Very good.

He stared at the phone again and reluctantly redialed. “Oh my god Bill, what is it?”

“The biggest coke they have. Please.” He asked in a small voice. Tom huffed.

“Okay Bill.” He hung up the phone and Bill squeaked, feeling sorry for him disturbing him. A few minutes later he was staring at the phone, and before he could talk himself out of it Bill was dialing again. “I swear on all things profane and holy, what do you want?”

“Cheesecake.” Tom rolled his eyes and hung up the phone, huffing and practically slamming his phone down on the table. Gustav looked at him weirdly, in the middle of thoroughly enjoying his sandwich.  He watched as Tom raised his hand to motion for their waiter to amend the order yet again.

“What?” Tom asked irritably. Gustav shook his head, raising his hand in surrender.

“Your brother is weird.” He said emphatically.

“You’re telling me?”

Author's Chapter Notes:

Not usually, but there are exceptions that prove the rule. Dedicated to Razzle, may she have a Happy Birthday.

“Oh Tomi.” Bill moaned, beating his fist on the table in ecstasy.

“If you don’t relax it will be over before you start.” Tom warned. “Besides, you do have to breathe.”

“But it’s so good…”

“You like that?”

“Oh god… You’re the best.”

“So they tell me.” Tom watched as Bill devoured the burger with gusto, proud of his genius because he asked the waiter to add an onion ring on top of the lettuce and tomato. “You are really excited about this food, aren’t you?” He asked, staring at his twin bemusedly.

“This is so good, I can’t even describe it.” Bill had ketchup and mustard in the corner of his mouth but he didn’t care. All that mattered was the world of goodness between the bread he was holding.

“I’m glad.” Tom was reclined on the bed, watching him tear through fries in a way that raised the hair on the back of his neck. “You really should breathe between bites Bill.”

“Why bother?”

“How do I explain that you died eating a burger and fries because you didn’t have the good sense to breathe?” Tom flipped on the television idly. Bill shrugged and crammed more of the burger in his mouth.

“Yvllfuffleidat.”

“…Want to try that one more time?”

Bill swallowed. “You’ll figure it out.” Tom smiled and shook his head, watching his brother out of the corner of his eye. His twin was practically aglow as he downed the coke in record time, even for him, and alternated bites of cheesecake and stuffing fries into his mouth. He ate like he was ravenous…

“Bill, I got one of those pieces of cheesecake for me, okay?” He said, hoping he got to him before he took a bite.

“Um…”

“…Bill…” Tom groaned and shook his head.

“We can order from room service.”

“Yeah okay.” He knew he’d forget about it later anyway. After a while Bill stood up, sighing with happiness as he wiped his mouth.

“That… was amazing.” He breathed, stretching and feeling absolutely on top of the world. Tom looked up at him with a smirk.

“More amazing than me?” Bill shook his head.

“Nope. Amazing because of you.” He clarified, going into the bathroom. Tom listened to his twin brush his teeth with a smile, because he knew that meant one thing. Kisses.  He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, trying not to smile at the huff that came from directly in front of him. “Tomi, you can’t be sleep.”

“I might be.” He mumbled, not hiding his grin as Bill turned him over and poked him in the side.

“Tomi…” Bill breathed, climbing into bed next to him and laying his chin on Tom’s chest. “Tomi…”

“Hmm?” Bill rolled his eyes and kissed his nose. “That’s not my wakey button.”

“Your wakey button?” He asked with a laugh. Tom nodded with his eyes still closed.

“Gotta find it.”

“You’re such a baby.” Bill said affectionately, trailing a long finger down the side of Tom’s face. He sighed, and realized even when his twin was trying to pretend to be sleep, he was beautiful. “But you’re my baby.” He whispered, leaning in and placing a kiss on a perfect cheek.

“Nope. Not there.” A laugh was forced from his lips as Bill poked him. Tom shook his head again, refusing to open his eyes. “Keep looking.”

“Fine. You’re so demanding.” Bill laughed as Tom raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, I’m the demanding one. Okay.” Bill shook his head and leaned forward again, pressing a soft kiss to Tom’s lips. “You found it.” He said softly, opening his eyes. Tom looked at Bill and frowned because he looked more tired than he remembered. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Bill waved him off, but Tom grabbed his hand and kissed it.

“You’ve been sick for a while now.”

“Please, let’s drop it.” He said tiredly, resting his head on Tom’s chest. Tom shook his head and shifted Bill so he was lying in the crook of his arm.

“Is it still your stomach? Did you throw up today?” He asked almost accusingly. Bill closed his eyes and groaned.

“Can we not ruin the nice moment by talking about vomit?” Tom rolled over so he was leaning above Bill and ran his nose down his cheek and into his hair, inhaling the scent of his twin’s shampoo.

“I guess…” He acted as if it was a huge sacrifice. Bill chuckled and grimaced, clutching his stomach. “Do you have to throw up now?” Tom asked, alarmed. He didn’t want to get it on his shirt. Or him for that matter.

“No, it just hurts a little.” Bill turned and buried his face in Tom’s oversized sleeve, trying to get comfortable.

“Maybe this will help.” Tom rubbed Bill’s stomach gently, rewarded with sounds of breathy relief.

“Oh… Tomi, that’s wonderful.” Bill looked up at him and pulled him close for a kiss, chaste at first but deepening as Bill ever so lightly ran his tongue along Tom’s lips. He let him in eagerly, sucking his tongue into his mouth to taste the tongue stud he learned to love. He loved Bill’s kisses, craved them when he couldn’t have them. They were almost as good as sex, and that was saying something. Tom was starting to get excited, and he broke off the kiss breathlessly to place little kisses along Bill’s jaw and down his neck, groaning at the way he arched into his touch. “Tomi, get the lube.”

Tom pulled back wide eyed. “Really?” He squeaked. Good lord, he sounded like a virgin. Bill lay beneath him, smiling prettily and cupping his cheek, pulling him down for another quick kiss. When he was released Tom was nodding his head, even though he was the one asking the question. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” He reluctantly freed Bill and scrambled off the bed, pausing to come back and kiss him once more, closing the door on Bill’s laughter.

