,” Gustav reached down and quickly closed the latch. It stayed shut and he jumped up enthusiastically, fist pumping the air.

“I didn’t know packing brought you such euphoria,” the bassist rolled his eyes and pretended to be embarrassed at the goofy display. In actuality Georg thought that the normally stoic drummer would have more fun if he let this side come out and play more.

“No, I’m just happy to be going home,” Gustav shrugged and placed the suitcase with four of his others. “Five down, two to go,” he looked over at Georg who looked relaxed as he leaned against the wall. “Are you done?”

“Stayed up last night to do it,” he explained, tugging at the hem of his shirt. “You know I hate doing things last minute.”

“I’ve been up forever so I had plenty of time. I’ll bet you the twins are going to be scrambling around trying to pack. I’m not helping the Diva this time,” Gustav grumbled as he stuffed his band tees into its own separate suitcase. It wasn’t vanity it was necessity, every time he went somewhere he tried to pick up some merch from his favorite bands.

“I think Tom’s got it,” Georg fingered the blonde’s copy of the appearance schedule over the next two months. “I see you got yours,” he said, flicking the glossy pamphlet with a finger.

“Yeah, a load of bullshit, and since Bill can’t come with us he’ll be working on the new album heavily with the producers. They want to start laying the vocals earlier than we did on Zimmer.”

“Oh. At least we’re going to be working together,” Georg said carefully, and Gustav frowned from where he was crouched over his last suitcase, his books.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“I mean, even if we weren’t doing this…thing…” Gustav gestured between the two of them, “You’re still my best friend. I know when something’s bothering you so just say it.”

“What’s going to happen to us when we go back home?” Georg blurted out quickly before he lost his nerve.

“What do you mean?”

He looked at Gustav helplessly. “What is going to happen to us? Do we just pretend this never happe-”

“Do you want to end this?” he asked as he interrupted. “I thought we were having fun!”

“We are! I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only one who wanted this,” Georg crossed his arms and hid behind his hair.

“I can’t hide you Georg, you’re too tall and muscular,” Gustav smiled and stepped up to the bassist. “Besides, I don’t want to stop. You’re more exciting in bed than I ever could have imagined,” he admitted blushingly.

“I am fun,” Georg said slowly as he pulled the shorter man closer. “I like to see what I can do to make your toes curl…” he smiled as the blush deepened.

“Just keep talking,” Gustav sighed; he would have laughed but his mouth was busy doing more interesting things in the short time they had before their flights that night.

~*~

Tom jerked awake as the van came to a complete stop. He looked around and realized they were home. Gustav and Georg had taken another van with another of their security team, leaving just Bill and him on the quiet ride to their house. “Bill it’s time to wake up,” he murmured as he tried to massage some feeling into his shoulder. His twin fell asleep immediately after they disembarked and climbed into the van. The ride to Magdeburg felt longer than normal and eventually even he began to doze.

He looked down into Bill’s face and was worried at how pale and washed out it looked in the light of the car as Saki got out and unloaded their luggage. Tom sighed and watched Bill sleep and wished he didn’t have to wake him up but he did. “Come on Bill, wake up.”

Bill stirred reluctantly and opened his eyes. His whole body hurt and the flight took more out of him than he wanted to admit. All he wanted to do was lean against Tom and sleep the rest of his life away but he couldn’t be left alone to do just that. He sighed and tried to wake up further. “We’re here?” he asked thickly, pulling at the black hoodie he almost always wore now. It was hot and he couldn’t wait to take it off.

“Yep. Come on,” Tom scooted off of the seat and took Bill’s hand and pulled him gently. He shook his head and shrank back, staring at the house as if it held all sorts of terrors.

“Tomi I’m scared,” he whispered as he pulled away. Tom breathed out of his mouth and nodded as he tried to quell his own nerves.

“Look it’s,” he glanced at his watch, “three forty in the morning. No one is awake and we can deal with this in the morning. Don’t you want to sleep in a bed?”

Bill yawned despite himself and nodded. “Yes, Tomi I do. I just don’t think I want to go in the house,” he admitted. The door to the van slid open and Saki peered in at them.

“Is everything alright?” he asked Tom, who nodded hastily.

“Yes Saki, everything’s fine. You know how Bill can be when he’s waking up. I’ve got him,” Tom turned back to his twin and held out his hand again; he silently pleaded with his eyes and Bill sighed and gave him his hand and allowed himself to be helped out of the van.

They said goodbye to Saki and walked up to the porch, where their luggage awaited patiently. Bill yawned and pulled out his key to unlock the door while Tom loaded his arms up with some suitcases. “I can help you with the light ones,” Bill offered as he opened the door quietly. Tom frowned and shook his head.

“No, I’ve got it. You just go upstairs and I’ll see you in a minute,” he shuffled into the living room behind his twin and inhaled deeply and realized no where in the world smelled like home. It took less than ten minutes to bring their luggage in, and another five to take it up the stairs while avoiding the third and the eighth steps. He was beyond tired when he finally pushed his suitcases into his room before bringing Bill’s into his room.

His twin was sitting on his bed, looking around the room and toying with the edge of the hoodie he was still wearing. “Bill, don’t you want to take that off?” Tom asked as he carefully set the make up bag on the floor. He looked closer and realized that Bill looked exhausted.

“It took all I had to climb the stairs. Why am I so tired Tomi?” he asked quietly after he allowed his brother to pull the hoodie off. Bill breathed in a sigh of relief, he no longer felt overheated and the nausea disappeared.

“I don’t know, but it’s going to be okay,” Tom promised as he knelt down and took off Bill’s shoes and socks. His brother didn’t say anything else as he gently tugged his clothes off and dressed him in a pair of ratty pajama pants that he refused to throw out. He grabbed an old tee shirt and stopped. There was no way that Bill was going to be able to fit into it now… Tom looked up and caught Bill’s eyes. He looked pained and frustrated.

“I hate this, not being able to wear my own clothes,” he said quietly as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“Don’t worry Bill, I’ll be right back,” Tom ran as quietly as he could to his room and snatched one of his many oversized white shirts. When he pushed the door open again he held it triumphantly, which brought a small smile to Bill’s lips. “See, no worries,” he said as he slid it down over Bill’s head and arms. “Are you good?”

“Mmm,” Bill hummed as he nodded. Tom stood him up and pulled his covers back, and he smiled as Bill hugged him and wouldn’t let go. Gently he picked Bill up and placed him on the bed, and smiled down as his twin wouldn’t let him go. With one hand he reached for the blankets and pulled them back up to tuck his twin in carefully.

“Bill, I’ve got to straighten up,” Tom smiled as he leaned in and kissed him quickly. Bill shook his head and whimpered until Tom rubbed his stomach gently. The lines on Bill’s face eased and he smiled as the limbs around his neck became heavier and heavier before falling down to the bed. Tom knelt beside the bed and kept up his massage until he was sure Bill wouldn’t be waking up soon. He watched him sleep and Tom’s heart swelled.

He stopped his hand and let it rest against his unborn child and Tom imagined he could feel a light flutter against his palm. His heart raced and he wanted to yell, but everyone was asleep and he definitely didn’t want to wake Bill up. Tom leaned forward and placed one more kiss against his twin’s lips before he forced himself to stand up and leave the room.

As he closed the bedroom door behind him Tom had to remember they were home now; they had to be extra careful to not get caught. He closed the door to his room and his heart ached. He’d managed to sleep with Bill almost every night for the past couple of weeks. Tom looked over at his lonely twin bed and wondered if this was going to work.  

Author's Chapter Notes:

Maybe. Maybe not. To Adam, the beautiful oddball, T who is friends with the shadows, my lovely bride The Deadly Nightshade, and of course, forever Ida.

Tom’s eyes shot open as he heard a crash, and he was already at his door when a surprised wail reached his ears. It was their mother; as he darted out into the hall he realized all the sound came from Bill’s room. Dread hardened in a ball at the pit of his stomach and he pushed his hair out of the way as he crossed the hall and ran into his twin’s room. Sure enough Simone was pressed against the wall with one hand covering her mouth and Bill sat on the bed, looking disoriented, ashamed, and positively pissed. This would not end well by any stretch of the imagination.

Simone looked over at Tom with wide eyes and all she could do was shake her head in disbelief. Someone ran up behind him and he turned to see Gordon take in the strange scene before he sighed and went to his wife. “Come on honey,” he said gently as he took her hand and led her out of the room. A quick glance at Bill and he almost stopped himself but continued to push a shocked Simone out of the room.

“What happened?” Tom asked as he closed the door behind him and locked it. Bill stood up and paced angrily.

“I was sleeping when I felt someone yank the fucking covers back. When I wake up my mother is staring down at me with her hand on my stomach like she didn’t believe what I told her on the phone!” he hissed.

Tom winced; that had to be a horrible way to start the day. He glanced at the small clock on the nightstand next to the bed and blinked. No wonder he was still tired, he’d only been home for little over two hours. “Bill,” he said as he came closer and stopped his twin’s pacing. “You’ve got to go back to bed. It’s too early.”

“Fuck that, I’m going to go talk to Mom, I mean,” Bill yawned and shook his head to clear the fatigue, but it wasn’t working. “Why is it every time you touch me I get sleepy?” he asked as he yawned again. Tom just smiled and shrugged as he pulled him back over to the bed.

“I’ll be back. You go to sleep,” Tom sighed and yawned himself. Bill huffed and turned over on his side. “Are you okay?”

“Could you bring me some coke when you come back?” he asked sleepily.

“I’ll bring you some water,” Tom offered instead. He laughed as Bill flipped him off and he went downstairs to find out what his mother’s malfunction was. Gordon was leaning against the counter in the kitchen, drinking coffee and staring out into space. He looked up when Tom entered the room and smiled tightly.

“Welcome home,” he said ruefully, gesturing to the coffee pot. Tom shook his head; there was still some hope that he would be able to get back to sleep. The sun was barely peeking over the tree line and he couldn’t help but yawn again.

“Thanks, where’s Mom?” Tom asked and looked around as he grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the refrigerator.

“Still getting ready for work,” Gordon sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before he continued. “How did this happen?” he asked quietly.

 Tom just looked at him and shrugged. “You’ve heard the news.”

“It’s all over the place,” Gordon admitted. “I just never thought that my stepson would be in the same situation I see on the news. Men are getting abortions left and right, and the price for the patches have gone up. They’re being yanked off the shelves and sold in the streets and the government is trying to outlaw them. Gay men have said their prayers have been answered,” he said softly. “I didn’t know Bill was gay.”

“He’s not,” Tom murmured. Suddenly he wanted to run upstairs and escape the real world. What did he think would happen when he returned home with his baby brother pregnant? Smiles and hugs? Understanding and consideration? Was he high?

Before Gordon could say anything Simone walked in as she tried to fix the post on the back of her earring. She glanced up at her husband with a tight smile before realizing there was someone else in the room. Tom took a deep breath and watched his mother struggle with a few emotions before she slowly walked over to him. “How did this happen Tom?” Simone asked quietly as she reached out for him. He stepped forward and rested his cheek on the top of her head in a tight hug. Tom had forgotten how much his Mom’s hugs and Bill’s hugs were similar.

“I don’t know Mom,” he admitted. It was his fault for sure but there was no one thing that started it all.

“Do you remember what you said to me when I lost my mind and let you both go on tour without me?” Simone pulled back and blinked away the tears that began to gather.

Tom felt crushed. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of Bill,” he mumbled, feeling lower than scum. His mother nodded and finally wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry Mom.” And it was the truth, he was sorrier than she would ever imagine, would ever know.

“Simone, we’ve got to go or we’ll be late. You know how traffic gets and they’ve shut down the bridge,” Gordon said softly as he walked over and placed his hand on Simone’s bicep. She looked down at his hand and sighed; with one more look back she allowed herself to be led away. Tom just stared after them, and didn’t move until the door closed quietly behind them.

He sighed and walked into the hall and winced as the third step bowed under his weight. The wood was splintering up and someone was going to get hurt. Everyone complained about it but no one fixed it yet or at least called someone to fix it. Tom couldn’t help but smile a little at the loud squeak. It reminded him so much of his childhood, before all of this happened.

Before he realized he found himself in front of Bill’s door and he let himself in quietly. Bill was curled up on his side and snoring lightly. He was down for the count; good. Tom could tell his twin was seriously exhausted and he hoped all this drama with their mother wouldn’t get in the way of him getting some rest. He put the glass on the nightstand and placed a gentle kiss to Bill’s forehead. He stirred briefly before becoming still and Tom smiled as he tucked some hair behind his ear and left as quietly as he came.

~*~

Bill laughed and shook his head. “How was that supposed to be funny?” he asked as he tried to keep a straight face.

Tom shrugged as he gave into the laughter. “I don’t know, but it is. You’re laughing,” he teased.

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“You boys still act like you’re eight,” Gordon smiled as he walked into the kitchen. Bill and Tom froze, one twin looked like a deer caught in headlights and the other looked apprehensive. “I don’t want to spoil the good mood but your mother will be on her way soon. She got caught up at the art gallery and called to tell me she’d be late.”

“At least we have more time,” Tom said aloud without thinking. His stepfather grinned and nodded his head, placing his briefcase on the counter.

“You know your mother as well as I do; she’s probably going to cry and scream and yell but then it will all blow over. Just let her get it out and we can all move on with our lives,” Gordon sighed and tried not to stare at Bill.

Bill crossed his arms and tried to let go of the animosity from the early morning wake up. Now that it was a reasonable six o’clock in the evening he felt better prepared to face his mother. His stomach grumbled and he caught Tom looking at him worriedly. “What?” he asked uneasily.

“You don’t need to sleep all day anymore. When you’re sleep you don’t eat,” he reminded him gently.

Bill rolled his eyes. “Really, are you sure?” he sighed dramatically. “What would I do without you?”

“Bother Gustav probably,” Tom retorted and they both laughed. Bill looked over and realized he totally forgot that their stepfather was still in the room. It was always weird transitioning from tour life to real life. You found a way to ignore everyone around you. There was no expectation of privacy unless you were in your bunk with the curtain closed, and when Georg was in a friendly and needy mood even that wasn’t totally guaranteed. He and Tom had developed such a quick way of descending into their own personal world that they did it often when they weren’t meaning to.

Gordon cleared his throat and smiled tightly. His stepsons were always like that and it didn’t bother him as much as it did other people. When you come from a broken home sometimes all you have to depend on is your brother. He understood and thought his relationship with Bill and Tom worked well for both of them. He didn’t try to be their father but he did set ground rules and they obeyed them; mutual respect on both sides. “We were thinking about taking you guys out to eat, your mother and I. How does that sound?”

Tom perked up at the suggestion, but one look at Bill’s face he knew what his answer had to be. “Well, I kind of wanted to stay in today, you know? “ He snuck a look at Bill from the corner of his eye and saw how distressed he was. “Perhaps we could go pick it up and eat it here?”

“That’s fine, whatever you boys want. Although, Bill you might want to eat something before dinner. I don’t think that grumbling is good for the baby,” Gordon said as he threw him an orange, trying to lighten the mood.

“Actually we ordered pizza,” Bill said apologetically as he put the orange down on the table. He didn’t want an orange anyway.

Gordon blanched and scratched the back of his head. “Uh, I wish you guys had done that earlier. Your mother was looking forward to the whole family dinner thing.”

“I promise I can and will eat again,” he nodded as the door bell rang. Tom excused himself to go get the delivery leaving just him and Gordon in the room. “So, you’re not angry with me?”

“I don’t think anger would really be appropriate right now,” he responded truthfully. “I don’t know what to think, but I know you’re my son and I love you no matter what. The only problem is getting over the weirdness. I’m not going to lie and say it’s not bothering me, but it’s already happened and that’s that.”

Bill laughed as he tried not to cry. “I’m glad you don’t hate me.”

“I could never hate you Bill, never. But I am upset that you’re going to turn me into a grandfather this early. I have a full head of hair and no grays. You couldn’t wait a bit longer?” Gordon joked as Bill doubled over laughing.

“I’m sorry, what was I thinking?”

“I don’t know, but don’t do it again,” he joked weakly. The lull in the room returned and Bill fidgeted slightly. “So, who’s the father?”

“I… can’t tell you,” Bill said quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“Is it Bushido?” Gordon asked carefully.

“No!” Bill snapped as he stood up angrily. “It’s not fucking Bushido!”

“No, it’s the pizza,” Tom quipped as he walked back into the room with the medium sized box. “For you good sir,” he bowed flamboyantly and took a seat next to his brother. Bill opened the box and inhaled blissfully before attacking the food as if it had done something to him. Both Tom and Gordon watched for a few minutes, horrified.

“Uh… I’m going to go shower my day away…” Gordon blanched as his stepson inhaled the pie in front of him. He shook his head and practically ran out the door.

“What’s wrong with him?” Bill asked as he watched Gordon’s exit. He turned to find Tom looking at him weirdly. “What?”

“You don’t even feel that pepperoni on your cheek do you?” he asked.

Bill glowered at him as he chewed. “Nice try.” Tom wordlessly pulled the round piece of meat from his brother’s cheek. Bill blinked and laughed; thoroughly embarrassed to be eating so fast. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Pass the napkins might be a good start,” Tom shrugged and handed him a wad. Bill snatched it good naturedly and wiped his mouth, then thought better of it and wiped his whole face. “You must have been hungry,” he said as Bill continued to eat at a slower pace.

“Yeah, I had no idea how much until you opened the box and this beautiful thing was revealed,” he grazed the side of the box lovingly and laughed. “You should see the look on your face,” Bill crowed.

“Whatever. I can’t believe you downed that whole pizza so soon. It’s been only…” he glanced at his watch, “ten minutes. Probably.”

Bill shrugged. “What can I say, except now I’m full,” he leaned back contentedly and rubbed his stomach. Both he and the baby were very happy with the pizza. The last time he tried it he couldn’t keep it down. Good to know he could enjoy his favorite food again.

“I bet you are,” Tom removed the garbage and chucked it in the trash, and watched Bill hum some nameless tune as he wiggled happily. He had to smile; even before Bill was pregnant a good meal would get him dancing and singing. Tom pulled his chair closer and wrapped his arm around his brother’s waist and pulled him closer.

Bill continued to hum as he shifted and nestled himself under Tom’s chin. He realized he was never as happy as when he was in his brother’s arms. He smiled against his neck and felt his twin chuckle as continued to wiggle. The front door swung open and Bill’s smile fell quickly as Tom pushed him up and scooted his chair back to its normal position. Suddenly his good mood was gone.

Simone swept into the kitchen and looked over at the boys before turning away. There were a lot of things she wanted to say, but nothing came to mind that would make sense right now. Her heart was hammering in her chest and Simone couldn’t shake the feeling that she was going to cry. It followed her around all day making it difficult to work, let alone smile to buyers when they asked about the art for sale.

Staring at the toaster wasn’t going to fix everything and make it a normal rest between tours; it wasn’t going to make her son not pregnant. Simone laughed aloud at the thought and realized it sounded somewhat crazy. She glared at the toaster because it seemed to mock her and she tried to turn around to look at her beloved sons. Tom looked the same as he usually did; cap off and hair pulled back in a low pony tail. He was so tall and skinny but you’d never know it under those billowing clothes. It was as if he had to wear clothes large enough to fit his ego.  She could see the exhaustion and apprehension in his eyes as he looked back at her steadily. He probably thought there would be another repeat of this morning; Tom was trying to protect his twin. Her mouth twitched in an almost smile before turning her gaze on her youngest son.

Bill looked even more tired than Tom if that was possible. The bags under his eyes made her wince to look at; the hurt stare he was pinning her with hurt even more. His hair was disheveled as always, the white streaks sticking up at odd intervals. His hair always did that when he slept for long periods. Her gaze dropped down and she swallowed audibly. The mounds on his chest Simone was convinced she imagined turned out to be frighteningly real. Her baby boy had growing breasts…

Simone was briefly glad she couldn’t see his growing belly from where she stood; moving was out of the question since she was almost positive that the counter was holding her up. “About this morning…” she stopped and started again. “I’m sorry for barging in on you,” Simone managed to get out, blinking away her dizziness.

Bill swallowed and looked down at the table as he wished he were anywhere but in this room, having this conversation.  “It’s okay,” he mumbled, picking with the nail on the surface from when he and Tom were seven and they decided they were going to "fix" the table without telling anyone. There was nothing wrong with the table but no one got around to pulling it out. Now it had been there so long no one could really remember the table without it there.

“Okay,” she smiled briefly and took another deep breath. “Gordon and I wanted to take you both out for dinner tonight. The family hasn’t had dinner together in almost ten months and with everything going on it would mean a lot to me if we could go somewhere with nice silverware and cloth napkins.

Tom opened his mouth to say something but Bill touched his arm before he could speak. “Sure, Tom and I will get dressed,” Bill made an attempt to smile as Tom frowned at him and his sudden change of heart. He always did that, caved to what their mother wanted, but he wasn’t going to argue.

“Great, we have reservations at The Fragrant Gardens for eight,” Simone looked away as Bill stood. She had to close her eyes and take a deep breath before she could look at her son. When she turned back both boys had already left.  Simone sighed and slammed her fist on the counter in anger at her actions. How must Bill feel if he thinks she can’t stand to look at him? It was only partly true…  Oh, her little boy… She looked at the toaster and glared at it. “Fuck you, this is difficult,” she retorted as she picked up her bag and went to her room.

~*~

It was a beautiful evening; the weather for early may was nice and warm. The Kaulitz-Trumper family sat in relative silence on the patio of The Fragrant Gardens, a new bistro that opened while Bill and Tom were away on tour. No one was really looking each other in the eye as they hid behind their tall menus. “Wonderful night,” Gordon mentioned from behind the safety of a couple of pages of paper.

“Lovely,” Simone agreed as she contemplated the stiffest alcoholic drink she could order and still go to work the next morning.

“Yeah, you miss this on a bus,” Tom threw out as he wished they had just stayed in like he knew Bill wanted to in the beginning.

Bill just rolled his eyes and wished he could take off his hoodie without having people stare. The restaurant was packed with people yammering about the atmosphere and expedient wait staff, and the wonderful reviews. He wanted to yell at them to shut up, but the headache brewing behind his eyes wouldn’t permit that.

“Did anyone see the new CSI last week?” Gordon offered hopefully, he’d take anything to avoid the awkwardness at the table. Simone nodded absently and both Bill and Tom shook their heads.

“No, we miss anything that’s not on DVD,” Bill said quietly as he sank further into his seat. His stepfather nodded understandingly and everyone fell back into silence.

A few more minutes passed by and Simone took a sip of her water. “This is good water,” she noticed, desperate for something to break the discomfort.

“Yeah, you can tell it’s not tap,” Gordon threw in as he took a swallow himself. Bill lifted his menu higher and tried to ignore everyone.

Tom nodded and took a drink as well. “It’s so…wet,” he trailed off lamely as he wondered what in the hell he just said.

A waiter with a bright smile walked up to their table with a pad and a pen ready. “Hi, my name is Katrina and I’ll be your waiter tonight. Can I start you off with any appetizers?”

“I’ll have a vodka straight please,” Simone blurted out. Katrina’s eyebrow rose as she jotted the order down quickly.

“Any alcohol for anyone else?” she asked pleasantly. Everyone shook their heads and she nodded once. “I’ll go ahead and place the order and give you more time to think of appetizers, is that okay?”

“That’s fine, thank you,” Gordon nodded to her and looked around the table. Four people looking in four different directions with one major issue to deal with. “We really need to talk,” he said to everyone.

“Sure, why don’t-” Simone was cut off by the arrival of her drink. She took a big swallow and hoped it calmed her nerves. Katrina looked at her briefly before bringing her smile up to full brightness.

“Are you ready with your appetizer orders?” she asked cheerfully, perfectly aware of the mood at the table.

“I’ll have the grape leaf rolls,” Tom said as he shrugged. He never knew what to order for an appetizer, and it usually didn’t matter because he would eat whatever Bill would eat. Unfortunately they couldn’t do that with their parents right across the table from them. When he and Bill fed each other it went downhill from there. They definitely couldn’t do that.

“I’ll have the minestrone soup,” Gordon closed the menu and briefly wondered if he would lose his desire to eat before the appetizer arrived.

“Give me the same,” Simone blew her bangs out of her face as she tried to keep her act together. Everyone looked up at Bill and he shrank under the scrutiny.

“I don’t want an appetizer. Can I just go ahead and order my entrée?” he asked lowly.

“Sure, no problem,” Katrina had her pen poised at the ready.

“I’d like the Beef Stroganoff and some gravy on the side,” Bill nodded to himself. That sounded really good right then.

“Any vegetables?” Katrina asked as she jotted down the order.

“Nope.”

“Bill, that’s not healthy,” Simone frowned and shook her head. “You need to get some vegetables,” she tapped the menu.

“I don’t feel like having any right now mother, is that okay?” Bill asked testily. Tom put his hand on his arm but he pulled away.

“No, it’s not okay. You can’t just think about you anymore,” she hissed, and jerked her arm out of Gordon’s grasp.

“Funny, I thought I was eating it,” he retorted.

“Bill,” Tom murmured as he shook his head minutely.

“No, I’m sick of this,” he tugged at the collar of the hoodie and exhaled. Bill was burning up and feeling faint. “I’m not hungry right now anyway. The pizza filled me up.”

“You had pizza? Why didn’t you wait? I’ve been planning this for weeks!” Simone said angrily as Gordon tried to shush her. “If you had told me you ate already I would have just cancelled the stupid reservations since you’re so… so inconsiderate.”

Tom sighed and put his hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t say anything. Katrina was staring at everyone with rapt interest totally unnoticed. They’d managed to keep the conversation to people sitting at the table, but if they got much louder everyone on the patio would know what’s going on. He could feel the start of a headache beginning right behind his eyes.

“Inconsiderate? What am I being inconsiderate about? I was hungry so I ate. Or maybe you think I’m being inconsiderate because I don’t want to argue in public? So people who have no business knowing what goes on in our family can’t overhear?” he looked pointedly at Katrina who had the good grace to blush and rush back into the restaurant.  “You know what? I’m not even hungry anymore,” he wiped his eyes angrily and cursed himself for crying yet again.

“Bill, please. You should sit and eat something. I saw how hard you were studying the menu,” Gordon said as he grasped his wife’s wrist and he prayed she wouldn’t say anything.

“No, I want to go home. Tomi?” he turned to his twin with a pleading expression. Bill didn’t want to be out in public or anywhere near his mother right now.

“See you back at the house,” Tom said quietly as they pushed their chairs back. Gordon nodded and Tom followed after Bill as he angrily left the restaurant. They got to the parking lot and Bill turned around, suddenly unsure. Tom walked around him and pressed the button for his alarm, and a flash of light revealed where he parked the car. “You shouldn’t blow up at Mom,” he said tiredly as he opened the door for Bill to climb in.

He waited for Tom to get in before he burst out crying, unable to hold it in any longer. “She’s been treating me either as a stranger or like I did something wrong ever since she got home! What was I supposed to do?” Bill wiped his eyes on the hoodie furiously and knew he probably smeared his make up all over his eyes. He didn’t have the usual heavy black eye shadow on, just a little something that made Tom stop and look and give him that smile that made his heart flutter. “This was a fiasco,” he sniffed as he took a napkin out of the glove compartment and blew his nose.

Tom rested his head against the steering wheel and asked whatever deities that could hear him for strength to get through this. With his mother on one side and Bill on the other how was he going to make it? “Do you really want to go home?” he asked as he started the car.

Bill sniffed and looked out the window. “No, I want a Big Mac.” Tom laughed and they pulled off.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Sometimes. To Adam, Kat, and forever Ida.

Bill stopped and turned around. “Sorry,” he threw over his shoulder as he prepared to climb the stairs again.

“Please don’t go,” Simone said quietly as she looked up from the infomercial she had been staring at. He sighed and walked down the remaining steps to come into the living room. It was after one in the morning and the whole house was sleep. Bill watched her watch him and he was struck by how small she looked. He never thought of their mother as anything approaching small. “Can’t sleep?”

“Can’t get comfortable,” he admitted. He felt like a stranger around his mother and he didn’t like it, he wanted it to stop.

Simone smiled softly as tears welled up in her eyes. “Yeah, I had the same problem. You two were night owls before you even got here,” she sniffed and grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the coffee table.

Bill watched her from the doorway and nodded slowly. “Are you crying because of me?” he asked tiredly. He couldn’t sleep but he was tired of staying awake, and wanted to try some TV to see if he could fall asleep. Of course he had to run into the person he was currently at odds with.

Karma was a skank whore.

Simone sighed and shook her head. “No sweetie, I’m crying for you. Come here,” she held out her arms and Bill choked back a sob as he practically dived into her arms. “Oh my sweet boy, I do love you. I’m so sorry to have been such a… a…”

“Crazy person?” Bill offered as he pressed his face against Simone’s stomach. She laughed and shrugged as she pushed his hair out of his face.

“Yeah, that’s it,” she whispered. “I’m sorry to have been so crazy today. When you told me on the phone… I think I went into shock. I cried the whole day and most of the next,” Simone admitted.

Bill turned his face so he could stare up at his mother. They used to do this when he was younger and could actually fit on her lap. He used to feel so safe, like there was nothing Simone couldn’t do. Bill learned quickly that wasn’t the case. “I’m sorry. You should have been there when I found out,” he sniffed and shrugged. “I passed out.”

“Oh baby. I wish I could have been there,” She tightened her grip on his arm and sighed. “I’m struggling with all of this. I thought I could handle it, and then when I saw you it was just weirder than I anticipated. I don’t know what to say. I can’t be mad at you for getting pregnant because you shouldn’t be able to. Although you should be having safe sex at all times.”

Bill groaned and hid his face. “I don’t want to talk about that,” he muttered as he wished he could sink into the ground and never return.

“Why not and why didn’t you tell me you were gay?”

“I’m not gay,” Bill uncovered his face and looked at his mother. “It was just one guy and he was… special,” he mumbled.

“He must be really special,” she said quietly.

“He is,” Bill nodded.

“Was it Bushido?”

“Don’t,” he ground out. Simone blinked at the tone but moved on.

“What about money?”

“What about money?”

“Is this man going to help the child financially? Is he going to be in his child’s life? Does he even know?” Simone sighed as Bill sat up and scooted away.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” he shook his head and for some reason looked panicked.

“Bill just because you don’t want to talk about it doesn’t mean you can ignore it. Those are questions that have to be answered before the baby comes,” she couldn’t help but let her gaze drop to her son’s chest. “And we need to get you a bra.”

“I’m going to bed,” Bill’s face was red as he practically ran back up the stairs. Simone watched him leave with a heavy heart. As much as she wanted to protect Bill from every crazy thing that happens during and after pregnancy she couldn’t. He would have to face the music sooner or later. With a groan she turned off the television and hoped her husband could provide her with a bit of comfort.

~*~

Tom opened his eyes and turned. A floorboard creaked and the source of the disturbance stood in the middle of the room looking sheepish. “Sorry,” Bill apologized in a whisper.

“Bill, what are you doing?” he sat up and turned on the small lamp that hung over his bed. It was barely enough light to see by, but he could tell his brother was exhausted. “Are you okay?”

“I just… need you right now,” Bill picked with the hem of Tom’s oversized tee shirt and fidgeted. Tom scooted over until he was wedged against the wall, and watched as his twin brightened and climbed into bed with him. There wasn’t much room but for right now they could still manage. Bill didn’t want his own space anyway, he wanted Tom’s, and they molded to each other, twined arms and legs until Bill had his face hidden in the curve of Tom’s neck and Tom was breathing in the scent of Bill’s hair.

Immediately both relaxed; it had been a long day for the both of them and Bill could feel Tom’s weariness. “Are you okay?” he could feel the question vibrate against his temple and Bill shrugged. Half the time he didn’t know what to feel; the only thing that flashed clear every once in a while was despair.

Tom pulled him away so he could look into his eyes. Bill felt naked and exposed and suddenly he didn’t want to be under the light. With one long arm he reached up and turned off the lamp, and plunged the room back into darkness. Tom blinked as he tried to get his night vision back. “Bill, what’s wrong?” he asked slowly as he ran his hand up and down his arm.

“I talked to Mom,” Bill shifted and tried to get closer. It seemed that nothing was ever close enough. He pressed his chest against Tom’s and felt him fidget slightly.

“What did she say?” Tom bit his lip and forced himself not to think of the fact that Bill was pressed against him. His little brother didn’t need him humping his leg right now, he sounded mildly distraught but Tom wished he would stop breathing like that. It was driving him insane.

“She apologized for being a bitch,” Bill exhaled as he felt Tom’s hand travel down the curve of his spine to press against the small of his back. That felt better than he realized and he breathed in and out slowly as he willed himself to relax. Just thinking about their mother knotted him up. 

“That’s what you wanted, right?” Tom pulled Bill closer, if that was even possible, and kissed his shoulder.

“I thought so, but I’m just… I don’t know. She wants me to wear a bra,” he said mournfully and before Tom could stop it a laugh escaped. Bill stiffened in his arms and he pushed Tom back with a groan. “What is so fucking funny?”

“Bill, I’m sorry, I am. But you’re going to have to admit, it’s a little funny,” Tom tried to get him to see reason as he pulled him closer. Bill didn’t fight but didn’t help either and Tom grimaced as it felt like he was pulling on a sack of potatoes. “Bill, I’m sorry… I am.”

Bill just grumbled and allowed himself to be wrapped up tight in Tom’s arms. “I could never stay mad at you for long,” he sighed and rubbed his nose against Tom’s. “This is going to be complicated.”

“I think we passed complicated a couple of years ago,” Tom lifted Bill’s chin and kissed him softly, but it quickly turned into something deeper. He was trying to show his twin how much he had missed him in the short time they’d been home. Bill whimpered and Tom broke the kiss reluctantly. “We can’t Bill, not right now anyway. Mom and Gordon are down stairs.”

Bill understood. So much felt different coming back from tour this time. Before they wouldn’t have hesitated to screw around upstairs after everyone went to bed, but now… something felt off about it. He sighed and nodded, and snuggled closer. “Can I stay here tonight?” he asked as he wrapped his fingers up in the excess material from Tom’s shirt.

“You know Mom will probably come to check on you before she goes to work. Come on, I’ll take you back to your bed,” Tom kissed Bill again and sat up. He looked down at his brother and in the scant illumination from the streetlight he could make out his signature pout. “Come on Bill,” he nudged him to get started.

“I don’t want to. Your bed feels better than mine,” Bill burrowed down deeper trying to ignore Tom’s hand on his hip.

“Is your bed uncomfortable?” Tom asked, suddenly serious. Bill thought it over and nodded. “We’ll get you a new one okay? But you still have to sleep in your room. We don’t need anyone becoming suspicious, and you’re going to be watched more than ever,” he looked down as Bill turned over to look up at him.

“Why can’t they just leave me alone until this is over?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t think it works that way,” Tom smiled and kissed him again. He would never tire of Bill’s kisses. They kept him sane and grounded and before he realized the kiss deepened again and he was gripping Bill’s hips lightly as he toyed with the tongue stud currently in his mouth. His head was reeling and Tom pulled back and shook his head. “You can’t get me to change my mind by bribing me with kisses. That’s not fair. Come on.”

Bill sighed and took Tom’s offered hand as they both got out of the bed and went to Bill’s room. He frowned and wanted to go back. His room felt lonely and worse yet it didn’t smell like Tom. Bill scowled and watched Tom fix his covers from where he previously kicked them around on the bed. “Stay with me for a little while?” he asked, and Tom stilled his movements to turn to him.

“Just for a little while. I want you to sleep,” Tom smoothed the bed and Bill climbed in and scooted over so Tom could slide in next to him. He curled around Bill as he kissed the tattoo on the back of his neck and rubbed his stomach. Bill sighed and closed his eyes. “I love you Bill,” he mouthed silently into his skin.

Bill’s hand tightened around the hand on his stomach and smiled. “Love you too Tomi.” In less than ten minutes he was out cold. Tom lay there staring at the wall, eyes resting on the Nena poster but not really seeing it. There was so much to do now they were stationary. He had to find Bill a doctor, someone they could trust; someone who would understand disguises and whatnot, everything for anonymity.

Not to mention shopping. Clothing for Bill, for the baby… and whatever else a baby needed. He briefly panicked but realized their mother would be able to help with the list. Tom never thought about how much thought it took to have a child. Sure, you had to do the deed and that was the best and most fun part. Before Bill got pregnant he really didn’t care to know what the woman went through during pregnancy. Now reading the horror stories and embarrassing dilemmas and everything on top of the sheer amount of crap that the body goes through to carry a baby Tom realized he wasn’t man enough to be pregnant.

Tom wondered how they were going to get through this as he disentangled himself from Bill’s long limbs and gave up on sleep for the rest of the night.

~*~

Bill opened the door and slammed it shut. “Who was it?” Tom called from on the couch. When he didn’t get a response he turned to see his twin white as a sheet. “What’s wrong? Who’s at the door?” Bill still didn’t say anything as he ran up the stairs as quickly as he could. Tom frowned as he got off of the couch and went to the door. He yanked it open with the intention of telling off whoever was at the door for scaring his brother when he stopped. Andreas was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“Why did he slam the door in my face? Did I do something and I don’t remember?” Andreas asked as he shouldered past Tom without hesitation. Andreas had known the twins since they were boys and usually he didn’t knock on the door, normally just barged in and yelled his arrival. Today he wasn’t sure if the boys would be home so he knocked to have the door slammed in his face.

“Uh…” Tom closed the door as he realized he was letting the heat in and ran after the bleached blond. “Did we arrange to do something today that I forgot about?”

“You’ve been on tour for the past couple of months and I can’t just want to see you? That’s kind of fucked up,” he said as he tilted his head back to enjoy the air conditioning. “It’s like a hundred degrees outside.”

“That’s why I’m not going out,” Tom murmured as his mind raced to figure out what he could tell their best friend that would plausibly excuse what Bill did to him at the door. Nothing came to mind and before he could scramble for something to say Bill came downstairs dressed in the black hoodie. He was really starting to dislike that hoodie.

“Bill, what are you doing?” Andreas asked as he saw the large hoodie. “And why are you wearing one of Tom’s hoodies when it’s sweltering out?”

“Just felt like it,” Bill said uneasily.

“Right; I swear the two of you get stranger every time you come home,” he laughed. Bill shot Tom a look, and Tom returned one in kind and it would have continued back and forth if their best friend hadn’t interrupted. “Hey, if you want to say something then just step out of the room and use words. Don’t do the twin thing around other people, it’s just rude,” Andreas joked as he plopped on the couch. Tom sent Bill one more look before joining him on the couch. Bill sat in the chair and turned to the television. “What’s wrong Bill?”

The singer turned to his friend with a wide eyed expression of innocence. “What? What makes you think something’s wrong?”

“Because I haven’t seen you this quiet since after you met Nena.”

“I just…” Bill trailed off as he saw Tom gesture. He wanted him to tell Andreas. Before he could open his mouth a commercial came on and his ears picked out the word ‘Ridia’. All three teens turned to the television and pictures of pregnant, angry men filled the screen. It was an advertisement for a class action suit against the company that made Ridia. Bill swallowed as a phone number flashed on the bottom of the screen and Andreas erupted into laughter.

“You guys remember Susan Larson, right?”

“The kind of cute brunette that used to act like Bill and I had the plague or something?” Tom asked as he frowned and tried to place the name.

“Exactly. Her father ended up pregnant and no one knew he was gay, including her mother!” As Andreas laughed Bill looked over at Tom with an injured expression.

“So what’s happening with the patch is funny?” Bill asked quietly. Andreas caught his tone and frowned.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” he asked as Bill shrugged and curled up on the chair. Tom looked away and Andreas got upset. “You two keep doing this! What aren’t you telling me this time?”

“It’s not like th-” Tom was cut off by their best friend with a quickly raised hand.

“No, it’s just like this. You two have this world and at times you’ll allow me in, but sometimes… what’s going on?” he asked again quietly. “I’ve known both of you long enough to tell when something’s wrong.”

“I’m pregnant,” Bill blurted out with his face hidden behind his knees. Andreas opened his mouth and closed it quickly.

“What?”

“I’m… pregnant.”

Andreas shook his head. “No, there are a couple of things wrong with that story. One, you’re not gay,” he started pacing around the coffee table. “And two… why would you be using that patch?” the question was tinged with a shade of hysteria.

“David gave it to me,” Bill watched his best friend try to come to terms with the situation.

“But I thought you would’ve told me if you were gay,” he looked more hurt than surprised.

“I… couldn’t tell anyone about this,” Bill said slowly. “I can’t reveal who the father is.”

“This is insane,” Andreas fell backwards onto the couch and put his head in his hands. “So you’re gay?”

“You already know the answer to that question,” Tom piped up from on the other side of the couch. Andreas whirled around and pinned him with a glare.

“How could you have let this happen?” he hissed.

“Wait, you think this is my fault?” Tom stood up angrily. “Why is it my fault?”

“Maybe fault isn’t the right word,” the bleached blond said slowly as he shook his head. “How far along are you?” he asked Bill.

“Middle of my fourth month.”

“Wow. So what about your career? Where will you live? Does the father know?” Andreas fired the questions off one after another.

“So… you’re not weirded out about this?” Tom asked incredulously.

“Of course I am, but knowing you two is to know weird to be honest. I just wish you hadn’t let me act like an ass and tell you that story,” he grumbled. Andreas looked over at Bill who seemed to be crying behind his knees.  “Bill, are you okay?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I was trying to not tell anyone,” Bill sniffed as he wiped furiously at the falling tears. How many times can one cry in a week? The mood in the room quickly became uncomfortable.

“So… can I see?”

“No!”

“Okay, okay. I was just curious. I hear about it on television all the time but I’ve only seen one pregnant man in person. At the grocery store. He looked like he’d never had food before,” Andreas smiled. “This is so weird. You’re too young to have a kid.”

“Really? Didn’t notice,” Tom said sullenly.

“Earth to Tom, Bill’s the one having the baby not you,” Andreas joke faltered under the guitarist’s lost expression.

“Yeah,” Tom nodded and bit his lip to keep from screaming. It was his kid too but no one could know that. No one could ever know that. He turned on his heel and ran up the stairs.

Andreas watched him leave before he turned to Bill. “What did I say?”

~*~

Bill toyed with the hem of the hoodie and laughed as he picked at his pizza. “Almost always though.”

“Liar,” Andreas shook his head and bit his slice in half. “I’m calling you a liar.”

Bill laughed again and smiled as he shrugged. “Fine,” he yawned surreptitiously and shook his head quickly. “Wow that felt weird.”

“How does it feel?” Andreas asked quietly and at first Bill wasn’t sure his best friend had said anything.

“How does what feel?”

“Living in the same house with Tom; the pregnancy doofus,” he rolled his eyes as he shook his head.

Bill shrugged and involuntarily looked at his stomach. “It’s weird. The baby isn’t really moving yet but I can feel flutters in my stomach.”

“Like butterflies?”

He thought for a moment. “No,” Bill shook his head and put a hand on his stomach briefly. Andreas looked at him with an unreadable expression on his face. “What?” he suddenly felt self conscious and he pulled his hand away. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I just wanted to let you know that… whatever you need I’m here for you. I know you said the father’s an asshole who isn’t going to stick around for his child but-”

“I never said that,” Bill shook his head quickly. “I never said that.”

“But you can’t tell anyone who the father is,” Andreas clarified.

“Nope.”

“Does the father know?”

“Yes.”

“So why doesn’t he step forward?”

“I said it was complicated Andreas,” Bill was suddenly very tired.

“Is it Bushido?”

“What the fuck? Why does everyone ask is it fucking Bushido?” he screamed as he stood up quickly. A wave of dizziness washed over him and if Andreas hadn’t caught Bill he would have landed hard on the kitchen floor. He blinked to clear his vision and the urge to vomit as he looked up at his best friend uncertainly. “It’s not Bushido,” he muttered.

“I know, I was just saying that to get you riled up. I’m sorry,” Andreas said honestly. Once he was sure Bill looked a bit better he helped him up and back into the chair. “Shit, you really are pregnant aren’t you?” he asked quietly.

“Did you think I was lying to you all this time?” Bill asked sardonically as he pushed away his pizza. He was no longer hungry.

“No… I just can’t see what you look like under there, so until I saw some sort of sign then it felt like we were just discussing this in theory,” he admitted.

“If only.”

“Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you excited?”

Bill hesitated. “Can I tell you the truth?”

“When have you ever not been able to tell me the truth?” Andreas asked seriously.  Bill nodded and went to answer but Simone breezed through with a couple of bags in her hand.

“Bill I picked up some things for you and we’ve got some things to go over,” she turned and saw the other teen for the first time. “Andreas, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Hi. I just came by to see the twins, you know, second day back and all,” he said hastily as he rose. “Bill, we’ll talk later okay?”

“Yeah,” Bill nodded and stood slowly. “I’ll see you out.”

“Please. I know this place like the back of my hand. I’ll come by in a couple of days okay? We can talk then.” The blond clapped him on the shoulder and left the room. A few seconds later Simone heard the door closed and she turned to her son.

“What did you eat today?” Simone asked as she came over to look at her son’s plate. “I hope this wasn’t it the whole day.”