He pulled his keycard out of his pocket and swiped the lock, frowning as the light stayed red. He swiped one more time and glanced down at the card, rolling his eyes and pulling out the other card. The light turned green and he pushed the door open, diving for his toiletry bag and rooting around for the unmarked white bottle. Once in his hand Tom nearly raced out of the room, getting the key cards mixed up again as he let himself into Bill’s room. He took two steps forward with bottle and spirits lifted, before having his hopes dashed.

Bill lay curled on his side; hand on his stomach as he breathed in and out evenly. Tom stared at the sight, trying to figure out how could Bill be sleep when he was barely gone two minutes? He knew his brother well enough to know he wasn’t faking it. Debating on whether to wake him up, Bill whimpered and curled up tighter, and Tom looked at the bags under his eyes and felt like a cad. Slipping the bottle into one of his many voluminous pockets, he crawled into bed behind him and pulled Bill close, placing his hand on his stomach and rubbing it gently.

His twin breathed out deeply, relaxing against him and resting his head on Tom’s chest. The lines of pain on his face eased, and Tom kissed Bill’s temple, sighing into his hair. Whatever this was, it was going to give him blue balls, without a doubt.

~*~

Georg checked his watch and frowned. Ten minutes late, already. He looked up and frowned as Gustav came around the corner. “What’s wrong with you?” He asked, frowning back.

“I thought you were Bill.”

“Yes, suddenly I’ve grown a foot and loss enough muscle mass to be mistaken for a girl.” Gustav cracked himself up, laughing until he saw the look on Georg’s face.

“You know he’s been sick.”

“But he never had much muscle to begin with.”

Georg smiled. “True.”

“Where are you going?” Gustav asked, pulling on his shades. They were standing in the hotel lobby, near the elevators.

“Shopping.” He said quickly. “You?”

Gustav shrugged. “I was just going to wander aimlessly around the city for a while. They have some really nice churches I wanted to get some pictures of, send them back to the family and whatnot.”

“You’re so…” Georg trailed off disgustedly.

“So what? Huh? Just because I like sending pictures to my family?” Gustav retorted. “At least I act like I have a family.”

“My family knows I love them.”

“And if I didn’t remind you to call them, would you?”

“Maybe.” Georg drawled.

“Whatever. And the twins are worse!” Gustav exclaimed.

“What are we worse at?” Bill asked as he walked up to their group. Georg smirked as Gustav rolled his eyes.

“When was the last time you called your mother?” He asked. Bill thought for a moment.

“When did you remind me last?”

“I rest my case. See you bitches.” Gustav waved and walked away, perturbed. Bill turned back to Georg with an eyebrow raised.

“What was that all about?”

“Hell if I know.” Georg smiled as Bill pulled on his Shopping Glasses. “Are you ready?”

“My credit card is burning a hole in my jeans.”

“Then that might mean they’re just a tad too tight.” Georg laughed as Bill punched him in the arm.

“Where’s Saki?” He asked, looking around.

“It’s just you and I today.”

“Really? How did you manage that?” Bill followed Georg out of the hotel lobby and onto the street. Georg shrugged and flagged down a taxi.

“I just asked.”

“Asshole.” Bill hissed, and Georg looked over at him.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He yawned again, trying to cover it up discreetly. “What?”

“I just worry you’re not getting enough rest.” Georg replied, smiling as a taxi finally heeded his signal.

“I feel like I’m sleeping all the time, but it’s not enough. You know that’s normal for me. I could sleep my life away. Besides, it’s our last free day for a while, and I want to get out of the hotel at least once.” He slid into the cab behind his friend and shut the door.

“We’d like to go to this address please.” Georg handed the man a computer print out, and the driver nodded quickly, and they were off.

“I need another belt.” Bill mused, yawning and leaning his head against the seat. “How long does it take to get to this store?”

“About twenty minutes, maybe more with traffic.”

“Hmm…” In two minutes Bill was out. Georg looked over at his friend worriedly. Before he’d come down with this strange malady the mere thought of shopping would have Bill bouncing around excitedly for hours. Now, he fell asleep and they’d barely pulled off. Something was definitely wrong and he was going to find out what.

~*~

Bill was nudged awake gently, and he started, looking around blearily. His mouth tasted like cotton and his head seemed full of it. Even his limbs felt heavy. He hadn’t realized he was sleeping that hard. “What?” He asked, looking around. They were at a small but stately looking building.

“We’re here.” Georg paid the driver and scooted Bill out of the car, still yawning. “Come on.” He pushed him towards the stairs.

“Where are we? What kind of store doesn’t have a sign on the front?” Bill asked, allowing himself to be pulled up the stairs. “Georg, where are we?” He asked, slightly more awake as he was shoved through the door.

The annoying elevator music.

The vacant eyed expressions of the few people sitting around in chairs.

The smell of antiseptic.

Bill’s nostrils flared as he looked around. The signs were clear. They were in a fucking doctor’s office. He turned to Georg with betrayal in his eyes, but it faltered in the sight of weary resolve on the bassist’s face. “Don’t say anything; you’re going to listen for once.” He said, and Bill closed his mouth, eyes wide. “I didn’t know how else to get you here because your stubbornness is second only to Gustav’s, and I wasn’t going to wait around for you to get sicker. Tom doesn’t know how to force you to do anything, and Gustav… well, he’s a firm believer in everyone makes up their own mind. He wouldn’t force you to take a breath if he thought that’s what you wanted to do. I, on the other hand, have no problem picking your skinny ass up and hauling you into a room, got it?”

Bill nodded slowly.

“Good. Now I’m paying for this because I took it upon myself to set up an appointment with Doctor Santoro. I’ve looked him up online and he’s a very well respected internal specialist. We have about five minutes before you’re to be seen, so sit down and I will sign you in. Are we clear?”

Bill nodded again slowly.