“No, I had some French fries,” Bill sat down as the funny feeling in the pit of his stomach returned. It always seemed to pop up whenever his mother was around.

“Bill you’ve got to eat healthier. I meant it, this isn’t just about you anymore,” she walked back to her purchases and started unpacking. “I bought you some prenatal vitamins and some books on what to do for a healthy baby and some cook books.”

Bill frowned. “I don’t cook,” he reminded her gently.

Simone still didn’t look up as she put away some of the items. “I know, but you’ve got to eat healthier and I thought I’d help you… that is… if you want me to,” Simone finished quietly. Bill looked at his mother fidget and sighed.

“Sure,” he said quietly and wondered if he would come to regret that decision.

“Really?”

“Yes Mom, really.” Bill stood up and grabbed what was left of his pizza. “I’ve got to go check on Tom,” he said as he started to back out of the room.

“Okay, I’ve got dinner to start anyway. Bill?”

“Yeah Mom?” he came back into the room tiredly.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” Simone smiled reassuringly at her son. Bill’s smile was a bit shaky and hesitant but at least it was there.

Chapter End Notes:

Sorry for the delay, but I've been sick.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Not to Bill. Bill wants fries.

“What’s wrong with us?” Gustav asked quietly as they sat on Georg’s porch after a late lunch. It was their second day back from tour and they had just experienced the most awkward meal two people could possibly have.

Georg shrugged and took another swallow of his beer. “I think we’re strange,” he theorized as he looked at his backyard. There were quite a few concerns in the yard he promised himself and his mother he would address. Now that they had some down time it should be possible.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because we spend so much time on tour whining about wishing we were off. Now that we’re off we don’t know what to talk about.”

Gustav nodded. “Do you remember how we would never run out of things to say? Now it’s just…”

“Silence,” Georg finished with a nod. Said thing stretched on for a couple of minutes before the drummer just groaned. “What’s wrong?”

“I feel pressured to talk to you for the first time in my life,” he said from behind his hands. “I’m just… ugh! I don’t know what to say!”

“Wait, you feel pressured?” Georg laughed until he was slightly red in the face and Gustav began shooting him dirty looks.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“No! I just realized our problem,” he managed to get out between laughs. “We’re trying to treat each other like we’re girls!”

“I’m not!” the blond said defensively.

“Aren’t you? Let’s look at it. We’ve been back two days and you come over for lunch; something you’ve done with Robin, Laura and Janet. You brought a gift; something you’ve done with Shannon, Sarah and Elizabeth. I tried to make it fancy like I’ve done countless times with girls. We fell into the trap we warned each other about. I don’t want to fuck up our friendship,” Georg said seriously. “It’s one of the things that keep me sane on the road.”

Gustav stared at nothing as he twisted the beer bottle around in his fingers slowly. His friend was right, he was beginning to think of Georg like a girl, and that gave him an unsettled feeling in his stomach. Ever since they got home he’d been wrestling with expectations and whatnot. “Yeah, same here. So what do we do?”

“Well, I know what I want to do. I want to go back inside and have some of that strawberry pie my mom made and from the way you just made eyes at the door I’m thinking you’re going to want to do the same. After that I think you should go home and get some sleep, I’m going to get some sleep and then when I wake up I’m going to call you and we’re going to the club. How does that sound?” Georg felt the tension on the porch slowly breaking and he smiled.

“I think I can do that,” Gustav nodded slowly and looked up just in time for a nice kiss. They pulled away as the back door opened and Mrs. Listing came out with a smile.

“Georg is everything okay?” she asked politely.

“Yeah Mom, fine,” Georg nodded as he smiled up at her.

“Good. I’m going to that party I was telling you about earlier okay? You’ll have the house to yourself for a while. Nice to see you again Gustav, it’s always a pleasure,” she waved at them both and went back into the house, and both of them heard the garage door open and eventually close.

Georg stood up and looked back at Gustav. “Or you could just get some sleep here and we can go out later,” he offered huskily.

“You and that damn voice…” Gustav’s face burned at how quickly his body reacted to that simple request. “It should be illegal,” he said again as he quickly rose to stand in front of the bassist. The sudden kiss was anything but romantic; brutal and questing as Gustav pressed his friend against the door to the house. When they finally broke away Georg chuckled lowly.

“Then punish me,” he whispered and Gustav grinned.

~*~

Bill finished off his slice before he let himself into his brother’s room. It was dark; the only light filtering in was from a gap in the black curtains over the window. The sunlight hit one of many piles of clothes on the floor and as his eyesight adjusted to the dim illumination Bill could figure out what his twin had been up to for the past hour or so.

There was a clear path in the middle of the floor; Tom kicked them out of the way as he paced and the smell of cigarette smoke was almost gone but the lingering familiar scent was still noticeable to Bill’s sensitive nose. The window was open making it a bit warmer in other parts of the house. After his pacing and cigarettes Tom had fallen asleep, curled up on himself as he faced the wall.

Bill smiled softly and stepped over a couple of suitcases and came to sit on the edge of the bed and listened to the soft breathing, trying to will away the stress and just enjoy the bubble of silence in the room. The air changed and he smiled; a split second later Tom turned over to look at him sleepily. “Hey,” he whispered with a croak. Tom’s voice was always gravely if he went to sleep right after a smoke.

“Hey,” Bill said back as he grabbed his ankle and squeezed gently. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Is Andreas still here?” Tom sighed and wiggled his toes against Bill’s forearm. He felt so heavy, as if he had been doing something much deeper than mere sleep.

“No, he left a few minutes ago. He wondered why you didn’t come back down,” Bill rubbed his thumb in a lazy circle on the hot skin of his twin’s ankle. “I wondered too,” he whispered.

“I just didn’t feel like trying to hold anything in,” Tom rubbed his face and yawned. “You know how Andreas asks questions.”

“I do, but he didn’t ask too many. I think he was sort of uncomfortable at times. I wish you had been there. He said he came to see the both of us,” Bill pinched Tom’s leg and he smiled briefly. “What have you been doing up here besides smoking?”

“That’s pretty much it,” he admitted as he turned over and pulled his leg out of Bill’s grasp. “I just needed to get away.”

“Away from me?”

“Would that be so bad?”

Bill thought for a moment. “No,” he shook his head, “I can understand. I want to get away from me too.”

Tom shook his head. “You don’t get it.”

“Then help me try.”

Tom played with his lip ring as he stared into space. “I want to tell everyone that it’s my baby, but I know that’s insane. I know this but I want to do it anyway,” he drew his legs beneath him and sat up Indian style.

“Tomi-”

“I know Bill, I’m just trying to tell you how I feel,” Tom interrupted. Bill nodded once and tried not to look uncomfortable. “I know that if we’re going to be able to stay together we’re going to have to be as careful as we have been. I just think it’s pretty fucked up that everyone would think I would let Bushido even touch you,” he muttered. “That asshole can be the father but I can’t.”

“Tomi, I’m sorry. I wish there was some way you could be the father but at least you’ll be there every step of the way,” Bill scooted forward and tugged on one of Tom’s locks. “You’re the most important person in my life and I don’t want you to feel left out.”

“I don’t really feel left out, it’s kind of hard to explain,” Tom pondered what he was feeling the entirety of his self imposed exile but he still couldn’t verbalize what hit him from time to time.

“Okay,” Bill nodded in understanding. “Mom’s home.”

“Oh, what time is it?”

“Almost seven. You’ve been up here for a while.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know it’d been that long,” Tom yawned and smiled. “How are you feeling?”

Bill shrugged and looked away. “Fine.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, fine. We’re fine,” he corrected and looked back at his brother. “So kiss me so you can feel better.”

Tom laughed. “So what makes you think if I kiss you I’ll feel better?” he asked as he came closer. Bill smiled prettily and laughed.

“Because my kisses are the best; you can’t feel bad after one.”

Tom leaned in and finally bridged the distance and pressed his lips against his twin’s gently. It was barely there but it felt like a cloud had been lifted off of his shoulders. “Wow,” he said playfully as he pulled back to look into Bill’s eyes. “If just one kiss did that, how would two feel?”

“Why don’t you find out?” Bill countered and just as Tom was about to take his advice someone knocked on the door.

“Tom are you in there? Is Bill in there with you?”

Bill’s eyes were opened wide and he exhaled harshly through his nose. Tom kissed him quickly as he climbed off the bed and turned on the light before he opened the door. Simone stood in the hall with a small plastic bag clutched tightly in her hands and a strained smile in her expression. She caught sight of Bill on the bed and held out the bag. “This is for you; remember what we talked about last night?”

The singer rose and came to stand beside his twin as he took the bag and peered inside. His eyes widened and he slammed it closed before Tom could get a good look. “What is it?” he asked curiously.

Bill looked up at his mother in horror. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” he screeched. “I can’t wear that!”

“You’re going to be in a world of pain soon if you don’t. A bra is a bit difficult to get around but I’m sure once you try it on you’ll see how much better you feel.”

“I’m just never taking off the hoodie then,” Bill said resolutely as he handed his mother back the bag and squeezed past her to run into his room. Tom grabbed the bag and looked inside as his twin slammed his door.

“Tom, talk to your brother. I don’t think he wants to see me right now. I understand that he’s not really keen on using a bra, but he’s going to have to if he’s anything like me and your grandmother.” Tom shied away from the mental image and closed the bag.

“I’ll try, but there was nothing else?” he asked plaintively.

“No, but I would be able to make better decisions if he would come with me,” Simone said in her defense.

“Bill won’t step foot in a store like that and you know it, and I’m not even going to try and talk him into it,” Tom shook his head quickly and went to Bill’s door. “I’m coming in,” he yelled so Bill could hear him through the door. He turned to see his mother standing right behind him expectantly. “You can’t be here.”

“What?” she looked scandalized.

“I mean you can’t come in. Bill feels like a girl enough without you standing there trying to adjust his bra,” Tom said slowly. Simone looked as if she wanted to argue but sighed and tried not to pout.

“Fine. Just… if you need any help please let me know okay? I’ll be downstairs making dinner if you need me,” she said as she started down the stairs. Tom watched her reach the first floor before he opened Bill’s door. His twin was sitting on his bed in roughly the same position he was just in earlier.

“She’s gone,” he said.

“But you still have that damn bag,” Bill jabbed his finger in the direction of the offensive plastic and turned away.

“Bill, we’re going to have to deal with this. You’ve said it yourself that your boobs hurt sometimes. This is a remedy.”

“Stop calling them that!” he shrieked.

Tom took a deep breath as he looked down at the floor and silently counted to ten. When he looked up he tried again. “Look, we don’t really have an alternative right now okay? Yeah, I think the one Mom got you is frilly as hell, but she did the best she could since you definitely weren’t going to go to the store with her. Try it on and if it fits we’ll go online and try to see what we can get that’s less…”

“Whatever that is,” Bill finished quietly. “Yeah, fine. Just,” he stood up and snatched the bag angrily, “give it here and…ugh….” Tom rolled his eyes as Bill shouldered past him back into the hallway and into the bathroom.

He leaned against the wall and let himself slide down as he stared at the opposite wall. One minute stretched to four and then eight and just when Tom was beginning to think something was wrong the door opened just a crack and he scrambled to his feet and slid into the bathroom.  “Bill… why is the light off?”

“Because,” came the muffled reply. Tom leaned over and tried to flip on the light but a soft hand stilled his movements. “I don’t really want you to see,” Bill said in a huff.

“So why did you call me in?”

“Because I wanted you here.”

Tom nodded in the darkness and turned on the light. His twin stood before him with his eyes closed and his face turned away in a stark white cotton bra with swirling stitch over the cups and what looked to be a small bow in the middle. Half of him wanted to tell Bill that it was unfortunately very adorable. The other half wanted to live and wisely decided to shut up.  “It’s the bow, isn’t it?” he asked quietly. Bill nodded but still didn’t look at him. Tom nodded again and rummaged around in the drawers of the bathroom sink until he found what he wanted and with one quick snip the offensive decoration was on the floor. “There.”

Bill opened his eyes reluctantly and looked down at the bow on the tile and couldn’t help but smile at the gesture. “Thanks,” he mumbled. “I feel so ridiculous in this thing, but I know I need it.”

“Yes, you do need it. It doesn’t look that bad, just a little girly.”

“I’m not a girl Tomi,” Bill said, hands on hips. Tom shook his head and kissed him quickly.

“No, you’re not. I don’t think you are,” he murmured. “Having to wear this doesn’t make you a girl, okay?”

“Easy for you to say,” Bill mumbled as he rested his head on Tom’s shoulder. Suddenly he felt so tired of this and everything else.

“No, not so easy,” Tom palmed Bill’s waist gently and ran his hands up his torso to where his fingers brushed against the side of the bra. “You know I’m not bisexual, but I was attracted to you before you got boobs,” he whispered in Bill’s ear and delighted in the resulting shiver. “Do you remember that? How I used to screw you into any available hard surface?” Tom smiled as Bill’s breathing quickened.

“Yeah, I do. Wonder why you don’t do it anymore,” he whispered as he curled his hands in Tom’s locks. Bill turned and captured his twin’s lip with his teeth playfully. Tom chuckled and kissed Bill as he gently pressed him against the wall. His hands traced the edges of the bra and came around the front to squeeze the cups lightly. The material was soft cotton and somewhat thin, and Tom could feel Bill’s nipples hardening on contact. “Oh Tomi.”

Tom kissed him again and tried to remain gentle with his little brother writhing beneath his touch as he were. Self control was only so much and when Bill whimpered hotly against his ear it broke. Tom picked up Bill’s legs and lifted him easily into the air. They fell backwards against the door in a flurry of lust and excitement when someone knocked on the door and startled them both.

“Boys, are you two okay? Dinner’s almost ready,” Gordon’s voice came from the other side of the door and Tom closed his eyes and breathed deep.

“Okay,” he said after he was sure his voice would sound normal. Bill dug his fingernails into his shoulders painfully and Tom hissed and put him down. “What did you do that for?”

“I don’t know, I was pissed!” Bill hissed back as he pulled his shirt back on. It did fit better and his chest felt better but he didn’t want to admit that. He saw the forlorn looking bow on the ground next to the mat in front of the sink and crushed it beneath his heel.

“I told you fooling around when they’re home is a bad idea,” Tom adjusted himself in his pants and was infinitely grateful for the large size of his jeans. He looked at Bill curiously and his twin caught the gaze in the mirror.

“What?” he asked defensively.

“What size did Mom get you?”

“A cup.”

“You’ll need bigger soon,” Tom tried to back up at the fierce glare Bill pinned him with. “What?”

“Don’t say that!”

“But I can tell, I’m sorry!” Tom sighed as he was shoved out of the way and the door opened. Bill left in a huff and Tom wanted to skip dinner. He had a headache a mile wide.

~*~

Bill stared down at his favorite food and couldn’t eat it. It looked good and smelled good. His brain salivated at what it must taste like but as soon as he put a bit of the Klopse in his mouth his body refused to let it go a step further.

“It’s okay Bill, I was like that too. I couldn’t eat anything but shrimp for awhile,” Simone said as she took his plate back. As soon as it was gone from his sight it was like a weight had been lifted from Bill’s stomach.

“But you hate shrimp,” Tom said as he tore into his food. He had no problem eating it.

“Yes, but when I was pregnant with the two of you that’s all you wanted in the first three months. I couldn’t get anything else to stay down. You couldn’t imagine,” she said as Gordon poured her some iced tea.

“No, I think I can,” Bill said quietly as he looked at the huge salad filled with veggies and grilled chicken breast his mother had placed in front of him as a substitute. “Do we have any fries?”

“French fries? I think you’ve had enough greasy food for today. You’ve got to start reading those books I bought you today. They’ll explain everything you want to know and if you still don’t understand then you can ask me,” Simone smiled reassuringly.

Bill opened his mouth to say something but Tom nudged him underneath the table and he let it go as he looked down at the small stack of books besides his horrible salad. Pregnancy books picked up by Simone on her lunch break. “I’ll look them over,” he said quietly as he turned back to his salad. No, it hadn’t turned into fries while he had his back turned.

Tom watched Bill pick with the lettuce and chase a cherry tomato around the bowl as Simone prattled on about prenatal vitamins and exercise regimens as his twin just grunted in agreement to get her to shut up or move on. Halfway through the meal Bill had poured enough French dressing in his bowl to eat twice as much salad, but it got him eating and Tom felt marginally better.  “I can’t believe I’m going to be a grandmother,” Simone murmured tearfully.

Gordon smiled and handed her his napkin. “She’s been doing this all day on the phone,” he told the twins as their mother wiped her eyes with a laugh.

“Really?” Bill looked at her strangely.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I?” she laughed and picked up her fork. “I’m excited. There will be a baby in the house again.”

Bill rolled his eyes as he looked down at his salad and viciously speared a piece of lettuce. It didn’t even fight back and he felt a little happier. Once he stopped being angry at the food in front of him he had to admit it was surprisingly good, and the little one inside must have agreed because it gave him happy fluttering in his stomach. Before he realized it he was done, and felt pretty good too.

“Dessert!” Gordon announced as he wiped his mouth and stood. “Don’t move hon; I’ve got it. I baked it from scratch and everything,” he declared proudly as he gathered everyone’s plates.

“Scratch? Gordon honey, I thought we agreed we’d talk about your cooking,” Simone joked and Gordon leaned over and gave her a sloppy kiss before moving further into the kitchen with his arms full.

“By scratch you mean you went to the store yourself right?” Tom laughed as he pulled out a pastry box from their favorite bakery in the small town.

“Same thing,” Gordon defended his point with a flourish as he produced the red velvet cake and brought it to the table. “See, it’s absolutely perfect.”

“Because you didn’t make it,” Bill quipped. He laughed as his stepfather pretended to be injured.

“Ungrateful brats and an ungrateful wife; what is a man to do?” he rolled his eyes as Simone pulled him down for another kiss as she laughed.

“No, we’re grateful and you’ve made a wonderful cake,” she kissed him on the nose. Gordon sighed theatrically and smiled.

“Fine, then everyone gets ice cream,” he jumped up and ran back to the refrigerator.

“Ice cream, tell me its vanilla,” Tom said as he got up and got some bowls. Bill sat back and watched his family with a smile on his face and he rested his hand on his stomach. Everyone was joking around easily with each other about stupid things. This was what he remembered from childhood, what made coming home so restful. Some part of him wondered if that had changed like everything else had in such a short time. Glad to see some things never changed.

Bowls were handed out and vanilla ice cream divvied up as Simone cut large hunks of the white cake and soon everyone had a heaping pile of dessert before them. Tom laughed at some horrible story Gordon told about their mother and turned to look at Bill. He looked exhausted but valiantly ate what was in front of him. “You okay?” he asked quietly and their parents stopped laughing to look at Bill as well.

Bill felt like he was being scrutinized as he nodded slowly. “Yeah, I’m just tired all of a sudden. I’m going to go up to bed okay?”

“You sure everything’s okay?” Gordon asked quietly and Bill nodded.

“I’m fine, just sleepy. I’m going to take my cake and ice cream and my book with me. Good night everybody,” he said as he stood and gathered everything with him. The stairs were a torture as Bill yawned and tried to avoid the slightly wobbly steps. The solitude he found in his room was comforting for the first time and he threw the books on his desk and quickly finished off what was left in his bowl before putting it too on the desk.

Bill walked by his mirror and stopped; and really took a look at his profile. His stomach wasn’t really that big yet and you couldn’t see it through the large shirt he wore but if he pulled the cotton close to his body it looked more rounded than he had ever been. Unfortunately with his pants being as tight as they usually were they didn’t have much give in them and a couple of pounds really made a difference.

His breasts were another matter, and they annoyed him like nothing else. Bill had never been so aggravated at something that just sat there and didn’t do anything but attract Tom’s attention. Usually he would welcome that… and even now thinking about how his hands were all over them drew a serious blush across his sheepish features.

Bill took off Tom’s shirt and really looked at his chest with the bra on. Since the stupid bow was gone it wasn’t as bad as it once was and he didn’t have to deal with the sometimes overwhelming sensation of his nipples rubbing against the shirt so he understood it was a necessary evil. But Tom’s comment about needing a bigger size really bothered him. Maybe they would stop growing. Maybe they would shrink back to normal and he could reclaim some sort of normalcy in the midst of the sea of insanity. Tom’s discarded shirt looked at him as if he was crazy and he shrugged.

“Hey, it could happen,” he told it crisply as he turned back to the mirror.

“What could happen?” Bill whirled around to find Tom smiling as he leaned against the door.

“You could knock you know,” he said as he reached down to grab the forgotten shirt. Tom just smiled wider and came closer.

“I could. But then I wouldn’t get to catch you checking yourself out,” he whispered playfully as he tugged the shirt away. “Don’t put it on; I thought you were going to bed.”

“I am, but…” Bill crossed his arms self consciously and shrugged. “I want the shirt back.”

“No.”

“Tomi, this isn’t funny.”

“I disagree,” Tom laughed and put it behind his back. Bill took a threatening step forward when he suddenly stopped and grabbed his stomach and moaned. Fear lanced through Tom’s system as he came forward and caught his twin as he twisted in pain. “Bill, what’s wrong? Do I need to call 911?” he asked desperately.  Suddenly the raven haired teen stopped moving and burped long and loud. “…Bill?”

“Oh wow, that seriously felt good.” Bill said breathlessly as he was helped back to his feet. “I think that salad gave me gas,” he said wonderingly.

“You… gas?” Tom put his hand to his chest as he tried to force his heart to relax from the false alarm. Bill looked at his face and laughed.

“I’m sorry, I am. I didn’t know what it was,” Bill said defensively as he tried not to giggle. It was no use and it slipped out anyway and turned into a full blown laugh.

“That’s not funny,” Tom disagreed as he pulled away from Bill’s hands. He was laughing so hard he could barely move. “I’m glad that’s funny to you,” he grumbled as he went to leave.

“No! Don’t go! Tomi, please,” Bill pouted; suddenly serious. “I don’t want you to go,” he said quietly. Tom sighed and released the door knob but didn’t turn around. “Tomi, I’m sorry for laughing. It’s just… your face was so funny I couldn’t help it. I’m really sorry.”

“Really?” he finally turned around. “Don’t do that again,” Tom said seriously. Bill went to make a joke but sighed, deflated.

“Fine, I won’t. I’ll warn you before I know I have explosive gas,” he said as he grabbed Tom’s hand and dragged him towards the bed. “Now come on, I want you to stay with me until I go to sleep. Please?”

“Yeah, fine,” Tom allowed himself to be dragged to the bed and climbed in first. Bill smiled and slid in next to him and pressed himself up tight against Tom’s chest.

“Shit, wait,” he sat up and quickly pulled the bra off and threw it across the room. “There, that’s better.” There was already a yawn in his voice as Bill lay back down and Tom turned off the lamp over the bed.

“Bill, I was watching television earlier today and they had a commercial on about a man in Hamburg who is supposed to be a specialist in male obstetrics. Apparently they’ve had to make it a new field. I was thinking that tomorrow we could go check it out and see if you like him.”

“Okay,” Bill murmured happily as his twin started rubbing his stomach. Tom leaned forward and kissed Bill on the temple.

“Good.” He would feel a lot better once his brother had a regular doctor somewhat close by. He remembered the brief episode a few minutes earlier and Tom’s stomach tightened when he thought of something happening to their baby or Bill. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself. He pulled his twin closer almost possessively and dropped off to sleep.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Exercise of what exactly? Dedicated to my amazing on the spot beta, Haylz. Without her this chapter would be posted tomorrow.

Bill moaned and held on for dear life as Tom steadily pumped into him. He threw his head back and his eyes fluttered shut at the wet kisses mouthed against his throat and across his collarbone as he rode his twin, desperate to fuel the heat pooling in his groin. He could feel it, so close now. Bill looked down at Tom’s flushed face, eyes closed and mouth open just as he looked when lost in his guitar.

Tom’s hands grasped Bill’s hips painfully but it didn’t really matter. He welcomed the marks his lover gave him, they claimed him as his just as he undoubtedly was. His twin thrust upwards and ripped another moan from Bill’s throat as he shuddered. “God Bill…” Tom panted as he started to shudder.

“Wait for me,” Bill pleaded as he pushed his hair from his sweaty face and began to fist his cock. His body tightened and he could feel –

Bill sat up as he gasped and looked around the dark room. For a brief moment he couldn’t remember where he was until the Nena poster caught the glare of headlights as a car passed. He was home, in his bed with his hair stuck to his neck and shoulders with sweat. He pulled it off and tried to breathe normally but his blood raced with the memories of the dream as it quickly began to fade.

He groaned as he turned and realized Tom had gone back to his room. If he’d still been here he seriously wouldn’t have cared if their parents walked in on them. Bill moaned quietly and just when he was about to finish himself off someone knocked on the door softly. That was the sound that woke him out of his particularly delicious dream.

It wasn’t Tom because he would just walk in. That left one of their parents. Bill sighed and wiped some sweat off of his face and climbed out of bed. He grabbed his tee shirt from where he’d thrown it earlier and pulled it on before he opened the door just enough to see. It was Simone, and she looked remarkably awake. “Yeah,” he rasped as he suppressed a yawn.

“Are you awake now? I’ve been knocking for a few minutes,” she said brightly as she handed him a plastic bag. “I forgot to give this to you last night, if I had thought about it you could have already been dressed and ready to go.”

“Wait, what?” Bill shook his head to clear the sleep as he opened the door further and took the bag. He opened it and glanced up as he frowned at his mother. “Ready for what?”

“The walk! Remember when we were talking during dinner and I said that we were going to start going on morning walks?” Bill shook his head slowly. “Well we did and I said that the only time I could do it would be before I go to work, so we’ve got to get started.” She motioned for him to hurry up.

Bill was literally in shock. He couldn’t believe this was real and would have laughed but he saw the look on his mother’s face. “Mom, you can’t be serious,” he hissed. “It’s five in the fucking morning!”

“First of all I’m very serious, second watch your language. If we go now no one is awake and you can walk around without people looking at you. And the sun isn’t up yet so it will be a great deal cooler than at any time of the day. Get dressed.” Simone left Bill as he stood there with his jaw dropped.

~*~

It was unreal. That was the only way he could think of it and not rage. Bill turned his iPod up to drown out the sound of his mother’s voice and reluctantly continued to follow her around the neighborhood. The sky lightened from navy to the beginnings of peach and pink and he wondered whether he would be a bad person if he just tripped his mother in the middle of her happy ramble. If that was what he looked like when he went on and on about things then he was going to take a vow of silence from now on.

Bill swore that she hadn’t taken a breath since they left the house almost fifty minutes ago. Simone would look over at him and he would nod and she would look ahead and keep talking and all the while Bill thought the worst thoughts imaginable that a son could think about his mother. Soon the litany of profanity in his head quieted down and he just followed his mother around until he began to recognize the houses again and then they turned back down their street.

He frowned as he almost ran into Simone, and reluctantly pulled out an earbud while he restrained a scowl. “Yeah?” he asked sullenly.

“You haven’t been listening to me, have you?” she accused.

“No,” he shook his head honestly. “I’ve been thinking that you’re insane to wake me up this early for a stroll.”

“This stroll as you call it is for your health and the health of the baby. It’s been proven that exercise helps with mood swings, regulating blood sugar and keeps-” Simone gaped as Bill pointedly put his headphones back in and walked around her back to the house. She took a deep breath and followed but did not try and talk to her son again until they were walking up the stairs to the porch. “You’ll thank me for this,” she grabbed his arm and pulled him around. “Maybe not now, but later you will.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” Bill yanked his arm out of her grasp and turned off his iPod. The sun was just coming up but he could feel the sweat run down his back and he was irritated and his stomach felt tight. It grumbled and he looked down and nodded. “Yeah, I know, we’re hungry.”

He walked into the kitchen and just as he opened the refrigerator someone tapped him on the shoulder. Bill turned around and tried not to scowl at Simone. “Yeah?” he asked irritably.

“Here, take this,” she handed him a pill and a glass of water.

“What is it?”

“A prenatal vitamin, trust me you need it,” Simone put the pill in his hand and gave him the water and did not move until she watched him swallow it. “Good. I’m going to make sure you and the baby are as healthy as can be,” she promised as she took the glass back and looked at the clock on the wall. “I’ve got to go get ready, but you make sure you drink some more water okay?”

Bill didn’t respond as his mother practically bounced out of the room. Who in the world could be happy after being forced out of their bed to take a fucking walk? Bill’s anger grew and he looked at the clock as well; it wasn’t even seven in the morning yet. With a growl he slammed the refrigerator door and yanked open the freezer. The one good thing going this morning was the box of waffles sitting in the corner and he took a moment to enjoy the frigid air cooling his heated skin before he grabbed the box.

The box that came up too quickly to have anything in it.

Bill took a deep breath and looked inside. To his horror it was empty; just an empty cardboard box with a few ice crystals in the corners. Slowly he crumpled the box and threw it at the trash can, fully aware that it in fact sailed completely over the target and hit the floor. Fine, since he couldn’t be normal and have waffles for breakfast then he’d have the next best thing; cornflakes.

He opened the cabinet and smiled at the welcoming box. Unwilling to be fooled again Bill cautiously lifted it and found resistance. The box was practically full. He grabbed a bowl and a spoon and poured a bowl eagerly. He looked at it again and went to get a bigger bowl and proceeded to dump the smaller inside and pour more cereal. There. That was a beautiful sight.

Bill groaned as the urge to pee made itself known and he raced off to relieve himself, all the while he dreamed of the wonderful breakfast coming. The baby agreed and he found himself humming with excitement. He forced himself not to jump around as he washed his hands and finally he could get back to the most important thing in the world right then. Food.

He walked back into the kitchen and blew a kiss at the bowl and yanked open the refrigerator.

~*~

Gordon walked into the kitchen and stopped abruptly. His son was in front of the refrigerator and had managed to pull almost everything out and placed it on the table. He came closer and could catch snatches of angry muttering and what sounded like tears… “Bill? Are you alright?”

The raven haired teen looked over the door with a teary face and shook his head. He stood and slammed the door shut and Gordon looked at the mug in his hand in confusion. “There’s no milk!” Bill’s voice sounded full of tears as he wiped his eyes angrily on his sleeve. “There’s no milk or waffles and no coffee!” he wailed.

Gordon didn’t think it was wise to tell Bill that Simone hid the coffee. She was afraid he would try to drink some while she wasn’t around to watch him. The poor boy looked distraught and was completely red in the face. He sighed and gently took the coffee cup from his hand. “It will be okay Bill, I promise,” he said gently as he steered him to a chair.

Bill shook his head and tried to get his emotions under control. “I just wanted something to eat! There’s nothing here!” he wailed as he motioned to the food on the table. Gordon looked at everything and turned back to Bill.

“We haven’t had a chance to stock up on food before you boys came home. I’m sorry; we were going later on today when we both get off work. Until then your mother picked up this for breakfast,” Gordon reached over and grabbed a carton of chopped up fruit.

“Fruit salad?” Bill asked contemptuously.

“Fruit salad. Sure, it’s not waffles and I know it looks nothing like cornflakes but it is good and it has no apples in it. See, problem solved,” he said softly.

“No, not solved. Your wife woke me up in the middle of the night for a stupid walk,” Bill grumbled, still angry. He winced as a headache made itself known right behind his ear and he leaned forward with a moan. Suddenly he felt something nice and cool pressed against his arm and he looked up to see a glass of water with a couple of ice cubes floating in it.

“Calm down and drink this. You can’t let yourself get dehydrated and if I know you, and I do, you didn’t drink anything before you went out,” Gordon watched his son drink thirstily.

“Wow,” Bill said breathlessly, “I didn’t know I was thirsty.”

“That’s dehydration for you. By the time it’s too late your body doesn’t even care about water. Finish that before you try and eat anything. The headache will go away,” Gordon looked down at his tie and finished tying it in a Windsor knot. “Better?” he asked.

“Yeah, much better. I thought I was going crazy,” Bill admitted. “I’m still mad at your wife though.”

“I believe she’s still your mother even if you’re mad at her.”

“Whatever.”

“She just wants to help you know,” Gordon shrugged. “She wants you and the baby healthy. Just try it and then we’ll see how it goes. I think you can wake up a little early a few days out of the week for my grandkid right?” Bill looked at him over the top of the glass and didn’t say anything. “Right… well, I’m off,” he said hastily as he left the kitchen.

Bill stared at the fruit salad and rolled his eyes. The whole world was out to get him. It wasn’t waffles drenched in butter and drizzled with powdered sugar; it was a lame ass fruit salad. Normally he had nothing against fruit salads, but this time it was an affront to his very nature. He looked at the carton and rolled his eyes again. “I’m going to try you under protest,” he told it in a very matter of fact manner. It just sat there smugly so he got up and dumped his cornflakes into the sink and grabbed his spoon.

He opened the cartoon and viciously stuck the spoon in and dished up a little before he slammed the plastic carton closed. Bill stuck the spoon in his mouth and stopped. It actually tasted quite good. He scooped a bit of fruit up and tried it again. Actually it was quite good and he opened the carton again to dump the whole thing into his bowl. Bill ate the refreshing dish happily and the baby definitely agreed with him, it hit the spot better than waffles probably would have. Not that he planned to tell his mother that.

In ten minutes Bill made short work of the fruit before him and he rubbed his stomach happily. He stopped and pressed his hand on his stomach and imagined he could feel happy little wiggles going on inside and he couldn’t help but smile. Out of nowhere a yawn threatened to break his jaw and Bill looked over at the window. The sun was still coming up and he had no intention to watch the sunrise.

He looked over at the mess he made in his earlier rage and decided he would take care of it after he woke up as he left the kitchen and started up the stairs. Bill was pretty sure he heard his mother call his name, but he was in no mood to go back downstairs or talk to her. Probably just wanted to bitch about the mess.

Bill opened his door and looked longingly at his bed but stopped. He knew that if he got in bed now he would be sticky and irritated when he woke up. Shower now and that would spare him from irritation later.  Surrendering to the inevitable, Bill jumped in the shower and let the water take away the smell of nature and sweat and almost fell asleep under the relaxing spray. This should have meant he would be asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Wrong.            

Bill tossed and turned for what felt like forever before he finally gave up. The sun was up properly now, and while he could feel the fatigue in his body his brain did not want to shut down anymore. Well fine, if he had to be awake then so would Tom. He left his room and opened his twin’s just a crack to see inside. It was almost pitch black and cool, cooler than Bill’s room but the singer’s room faced the street and east.

He slipped inside and closed the door behind him as he gave himself a moment to adjust to the lack of light. Once he could make out the makeshift piles of clothes and the suitcases that still had yet to be opened Bill stepped over the mess and made it to Tom’s bed. The dreadlocked teen was on his back and deeply asleep with one hand flung above his head on the pillow and the other hung off the side.

Bill loved to watch Tom sleep; it was during times like these when Bill truly felt that Tom belonged to him. No one saw this side, this face; not even the groupies because he never actually slept with them. This was something of his that was all Bill’s, and his heart warmed at the thought. He came closer and admired the lines of Tom’s chest as it rose and fell softly.

He was wearing nothing but boxer briefs and the sight was stirring more than just love in Bill. He bit his lip and ran his hand along the muscle on Tom’s thigh as he watched for a reaction. Nothing. Bill smiled and let his finger wander up to the juncture between Tom’s hip and groin and pressed gently. Tom shifted his knee but did not wake up.

It wasn’t a total loss; Bill smiled as he watched his brother harden just a little. He grinned and rubbed at the fledgling erection until Tom let out a low breathy moan. He was close, but not quite awake. Bill felt hot and more than a little excited as he climbed onto the bed between his twin’s sprawled legs. He leaned forward and buried his nose in Tom’s crotch, closing his eyes against the smell that was uniquely his. Bill gently grasped the waistband of Tom’s underwear and eased them down; he grinned as his twin’s member was revealed and without further ado promptly swallowed him down.

Tom gasped and opened his eyes at the wet suction around his cock, involuntarily his hips bucked and he could feel Bill’s lips around the base of his cock. He groaned low in his throat and pushed his head against his pillow at the amazing sensation. “Oh god Bill… shit…” he moaned as he felt the pressure of the singer’s tongue stud against the underside of his dick.

Bill felt Tom’s cock harden even more inside of his mouth and he hummed his appreciation. He licked up the hot skin teasingly and tongued the slit that began to drip with precome. Tom was writhing beneath him like a man possessed and Bill pressed a palm to his own hard on and hissed. “Ugh, Tomi,” he managed to get out before he lapped at the sensitive head of Tom’s cock. He barely began to suck in earnest when Tom sat forward and pulled him away from his dick with a squeak.

He kissed Bill desperately as he wrapped his arms around Bill’s waist and pulled him down to the bed. Tom pulled away and grinned down at Bill who breathed heavily in the silence. “You know you drive me crazy when you wake me up like that,” he panted as he stared at Bill’s lips. They were shiny and a bit swollen from his activities.

“That was the point,” Bill mumbled petulantly. “God, I need you. I’m going crazy,” he whispered as he threw a leg around Tom’s waist and rubbed himself insistently against his groin. Tom shuddered and kissed him hard.

“What time is it, Mom and Gordon could hear,” Tom said as he tried to take off his own underwear and kiss Bill at the same time.

“They went to work already; it’s just you and me. Now will you fuck me please?” Bill begged as Tom finally managed to kick off his underwear. Once that was taken care of Tom laughed huskily and ran his hand down Bill's leg as he kissed him.

“Pushy.”

“Ass,” Bill retorted hotly before Tom silenced him with a kiss. It was slow and long and when Tom pulled away Bill was left wrecked, but he had the presence of mind to reach underneath Tom’s pillow and pull out the small white bottle he always hid there.

Tom kissed Bill’s knee and mouthed down his thigh and reluctantly paused to remove his twin’s underwear. “Gimmie,” he said as he motioned to the lube. Bill bit his lip and gave it to him and settled back to wait for it. He really wanted Tom to just stick it in, but his brother was forever mindful of how Bill would feel after the good feeling wore off.

Damn consideration.

He was about to open his mouth and object to how long it was taking when something cool teased his entrance and pushed itself in. It was a finger, but it was better than nothing. Soon another digit joined in and Tom crooked his fingers just so and Bill moaned involuntarily. “Tomi,” he gasped out as he thrust down against his fingers. Tom bit his lip against the sensation of Bill clamped down on his hand as he pumped in and out of his tight hole. The mere thought that his cock would be in there soon made it twitch with anticipation. He blew a few stray hairs off of his head, the rest of his hair had already begun to stick to his back and the air was heavy with heat and arousal.

Bill closed his eyes and moaned as he was finger fucked but it wasn’t enough. He reached up and grabbed Tom by the back of the neck and brought him down for a desperate kiss. Tom withdrew his hand hastily and slicked his cock with plenty of lube. Just the sight of it was almost enough to send Bill over the edge and his own cock pulsed with excitement.  “Just stick it in,” he moaned impatiently.

Tom frowned as he concentrated and shook his head. “No, I won’t,” he hissed as the head of his dick bumped Bill’s tight hole. Both boys moaned at the sensation and Tom took a deep breath and pushed forward. Bill gasped and tugged on the sheet with a whimper at the painfully slow intrusion. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths as his toes curled and Tom sweated above him.

“Just-”

“Shut up Bill or I’m going to blow my load right now,” Tom muttered as he squeezed his eyes shut. He gasped as he was finally fully seated inside his twin. He could feel Bill breathe deep beneath him and he tried not to imagine how he looked right then. The wet heat around his cock was almost too much and he felt himself swell even more. “Oh god, okay…” Tom shook his head as he tried to keep his control, but he made the ultimate mistake and looked down at Bill.

His twin had his head thrown back in agonizing ecstasy; his long nails scratched lines down his forearms as he tried not to move per his instructions. Tom’s hips jerked forward on their own accord and hit Bill’s prostate dead on; the movement ripped a hoarse scream from his throat and he opened his eyes in surprise. Tom pulled out a few inches and slid home again; he couldn’t hold himself up by his arms anymore because they shook too badly.

“Oh god, more,” Bill moaned as he tightened his muscles around Tom’s cock. His brother almost screamed and slammed in as retaliation. The smile Bill wore slid off as he pushed back against Tom’s thrust and saw white.

Tom grunted as Bill loosened up just a bit and his thrusts became more fluid. It felt so good and he felt as if the edges of his body were on fire. He grasped Bill’s hips and pushed forward hard, and from the look on Bill’s face he knew he hit the spot dead on. He pushed up the shirt his twin still wore and ran his hands up the side of his waist. He grinned at the goose bumps left in his wake and leaned forward to kiss Bill again. When they broke apart he yanked the shirt up to watch Bill wiggle out of it. Bill arched his back as Tom's tongue landed on a hard nipple and sucked on it gently.

Bill tightened his muscles around Tom’s thrusting cock and moaned loudly, already on the verge. He hadn’t even touched himself and he was already about to come. “Tomi…” he babbled desperately.  Tom lifted his head and gave him another kiss as he simultaneously thumbed over Bill’s sensitive nipples. Bill gasped and came explosively against Tom’s stomach and chest with a wail; he shuddered uncontrollably and squeezed Tom’s orgasm out of him. Tom groaned low and loud against the skin of Bill’s chest until he was breathless.

Tom rolled off of Bill and wiped his face with part of his pillowcase dazedly. “Oh god Bill, if you wake me up like that everyday then I don’t care when you wake me,” he laughed inaudibly.

Bill smiled and rolled over to give him a deep kiss. “I so needed that,” he whispered as he snuggled up close. Tom pushed the sweaty strands of hair from Bill’s forehead and kissed it gently and watched him drop off to sleep. He watched his twin breathe in and out for a while but soon Tom realized sleep wouldn’t come for him and he slid down the bed until he could put an ear on Bill’s stomach.  

He concentrated but he couldn’t hear anything, and Tom turned his head and placed a kiss on the smooth skin.  “Don’t tell Bill, but I think of him as the ‘mom’,” he told his unborn child quietly. “You, your mom and I are going to go shopping. I think he’s tired of wearing my shirts. Even though I think he looks hot in them,” Tom whispered. He looked up as he felt fingers run through his hair and saw that Bill wasn’t awake, just needed to touch him. Tom smiled against Bill’s stomach and gave it another kiss before he went back up to the top of the bed.

Bill snuggled close again and Tom smiled and kissed him on the forehead; and even though he thought the need for sleep had gone he felt his eyes get heavy, and before he realized he drifted into slumber.

~*~

Bill sighed happily as he watched the cars go by. “Yes Tomi,” he sang softly as he watched a Ferrari pass them at break neck speed.

“And I was thinking that maybe tomorrow or something we can go and do some shopping - how does that sound?”

“Great,” Bill nodded happily. He was in such a good mood it should be criminal. He couldn’t even scowl at the fact that Tom had set up an appointment with a doctor and didn’t tell him first.

Sex was a beautiful thing.

So that was how Bill found himself buckled in tightly in the passenger seat of the car as Tom drove them to Hamburg to see this Doctor Eisner. He lifted his sunglasses so he could get a better look at a billboard and shifted in his seat. “Tomi, I’m hungry.”

“We’ll have to get something afterwards, the appointment is in twenty minutes and we’re about that far away,” Tom beeped his horn at someone in front of them. Bill couldn’t see who but he didn’t really care. “As soon as he’s done we’ll get something, I promise.”

“Okay,” Bill yawned and wondered why he was so sleepy. He closed his eyes for what seemed like a blink and he opened them at a soft kiss on the mouth. Tom pulled back and smiled at him.

“We’re here,” he said as he unbuckled Bill’s seat belt.

“I don’t want to Tomi,” Bill looked everywhere but in Tom’s eyes.

“You have to. I want to make sure you’re safe and the baby is safe. Now come on, we have two minutes to get in there.” Bill sighed and opened the door. The building in front of them looked clinical and a bit cold. He didn’t like it already. Tom came around the front of the car and pushed the alarm as he caught his twin’s expression. “Don’t do that. You don’t know what it looks like inside. It could be the coziest thing ever.”

He was wrong.

It was very bare inside with a very small plant beneath a television mounted on the wall tuned to the news. It showed images of the Iraq war and other unhappy scenes and Tom wondered what type of doctor would have that playing in a waiting room for pregnant people. He motioned for Bill to take a seat and went to the window. A nurse looked up with a bored expression and just stared at him.

“Can I help you?” she asked finally.

“Yes, I have an appointment. I mean I made an appointment for my brother, under the name Bill Kaulitz?” Tom was very glad to see there was no one else in the waiting room with them. The fewer people who saw them the better.

“Have him fill out this, sign here, here, and initial here and I’ll need your insurance card,” she intoned as she handed him a clipboard and pointed at the correct places on the forms. Tom hastily handed over his insurance card and took the forms back to where Bill sat on the edge of a seat, eyes wide and nervous.

“What’s that?” Bill asked as he plopped down next to him.

“Forms to fill out,” Tom said absently as he began to put in the information. Bill watched him for a moment in silence.

“Do you want me to do it?”

“No, it’s okay,” Tom was really almost finished and it gave him something to do besides worry.

“Mister Kaulitz?”

“Yes?” Both twins turned to the nurse at the sound of their name.