“Go sit down.” Georg pointed to a leather chair and didn’t move until Bill had firmly planted himself where he pointed. Bill watched as he went to sign him in, and tried to find some sort of snappy come back, anything to let Georg know this wasn’t cool… but he couldn’t find anything.

He wanted to say that everything was fine, and he just had a virus and it would go away on its own. Deep down Bill knew it wasn’t a virus, and being okay and not knowing what was wrong turned out not to be the same thing. He fidgeted and looked across the room and smiled. Great, a bathroom.

~*~

Georg sat in the inner waiting room, a smaller affair for those who had someone being seen by the doctor right then. He picked up an old Newsweek for the fifth time before glancing at his phone. It had been over an hour and a half, and during that time he knew that they were subjecting Bill to a number of tests. He would probably be hated for a while, but at least they would know what was going on. He looked up as a pretty nurse stuck her head into the room. “Mister Listing?”

“Ja?” He smiled and stood.

“Your friend is in room twelve. You can join him now.” He nodded and followed, thanking her as he continued to room twelve. Georg knocked and opened the door, smiling at Bill. Even though he was taller than six feet he still looked like a lost child sitting on the doctor’s table. He was holding his elbow with one hand, pressing a cotton ball in the crook.

“You look pale.” Georg said, closing the door behind him and sitting down in the chair near the table. Bill shrugged listlessly.

“I swear they took half of my blood.”

“So they didn’t give you the results yet?” Bill shook his head, pulling the cotton away from his skin and frowning. He looked at his blood on the puff of material and threw it in the trashcan. “Shouldn’t that have gone in the biohazard bag? Since it has blood on it?”

“I really don’t care.” He snapped, glaring at his friend. Georg just looked back at him naturally.

“I prepared myself for the fact that you might hate me, so go ahead I don’t care.”

“Asshole.”

“Yes, I do have one.” Georg nodded. Bill looked at him briefly before bursting out laughing, Georg joining in. They laughed out of silliness and nerves, awaiting the doctor and the results.

“I’m nervous.”

“I know. But trust me, it can’t be that bad, can it?” Before Bill could respond the door swung open, and Doctor Santoro walked in, all smiles as he peered down at Bill’s chart.

“Mister Kaulitz, we’ve got your test results back. Sorry for the delay but the lab was backed up a bit.” He apologized, pulling his stool out from under the counter and sitting down on it. “Okay, let’s start with the simple thing. Your extreme fatigue is due in part to anemia.” Bill breathed a sigh of relief. “You can remedy that with a simple iron supplement. I’ve written down a few good ones, but it doesn’t require a prescription.”

“Thank you Doctor, I’ve been kind of worried. I hadn’t had any energy for a while.” Bill admitted, and Doctor Santoro nodded, making notes on the folder.

“I’m sure you haven’t. The second situation isn’t so simple. Do you want to receive this news alone?” He looked to Georg, who just crossed his arms and stared back at him. Bill looked to Georg and suddenly didn’t want him to go anywhere.

“No, he’s fine. He’d find out anyway.” He smiled softly before turning back to the Doctor. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve never had to say this but…” Doctor Santoro took a deep breath and smiled apologetically. “Do forgive me. You’re pregnant.”

“What?” Georg said involuntarily, sitting forward. Bill stared at the doctor unblinkingly.”That’s impossible! I mean, contrary to the look, Bill is a boy!” Bill flipped him off out of habit, still not taking his gaze away from Doctor Santoro.

“I have tested the blood myself; twice. That’s why we came back and drew more blood.” The older man stood up, pacing in the small space between his stool and the door. “I’ve never seen this before in my life. And you’re not transgendered.”

“No.” The room was spinning and Bill was just trying to hold on.

“I’m …” The words faded as the room went dim, and Bill was briefly aware of people yelling his name.

~*~

Tom opened the door and frowned, looking around the empty hotel room. Georg said he and Bill would be going shopping, but he promised it wouldn’t take long. Tom was bored, and missed Bill. It would be their last couple of hours before heading to the bus and back on the road, and wanted to make the most of their time alone. He huffed and closed the door. Staring into an empty room wasn’t going to make them come back early. He sighed yet again and went looking for Gustav.

~*~

Bill opened his eyes and found himself staring at Doctor Santoro and Georg. “What happened?” He croaked, taking both their hands and sitting up weakly.

“Be careful, you’re going to be experiencing that a few more times over the course of the next couple of months.” The doctor said slowly, handing him a paper cup with cold water in it. Bill drank it as if he had just emerged from the desert.

“What happened before I fainted?”

“I told you that you were pregnant.”

Bill glared at Georg. “All the doctors you so call researched and you find me a quack?” He asked angrily. Georg shook his head slowly, looking away.

“Bill, hear the man out.” He said softly.

“What? Are you crazy? I’m getting out of here.” Bill struggled to rise from the table but Georg was holding him in place.

“Mister Kaulitz, are you currently using the patch called Willpower? Also known as Ridia?”

Bill opened his mouth and closed it, confused. “Uh… yeah.”

“While you were out I received a call from one of my colleagues in New York. That particular patch was pulled off the market a couple of months ago, were you aware?” He shook his head. “The FDA in America found that the patch included some drugs that weren’t disclosed when it filed for clearance. An aggressive synthetic estrogen for one. A growth hormone for another. Together with the other chemicals made to suppress the brain’s need for nicotine, it inadvertently suppresses the body’s gender identity. It’s more complicated than that, but that’s the gist of it. How long have you been using the patch?”

“Three months. At least…” Bill whispered, his arms shaking. This couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be real.

“It was more than that Bill. Remember, it’s going on five months.” Georg looked at him uneasily.

“It couldn’t have been that long.”

“Remember Dave gave them to you right before he came down with that bad cold?”

“Yeah…” Bill breathed, wondering how he could have gotten the dates mixed up that badly.

“That was over five months ago.”

“Unfortunately that’s more than enough time. Slowly your body has been replacing testosterone with estrogen, and it’s been accelerated beyond anything anyone could have imagined.”

“But I don’t have a uterus.” Bill reminded him angrily. “How could this happen?”