“Mister Bill Kaulitz,” she said again with a bored sigh. Bill and Tom both rose to follow her but she held up a hand. “No, only the patient after this point, sorry.” Her voice sounded anything but and Tom squeezed Bill’s hand briefly before he disappeared behind the heavy wooden door.

~*~

It was not cold in the room but Bill shivered in a paper gown that didn’t tie in the back. The nurse made him pee in a cup and stand on a scale and he was measured and a dozen other things, and she didn’t even bother to look him in the eye or tell him her name. He’d never felt so worthless before in his life.

“Mister Kaulitz, I’m Doctor Eisner,” a man with salt and pepper hair walked into the room like they were old friends. “How are you doing?”

“Well, your nurse-”

“Great. Let’s get down to your chart,” he interrupted as he pulled a stool from beneath a small counter and sat down on it. Bill closed his mouth and fidgeted while the doctor reviewed his file. “You’re underweight,” Doctor Eisner said bluntly.

“Uh…”

“I find it hard to believe that a teenaged boy has a problem eating,” he looked over his glasses at him sternly. Bill frowned and shook his head.

“Wait, I don’t have a problem eating, I have a problem keeping weight on,” he clarified.

“Interesting. It says you’re a singer, is that correct?”

“Yes I am,” Bill’s eyes widened as the doctor stood up abruptly.

“Lie back please, I’m going to examine you now.” Bill gritted his teeth and laid back. This man was stupid; Doctor Eisner hadn’t heard a word he said since he began. The teen took a deep breath as the paper gown was moved aside but couldn’t help but react when the cold hands touched his abdomen. Bill’s skin crawled beneath the touch and he began to shiver again. “I’ve taken a look at your information from the man who diagnosed you. He was just an internist, correct?”

“I think so,” Bill winced as the doctor ran over a tender spot. He noticed the reaction and pressed again. “Okay, that hurts,” Bill moved his hand with a frown.

“I’m going to have to look at that spot with the ultrasound. Back to the internist; the man was probably a competent doctor but he wasn’t a specialist in the field of male obstetrics, such as myself,” Doctor Eisner said imperiously.

“What was the problem?” Bill sat forward a little so he could see the doctor’s face.

“He misdiagnosed your conception. You said you were at sixteen weeks, but in fact you are only at your twelfth week.”

“Wait… but that would mean I’m only on the last week of my third month?” Bill tried not to sound hysterical as he asked the question. The room spun briefly and he closed his eyes.

“Probably a faulty reading of the hormone levels, who knows. We should schedule an ultrasound as soon as possible, especially since you haven’t had any routine checkups. We’re far behind and I’ll have to make sure you haven’t done any permanent damage. When do you want to come back?”

Bill looked at the ceiling and shook his head. “No,” he muttered as he sat up.

Doctor Eisner looked at him impatiently. “No what, Mister Kaulitz?”

“No, I don’t want to come back. Your nurse is mean and apparently doesn’t like her job because she did absolutely nothing to try and make me feel comfortable here. And you seem like I’m keeping you from something important and your hands are cold and you have horrible… horrible…” Bill trailed off as he realized he couldn’t figure out the word. “Shit!” he yelled as he got off of the examination table and yanked off the gown. Bill didn’t even care as he shoved his shirt on and grabbed his bag. “I’m sorry for wasting your time but I’m even sorrier you wasted mine,” he said in a huff as he left the examination room.

After briefly getting lost Bill found the door to the waiting room and threw it open as he promised himself he wouldn’t cry. Tom stood up, concern etched on his face as he caught his brother’s expression. “What’s wrong Bill?”

“I want to get out of here Tomi,” he said tearfully as he practically ran into Tom’s arms. “I hate this place and I hate the doctor and can we please just leave?”

“Yeah, of course,” Tom glared at the woman in the window as she unabashedly gawked at Bill as he tried to fight his tears. “Are you going to tell me what happened?” Tom asked quietly as they walked back outside into the bright sunshine.

Bill sighed as Tom unlocked the doors and he climbed in and buckled up. Tom slid into the driver’s seat and started the car. “The doctor was fucking cold. He was mean and didn’t talk to me, he talked at me. Like I was dumb or something,” he sniffed.

Tom frowned and pulled off. “I’m sorry I found him,” he said as he reached over to grab Bill’s hand. Bill held on tightly and tried to will himself to relax. “What else did he say?”

“He said that I’m not at the end of my forth month, I’m at the end of my third,” Bill held on tight as Tom swerved slightly. “Tomi!”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“He said that the doctor was wrong, we didn’t conceive when he thought I did. I’m a whole month behind,” Bill pulled on his sunglasses and rested his head against the seat.

“Holy shit, how do you make a mistake like that?”

“I don’t know,” Bill was tired and all he wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep.

“Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s going to be okay you know. Regardless.”

Bill shrugged. “Yeah, okay.”

“Bill?”

“Yes Tomi?”

“Where’s your bra?”

Bill opened his eyes and looked down. He thought he felt a bit free but couldn’t place why. “Damn it! I left it in the doctor’s office!” he slammed his fist on the arm rest and groaned.

“Do you want to go back?” Tom offered as he maneuvered through traffic.

“I don’t ever want to see that place again in my life,” Bill shook his head and closed his eyes. “I’ll buy another one.”

“Okay,” Tom looked over at his brother and their still clasped hands. There was silence in the car until Bill shot forward with a cry. “What? What is it?” he asked quickly.

“Bedside manner!” Bill crowed with relief.

Author's Chapter Notes:

*shakes head* Uh...no. Unbetaed, all mistakes are mine.

                     

Bill rolled part of his baked potato around his plate and watched as it collided with the baked chicken. It was official, he hated baked chicken now. It wasn’t that it bad or something… he just wanted to scream every time he saw it. Simone smiled at him from across the table and he looked down at his plate. It was easier than trying to avoid his mother’s gaze.

 

“Are you ever going to tell us what happened at the doctor’s office Bill?” Simone asked as she shook some salt onto her baked potato.

 

Tom blanched and shook his head minutely as Bill sank lower in his chair. “We… didn’t find the right doctor. Bill didn’t like him because he was being an ass,” he said quietly as he glanced over at his twin.  Bill didn’t look up from his barely touched food. “Are you okay?”Tom leaned over and asked quietly.

 

Bill straightened up and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine; just a bit tired. I’m going to go upstairs okay?”

 

“Already? You haven’t touched your food,” their mother wiped her mouth and looked worried. Gordon seemed concerned as well but didn’t interject.

 

“I’m not really hungry.”

 

“Still you should try and eat something,” Simone pursed her lips and bit back a comment as she looked at her son. For the past few days he’d been a bit moody and especially difficult when they went on their walks. Her patience was wearing thin and everyone in the house was on edge.

 

“I’m not hungry,” Bill repeated slowly as he stood up. “I’m going to bed.”

 

“Do you want me to come up with you?” Tom asked without thinking and he could see Simone look at him weirdly out of the corner of his eye.

 

“No, I’m fine. You’re not done eating,” Bill smiled affectionately. “Goodnight everybody.” Bill trudged up the stairs and sighed as he crested the landing. It wasn’t a lie when he said he wasn’t hungry, he didn’t feel like eating and the baby seemed to agree. He would probably wake up later and eat something but right now he wanted to be away from everyone else and under water.

 

It drove him insane; he didn’t feel completely comfortable unless he was under the spray of the shower or in Tom’s arms. Unfortunately one of their parents always seemed to be around so that left the shower. Tom probably wondered why he spent so much time in the bathroom. 

 

Bathroom.

 

Bill needed to pee again. Shit.

 

Twenty minutes later he was squeaky clean and had an empty bladder. Bill felt loads better and he briefly contemplated going downstairs for something to eat but the headache that pounded behind his eyes told him he wanted the bed more. He walked into his room and saw his phone blink. He had a text. Bill picked up the phone and with a few presses of a button frowned. It was from David. Please call. With the press of another button he was forced to listen to a few strains of Bed and Breakfast before the manager picked up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“David, it’s me, what’s up?” Bill sat on the bed and rubbed his chest gently. He felt the stir of heartburn and reached for an antacid on his desk.

 

“Peter said he can spare us a bit of time tomorrow to work on the lyrics you were having problems with,” David sounded anxious and distracted and Bill sighed.

 

“Tomorrow?” he tried not to plead but he was just inexplicably exhausted.

 

“Yes, it has to be tomorrow. Bill, he won’t have time for us for a while and you know you always say you work best with Peter when it comes to lyrics.”

 

Shit. That was true. “What time?” he managed to force out as he yawned.

 

“I’ll have to get back with you. This is great, we’ll probably make the deadline for the record this year if we keep this up,” David said brightly.

 

“Is that it? Because I wanted to go to bed,” Bill prompted.

 

“Oh, yeah. How are you doing?”

 

“Do you care?”

 

“What?”

 

Bill shook his head. “Nothing, I’m just… blah.”

 

“Blah? They have medication for that you know,” he joked. Bill looked at the phone and ended the call.

 

Ass.

 

He burrowed under his covers and sighed with relief. Just before he was about to turn off the lamp the door opened and Tom walked through. “Hey, I didn’t know you were planning on going to bed, I thought you just wanted to get away from Mom,” he joked as he closed the door behind him. “Are you okay?”

 

“Just tired Tomi,” Bill sat up and saw the plate in his hands. “What’s that?”

 

“Thought you might be hungry so I brought you something,” Tom held out the plate with two slices of cheesecake. The baby did a happy little flip and Bill took the plate eagerly. “If you had stuck around you could have gotten some,” he teased as he handed him a fork.

 

“I was so tired,” Bill said around the dessert in his mouth. “But this is good.” Tom watched in amusement as his twin made short work of the cheesecake and handed the plate back happily. “Oh, that hit the spot,” he said indulgently.

 

Tom couldn’t help but smile at the blissful expression on his brother’s face. “I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. It’s funny how you just perk up when it comes to food,” he said as he sat down on the bed as Bill moved to make room. He looked down at his brother for a couple of minutes and smiled. “You’re beautiful you know that?”

 

“I look like you idiot,” Bill retorted but smiled nonetheless. Tom traced a finger across his hairline and down his jaw.

 

“You do and you don’t,” he said quietly as he continued down Bill’s throat and stopped at the pulse point there. The rhythm was slow and restful but when he looked into his eyes Tom could feel it speed up. He smiled and leaned over and gave him a soft kiss.  “I like you like this,” Tom mumbled against Bill’s lips.

 

Bill smiled and laughed breathlessly. “What, quiet?”

 

“No, with your hair down and it’s… just curling slightly at the edges and no make up. You’re so…” Tom trailed off as words failed him and just eased more kisses all along the raven haired teen’s cheek.

 

“I like you like this, too,” Bill’s eyes fluttered shut and he surrendered to the sensation of Tom’s tongue as it laved down his neck. “I miss being able to have time like this. Especially on the weekends,” his words turned breathy as he felt the brief scrape of teeth.

 

“Yeah,” Tom tried not to get himself worked up but having Bill beneath him did just that. Already he imagined himself naked as he pushed into the slick heat of his twin and Tom growled and kissed his brother a bit rougher than he’d planned. Bill tasted like cheesecake and that something unique to him that always drove Tom wild and he stopped when he felt him yawn into the kiss.  “Bill?”

 

“Sorry, sorry.” Bill yawned again and frowned. “I don’t know where that came from,” he said apologetically.

 

“You’re tired. You should sleep,” Tom said reluctantly and disentangled his hand from where it was anchored in Bill’s hair.

 

“I have to go to the studio tomorrow,” Bill murmured as Tom dropped a hand underneath the covers to his belly and began to rub soothing circles.

 

Tom stilled and frowned. “What?”

 

“I have to go to the studio,” Bill opened his eyes and tried to remember when he closed them. “Peter and I are going to go over some stuff we did before we left on tour.”

 

“Can’t you do it some other time? You’re worn out.” Tom didn’t like the idea of Bill becoming overworked.

 

“No, he’s not going to have any time to work except tomorrow. It’ll be okay, I’m getting to bed early.”

 

“What time?”

 

“He didn’t say, David just said he’d text me with the time,” Bill yawned again and Tom removed his hand as he rose from the bed.

 

“Then you should sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow before you go, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Bill smiled and nodded.

 

“Bill?”

 

“Hmm?” he opened his eyes and again couldn’t remember when he’d closed them.

 

“I’m sorry for taking you to that stupid doctor. I didn’t know he’d turn out to be an asshole,” Tom said remorsefully.

 

Bill smiled and shrugged. “Who could have known? But this time I want to be the one to find the doctor since I have to go.”

 

“It’s a deal if you promise to actually look. You need to find a good one,” Tom said seriously.

 

“I promise. Now kiss me,” Bill smiled as his twin obliged him, and watched Tom depart as his eyes slowly closed. Just as he drifted to sleep his cell phone went off loudly. A text. With a huff Bill reached over and grabbed it. He pulled up the text and blinked at the screen to make sure he saw the correct time.

 

Fuck.        

 

~*~

 

This was ridiculous. Simone knocked on the door ten minutes ago and fully expected Bill to be done and ready to go. When she finished preparing the now customary glass of water and prenatal vitamin she realized her son was no where around.

 

This was why she was upstairs leaned against the door with her ear pressed against the wood as she tried to hear if Bill was awake. Simone straightened and knocked a little louder. “Bill. Come on, you know the routine. I’m coming in…” she threatened as she pushed open the door. No response; no sound. She pushed the door open a bit more and frowned.

 

Bill wasn’t in his bed.

 

~*~

 

Bill hesitated in the door as more than one set of eyes watched his entrance. He expected Peter, but swallowed a frown at Pat and her false smile. He didn’t like her when he met her almost four years ago and he didn’t like her now; his mood soured as he mentally squared his shoulders and walked in to take a seat at the large table.

 

“Bill, good to see you again,” Peter said easily as he rose to shake hands. Bill returned the gesture quickly and turned to see Pat staring at his abdomen.

 

“Did I drop something on my shirt?” he asked pointedly, and the woman just blinked and looked up at his face. Bill did not like being stared at; at least not by her.

 

“I’m sure you know we have quite a bit of work to do,” Pat pushed a mug of steaming coffee towards him and Bill stopped listening.

 

The smell was intoxicating and even better than he remembered. Tom didn’t want him to drink coffee.  Bill looked around the medium sized room and pulled the cup over and inhaled the aroma slowly. Tom wasn’t here. He became aware of the silence and looked up at the producers with a frown. “I’m sorry, what?”

 

“Are you ready to lay down some preliminary vocals for the music we have already? I have some loops pulled up and we can work with them. Some riffs your brother put down and Pat’s dealing with some of Gustav’s drums, she might sit in on the session,” Peter watched the teen choke down the coffee like it was water in the desert.  “Are you awake now?”

 

“Getting there,” Bill said honestly as he clutched at the mug like it was the Holy Grail. He’d missed caffeine more than he realized.

 

“Good, we’re ready when you are.”

 

~*~

 

“Again,” the annoyed voice of Peter came through the headphones and Bill cringed.  He opened his mouth and tried again but the man interrupted again.  “Bill, what’s the matter? You sound unfocused and scattered. I need your mind and your voice here, in the booth, so we can knock this out,” he said irritably.

 

Bill nodded and sighed. “I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” he responded quietly.

 

“What, again?” Bill closed his eyes and nodded. “Fine, take five but hurry up we have a lot more to do.”  He nodded again as he took off the headphones and practically ran out of the booth to the bathroom. As soon as Bill locked the door behind him he breathed a sigh of relief and tried to relieve himself as quickly as possible. It was almost six in the evening and they’d been going at it all day.

 

Even when pizza arrived they talked about the lyrics while he’d gratefully stuffed himself with some sort of food. Too bad he threw it up an hour later. Now he was hungry again and Peter had that look in his eye that made him think he would want to work all night. The headache behind his eyes came back and it pounded painfully as he washed his hands and threw water on his face.

 

Bill had to face it; he couldn’t work the long hours like he used to. His head was going to threaten to split open any minute now and he rubbed his stomach gingerly. He wished Tom were here, his hands were better and made him relax quicker.  Bill took a deep breath and went back to the booth and tried to work through the track. A little more than an hour later he was about to fall over.

 

“Guys, I can’t keep going today. We’ve got to stop,” Bill exhaled slowly against the nausea that bubbled in his stomach.

 

“Come on Bill, we’re almost done,” Pat’s voice came over the headphones and he almost physically flinched away.

 

“I can’t keep going. I have nothing left,” he said slowly as he leaned against the lyrics podium. “I need to eat and I need to lie down.” Bill pulled off the phones before anyone could object and slowly walked from the booth. On the stairs he found Pat with her arms crossed and her expression vaguely angry. “What?” he asked tiredly.

 

“Are you faking?” she asked bluntly.

 

Bill didn’t have the energy to fight with her. “Faking what?” he asked tiredly.

 

“This whole pregnancy thing; is it just a ploy for more attention?”

 

Bill laughed and shook his head. “I would rather be ignored than pregnant, okay? Is that why you’ve been staring at me all day? Trying to catch me in a lie? Besides, I wouldn’t have told the label if I'd had my way.”

 

Pat didn’t respond and Peter came out and joined them. “Bill you were pretty good but I’m sure we could get better. I’ve cleared my schedule for tomorrow morning so we can get started right away. How’s five a.m.?”

 

Bill blinked. “Five in the morning? I would have to be on the road at three!” he screeched.

 

“Why don’t you just stay here overnight then? We should be done by noon,” Peter suggested. Pat just looked at Bill expectantly and he sighed.

 

“Yeah, fine.”

 

“Great. See you bright and early. Maybe tomorrow we can get through with fewer interruptions,” Peter went back to work but Pat did not move.  She was staring at his abdomen and Bill crossed his arms.

 

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked crossly.  It’d worn on his nerves all day.

 

“I don’t think it’s fair,” Pat said softly as she looked up at him with a mix of jealousy and anger. “I’ve been trying to have a baby since my miscarriage and you’re having one and probably don’t even want it. You’re not supposed to be able to have kids and yet you are and I still can’t get pregnant. Tell me, how is that fair?”

 

Bill didn’t know what to say as Pat just turned and left to join Peter again. He felt weirded out by the conversation and the defensive emotions that welled up inside. Of course he didn’t want to get pregnant but he wouldn’t go so far as to say he didn’t want his child. Bill didn’t know what he would say but he knew he wouldn’t say that. He rubbed his stomach possessively and dug his phone out of his back pocket. He always turned it off while he worked in the studio, but Bill knew he was in trouble when he read the fourteen missed calls and ten text messages on the screen, all from Tom.

 

He sighed and continued down the steps and walked to the other side of the house while listening to Samy Deluxe rap in his ear.  “Why haven’t you called me until now?” Bill pulled the phone away under the onslaught of Tom’s outrage.

 

“Just got done, I’m sorry Tomi,” Bill said tiredly as he walked into his room and closed the door. He hadn’t been in this room for a long while, his scent was gone and it felt like a stranger’s, except he had loads of clothes here.

 

“Don’t sorry me, when I woke up you were gone! How do you think I was going to react?” Tom asked angrily.

 

“I left you a note,” Bill said in a small voice.

 

“That’s not good enough, besides I didn’t find it. Shit Bill, don’t do that to me. I was going to go with you anyway,” Tom huffed.

 

“I know, but I wouldn’t have gotten any work done with you hovering around.”

 

“Are they overworking you? They’ve given you plenty of breaks right and time to eat and drink?”

 

Bill rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Yeah,” the lie came quite easily. There was a pause on the other end of the line.

 

“What are you not telling me?” Tom asked quietly.

 

“I have to stay in the apartment overnight. Peter said we didn’t get everything done that we needed to and I’ve got to get these tracks laid,” he said over his twin’s protest.

 

“But Bill, come on! I don’t want you there by yourself,” Tom complained.

 

“It’s just the studio; I’m going to be fine.”

 

“I’m coming then. I’ll be there in a couple of hours.” Bill sighed and shook his head.

 

“Tomi, you have that radio show with Gustav and Georg in Berlin tomorrow remember?”

 

“Shit!” Bill could hear something hit the wall on the other side of the line. “I don’t like this Bill,” Tom grumbled.

 

“It’s going to be fine okay? I’m going to bed early and I won’t let them overwork me tomorrow,” Bill rubbed his stomach carefully. It still felt somewhat tight; hopefully that would pass when he started to relax. He exhaled slowly and snapped back to the present. “What?” he asked.

 

“You weren’t listening to me. I said I love you,” Tom retorted petulantly. “You would zone out when I’m trying to be mushy.”

 

“Love you too Tomi,” Bill smiled into the phone.

 

“Get some sleep.”

 

“I will.”

 

“And make sure you drink plenty of water.”

 

“Yes Mom,” Bill laughed as he heard his twin sputter.

 

“Yeah, I don’t think Mom is going to fuck you into the mattress next time she sees you,” he teased. The singer shivered as his body reacted involuntarily.

 

“Promise?”

 

“Promise. I gotta go, Andi’s here. He says it’s a conspiracy or something that we’re not hanging out with him.”

 

“Did you tell him it’s because he’s boring and keeps trying to tell the same four jokes over and over again?”

 

“Andi says that it’s five, but you would know that if you’re here. I’ll call you later to check on you okay?”

 

“You checking up on me?”Bill leaned against the wall and smiled.

 

“Damn right. You’ve got my baby, and you’re sort of important too,” Tom sounded kind of bored.

 

Bill laughed. “Sort of important,” he muttered playfully as he left the room and just let himself walk around.

 

“Yeah, you know; one step above ‘not really’.”

 

“You just care about the baby then,” he pouted. Tom laughed.

 

“You and that damn pout, even over the phone. Get some sleep Bill,” he said affectionately.

 

“Yeah, see you.” He hung the phone and looked around. His amble led him to the kitchen. Bill looked down at this stomach and smiled. “Yeah I know; we’re hungry.”

 

~*~

 

Bill rolled over and sighed. This was utterly ridiculous and there was no way he could get comfortable on this horrible mattress. He’d never noticed how uncooperative they were until now and it was going to drive him insane. He flopped over onto his back and stared at the ceiling and wondered why he felt like he’d run a marathon.

 

He knew from experience that if he forced himself to go to sleep then it would never happen, so he got up and went downstairs to the living room. Maybe some television would soothe him enough that he wouldn’t care what he slept on. Bill curled up on the couch and turned on the television and for the millionth time wished he hadn’t talked Tom out of driving up to see him. He could really…

 

Bill frowned at the television as a familiar doctor’s face filled the screen. Stupid fucker, whatever his name was. He turned quickly and found some old cartoons. He smiled and leaned back as he laughed quietly at the antics of Bugs Bunny. After a while the television watched him instead of the other way around.

 

It hadn’t been too long when Bill was forced awake by sharp, intense pain. He gasped and opened his eyes as he clutched his stomach. He couldn’t move, could barely breathe as the waves of pain wracked his body. Then as soon as it came it went, and Bill was left boneless in the euphoria experienced at the first absence of pain. He stared at the ceiling and tried to remember to breathe as he rubbed his stomach comfortingly. Stupid gas.

 

~*~

 

Tom picked up the phone and smiled, “Yeah I’m awake,” he teased as he stuck his iPod in a pocket.  “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Bill sounded tired and that worried him.

 

“Peter isn’t overworking you is he?” he asked again, not really expecting a different answer. His twin was a workaholic but he would have to come to the conclusion that he couldn’t work the demanding hours he used to.

 

“No. I haven’t started just yet. They’re fiddling with a mixing board. I just wanted to tell you you’ve got to remember to talk more. I’m not there to keep things going and Gustav and Georg clam up at times.”

 

Tom smiled and shook his head. “I know it’s hard to believe but I would have more to say if you didn’t hog the mike all the time,” he gave himself one last look in the mirror and left his room to jog downstairs and grab something quick to eat. There should be some left over pizza from when Andi came over.

 

“Yeah, whatever. I’m just worried.”

 

“Why? This isn’t the first time I’ve had to do an interview without you,” Tom said as he opened the paper box on the table and found two pieces of pepperoni pizza. Perfect.

 

“Yeah, but a four hour radio show?”

 

“Four hours?” Tom frowned as he grabbed a paper plate from on top of the refrigerator. “Four hours?”

 

“Yes Tomi, four hours. There’s going to be music in between the interview segments but the whole show is four hours long.”

 

“Shit.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“I’m sure Gustav will take care of it,” Tom licked some sauce from his thumb and stuck a piece in his mouth while he put the other in the microwave.

 

“Oh god,” Bill moaned. “Maybe I should come.”

 

“No,” Tom became quite serious at that comment. “I made a deal with Jost and I don’t want you to have to give any public appearances okay? You said you didn’t want to.”

 

“I don’t, but I’m worried about hearing you three crash and burn.”

 

Tom rolled his eyes and popped open the microwave. Nothing was better than one hot and one cold slice of pizza in the morning. “Yeah, because what would we do without our beloved and charismatic lead singer?”

 

“You better remember that,” Bill laughed. “I’ve got to go, they figured out whatever was wrong.”

 

“Okay,” Tom pulled his phone away and looked at the screen briefly before he put it back to his ear. “That’s Georg anyway. I’ll talk to you later.”

 

“Yeah, bye.” Tom hung up the phone as grabbed his pizza and locked the front door before he left. The familiar black van sat at the curb and Saki opened the door for him. “Oh come on guys!” he crowed as he climbed in and found Gustav pressed against Georg as they made out passionately. “I don’t need to see that as I’m trying to eat my breakfast.”

 

“You should consider yourself lucky you get such a show.” Georg retorted before Gustav gently turned his face back to him. Tom pointedly sat forward and missed Bill like crazy.

 

~*~

 

It was torture and everyone knew it. They might grumble good naturedly about Bill’s tendency to hog anything that vaguely looked like a microphone, but not even Tom really knew how much work went into being interesting.  Thankfully it was almost done but Tom had run out sex stories and after everyone had ragged on Georg to their hearts content they were still had a few minutes left and he had absolutely  no idea what they would talk about when they came back after the current song.

 

“Aaaand we’re back! I’m here with three fourths of the band that people either love and love to hate, Tokio Hotel! Tell me guys; do you have fans break in trying to touch your instruments?” The nameless announcer asked way too eagerly.

 

“Absolutely not,” Gustav shuddered. That was a topic he could wax philosophical about. “No one touches my drum sticks. Not even the crew. When they set up the set they have their own practice sticks and I keep mine in a safe place at all times.”

 

Georg smiled and didn’t realize he was close to the mike. “You would let me touch your sticks, wouldn’t you Gustav?” he asked in that sinful voice and the blond turned to look at him with a smile.

 

Tom kicked the bassist’s leg and glared at them both. “I have a guitar tech that tests my instruments but other than that no one gets to touch them,” he said a bit louder than intended.

 

“Not even Bill?”

 

Tom frowned and turned to the disc jockey. “No, he doesn’t have a real interest in my guitars.” It was the first time in the interview that his twin had been mentioned and it threw him for a small loop.

 

“I’m surprised. So how is he? I know he couldn’t be here for ‘personal health reasons’, but in this business that usually means a stint in rehab,” the man chuckled. Gustav sighed and looked away. He didn’t want to be able to say he witnessed anything if Tom managed to stab the man with his own mike.

 

“No rehab. Everyone in the band believes in staying drug free,” the dreadlocked teen responded mechanically.

 

“Everyone says that but few people actually mean it.”

 

“Then you can number us among them,” Tom retorted back.

 

“Well you hear it from the horse’s mouth! Sorry to say but the boys have to jet, probably to another photo shoot or something. We’d like to thank them for coming and being their interesting selves. Stay tuned for Munch’s Mid Morning Meltdown; call in with your rants and you get on the air!” the promo music started and faded into another song as everyone pulled off their headphones. “Thanks guys, I really appreciate it,” The man shook Georg and Gustav’s hand before he came to Tom. “No hard feelings right? I have to ask those questions provocatively, they raise ratings,” he said by way of an apology.

 

“Go fuck yourself,” Tom said cheerfully as he walked away.

 

~*~

 

Bill let himself in and smiled at the familiar head that peeked over the top of the couch. It was almost nine in the evening when he finally made it home. “Hey,” he said quietly as Tom looked over his shoulder.

 

“It’s about time!” he said as he stood up and ran around the couch. “Next time you go to the studio I’m going to be there, okay?” Tom helped Bill take off the black hoodie and before he could say anything else he was in his arms. “Are you okay?” he asked softly as he kissed Bill’s cheek and rubbed his back comfortingly.

 

“I just… we missed you so much,” Bill felt himself relax for the first time in almost forty hours.

 

Tom felt moisture on his shoulder and became alarmed. “Bill, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he pulled back so he could look at his brother’s face.

 

“I don’t know,” Bill sniffed and buried his nose in Tom’s neck as he clung almost desperately.

 

“Come on, let’s sit down.” He allowed himself to be led to the couch and sighed audibly as they sat down; Tom wrapped himself around Bill and kissed the tears away. “Now are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“I’m not sure it’s anything. I just had a long two days that’s all,” Bill felt himself calm down and he felt quite silly now that the intense emotion passed. Tom kissed him again and rubbed his stomach, but stopped when Bill winced.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m just a bit tender. I’ve been having some serious gas like you wouldn’t believe,” Bill blushed. “Be glad you were spared, I don’t think Peter has any thingies left,” he gestured at his face as he frowned.

 

“Eyebrows?” Tom supplied hesitantly.

 

“There you go. Where are Mom and Gordon?” Bill yawned and snuggled closer as he closed his eyes.

 

“He had an office party he had to go to. They won’t be home until after midnight,” Tom looked down at his brother’s face and was worried. With no make up he could see the bags under his eyes. He looked worn out and knowing Bill he didn’t give himself enough time to rest and the producers wouldn’t interfere on his behalf.

 

“Not so tight Tomi,” Bill murmured and Tom relaxed his grip as he watched him drift to sleep. He kissed Bill on the lips softly and tried to tell himself that the sense of foreboding he felt was irrational as all the websites he had read a few hours earlier drifted through his mind. They needed to get Bill a doctor and quick; then he would allow himself to relax. His twin shifted in his arms and Tom sighed.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Nope.

Tom jerked awake at the poke in his side. He hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep and winced at the beginnings of a crick in his neck. He yawned and looked down to see Bill stare at him expectantly. “Oh good, you’re awake,” he said brightly as he straightened.

Tom bit back another yawn and frowned. “You woke me up,” he clarified.

“Same difference. I’m hungry Tomi,” Bill looked as if he’d rested a little, but Tom could still see bags under his eyes.

“Go get some food out of the refrigerator. Mom made meatloaf.”

Bill shook his head vehemently. “No, I don’t even want to see meatloaf,” he said quietly as he tugged on Tom’s shirt. “Tomi, take me to McDonalds…”

“What? It’s…” Tom pulled out his phone and squinted at the display. “One in the morning! The only one that’s open is downtown,” he hissed.

“I’ll grab my shoes, you grab your wallet,” Bill looked around and kissed him quickly before he darted off. Tom was left on the couch in confusion. What just happened? He was pretty sure he said no, but his twin didn’t pay any attention to that. Typical Bill, he never paid attention to anything he didn’t like.

“Why am I paying for this?” he asked grumpily as he stood and stretched. Bill jammed his feet in his shoes and looked at him strangely.

“It’s your child,” he said simply and pulled open the door. “Hurry up,” he bounced. Tom shook his head and stumbled into the kitchen to pull his keys from the key hook. He again mourned the fact that he had his dream car and almost no time to drive it. Bill was waiting for him on the porch when he finally made it out the house, and grabbed the keys as Tom locked the front door behind him.

“Why are you so excited?” he mumbled as he climbed into the car as his exuberant twin put the keys in the ignition.

“Because it’s food!”

“We have food at the house.”

“It’s food I want, big difference. Ooh… give me your hand!” Bill yanked Tom’s hand away from the ignition and placed it over his stomach. They sat there for a few seconds and Tom looked at Bill expectantly.

“What am I supposed to be feeling?”

“I think the baby moved!” Bill said hesitantly. “Maybe I was wrong.”

“Or maybe it’s asleep, like we should be,” Tom suggested. Bill glared at him and he started the car dolefully.

~*~

“And a six piece chicken McNuggets,” Tom yelled at the speaker.

“Will that be all sir?” the voice on the speaker sounded just a tad irritated.

Tom turned to Bill expectantly. “Anything else Cuddles?”

Bill shot his brother a scathing look before he roved over the menu one more time. “Make it two Big Macs,” he nodded.

Tom looked at him briefly before he turned back to the menu. “I need you to make that two Big Macs please.”

“No problem,” the voice sounded like it was a very big problem, “Is there anything else you’d like to add?”

The person couldn’t even see him but Tom blushed furiously. He hated to change his order, especially four times. Bill didn’t mind though, he bounced in the passenger seat and twice Tom had to tell him to buckle up while the car was still on.  “Is that it Bill?”

“Yes,” he nodded quickly.

“No, that will be all.”

“Your total comes to twenty Euros, please drive around to the window.” Tom nodded and pulled around, almost certain to find the person at the window pissed off. He knew if it were him, he would be.

“Tomi…”

“Oh shit Bill, are you serious?” he turned to his brother exasperatedly. “What is it?”

“Apple pie?” Bill said in a small voice. Tom tried to stay angry but couldn’t, and when the person slid open the window he smiled apologetically.

“I’m sorry, but I have to add something to the order,” he said as he felt his face flame. The woman looked at him and sucked her teeth.

“But I asked you when you were at the menu, before you got to the window,” she said slowly.

“I know, but between the menu and here we decided to add something to the order, I’m sorry,” Tom sighed and pulled out another dollar. “I need an apple pie,” he said as he handed her the money.

“I just don’t understand why you want to make my job more difficult. You’re not the only customers we have you know, even at this time of the night and-”

Bill unbuckled his seat belt and leaned across Tom so the woman in the window could see his face clearly. “Look, we’re sorry you have to press a few more buttons to add the damn apple pie on the order, but if you complain one more time I am going to speak to your manager, okay?” he snapped, and Tom sighed and closed his eyes as he let his hit his head against his headrest repeatedly.

“Bill, come on, buckle up. The lady’s just tired okay?” he said soothingly as Bill glared at the lady one more time before he allowed himself to be pushed back into his seat gently.

“She just has to push a couple of fucking buttons? I don’t know why she wanted to make it out to be some sort of rocket science,” he fumed and Tom turned back to the window to take his change from the now tightlipped woman.

“Thank you,” he said weakly and pulled up to the next window. They were third in line and Tom looked over at Bill, who still seemed angry. “Are you okay? It’s taken care of now. She probably pissed her pants.”

Bill laughed at that and finally relaxed. “I guess I was a little harsh,” he admitted.

“A little harsh?” Tom asked incredulously. “A little harsh?”

“Okay fine.”

“I’m just saying, it took almost ten minutes for you to order,” Tom inched forward as they became second in line.

“I get it Tom, I’m being bitchy,” Bill sulked as he looked out his window. Tom frowned and stared at the back of Bill’s head for a moment. How did they end up here?

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t say that,” he ventured slowly.

“I can tell that’s what you were thinking,” Bill still didn’t turn around but Tom could see the pout in the window.

“Bill, I don’t want to fight okay? I agree that woman shouldn’t have been complaining and I am quite impressed how you got her to shut up, okay?” Tom reached out and ran his hand down Bill’s arm. His twin’s shoulder twitched and he turned around with a small smile.

“Perhaps I was being a little bitchy. Stranger things have happened,” he said softly. Tom shook his head as he pulled up to the window. This woman was pleasant and made sure they had enough ketchup packets and napkins in the bags as she handed them over. The twins thanked her and pulled off. “Where are we going?” Bill asked as they eased out of the parking lot.

“Home…” Tom looked over at his brother and frowned. “Why?”

“I was thinking we could go eat in the park,” Bill suggested.

“No, it rained last night, the ground is all wet,” he shook his head.

“No, I mean I want to eat in the car at the park,” Bill clarified. Tom sighed and realized his bed just became a bit further away.

“Fine,” he traveled the same way he did when he went home, but turned off a couple of streets early. The park at night seemed larger than it did in the day, but Tom couldn’t deny how peaceful it felt here. He turned off the car and watched as a few fireflies brighten and dim a couple of yards away from the car and Bill happily unbuckled himself and took the food to the back seat. “What are you doing?” Tom asked as he took off his seat belt so he could twist around to see his twin.

Bill arranged himself just the way he wanted and opened the bags to see what he wanted to eat first. “I’m about to eat, what does it look like?” he wrinkled his nose as he tried to make a decision.

“Is there anything for me?” Tom asked with a smile. Bill looked up at him and flipped his hair over his shoulder as he scoffed.

“I barely got anything,” he said as he finally decided on one of the Big Macs.  “But I think I can spare something.”

“I want some of the nuggets.”

“No,” Bill swallowed and shook his head. “I’m eating all the nuggets.”

“Fries then.”

“That’s the best part!”

Tom sighed. “Fine, how about the apple pie?”

“Think again,” Bill scooted around happily as he stuffed some fries in his mouth. “If you come back here with me then I’ll share,” he offered.

“Even the apple pie?”

“Except my apple pie.”

*

Bill watched Tom finish off the chicken nuggets he didn’t want and he found he continued to stare at his brother’s lips while he spoke. Now that Bill had eaten he felt totally relaxed and he shifted in his seat as Tom played with his lip ring subconsciously. “I’m sorry, what?” he asked quickly, startled out of his stare.

“You weren’t listening. What were you thinking about?” Tom asked as he slurped the coke. Bill took the cup out of his hand and kissed him deeply. When he pulled away his twin’s eyes were dark and they excited him. “Bill I’m too tired, cut it out,” he groaned as Bill deliberately climbed into his lap and grinded down. They both groaned and in a matter of seconds Tom was painfully hard. “It’s…” he leaned around Bill to look at the clock display on the dash, “almost four. We’ve been out here for long enough. Let’s go home.”

“But you can’t fuck me at home, at least not right now. If we go home I’m going to sleep and I’m not going to feel like letting you put your dick in my ass when I wake up later. It will be too hot and you know I don’t like being hot,” Bill put his hands on either side of Tom’s face and kissed him slowly. He licked his tongue ring before his twin eased his mouth open and by the time he’d mapped Tom’s mouth with his tongue Tom was beginning to involuntarily thrust up against him.

Tom sighed into the kiss and ran his hands down the graceful curve of his brother’s back, his calloused fingers traced down the knobby spine and spanned Bill’s waist. He continued upwards and brushed over the hard nipples that poked out of the shirt. Bill jerked and moaned into his mouth. “God Bill, you’re just going to make me fuck you huh?” he asked breathlessly.

“Pretty much,” Bill smiled and kissed him on the corner of his mouth before he rubbed his cheek against Tom’s softly. “I missed you so much while I was at the studio,” he said quietly.

“I missed you too. I knew I should have come to see you,” Tom sat forward as Bill eased his tee shirt up and over his shoulders. His cap was knocked off and landed somewhere but he didn’t care. Bill ran his fingers down Tom’s chest and leaned forward to place a kiss on his left pectoral. Tom pulled him up for another kiss as his hands skirted against the skin between the hem of Bill’s shirt and the waistband of the track pants he wore.

Bill’s skin felt hot and he slid his hand up under the shirt and continued until he cupped his twin’s breasts in his hand and felt the hard pebbles of his nipples against his palm. Bill threw his head back and moaned long and loud and Tom felt himself swell in his jeans. “Shit Bill, we don’t have anything to use,” he said as he smothered a moan.

Bill leaned over to grab his Prada bag and shoved things around until he came up with a small white bottle. “I come prepared to come,” he said cheekily and Tom laughed. The raven haired teen wiggled his way off of Tom’s lap and unzipped the oversized pants as he knelt between his older brother’s legs.

“Bill, what are you doing?” Tom lifted his hips and let Bill drag his pants and boxer shorts down until his cock sprung free. He hissed as the air hit it and Bill petted his thighs softly.

“Has it been that long?” he teased and without another word grasped Tom’s cock in his hands and stroked firmly. Tom’s hips jerked and he swore as Bill’s thumb slid across his slit and smeared the drop of precome that welled up. He brought his thumb to his mouth and sucked it in. Tom watched and bit back a moan as his dick twitched at the sight. He pulled Bill up for a brief kiss, but it seemed his twin had something else planned. With a wicked gleam in his eye the singer slid down Tom’s body and ran his nose along the length of his hard cock.

Bill could feel it throb on his face and he flicked his tongue against it quickly. Tom’s thighs quivered beneath his arms and he held them still. With a quick look up Bill lowered his mouth onto his twin’s cock and swallowed. Tom yelped as his whole body bowed in reaction to the intense sensation. He pushed back against the seat with his head as he struggled to breathe properly, and Bill hummed happily before he was wrenched up from his work desperately.  “Please, if I’m going to fuck you we need to do it now,” Tom said breathlessly.

Tom reached down and pushed Bill’s pants down; thankful they were straightforward track pants and not any number of ornamental belts that would require a locksmith or instructions. Bill wiggled out of them and sat on his lap gingerly. Their arousals collided and both boys moaned at the contact of heated flesh. Tom held up two fingers and Bill licked the pad of both fingers before he sucked to coat them with saliva. Tom pulled them out of his mouth and palmed Bill’s pert ass with both hands before he teased his eager entrance.

Bill threw his head back and panted at the evasive way Tom played at his hole. “God, cut it out and stick them in,” he tossed his head and sighed as his twin’s digits sunk into him. Tom found his prostate immediately and pressed it unexpectedly; Bill yelped and bit his lip as he pushed back against the thrust. Tom kept it up until he knew Bill was open and his cock couldn’t stand the sensation of his brother wiggling on his lap. “Are you going to stick it in?” Bill asked breathlessly.

“Gonna,” Tom lifted him up a bit and positioned his cock at his twin’s hot hole. He pushed into the heat slowly and moaned loudly at the feel of his dick as it slowly disappeared into Bill. His brother had his eyes closed and whispered something he couldn’t understand, all that mattered was that he could breathe again when Bill was fully seated. “Oh god, “he panted as he tried to get a handle on his body. Tom tried to think of anything to cause him to back away from the edge and finally he stumbled across a horrible thought of his grandmother naked to help him get under control.

“Oh god,” Bill panted as he finally opened his eyes. “I’ve been thinking about this all the way home from the studio,” he rocked his hips and Tom groaned. Bill took off his shirt and immediately Tom leaned forward to suck on a nipple gently. Bill rocked his hips again and sighed happily. He lifted himself slightly and grinded back down. “Tomi…” he wrapped his arms around his twin’s neck and half sighed, half moaned.

Tom tried to stay gentle but after a few minutes of Bill and his breathy moans coupled with the slick heat around his cock he couldn’t hold back his thrusts. “Shit Bill,” Tom managed to get out as he closed his eyes and tried to slow down. Bill whined low in his throat and did the hip move that always made him go rigid for moment before he started to pound into his body. Tom angled Bill’s hips and shoved him down onto his cock, hard. It increased the pleasure for both of them and soon Bill’s body was wracked with a fine tremble. It wouldn’t be long until he came.

Bill looked down at Tom as he rode him and gave him a kiss that wasn’t much of a kiss and more shared air. “I love you,” he moaned out and Tom bucked into him harder, unable to control himself. With great difficulty he moved his hand away from Bill’s hip and brushed against his cock. His twin gasped and shuddered as he squeezed his muscles around Tom’s cock.

Their rhythm became less controlled and more ragged as they moved against each other and Bill shuddered as Tom took his cock in his hand and began to fist him. It was too much and with a cry Bill came jerkily as he thrust up into his twin’s hand. Tom was right behind him as Bill’s orgasm caused him to squeeze his muscles most deliciously around Tom’s cock, which pushed him over with a howl as he pressed Bill against him. They stayed that way for a few minutes as heart rates came back to normal and small kisses were exchanged. “God, that felt so good,” Tom grinned against Bill’s chest.

“Mmm…” he agreed as he reluctantly pulled himself off of Tom’s lap. He winced as Tom frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked hurriedly.

“Nothing, I just ate that food way too quickly and I’m going to pay for it,” Bill shrugged and sat down on the seat to pull his pants on. “We’re going to have to get your car detailed. It smells like sex in here.”

Tom leaned over and gave him a long kiss. “Good,” he said playfully. “Now are you ready to go to bed?”

“Yes, I am,” Bill moved back into the passenger seat as Tom pulled up his pants and climbed into the driver’s seat.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You look a bit peaky,” Tom waited for Bill to put his seat belt on before they pulled off.

“No, I’m fine,” Bill rubbed his stomach as he leaned back in the chair, and Tom looked over and smiled. His twin had managed to fall asleep that quickly.

~*~

Bill closed his eyes against the knock at his door. It seemed he’d only been sleep for a few minutes when his mother arrived at his door. He didn’t bother to answer and wasn’t going to get up. After a few minutes his door opened and he heard soft steps stop beside his bed. “Bill, it’s time to wake up,” Simone said quietly.

He shook his head and kept his back towards his mother. “Not today,” Bill said quietly and hoped he would be able to go back to sleep when she left.

“Bill, we talked about this. The discomfort is just your stomach muscles stretching. Walking alleviates the pain, now come on,” Simone rubbed his shoulder and frowned as he pulled away from her touch.