“The human body is a machine, and when it’s at its best it will do whatever necessary to facilitate what it wants or needs. You’re in excellent shape; your body is working at a peak. It’s literally built you a uterus.”

“Am I going to turn into a woman?” Bill asked fearfully. Doctor Santoro hesitated before shaking his head.

“No, it seems that the hormone levels have evened out. The estrogen is losing its agressiveness, but more than enough was flushed into your system to carry out its goal. You're going to experience normal pregnancy, or as normal as we're able to expect."

“I want an abortion.” Bill whispered as Georg gasped.

“Bill, shouldn’t you talk to the father first?” He took a step back as the singer glared at him.

“Shut the fuck up Georg. Just shut up!” Bill said hysterically. He covered his mouth and took a deep breath. “Doctor, I want an abortion.” He said firmly.

“I’m sorry Mister Kaulitz, but we cannot just grant you an abortion. We do not perform them here, for one, and second, they are not offered unless two doctors sign off on it and then you’ll have to go through a three day waiting period with counseling. But you’re past the date for a legal abortion.”

“…Excuse me?”

“You’re in the middle of your third month. Give or take a week.” Both Georg and Bill looked down at his stomach.

“Impossible. I’ve actually lost weight, and I’m skinny!” He pointed at his stomach for emphasis.

“That’s not unusual for naturally thin people. I’ve had a patient who did not start showing until she was in her seventh month. Every body is different.” Bill was numb, and nothing felt quite real. “Mister Kaulitz, there is a legal matter here as well. A lawyer has been discreetly working on behalf of other men who have found themselves in the same situation. My colleague gave me his number. You’re not alone.” He handed Bill a piece of paper. Georg had to take it as Bill stared at the floor in a daze. “I’m going to prescribe a prenatal vitamin, and that should help lessen the morning sickness because it will have a boost of B12. I’m sorry, but there is nothing else I can do.”

When Bill looked up he was standing outside, Georg holding onto him as if he might collapse right there on the pavement. Who knows, he might just. “It’s going to be okay Bill. The doctor said you’re not alone.”

“I am alone.” He said mournfully. This all seemed very funny just little over a day ago he thought mournfully as he stared down at the small bag of literature in his hand. Georg shook his head, turning Bill around so he could look at him.

“Listen to me Bill, you’re not alone okay? Who is the father? We can track him down and beat the shit out of him. That will make you feel better, right?”

“Oh god…” Bill thought of Tom and shuddered. No one could ever know that Tom was the father. They’d be separated forever and he couldn’t live with that. Especially not now.

“Bill, who’s the father?”

“I can’t tell you.” He shook his head as Georg frowned.

“Well, if you don’t tell me, maybe you’ll tell Tom. He’s going to want to kick the man’s ass, I can assure you.”

“Tom can’t know.” Bill shook his head quickly, fighting the bile rising in his throat. He couldn’t hold it at bay, and he pulled out of Georg’s grasp to double over in the bushes, throwing up everything he’d eaten that day. Georg stood on the pavement awkwardly, not quite knowing what to do. “Tom can’t know.” He repeated after trying to spit the acidic taste out of his mouth. Bill rifled around his bag, searching for some type of mint. He found a forgotten pack of gum and shoved two pieces in his mouth, feeling the beginning of a headache starting behind his eyes.

“Come on Bill, that’s insane.”

“No, no one can know!” He turned back to Georg. “This could ruin our careers!” Bill screeched, reaching up and pulling the patch he was wearing off of the back of his neck. He glared at it and threw it on the ground, stomping it into the asphalt until he almost toppled over.

“Careful Bill! You can’t fall now.” Georg reminded him and Bill yanked his arm out of his grasp.

“You’re already treating me different.” He said bitterly, fighting back the tears.

“Uh… sorry to remind you, but you are different.” Bill glared at him as the cab arrived, and yet again allowed himself to be pushed into the car. On the way back to the hotel no one said a word, Georg staring out one window while Bill stared out of another. His emotions were all over the place and his brain was running a million miles a minute going in a circle. Soon he felt numb again and he was able to breathe in fully without wanting to cry. By the time they arrived at the hotel it was as if nothing had happened. “Bill…” Georg murmured as he grabbed his arm. “You can’t ignore this.”

“Watch me.” Bill said haughtily, drawing himself up to his full impressive height.

“Bill!” The singer pulled away and entered the hotel, leaving Georg on the sidewalk.

“Tom is going to kick my ass when he finds out…” He said bitterly, following Bill into the hotel.

Author's Chapter Notes:

*shakes head* No.

Bill sat down at a table and sighed, wishing there was something he could do to turn back time, anything, so that this wouldn’t have happened. Damn David and his stupid ideas. “Can I take your order?” A pleasant voice asked him, snapping him from his stupor.

“What?” He asked, caught off guard.

“Your order sir?” The waitress asked again. Bill snatched the menu and glanced over it quickly.

“I’ll have a strawberry and white chocolate truffle cheesecake please.” He smiled up at her and handed her the menu.

“One slice of cheesecake, coming right up.” She said cheerfully, jotting down his order. Bill shook his head quickly.

“No, I want a whole cheesecake.”

“Is this to go?”

“No, I want a whole cheesecake, on a plate, with a fork. Just one fork because I plan on finishing it in one sitting. By myself.” He emphasized so there was no misunderstanding. The waitress’ eyes widened, but she amended the order, glancing at Bill’s figure wistfully before moving away. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes behind his sunglasses, doing everything in his power not to think. Thinking wasn’t in his best interest right now.

He watched the people move around him until his order came, and finally something was right with the world. Bill happily dug in, oblivious to the startled expressions of those sitting close to him. He didn’t care; life was good because there was cheesecake in front of him. He was through half before he came up for air, practically kicking his feet under the table with glee.

His stomach had stopped flipping, and he had to admit he felt a lot calmer. It took him twenty minutes to down the whole cheesecake, and he spent the better part of forty five minutes staring contentedly at the traffic passing by, making up little stories in his head about the people walking briskly on the sidewalk. He took a deep breath and let it out, and Bill knew what he would do. He’d see another doctor, get a second opinion, someone from Germany where everything made sense and people didn’t just tell men they were pregnant.