“No, I don’t feel like walking today. I’m just going to lay here and try and go back to sleep,” he said irritably.

“I’m just trying to help,” she said quietly.

“If you want to help you can just leave me alone and let me sleep.” Simone stared down at her son in shock. He’d never spoken to her like this before, and without a word she walked out the door and closed it behind her.

Bill sighed and turned over; glad to see his room was once again empty. He turned back to stare at the wall and rubbed his stomach. For the past few days his stomach alternated between feeling heavy and aching. It was getting to the point where it interfered with his sleep; which is why Bill was short with his mother. That and the fact he didn’t want to go on one of her stupid walks.

If he could just get some sleep Bill knew he’d feel better, but for some reason or another it seemed like everyone transpired to interrupt his rest. The wall next to his bed was plain white and Bill just stared at it and willed himself to go to sleep. He gasped as a particularly sharp pain poked him on the side of his belly and he rubbed it away as he breathed deeply. Shortly he drifted to sleep and couldn’t feel any pain.

It didn’t last long as a prickling along his lower stomach woke Bill up fully. The light was different, the sun was up fully, and slowly he shifted so he could see his clock. It was eleven in the morning and it felt like Bill hadn’t slept at all. His stomach grumbled and he rubbed it gently and hissed at the tenderness. This was just gas wasn’t it? Bill closed his eyes as he rolled over and sat up; he had to pause because the room spun around madly until he closed his eyes again and took deep breaths. Soon it stopped moving and he opened his eyes to find a note on his desk.

He opened it and saw it was written in Tom’s curling script. He was at a solo photo shoot and wouldn’t be back until around four. Great. Bill crumpled the note and threw it somewhere on the other side of the room. He pulled on some clothes and carefully made his way downstairs. He saw Simone in the living room and wondered why she wasn’t at work, and before he could move into the kitchen she saw him and frowned.

“It would be nice if the two of you cleaned up after yourselves, I’m not a maid,” she snipped as she picked up one of Tom’s shoes and a few guitar picks in a pile where his twin had attempted to make a figure in the carpet. Bill remembered he gave up when Scooby Doo came on.

“I’ll let him know when he gets back from the shoot,” Bill said neutrally. He sighed and walked into the kitchen. Footsteps followed and he bit back a groan.

“You know, I didn’t appreciate it when you were rude to me this morning. All I was trying to do was help. Everything I do is because I want to help, because I want you to know I’m here for you,” Simone said angrily. “You just basically threw it back in my face.”

“Mom, that’s not what I meant to do, I’m just tired and you keep pushing,” Bill opened the refrigerator door and peered inside. His main thought was food and not his mother’s feelings.

“I made you some lunch already. It’s on the counter,” she said lowly.

Bill was glad she couldn’t see his face as he grimaced in the refrigerator. “That’s okay, I’ll find something.”

“Bill you’re going to try and find something fattening and unhealthy. Why can’t you just trust me and let me help you? I know a little something about pregnancy remember? Not only am I female, but I birthed twins. Trust me when I say the food I’ve made for you is better.”

“I don’t want to eat what you made okay? I’m having a craving for something and I don’t know what it is, but when I find it I’m going to eat it. A lot of it and it’s probably going to be unhealthy but I don’t care right now. I just… want…” Bill took a deep breath and pressed a hand to his stomach.

“What? What’s wrong?” Simone asked quickly as she took a step forward. Bill gestured for her to stop and she sighed exasperatedly. “Why can’t you just take the help being offered?”

“I don’t need your help right now! I’m just going to go back to bed,” Bill said weakly as he walked slowly back out of the kitchen. Simone leaned against the counter and fumed.

“Ungrateful!” she called out angrily and Bill stopped on the stairs and doubled over. The pain was getting worse, and he couldn’t talk. Dimly he was aware of Simone as she fussed from the kitchen and Bill tried to hold on to the railing. He was losing consciousness, the stair beneath him wobbled and Bill slowly felt himself fall backwards.

~*~

Tom threw a wave over his shoulder at the driver and jogged up the path to the front porch and let himself in noisily. “Hey Bill, it took longer at the photo shoot than they told me. I wish you could have been there, this chick had a tattoo over most of her face, it was awesome. She was a little ugly though,” he muttered as he toed out of his shoes and pulled his iPod out of his pocket.

“They wanted me to do this really dumb pose but I refused and the photographer practically pouted. I would like to see a pout match between the two of you. You’d probably win though,” he rambled on as he scratched beneath his hat. Maybe Bill would wax his locks and scratch at the same time. “Where are you? And why didn’t you call me when you woke up? I could have talked to you during the stupid break.”  Tom pulled his phone from one of his many pockets and winced.

“Oops, I had it off still,” he yelled as he walked into the kitchen and pushed the power button as he walked to the refrigerator.

“Tom,” a quiet voice said his name and he jumped and swore.

“Gordon you scared the shit out of me,” Tom breathed as he put his hand over his heart. It thumped like crazy as he calmed down. He looked closer at his stepfather and realized he looked wrecked. “What’s wrong?" Something shifted in the pit of his stomach and his heart rate increased again. “What’s wrong, where’s Bill?”

“Tom, I need for you to calm down,” Gordon said as he rose to try and steer Tom to a seat. The teen shrugged out of his grasp and looked at him with wide eyes.

“What’s wrong with Bill?” he asked fearfully, blood drained from his face and left him looking white as a ghost.

“He’s at the hospital; we tried to call you numerous times but you didn’t pick up,” Gordon tried to reach for Tom again but he pulled away and shook his head.

“No, this cannot be happening,” Tom choked as he reached for his car keys on the wall. He ran out of the kitchen and through the living room and would have collapsed if his stepfather hadn’t been there to catch him. He looked down into his son’s eyes and took the keys.

“We’ll take my car.”

~*~

Tom did not remember the ride to the hospital, nor did he remember the ride up the elevator to obstetrics or the brief talk Gordon had with the nurse. These things were told to him afterwards. He did remember the scene that greeted him as he walked around a corner. He saw his mother with tears streaming down her face as a doctor tried to explain what happened. He didn’t bother to stop and listen; who he needed to see was inside the room. He walked past them with eyes for only one and stopped just inside the door.

Author's Chapter Notes:

nein nein nein na na na na nein! Is it ever kids?

Bill sniffed as Simone cleaned his scrape and placed a big blue bandage over it. He hissed as his mother kissed it gently and gave him a hug. “Better?” she asked gently and Bill shrugged listlessly. “What’s wrong?”

“I broke my truck,” he put his head on his mother’s chest and pointed to the toy on the pavement. It was in two pieces and looked quite forlorn all by itself. Before Simone had a chance to explain it was detachable Tom ran out of the house straight to where Bill was still in her lap.

“Bill! Why didn’t you wait for me! You can’t hurt yourself if I’m not there,” he said seriously.”You have to wait for me.”

“I’m sorry Tomi, you were taking too long in the bathroom,” Bill sniffed again and wiped some dirt on his cheek as he tried to seem like a big boy, more like Tom.

Tom didn’t say anything, he still looked absolutely scandalized as he pulled Bill out of their mother’s grasp and into a hug of his own. Bill stopped sniffling and Simone smiled softly. So much for mommy medicine, apparently twin medicine trumped all. “Does it hurt?” Tom crouched down and touched the bandage with unsure fingers. Being five he just knew anything that required a band-aid had to be life threatening.

“A little. Tomi, I broke my truck!” To Bill that rapidly became the more serious crisis. Tom looked down at the toy and picked up the pieces gently. He liked the truck too.

“I can fix it,” he said surely.

Bill beamed. At five there was no one as amazing as his twin, and if Tomi said he could fix it then he could. He watched as Tom pushed the pieces together, they fit and the toy was suddenly whole again. “Wow,” he breathed.

“Isn’t that amazing,” Simone said dryly as Bill gazed at his brother with a mix of awe and pride. “I’m going to get snack ready. Can you two stay out of trouble until then? And no playing with the rocks in the shed, those are for my garden.”

The identical boys no longer paid attention to her; Bill only had eyes for Tom and his newly repaired truck. “You did it,” he said quietly as he reached out and touched the red plastic in his brother’s hand.

Tom nodded and smiled. “I don’t want you to cry ever again Bill,” he grabbed his hand and put the toy on the ground.

“Ever?” Bill’s face scrunched up as he tried to figure out how long that would be.

“Ever,” Tom shook his head and pulled him down to sit beside him.

“Well, you know how to fix everything, so I know I don’t ever have to cry again,” Bill beamed and totally forgot about his scraped knee.

Tom tried to remember how to breathe as he stared at his little brother on the bed. Bill was so pale… he swallowed and stepped forward. He had an IV in his arm and the only thing that moved was the slight rise and fall of his chest. His eyes were closed and the only sound in the room was the steady beep of the heart monitor.

He felt too large to be in the room with the way Bill seemed so small on the bed. His twin was taller than he was but he seemed so… deflated. Even his hair seemed more limp than normal. The doctor came to stand beside him and Tom couldn’t remember if he heard her walk in. There was so much about the last hour he couldn’t remember. “He’s just sleeping,” she said quietly and the whisper echoed around the room.

Tom wanted to tell her to be quiet, that Bill was asleep and he hated to be woken up but this wasn’t the tour bus and he couldn’t get the words to move past the lump in his throat. He swallowed harshly and tried again. “What… happened?” he asked hesitantly. What could have possibly happened, he wasn’t gone very long. He should have been there, it was just a stupid photo shoot and now Bill was in the hospital and… Tom told his inner voice to shut up so he could hear the doctor.

“We had to perform emergency surgery. Your brother experienced some internal bleeding. I explained it to your mother-”

“I want you to explain it to me,” Tom whispered. He took a deep breath and tried to unclench his jaw.

“Well, Bill had an abnormal growth attached to his protowomb. It broke off and was wedged just behind it. The male womb is still so new to us and is especially fragile. The baby basically sent out an SOS the only way it knew how. The growth was an early stage fetus that died. It existed before his womb was created, and when it finally formed the growth was attached to the membrane wall.”

Tom held up his hand and shook his head. “Wait, it was a baby?”

“I think it would help if you didn’t think of it that way,” she said gently. “It couldn’t have been more than a few weeks old when it died. Normally when a woman has a miscarriage the waste is flushed out of the body. The male reproductive system doesn’t have the correct pluming for that type of elimination. Basically it stayed in the body attached to what became the protowomb. It leeched minerals the baby needed for itself. In the end the cells became cancerous and continued to multiply. If we hadn’t found it in time the baby would have died.”

“So did it make the baby sick?” he didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer to the question. That on top of everything else might just break him.

“The baby is malnourished, which is why we have Bill connected to an IV, but she’ll be fine. He shouldn’t have a problem with weight gain now but we’re going to have to keep him for a few days to make sure there are no more cancerous cells. He’ll be quite weak and sore when he wakes up. Bill’s muscles were trying to expel the growth without having a place for it to go, and it ended up stuck somewhere it had no business being. But like I said, without that we wouldn’t have known until it was too late.”

Tom looked at her and frowned. “Doctor…”

“Addams.”

“Doctor Addams, did you say she?” he asked as he replayed what the woman just said.

The doctor smiled. “Yes, I did.”

Tom turned to Bill on the bed and looked at him in wonder. The person he loved most in the world was going to give him a daughter. He took a step forward and smiled. “Bill?” Tom couldn’t wait to see his twin. He needed him to open his eyes so he could make sure Bill was okay.

“Mister Kaulitz, he got out of surgery roughly an hour ago,” Doctor Addams told him gently. “He’s still sleeping off the anesthesia and probably can’t hear you.”

Tom shook his head. He wouldn’t feel better until he heard Bill’s voice, or saw him open his eyes… anything... “Bill,” he said again, this time more insistent as he finally found the courage to cross the distance that still separated them to kneel beside the bed. He beamed with relief as Bill opened his eyes and Tom touched his face gently. His eyes were unfocused and his lids drooped, but he was alive. Tom nodded and took a deep breath to hold the tears back as Bill sighed and closed his eyes again. That was all he needed.

“Please let him sleep. I know you’re worried but he needs his rest. His body is exhausted; most people forget how much energy it takes to be pregnant, especially men. He can’t keep pushing himself.” Tom nodded at Doctor Addams’ words and made a vow that Bill would never lift a finger ever again.”Mister Kaulitz!”

“What?” Tom looked at her wildly. Apparently he didn’t respond the first time she called his name.

“I’m going to let your parents in, but I cannot stress enough how much he needs rest,” she said gently. “When he wakes up I want to be alerted; I have some things we need to go over.”

“Okay,” he nodded once and grabbed the chair against the wall; Tom picked it up and put it right beside the bed where his twin slumbered. He looked up and watched their mother thank the doctor again right before Gordon did the same. She walked over to the bed and touched Bill’s ankle through the cover, Simone looked worn and washed out.

“Oh my baby,” she whispered as she sniffled. Gordon walked up to the other side of the bed and looked down at his stepson.

“He looks so young again,” he mused as he touched Bill’s hand briefly. Tom had to agree, it seemed that his twin had regressed in age a couple of years. He looked so innocent and precious. His heart clenched and Tom tightened his grip on Bill’s hand. “Do you all remember when we went to Grandpa’s house for those two weeks?”

Simone laughed quietly. “Bill got bit by a mosquito, yeah. I remember that,” she and Tom shivered in unison. Bill was laid out quite the same way he was in the hospital bed; he was found near the water, unconscious and unresponsive and they hadn’t known what was wrong. “It never gets easier.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Gordon agreed. “But at least some good has come out of all this. He’s getting medical attention and we know the baby has a better chance of being healthy. If we dwell on what could have happened we’d drive ourselves crazy,” he said firmly. Tom looked up to find him staring right at him.

He blushed and turned his gaze back to Bill. Worse case scenarios were the only thing that played in his head as he looked at his twin. What could have happened… the dozens of things that could have gone wrong coalesced into a lump in his throat that tasted bitter. No matter how much he swallowed it wouldn’t go away.

“Yeah,” Simone nodded slowly. “I shouldn’t have let it go on for so long,” she said quietly. Tom closed his eyes and hoped his mother would stop there. Of course she didn’t. “I should have gone ahead and found a doctor myself. Then Bill wouldn’t be in this situation now.”

“Bill wanted to find his own doctor,” Tom said warily.

“But he didn’t, he just put it off like he always does when it’s something important.  I just-” Simone stopped as Tom rose out of his seat.

“Stop,” he said quietly.  “You just keep pushing and pushing-”

“Wait, you think this is my fault?” she asked as her voice rose.

“Stop it, both of you. We’re not having this conversation right now. No Simone, we’re not,” Gordon cut his wife off as she tried to object. “Now we’re dealing with the present, whatever happened in the past is just that, the past.” He sighed and took Simone’s hand. “We should go and let Bill have his rest. Tom, do you want to ride home with us and get your car?”

Tom looked down at Bill and shook his head. “No, I want to be here when he wakes up,” he decided.

His stepfather nodded. “Just call me when you’re ready, I’ll come pick you up.”

Tom nodded and watched as Gordon gently tugged his mother out of the room and closed the door behind them. It was finally quiet again and he laid his head on the bed and watched the rise and fall of Bill’s chest and slowly drifted to sleep.

~*~

It was as if he had to move through molasses, his limbs did not want to listen but eventually they started to respond and Bill opened his eyes to see a nondescript ceiling. A few wisps of memory slid into place and he quickly placed his hand on his stomach, fearful of what he would or wouldn’t find. It was still there, the slight curve, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

His body remembered the sensation of falling and Bill shivered slightly. That had to be one of the scariest things he’d ever felt. He rubbed his stomach and hissed slightly at the sore feeling that slowly emerged. It felt as if he’d done a million crunches in one minute and it was concentrated on his lower abdomen. Gingerly Bill touched the skin and with his finger traced a long scar across his stomach. Bill frowned as a million thoughts ran through his head.

What if he wasn’t pregnant anymore? What if something happened and it was his fault because he didn’t want to take the walks like his mother wanted him to? Maybe it was the junk food he snuck around her back… Tears prickled in his eyes and he gasped, suddenly unable to breathe. He heard a toilet flush and Tom stepped out of the bathroom as he wiped his hands with a paper towel. “Tomi,” he said weakly, relief flooded Bill’s system and he felt lightheaded.

“Bill!” he rushed over and grabbed his hand. The tears started to fall and Tom wiped them away quickly. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain, because I could go get the nurse,” he said in a rush. Bill sniffed and shook his head.

“The baby did I… lose it?” he asked with a sob.

Tom shook his head and kissed Bill’s forehead. “No, the baby is fine,” he said as he leaned down to hug his twin. “The baby is fine.”

“So what happened?” Bill wiped his eyes and breathed deeply to calm his heart rate. The monitor’s beep had increased with his fear and worry. He didn’t want to let go of Tom as he pressed his face against his brother’s neck, trying to get a bit of strength from him.

“You had to have surgery. Doctor Addams said she would talk to you about what happened, I should go get her,” Tom said as he kissed him on the forehead.

Bill shook his head and held on tighter. “No,” he mumbled, “I don’t want you to go anywhere.”

“You don’t have to.” Both boys were so wrapped up in each other they didn’t hear the door open. Doctor Addams closed it behind her with a smile. “I was at the nurse’s station and when your heart rate increased briefly the machine alerted us. I assumed you were awake,” Doctor Addams said as she came forward to stop at the foot of Bill’s bed. She picked up the chart and smiled reassuringly at him.

Tom pulled away uneasily; they could have gotten caught in more than a brotherly embrace. He had seriously contemplated kissing Bill before she showed up. To think if he hadn’t restrained himself… “What did you want to talk to Bill about?” he asked to cover up his sudden anxiety.

“First, I want to introduce myself. I’ve met everyone but you,” Doctor Addams came around and held out her hand. “I’m Doctor Roberta Addams.”

Bill took the hand with a small smile and shook it politely; all the while he refused to let Tom go. He was still half crouched over the bed and the guitarist’s back was about to complain. “Bill Kaulitz, nice to meet you,” he said tiredly. “What happened to me?”

“I’ll sum this up as best I can. You had a growth on what we are now calling the protowomb. It was a bundle of cells that became cancerous. They were multiplying and sucking the nutrients from your baby.” Bill put his hand on his stomach protectively and frowned.

“So I have cancer?”

“We don’t believe so,” Doctor Addams shook her head. “The growth was benign but if we hadn’t found it when we did your baby would have died. I’m not going to lie to you; male pregnancy is highly dangerous and extremely fragile. Did your obstetrician tell you any of the risks involved with your pregnancy?”

“I don’t actually have an obstetrician,” Bill admitted. “We were going to try Doctor Eisner but that didn’t work out.”

Doctor Addams rolled her eyes and made a note in the chart. “Ludo Eisner is an ass,” she said flatly. Tom cracked a smile and Bill nodded. He definitely agreed with that character assessment. She sighed and closed the chart. “I won’t sugar coat this. Very few men are able to carry to term; the threat of a miscarriage is very high all throughout the pregnancy. There have been a total of about two hundred perfectly healthy births out of what now has become close to fifty thousand. The rest did not survive outside the womb, were stillbirths, or had serious medical problems. The odds are… not stacked in our favor.”

“So what does that mean exactly?” Tom asked fearfully. “Is Bill going to be okay?”

“We’re going to do our best to make sure he stays that way. That means getting regular check ups every week and getting plenty of rest and cutting down on the stress. We performed an amniocentesis and we’re screening for any potential problems. The more we know and the sooner we know it the easier it will be to see when we need to schedule your cesarean.”

“Schedule?” Tom frowned. It sounded like they were supposed to just pick a date.

Doctor Addams nodded. “You know of course you won’t be having a vaginal birth, right?” she asked playfully.

“Last time I checked I didn’t have a vagina,” Bill snorted. She smiled and nodded.

“Exactly, so we’re going perform a cesarean. I would suggest you try and carry the baby as long as you can, but no one really expects you to be able to last past thirty-two weeks. Quite a few men who tried experienced health problems. Irregular heart beat, increased headaches, insomnia and constipation to name a few.”

Bill subconsciously started to rub his stomach and tried to quell the dread that rose. “So I can expect all of that?”

“Maybe, maybe not. This field is so… new. We’re only able to go on what we’ve seen so far. So far I haven’t found any cases with someone as young as yourself, so that is why you’re going to have to get regular check ups every week. We’re going to do our best to have your daughter born healthy.”

Bill blinked. “Daughter?” he asked quietly. Tom smiled at the dazed look on his twin’s face.

Doctor Addams nodded. “Yes, a beautiful baby girl. Ten fingers and ten toes. Tomorrow we’ll perform another ultrasound and you’ll be able to see her for yourself.”

“A daughter…” Bill breathed and squeezed Tom’s hand in happiness.

“Yes. So for you and her sake you’re going to have to see the doctor every week,” she admonished.

“Every week, okay.” Bill nodded slowly. “Doctor Addams, exactly how far along am I? Doctor Eisner said that I was at the end of my third month when I saw him, which was about almost a week ago, but he said he would have to run more tests.”

“You are exactly seventeen weeks, or in the first week of your fourth month. The growth would have caused problems with pinning down your conception date. Contrary to popular belief science is usually wrong when diagnosing the start dates of pregnancies, happens all the time.” She said reassuringly.

“Four months,” Bill looked down at this stomach and nodded.  “He said I was underweight, am I?”

“Unfortunately it is a serious concern, but that’s not really your fault. Your metabolism is extremely high and you are an active teenage male, those two go hand in hand. Coupled with the growth we removed you couldn’t win for losing. I’m going to suggest you eat frequent small meals so we can get your weight gain on track, and hopefully get the baby back on track as well.”

“How long does he have to stay here?” Tom had eased into the chair next to the bed but Bill refused to let go of his hand and he squeezed it reassuringly.

“I will finish all the tests I need in two days, but I want to monitor you for four.”

“Four days?” Bill screeched at the length as if it were a prison sentence.

“Yes, four days, and that’s less than what I initially wanted. You’ve gone quite a bit of time without prenatal care and I have a responsibility to make sure that everything is as good as it can be. During these first twenty four hours we’re watching you to make sure there is no more hemorrhaging and we will check for any growths we might have missed. I’m reluctant to put your body through any more surgery but if we find something we might not have any alternative.”

“He understands,” Tom interjected before Bill could say anything. He gave his brother a look and he meekly nodded.

“Good. Bill, you’re going to have to start listening to your body. Unfortunately men are equipped with this blind spot when it comes to their own health and will ignore any and all aches and pains if it suits them. That time for you is over, are we clear? You need to report any unusual pains, anything you have a question about or anything that happens and you don’t know the cause of.  Don’t hesitate to bother us night and day, okay?”