Because that’s crazy.

Something caught his eye and he turned towards the far street and recognized their tour bus. He glanced down at his phone on the table and swore. He should have been upstairs and packed ages ago. He paid his bill and rushed to his room, swiping his key card and preparing himself for a very quick packing session. He stopped short as a dreadlocked head was bent over one of his bags. There were only two on the floor, and Bill distinctly remembered having six.

Tom turned around and glanced at him before going back to the suitcase he was zipping up. “There you are.”

“Tomi, I’m sorry. Time got away from me.” Bill started, stepping further into the room. “You packed for me?”

“You know, I try. I really do...” Tom sat back on his haunches and stared at the black suitcase in front of him. “You complain we never have any time alone, but lately when I try to spend time with you, I’m blown off.”

“Tomi, I’m sorry. I was with-”

“Yeah, I know who you were with. Georg…  Shopping. I ran into him a while earlier on the way back to his room.” Tom turned to look at Bill, and glanced at the bag that he always carried with him. “You didn’t even buy anything?”

“I’m sorry.” Bill wasn’t going to tell him what he was really doing. That would just complicate the situation and he would rather have Tom mad at him for shopping than the other thing. A split second later he realized he’d left the literature the doctor had given him in the restaurant downstairs. Shit.

“Sorry isn’t good enough. I had to jam all my stuff in my suitcases so I could have enough time to pack your shit.” Tom stood up and crossed his arms, glaring at his twin. “Look, I get it. You’re tired, but you’re not the only tired person Bill, okay? You’re not the only person to have ever been tired either, so stop trying to monopolize it.”

“Tomi…”

“No. I’m tired too Bill, okay? I’m tired too. I’m tired of the fucking pushing and pulling. Sometimes I think I exist just to be at your whim, because that’s obviously what you think, and if that’s what you think you must be right, am I right? Have I figured it out, am I smart enough?” Tom was so angry his face was red and he wasn’t even yelling. No, this was worse because his voice was barely above a whisper. Tom was at a breaking point.

“Tom, I said I’m sorry, can’t you just accept my apology?” Bill tried to reason with him. Yeah, he’d been a bit demanding and flaky and a little off kilter, but that wasn’t too far off the mark from his normal behavior, so what was the deal?  His twin shook his head.

“No, I can’t.” Tom said simply as he shrugged and walked past Bill, shoving him with his shoulder. “Pack your own shit; I’m going to the bus.” Bill stared after him in shock, jaw actually dropped in astonishment. The door closed and his twin hadn’t even bothered to cast another look back.

Bill stared at the door for another few minutes, daring this to all be a bad joke, or a dream. Something that wasn’t real, so he could lump it with everything else that was unreal today, and then just wake up and find himself on the bus, laughing and joking with Tom with no worries beyond what he was going to wear for the concert. He looked down; his hands were shaking.

He threw his bag on the table and almost dumped out the contents searching for a cigarette. Nothing. His toiletry bag yielded him nothing as well, and searched his smallest suitcase and came up with a battered and bent cigarette. That would work. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking and he could barely see for the tears, but he had to keep looking for a lighter. Bill swore and shoved his bag off of the table. He’d stopped carrying his lighter when he stopped smoking. The whole fucking reason this was happening in the first place.

He ran into the bathroom and searched for the complimentary lighter. Nothing. He kicked the cabinet. Tom always took them now that he didn’t use them. He looked at himself in the mirror, the cigarette dangling from his mouth and suddenly hated himself. Snatching the stupid thing from his lips he tore it in half and dumped it in the toilet, where the contents of his stomach soon followed.

His head was spinning and his stomach hurt and his head hurt and his throat hurt, all together making a symphony of pain whose purpose was to do him in, curl him up on himself and make him declare defeat. He didn’t have time for that right fucking now. Bill spat into the toilet and flushed, willing his hysteria down the bowl along with the amazing strawberry white chocolate truffle cheesecake that didn’t taste nearly as good coming up as it did going down.

His phone beeped and he pulled it out of his back pocket, wiping his mouth and reaching for his mouthwash. It was David, telling him that Saki was on the way up for his bags. Shit. Rinsing out his mouth quickly Bill made sure all of his cosmetics were tightly capped and closed his eyes as he shoved everything into his makeup bag. He always took the time to arrange things in order, but now he didn’t have time, and that was his fault so he only had himself to blame.

Running out into the room, he pushed the rest of his scattered clothes into the last suitcase and pressed his knee into it to zip it up tight. As he turned around the knock came, and Bill opened the door to Saki, face stoic as ever. “Are you ready?” He asked.

“As I’ll ever be” Bill walked over and grabbed his bag from the floor, snatching the few items that had fallen out and put them back quickly.

“There are fans outside. David said to have your sharpie ready.” Bill groaned inwardly. He didn’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone, or do anything until he got on the bus. Now he was going to have to put on a smiley face for the fans, and sign stuff. He was not in the mood.

“Is it a big crowd?”

“Not so big.” Saki responded.

Bill wanted to scream. What did that mean? “How big is not so big?”

“Not so big.” Bill’s mouth was a thin, straight line. The crowd outside was a bit larger than not so big, but he grinned a megawatt smile and found it was easy if he imagined that Tom wouldn’t be mad at him the more he smiled. That insane thought carried him through what felt like fifty scribbles of his name, and someone pulling on his hair. He didn’t even spare a glance, because the bus was only mere meters in front of him and soon he would be away from everything. With one final push from Saki he was inside. Bill looked down at his hands and found they were shaking again. He desperately wanted a cigarette.

Desperately.

“What wrong?” He looked up into Gustav’s questioning face.

“Nothing. Just tired.” Bill replied, continuing up the steps and past the drummer.

“That’s your answer to everything lately.” Bill smiled tightly and imagined his bunk. That would be heavenly right now. He frowned as Georg came down the steps from the media room, the memory of the day crashing down on him. Great, he did not need a walking reminder following him around all the time. He caught Georg’s eye and pointed looked away, throwing his bag into his bunk and pulling himself up and in. Everything felt heavy, especially his head and his heart.

Tom was mad at him and threw off his entire world. And what was worse was that he seemed really angry. Sure, the twins fought, it was natural. You could only go so long knowing someone as they knew each other, and staying sane while pressed up tight with each other and two of your friends in a bus for days and days on end. Sometimes you jabbed at one another just to break up the boredom.

This was different. This was so different. He lay on his side, staring out into the aisle and wondering where Tom was. Could he be up in the media room? If so, why was he mad at him but not Georg? It was all Georg’s fault! As if he were conjured by his words the bassist walked up to his bunk, looking at him with concern. “Bill, we’ve got to talk, seriously.” Bill glared at him and pulled his curtain closed slowly.  He could see Georg’s shadow stand in front of him for a few more moments before moving off. Good. He didn’t want to talk to him.

It was all his fault; he ruined the whole day. His whole life. Everything. Bill curled up tighter, fighting the spasms of his stomach as he exhaled noisily, trying to expel the pain with his breath. It didn’t work. Toeing off his shoes Bill opened the vent for the AC and sighed with relief as the cool air started to circulate in his bunk, relieving the stifling feeling he had when he closed his curtains in the daylight. He pushed the cover closed on his private window and stared in the semi darkness. If you didn’t know any better you could think it was nighttime. Bill was out before the bus started moving.

~*~

Georg’s eyes opened as soon as the bus pulled to a stop. He couldn’t help it, if the bus wasn’t moving, then he couldn’t sleep unless they were in a hotel room. He opened his curtain and glanced around, listening to Gustav pull on a pair of shoes. They were at a rest stop. Across the aisle Bill’s curtain was open; the bed already lived in with the covers bunched at the bottom. He was probably already inside.

Georg waited until the drummer’s blonde head rose and moved down the aisle before swinging himself to a sitting position. He grabbed his shoes and shoved his feet into them, not bothering to lace them up as he checked for his wallet and jogged off the bus. From the looks of things he had no idea where they were, and he was fine with that, as long as someone he was with knew their location, he was good.

It was one of the larger service stations this time, and he hummed to himself as he thought of what to purchase. They would have better selections of magazines here, and probably even the newest playboy. He needed an addition to his spank bank. He saw Gustav already inside, making his way towards the back to the bathrooms, and a blond streaked raven head was bent over the magazines already. Good. They needed to talk.

Georg pushed the door and frowned, pulled it gently and rolled his eyes. Why can’t they just put push or pull on every door so you don’t have to guess? Bill looked up and quickly adverted his eyes. Nope, he wasn’t backing down this time. “Bill.”

“Georg.” The teen refused to look up at him, picking up the same magazine he had just discarded when he walked up.

“We need to talk.”

“What is there to talk about?” Bill turned to him with wide eyes. If he didn’t know better Georg would say he truly didn’t know the answer to that question. Good thing he did know better. Bill’s innocent act kept him out of trouble with almost anybody he came in contact with. The only people it didn’t work on were Tom and Saki. Well, this time he wouldn’t be thwarted.

“Oh, I don’t know, what the doctor said earlier?” He hissed. Bill just blinked at him and returned the magazine to the shelf.

“I’m going to another doctor.” He said quietly, still searching through the magazines as if they were talking about the weather.

“Good. You’re going to need regular check ups.”

“I’m going to get a second opinion.” Georg blinked, nodding slowly.

“Well, that’s your right… But what if the doctor doesn’t say anything different?” Georg watched Bill’s jaw tighten.

“He will.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“He will.”

“But. What. If. He. Doesn’t?” He asked again slowly, trying to make Bill see. “You can’t ignore this.”

“Watch me.” Georg was suddenly transported back in front of the hotel and he shook his head.

“I am, and you’re failing miserably. You need to tell Tom, someone, about this.”

“No.” Bill found another magazine and looked at Georg pointedly. “And you better not either.”

“It’s not my secret to tell.” He said bitterly, watching the slender singer walk away. Sometimes he felt so frustrated after talking to Bill. He refused to listen to reason sometimes, and that’s where Gustav would step in. He’d make you see reason, it was just your choice to act on it or not. But he couldn’t tell Gustav, because it wasn’t his fucking secret to tell.

“Why do you look like your turtle died again?” Georg turned to Gustav with a wry grin.

“You know those old emotional wounds come back at odd times.” He gave a fake sniff and his friend laughed.

“Yeah, sure. Did you see the new Playboy? Chick had knockers as big as my head!”

~*~

Bill paid for his purchases and walked back onto the bus, waving at the crew standing around and smoking under the harsh lights of the parking lot. It was too difficult to stand there and talk to them without asking to bum a cigarette. They would give it to him no problem, but he would hate himself for it and that was the last thing he needed, yet another reason to hate himself.

The bus was wonderfully quiet, and enjoyably cool even though as it filled with people again the temperature would rise and he would be back to sticking himself under the vent in his bunk trying to get relief. He was so hot lately… He walked back to the bunk area and glanced at his twin’s bed. The curtain was still closed, and Bill knew that Tom was sleep. Good. Operation I’m Sorry Tomi was go. First stage was now in effect.

He slid open the compartment under the bunk and put three of Tom’s favorite juice drinks where he couldn’t miss them, right on top of his iPod. He closed it and pressed it gently, trying to avoid the loud clicking sound you got when you slammed it closed. He watched but Tom didn’t stir, and Bill smiled, moving away before opening his own can of Red Bull.

He managed to down half of it before Gustav and Georg climbed back onto the bus, jostling each other and talking in low tones. When Georg caught a glimpse of Bill he said something quietly to Gustav and walked past, looking kind of down as he jogged towards the back and up to the media room. They were probably going to watch a movie, and even though Bill wanted to join them he didn’t feel quite welcome. It’s kind of fucked up to feel isolated from a whole bus full of people.