Bill nodded and smiled. “Okay. You’re so different from Doctor Eisner,” he sighed as he shook his head; Bill actually felt comfortable with this doctor.

“I’m not an ass,” Doctor Addams smiled as Bill tried to hide his yawn. “I expected you’d be tired, so I’ll let you sleep. Maybe your brother would like to get you a few things from home? It will help you feel better about your stay here.”

“Thank you,” Bill said seriously.

“No problem Bill. We’re going to make sure you’re healthy before you leave.”

“Thank you Doctor,” Tom echoed gratefully and she nodded and excused herself. He turned to Bill and sighed. “How do you feel?”

Bill shrugged. “Physically I’m sore and tired and the back of my head kind of hurts,” he reached up to touch his head carefully. “Mentally? I don’t know.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling. My thoughts are all over the place.” Tom looked down at Bill’s hand in his and rubbed the knuckles gently before he kissed them.  They just looked at each other for a few minutes and listened to the sounds of the hospital around them. It was in the early evening and from the small window they could see the red gold of the sunset.

“You want to know something? I don’t know how I feel about being pregnant, even now, but when I woke up…. The thought that I might not be anymore…” Bill sighed and shrugged helplessly. “It wasn’t as much of a relief as I thought it would be.”

 Tom nodded and put his hand on the baby bump and wondered if it was selfish that he hadn’t wanted Bill to terminate the pregnancy. It would have been safer. “I wish we hadn’t-”

“Hadn’t what?” Bill interrupted him warily.

“Hadn’t had sex in the parking lot of the park,” he hissed quietly. “This is probably my fault-”

“Are you serious? Tom… you’re well endowed but you’re not that big. It wasn’t your fault. To tell you the truth I was cramping up a bit before we started but I wanted it. I love being with you and you could never hurt me. You or your monster cock.”

“Ugh, Bill…” Tom blushed and whined in embarrassment as he looked around to see if anyone heard. Bill just laughed and ran the tips of his fingers down his twin’s cheek.

“All of this hasn’t hit me yet. I’m so scared and I can feel it but it’s behind a wall. I don’t know why,” he admitted. “I just can’t deal with it right now.”

“We’re going to get through this together, I promise.” Tom checked to see that no one was at the door and kissed Bill quickly.

“Okay,” Bill said quietly. “Are you still going to love me when I get big and fat? When I can’t see my feet and I look disgusting?”

Tom frowned and then laughed. “I can’t imagine you fat.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“I would love you if you decided to sprout another head on your shoulders. God knows you’d probably be smarter,” he teased and Bill snorted and laughed before he winced and grabbed his stomach.“Sorry,” Tom said quickly as he reached out and rubbed his twin’s stomach gently.

Bill relaxed and looked even sleepier than he did a minute ago. “It’s okay,” he mumbled as he felt his muscles relax as they always did under his twin’s touch. “Tomi, we’re going to have a daughter…” Bill trailed off as he stared at the ceiling.

“If she’s half as beautiful as you then she’s going to be trouble,” Tom smiled and shook his head.

“Idiot, she’s going to look like both of us. Or maybe like Mom.” Bill frowned and yawned.

“Do you want me to get some of your things from home?” he wanted to know before his twin fell asleep again.

“Yes. My cell phone, my make up bag, and some pajamas; the assed out look is not in style anymore,” Bill could barely speak around the yawn and Tom kissed him on the forehead.

“That’s it?”

“Mmm…” was all Bill said as he dropped off to sleep. Tom ceased his caress and sighed. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with Bill and wrap him up tight and never leave, but Tom would rather go and come back while Bill was asleep so he could be with him while he was awake.

Tom pulled out his phone and dialed Gordon’s cell number. It rang twice before he heard his stepfather’s voice. “You’re ready?” he asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“I’ll be outside in twenty minutes.”

~*~

“I hope you don’t blame your mother for what happened,” Gordon finally broke the silence in the car. They weren’t far from home and while the absence of conversation wasn’t strained, it was full of things unsaid. Tom was perfectly fine with that.

“I’m not blaming her for the growth and everything. I’m blaming her for constantly stressing Bill out.”

“You’re going to have to understand how difficult this is for your mother. She just wants to help, and you know she goes overboard when she’s nervous. Remember when Jost came over for the first time to discuss the record deal?”

Tom closed his eyes and shook his head at the memory as he suppressed a smile. Their mother had cooked a five course meal when David was only expecting coffee. “Yeah,” he said gruffly.

“So cut her some slack. She feels bad enough as it is,” Gordon looked over at his son. “How are you doing?”

“I’m scared. My hands won’t stop shaking.” Tom sighed and wished he were back with Bill again. On the way back he would have to try not to speed.

“I know, I’m scared too; I looked up male pregnancy on the computer and I was scared then. But Bill is strong and I know you’ll be there for him, even if the father isn’t.” The tone of his voice revealed his feelings on that particular matter.

Something inside of Tom crumpled and he wanted to say he was there, right next to Bill where he belonged but he knew he couldn’t. “Yeah,” he said softly.

“But you’re there and I know that means a lot to your brother and I am proud of you. Just take it easy on your mother, that’s all I ask.”

Tom didn’t say anything as they finally pulled into the driveway and when Tom entered the house he didn’t see his mother downstairs. She was most probably in her room, and that suited him fine. He ran up the stairs and opened Bill’s door and froze.

Simone sat curled up on her son’s bed and Tom could tell she’d been crying. His heart clenched as he stepped forward. She looked over at him and turned away as she wiped her face. “I know you probably hate me; you think I pushed Bill too much. I didn’t mean to.”

“Mom…” Tom pinched the bridge of his nose to try and stem the impending headache and started again. “I don’t hate you. I can’t talk about this right now. I came to get some of Bill’s things. He has to stay in the hospital for a few days.” He went to his brother’s dresser and pulled out a couple of pairs of pajama pants; he planned to grab a few of his white shirts so Bill could be comfortable.

Simone watched him stuff a few more things in a medium sized bag and look around. “What are you looking for?” she asked softly.

“Bill’s phone.”

“It’s here,” Simone held the phone and sighed. “It just kept beeping. Text messages, phone calls… It didn’t stop,” she handed it to Tom.

He looked down at the phone and nodded. “Bill’s popular,” Tom said dryly. He looked down at his mother and sighed. “You can’t do this for him.”

“I want to,” she shook her head as she wrung her hands. “I don’t want my baby to go through this.” Tom put the bag down and gave her a big hug. He understood how difficult and strange this must be for their mother, but she had no idea how it was from his point of view.

No one did.

“I’ve got to go; I want to be there when Bill wakes up. Are you going to come see him tomorrow?”

“You want me too?” Simone looked up at her son seriously.

Tom blinked and sighed. At times it was painfully obvious where Bill got his flair for the dramatic. “Yes Mom, Bill would want to see you,” he said carefully.

“Then I’ll be there. Oh my sons,” Simone rose up on her toes and kissed Tom on the cheek quickly. “You’re both lucky to have each other.”

“Yeah,” Tom nodded and patted her on the shoulder. “I have to go now.”

“Tell your brother I love him,” Simone said quickly as she followed Tom out of the room. She watched him dash inside his bedroom and come back out with a handful of plain white tee shirts.

“Yeah, okay,” he said as he jumped over the wobbly step and ran into the kitchen as he stuffed the shirts into the bag. Tom nodded at Gordon as he grabbed his keys and ran out to his car. He’d managed to pull the car out and make it all the way to the hospital when he thought his nose began to run. He touched his face and pulled his hand away. Tom’s fingers were bright red. He grabbed some discarded napkins from their McDonalds run and pulled into the first available spot even though it was ridiculously far away.

Tom turned off the car and pressed the napkins to his face and tilted his head back. His hands shook like he’d just played a four hour guitar solo and before he knew it he was wiping his eyes with his sleeve. The tears wouldn’t stop and he wept for the child that he would never know; cried in fear of what could happen to Bill and their baby. Tom sobbed until he was dizzy and slumped against his seat with a wad of bloody tissues pressed against his nose.

He wiped his face again and checked in the rear view mirror to make sure he didn’t look like a vampire as he wadded up the used paper and stuffed it back in the glove box. Tom looked at his hands and willed them not to shake and grabbed Bill’s bag and slid out of the car. He looked up at the hospital and felt the weight of the future, both good and bad.

Chapter End Notes:

This chapter was unbeated so if you find mistakes they're all mine. I'm going to get someone to look over it to fix the mistakes. I just really wanted to get this chapter up before someone smothered me in my sleep for not updating. O.O

Author's Chapter Notes:

*nods*

“So he looked up and the cat pissed in his eye,” Georg snorted. Gustav shook his head and laughed.

“What a prick,” he chortled and went to knock on Bill’s door when it swung open and they were faced with Jorg Kaulitz. His eyes looked suspiciously shiny as he nodded and sniffed as he stepped around them. Both boys looked at each other for a second before they walked into the room. Bill was standing at the bathroom door and looked somewhat tired but in good spirits.

“Hey guys,” he said warmly, very glad to see them. Tom was in a chair with his socked feet on the bed as he stared up at the television and tried to work the remote.

“Hey,” he said as he frowned at some talk show as he flipped past.

“Uh… why was Jorg crying?” Georg asked as he closed the door behind them. Bill looked at Tom who sighed and reached into his pants and pulled out ten Euros.

“Thank you,” Bill snatched the money and put it in his robe pocket. “He saw the ultrasound,” he grabbed a printout from the small table next to the bed and hobbled over to Gustav.

“Are you okay?” the blond asked as he took the paper. Bill nodded and walked slowly back to the bed as he pulled his I.V. with him.

“Yeah, I have to get up and move around every once in a while or the doctor said I’ll get really sore, even though I can’t really imagine feeling more sore than I do now,” he admitted as Tom got up and helped him back into the bed.

Gustav looked down at the piece of paper in his hands and blinked; he could clearly make out the head and the hands, the rest seemed to blur together. He felt Georg step up behind him and Gustav couldn’t help but wonder what he and Georg would have done if they were in the same situation as Bill. He shivered and tried not to think about it. “Wow, this is inside of you?”

“So they tell me,” Bill smiled.

Georg looked at his friend weirdly and sighed. Somewhere in the back of his mind, no matter what physical changes Bill’s body went through, he still thought there was a possibility this wasn’t actually happening. The ultrasound was real; it proved there was a baby in the singer, a real live baby… “Have you guys picked a name yet?” he managed to get out as he blinked away the tears that sprung up out of nowhere. Gustav rubbed his back comfortingly and gave Tom the picture back.

“No, we just found out it was a girl yesterday,” Bill smiled and yawned. “God, my mother and Gordon were here this morning for the ultrasound and then Dad came through and everyone’s asked if I have a name picked out yet. When was I supposed to have picked one?”

“You could call her Claudia. I’ve always liked that name,” Gustav offered with a smile. Georg looked at him strangely and Tom snorted.

“You know Bill, he’ll probably name her Nena,” Tom teased, and laughed as Bill swatted his shoulder.

“For the love of God, don’t let him name her that,” Gustav shivered and took a seat on the other side of Bill’s bed. “So, are you doing okay? Tom told us what happened.”

Bill shot his brother a dirty look before he turned back to the drummer. “I’m fine now. I just have to stay on the I.V. while I’m here. It’s going to make me gain weight and give me nutrients for the baby.”

“Bill thinks he can taste it in his mouth,” Tom said dryly as Georg sat on the other side of the bed near the singer’s feet.

“I can,” he argued as he made a face. “It tastes kind of sweet.” Tom looked over at him and smiled fondly.

“You’re so full of it.”

“Tomi!” Bill laughed as he screeched. “I’m not going to name her Nena,” he stuck his tongue out at his twin and settled back against the pillows. Tom frowned at the obvious fatigue of his brother, and when he looked over at his friends he could tell they noticed too.

“Hey, we didn’t stop for long, we’re running to Berlin today,” Georg said a bit too cheerfully and Tom smiled in appreciation. If they didn’t excuse themselves Bill would never ask them to leave.

“On a date?” Bill yawned as a smile fought its way onto his face.

“Maybe,” Gustav shrugged and patted him on the ankle. “We’ll be back to see you guys okay?”

“Yeah, hey, I’ll walk you out,” Tom stood up and touched Bill’s hand. “You’re going to be okay?”

“You’re just going down the hall Tomi,” the singer said as he drifted off. Tom smiled and followed Gustav and Georg out of the room and closed the door behind him.

“Thanks guys, he’s exhausted,” he said once they were in the hall.

“Why is he so tired?” Georg asked worriedly. “It’s like he’s not getting any rest.”

“Between the surgery yesterday evening and the ultrasound this morning he hasn’t had much sleep. He keeps waking up in the middle of the night or he can’t get to sleep. Mom and Gordon were supposed to come by this afternoon but then they heard about the ultrasound and they came for that. No one knew Dad was coming by and he stayed for about an hour. It took him all of ten minutes to threaten the father and tear up at the same time,” Tom smiled at Doctor Addams as she walked by and sighed. “It’s been a busy morning.”

“We didn’t have to come by to see him today, I mean, you could have called us and we would have come tomorrow,” Gustav frowned. “I don’t want Bill stressed.”

 Tom rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. “He wanted to see you guys, and we’re both glad you came.”

“You know, I know this must be weird for you, like weirder than it is for any one of us. You’re a good brother,” Georg smiled as they came to a stop in front of the elevators. “Can we come see him tomorrow afternoon?”

“He’d love it, we’re already getting sick and tired of the cable here,” the guitarist laughed.

“What, no porn?” Gustav teased.

“Exactly, you know me so well,” Tom rolled his eyes and pushed the blond into the elevator as it opened. “See you tomorrow,” he waved and turned away.

The ride down to the parking lot was a bit quiet as Georg stared at the wall as he chewed his lip. Gustav watched him until the doors opened and they were on the ground floor. “What are you thinking about?” he asked quietly as they stepped out of people’s way.

“Just… god, so much is going to change for Bill. So much, and it’s just mind boggling. His life is never going to be the same,” he said in a daze. “Like, never.”

“You’re just now figuring this out?”

“No, but until I saw that ultrasound… it’s just… I don’t know.”

Gustav understood, he really did, and part of him was scared for Bill, scared for the baby; but he knew that with Tom and their parents Bill wouldn’t have to go far for support.

“Gustav?”

“Hmm?”

“What if that happened to us?” Gustav looked at him before he pulled on his glasses. The sun was bright and they hadn’t even made it outside yet.

“It won’t. You’re not taking the stupid patch and we use a condom,” he said. That was the end of that in his mind.

“I know, but what if it had happened to us?”

“I’m not thinking about that,” Gustav fell into step with Georg as he slowed to put on his glasses as well. “And don’t say ‘but it could’ve’, because I hate hypotheticals.”

Georg was silent as they walked to his car and quickly got in. “Gustav?” he asked as he turned on the car. The drummer looked over at him and frowned.

“Yeah?”

“No offense, but I wouldn’t want to carry your baby.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

~*~

“It’s disgusting,” Bill grimaced and shook his head as Andreas hazard to take a bite.

“Ugh, it tastes like chalk,” he spat it back into the small bowl and put it on the tray. “No wonder you’re not eating it.”

“He tried to get me to taste it, I refused. It looks like chalk. Gooey chalk,” Tom sat on the bed next to Bill’s feet as he looked a car magazine. Samy Deluxe was on the cover, and an Escalade with amazing rims. He looked up at Bill and pointed to the picture. The look on his twin’s face was a definite no.

“Yeah, that’s wrong. Are they trying to make you feel bad for landing in here? But if you would take better care of yourself then you wouldn’t be here,” Andreas said pointedly as he picked up a card from the deck. Bill rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Yes, Mom.”

“Come on, seriously. I worry about you, especially since I have more to worry about,” Andreas rolled his eyes as Bill looked down in fear. “God, you’re going to be really hard to deal with when you get fat, aren’t you?”

“I’ve already decided I’m hiding everything that’s breakable,” Tom looked up and shook his head. “Can’t you just see him? Throwing shit everywhere after he gets a glimpse of himself in the mirror… Actually I’m going to get rid of all the mirrors just to be safe,” he grinned at their best fiend.

“I’m going to kill you,” Bill kicked his brother in the leg and winced as he touched his stomach. Andreas’ eyes were wide as he watched Bill take a few deep breaths and relax against the pillows.

“Are you okay?” he asked carefully.

“Yeah, sometimes that happens. My muscles are still trying to recover and sometimes the stitches feel tight,” Bill reassured him. Tom rubbed his ankle softly and wished he could take some of the pain away.

“Why are you doing this alone?” Andreas asked after a few minutes. Tom looked up from his magazine and frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“Why isn’t the dad here? Bill’s in pain and in the hospital for fuck’s sake, and still the guy hasn’t shown up. Does he not care?”

Bill looked up from his cards and shifted uncomfortably under his best friend’s gaze. “It’s not that simple,” he said quietly.

“Sure it is. Either the fucker is here or he isn’t. End of story. He should be here Bill,” The blond put his cards down got up to pace.

“I’m not doing this alone. Tom’s here, I’ve got my parents and hopefully you’re going to stick around for awhile. Let’s just drop it because this is how it has to be,” he pleaded.

“Why isn’t anyone willing to talk about it? Shit Bill, I’m your best friend, if you can’t tell me who can you tell! I bet Tom knows!” he threw up his hands in exasperation.

“Maybe he can’t come forward. Maybe it will be worse if he does,” Tom stared down at the hem of his shirt as he spoke quietly.

“If it were my kid I wouldn’t care about how difficult it was to come forward, I just would. I’m not a coward,” he hissed.

“I’m not a coward and fuck anyone who thinks I am!” Tom roared as he rose to face his best friend. Bill gasped from the bed and Andreas’ anger collapsed into confusion as he backed away from an angry Tom. The blond twin was not usually prone to fits of anger, and when he did get riled up it was a sight to see.

“What?” he asked shakily as he took another step back.

Tom’s face was red and he was breathing hard and he knew he said too much. He closed his eyes and wished he could take it back, but when he opened them again Andreas was still staring at him with wide eyes and disbelief written all over his face. He had to look away.

Andreas glanced at Bill, but he refused to look up, and chose instead to stare at the sheet that covered his legs, cards forgotten. “Oh god…” he said lowly as he turned back to Tom. “Are you the father?” he asked him slowly, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. Tom stared at the wall and tried to swallow the lump that had risen from his stomach.

“Bill?” he asked imploringly. The singer just looked up at him and turned away in the same manner as his brother, his face pale and unreadable. “Someone better say something…” Andreas said firmly as he felt his world spiral out of control.

“What do you want us to say? What could we possibly say?” Tom asked thickly.

“You… can’t be serious,” Andreas stumbled to the chair next to Bill’s bed and sat down heavily. “You can’t be the father,” he said weakly.

“You just kept pushing and pushing, and now you know,” Tom rubbed his face and took a deep breath. Somewhere inside his chest he could feel a knot loosen and even though it looked like they might lose a friend he finally told someone and it felt good.

Andreas looked up dazedly and glanced at Tom and then Bill. “How long has this been going on?”

Bill picked with the seam of the sheets and sighed. “Why do you want to know?”

“Just tell me.”

“Since the summer before we turned fourteen,” he responded miserably.

Andreas stared at Bill in shock and looked over at Tom for confirmation. The dreadlocked teen nodded sadly as he reclined against the wall and slid to the floor. Horrified silence reigned in the room and Bill watched the play of the light as it landed on his bed. The orange gold of the sunset lit the room on fire and suddenly he felt closed in.

“Was it at my grandfather’s cabin?” Andreas asked slowly.

“What?” Tom asked from the floor.

“Was it at my grandfather’s cabin? Remember we went up there for a week and you two were fighting like cats and dogs and I didn’t want to deal with it so I told you we’re not all sharing a tent like we were supposed to, I got my own and let you two have the bigger one. I was so mad at the both of you. It was supposed to be our time before you went and started recording. Halfway through the trip you guys just… changed. Was it then?”

“Why do you want to know?” Bill asked again.

“Just. Answer. The question.”

“Yes, yes it was. We didn’t know what was wrong with us and we just kept… fighting. Mom was so happy when you invited us up because she was ready to snap,” Tom said as he put his head in his hands. “Do you want to hear that I ended up fucking my brother one night?”

Andreas’ eyes widened and before he could respond the door to the room opened and Doctor Addams came in. “Oh, I didn’t know you still had visitors,” she said as Tom scrambled up from the floor and Andreas looked away. Bill leaned back against the pillows and sighed. “How are you feeling Bill?”

“It’s safe to say I’ve been better,” he said flatly as she came over to check the machine and the needle in his arm.

“Well remember, no stress. Worry isn’t helping anything,” Doctor Addams smiled and patted his hand. “I’m glad you’re here Tom because I came to talk to you. Could I see you outside?” she asked as she motioned towards the door.

Tom looked at Andreas as he stood up and grabbed his magazine. “I’m gone. I’ll see you both later,” he didn’t look at either twin as he practically ran out of the door.

“Sure Doctor Addams, whatever.” Tom’s euphoria at finally being able to tell someone had evaporated, and the cold hard truth of life slammed down on him like a ton of bricks. He just ruined an important friendship because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He wanted to cry as he followed her out of the room and into the hall. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, it’s just that there was a lab mix up and I need more blood because we’re not done with the genetic screening. You and Bill have identical DNA so I can finish my screenings with your blood. I don’t want to take anymore from your brother, he’s been poked and prodded enough for today, don’t you think?”

Tom looked down at Doctor Addams and nodded. “Yeah, sure; when do you want me to give it to you?”

“As soon as possible if you would; just go to the nurses’ station and tell them you’re there to give blood for Doctor Addams, they’ll know what it’s for and what to do from there. If you have a moment I can do it now, if you don’t mind.”

Tom looked back at the door briefly before he nodded. “Sure, no problem.”

She beamed. “Great. Come with me.” He followed her to a small room and sat in the chair she pulled out for him. “I’m sure Bill’s glad to have you here with him. Most brothers wouldn’t understand.”

“They would if they had a twin. I have to be there for Bill, I’m the oldest and it’s my job,” Tom said absently as he presented his arm. He looked away as he felt the tight rubber band around his arm and brief pressure as she tapped his vein in the crook of his elbow. Tom had no problem with blood, but hated needles. It was something Georg liked to tease him about when he remembered. “Just relax, it will be over in just… a moment.” He felt the pinprick and winced, but before it became unbearable it was over and Doctor Addams had pressed a small cotton ball at the injection site and brought his arm up. “There, all done. Thanks.”

“No problem. Can I go back to Bill now?” he asked as he rose.

“Yes.” She smiled until Tom left the room and stared at the vial of blood in her hands.