Bill came up from his reverie to find Gustav staring at him. “What?” He asked irritably, picking up his Red Bull and finishing the rest.

“Do you think that’s wise?”

“Your mother’s wise.” He muttered.

Gustav looked at him briefly. “I don’t think you were really listening to me...” Bill thought back and shook his head.

“No, I wasn’t.” His leg started jumping, as it usually did right after a Red Bull.

“Do you want to come watch a movie with Georg and me? You can choose, I think Georg’s in a charitable mood. All I ask is that it have some explosions in it.”

“Nah. I think I’m going to head back to bed.” Bill smiled softly. Gustav looked at the empty energy drink can on the table and nodded slowly.

“Dude, if you didn’t want to, all you have to do is say so.” Bill stared at him in confusion as he walked off. He turned back to the table and glared at the Red Bull bottle.

“This is all your fault.” He hissed at it, feeling better immediately. Not even a second later a huge yawn nearly unhinged his jaw and he threw the can away before he could see its smug expression. Bill took his magazines and other purchases and shoved them at the bottom of his bunk, along with his bag and covers. Tom was always telling him to use the storage compartment, and by now he would have been the one to detangle the bed linen and make him put his stuff away. He sniffed and climbed up into the growing mess, putting his feet on the plastic bag and missing his brother dearly. Bill fell asleep before he could cry.

~*~

Tom opened his eyes to stare at the bunk above his for the countless time that night. Every squeak and shift put him on edge. He knew Bill couldn’t sleep, but he was still so angry. He would not be the one to go to Bill and try to make this right. It wasn’t his fault, and he wasn’t going to take the blame for it. Not now. He rubbed his face and bit back a groan. He could probably make it to the media room and watch a movie with the G’s, but he didn’t want to run into Bill.

It was getting hot in his bunk and he opened the window, gagging at the smell of the air. Sometimes a summer rain didn’t wash away everything. Tom quickly closed the window again and opened his vent, letting the cool air wash over him. That was better. The air was so relaxing he could almost go back to sleep, but he needed music. His iPod was in the compartment below him, and he reached one arm out from the curtain and pulled it open, the movement born of practice and a deep desire to move as little as possible.

He felt around the drawer and frowned as he came across something cylindrical that he didn’t recognize. Moving his hand around felt another two cylinders and grasped his hand around one and pulled it in, turning on his overhead light. Tom sighed and tried not to smile as he stared at his favorite juice. It was Bill’s way of saying he was sorry, but it wasn’t enough. Not this time. He put the drink back and fished out his iPod, slamming the compartment home with a loud snap. He heard a jerk from the bunk above and found he didn’t really care.

~*~

It had been two days, and Gustav knew something was wrong. The twins weren’t talking to each other, and what was more annoying was the fact that they went out of their way to talk to everyone else but each other. From Bill they were used to it, the boy never met anyone he didn’t like talking at, but Tom? Tom would have superficial conversations with other people, or even technical ones. The real conversations, the ones that mattered were always to or with Bill. So he could understand when the elder twin was running out of things to say. Bill usually stepped in with a word or half a phrase that would baffle most normal people but would cause the guitarist to go off on another tangent.

While knowing all of this Gustav also knew it was best to let them sort out whatever they had going on.  He saw Georg get in between a twin argument one time, back when they were still getting to know each other. Gustav had never seen someone turn on a person so quickly. One second it was Tom against Bill, and next it was the Kaulitz Twins against Georg. He shuddered. Nope, he wasn’t an idiot, seeing that once was enough.

But on top of everything Georg seemed to be weighted down by something, and the bassist was someone Gustav could and would, without hesitation, crack. “Hey.” He said, handing the man in question a coke as he slid into the both next to him, picking up the idle controller. “What are we playing?”

“Soul Caliber.”

“Oh, so you’re ready to get your ass kicked again already?”

“I think you’re mistaking me for Tom.”

“No, definitely remembering the last time we played. You made all these big claims, and lost spectacularly.” Gustav smirked as he picked a character. Georg shook his head, selecting one for himself as well.

“Why do you feel the need to bring up the past?” He grumbled. They played in silence, the hum of the bus engine and the kicks, screams, and punches from the television the only sounds in the room. Gustav watched Georg out of the corner of his eye, and when he was good and distracted, dropped his bomb.

“So, what’s wrong?” Gustav watched his friend’s character accidentally perform a flip that shoved him off the edge into automatic death.

“What makes you think something’s wrong?” Georg answered quickly, groaning inside. Gustav put his controller down and laughed.

“That. You were answering before I got the whole question out. Spill it.” Georg shook his head.

“It’s not my secret to tell.”

“So you know why the twins are fighting?” Gustav asked, suddenly more curious.

“He told him?” He asked in surprise. Georg could have slapped himself as he saw the confusion on Gustav’s face. “Shit. You tricked me!”

“Wait, so which one is he, and which one is him?”

“No Gustav, stop. This is not my secret to tell.” He said again, determined to keep his word. He put his controller down and walked out of the room, leaving Gustav in a huff. Fine, he didn’t want to resort to underhanded tactics, but it wasn’t like he had a choice. The mood on the bus was starting to eat everyone’s brain; even David was snapping at people and being a general dick. Well, he was a general dick generally, but the snapping at people thing was an annoying and recent development. He needed everything to be back to normal, or whatever normal was for Tokio Hotel.

~*~

Bill bounced his knee in front of the oven and sighed, resisting the urge to check the cookies again. It was day three of Operation I’m Sorry Tomi, and his twin had no more than briefly glanced at him. It was fresh hell every time he opened his eyes. It had to end. He was on his last idea, and they were baking slower than any other cookies on the planet. They were at a rest stop, and Tom had practically run out of the bus a second before the tires stopped spinning, desperate for fresh air and space.

It hurt, but it made his plan easier. Nothing calmed Tom down better and faster than chocolate chip cookies. Double chocolate chip cookies at that. His mouth watered just thinking about them. But he couldn’t have any. These were Tom’s. Well, maybe he’d have just one or two.  I mean, he had the whole rest of the dozen, how many cookies could one person eat?

He decided that four wouldn’t be missed.

The smell was delicious, and with the bus being aired out the smell probably traveled on the air. He hoped it would bring Tom to him. Bill looked up as he heard the door open and the stomping on the stairs made his heart race. A cap crested the curve and he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “You’re making cookies.” Tom said it as if it were an accusation instead of a question. Maybe it was.

Bill nodded. “Yeah.” That was all he could find to say. After days of figuring out long speeches promising everything including the moon and stars, all he could get out was one fucking word. Only his twin could chase his words away. Only Tom could break his heart like this.

“Why are you making cookies?” He asked, coming closer gingerly as if he would be struck down at any moment. Bill shrugged, willing himself not to cry.

“I didn’t know how else to say I’m sorry.” He whispered, and Tom sighed noisily, flopping down in the booth across from him.

“Bill…” He trailed off, fixing his eyes on everywhere but in Bill’s direction. When he found the courage he finally looked him in the eyes, but his gaze shifted to his cheek. “You have flour on your cheek. Are the cookies from scratch?”

“I’m not trying to poison you Tomi.” Bill said jokingly.

“So how did you get flour on your cheek?”

He shrugged. “I don’t …know.” Tom laughed inaudibly, shaking his head.

“Oh Bill…” He looked him in the eye ruefully. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Love me.” Bill said desperately. “Please? I’m so sorry, I really am. I can’t take this right now, please. I feel like I would die without you, whatever you want I promise I promise I promise…” He trailed off as he choked under the tears, finally letting them fall as Tom pulled him into his arms, shushing his sobs with murmurs against his skin. He held him close and they rocked gently, smoother than the sobs that wracked Bill’s body as he cried out his loneliness and frustration of the past few days.

“I do love you Bill. Nothing will ever change that, I promise.” Tom whispered in his ear, and Bill pulled back and wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. There was no one on the bus right now, no one to catch him and he so desperately needed this right now. He found assurance in Tom’s kisses; courage and the absolute knowledge that everything would be okay came from his twin’s lips. He often wondered how all of that was stored in such a perfect vessel, but he was thankful it was there.

When he finally found the strength to release Tom they were both panting a bit. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been crying all over you lately, screwing things up left and right.” Tom laughed.

“I’ve been used to your crying for years, and it’s not the first time you’ve screwed things up.” He shrugged, running his fingers down the side of Bill’s cheek. He smiled and leaned into the touch, sighing with relief. “I missed touching you.” He said, following the curve of his jaw.

“I missed touching you too.” Bill closed his eyes and felt the world tilt underneath him. He stumbled into Tom’s arms, unable to get his body to listen to him as his twin cried out in surprise.

“Bill? Bill! Are you alright?” He helped him into the booth, more than a little spooked. Bill nodded slowly, feeling the bout of dizziness fade quickly.

“I don’t know what happened, I just…” He shook his head to clear the sensation fully. “Tomi, the cookies!”

Tom reluctantly left his brother to pull out the well worn baking sheet with a ratty potholder, almost throwing the dish onto the stove as he hissed. The potholder didn’t really work because it had a large hole in the middle. No one bothered to get a new one, so everyone burned themselves slightly when they took pizza out of the oven. Bill stood up and leaned against Tom as they both gazed down at the cookies.

Half were a little more done than the other half, but as apologies went, Tom didn’t think they were all that bad.

Author's Chapter Notes:

To Gustav it is. Kids, don't try this at home.

There were a only a few things Gustav refused to stand for. Someone going through his things was one. Someone touching his drumsticks was another. The third thing he would not tolerate was being left out of the loop. This character trait was borne of his quietness. People thought he didn’t care, so they didn’t bother to inform him. It was quite the contrary. He just never felt the need to interfere if all was going according to plan, but he liked to be apprised of the situation.

And that was why he was opening the media room door with a bottle of vodka in one hand and two shot glasses in the other. True, it was kind of underhanded, and a little manipulative, but he wasn’t going to get his answers any other way. “Did you start the movie?”

Georg looked up and saw what Gustav was holding and grinned. “Hell yeah. And you brought refreshments. Awesome. I could use a drink.”

“Looks like the twins made up earlier today.” He said conversationally, unscrewing the cap and topping both small glasses to the brim. “To peace!” Gustav joked.

Georg didn’t crack a smile, but knocked the liquid back quickly and barely noticed the sting. Everything was not alright. Bill had yet to tell Tom or anyone else, and he was starting to think the teen really was ignoring this. Why should he have to shoulder this? He looked up into his friends eyes and frowned. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Push play idiot.” Georg blushed and pressed the button, settling in for some mindless entertainment.

*

There was never a question that Georg could hold his vodka. The boy practically grew up on it, and had a high tolerance for the stuff, and was a high functioning drunk regardless. Both of these presented a problem to Gustav, who knew he had to up the game without the bassist knowing. But he also knew one other thing, and that was Georg was going to crack tonight by any means necessary.

He kept his eyes on the screen and laughed when Will Smith and Martin Lawrence started dancing before busting up a store for information, his right hand sliding into his pocket and bringing out a much smaller bottle from his pocket. Gustav checked to make sure that Georg was still engrossed in the movie, but that was really a formality because if Martin Lawrence was on the screen, so were his eyes.

Gustav pulled Georg’s glass over closer to him and prayed he’d prepped his friend with enough vodka. He looked up as Georg’s head lolled back briefly before coming back up to laugh at the screen again. Yeah, he was prepped more than enough. He poured the shot glass full of absinthe and pushed it over to him, filling his own glass up with vodka. “Dude.” He nudged him and pointed to the drink.

Georg didn’t even look over, just grabbed the glass and knocked it back. Gustav counted to two, and Georg coughed and looked winded. “Damn, that’s strong.”

“…Yeah… So, what do you think was going on with the twins?” He asked nonchalantly, watching his friend’s face in the flickering light. A look of irritation flashed across Georg’s features and he shook his head slightly.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Oh.” A few more shots and a little more absinthe. “So, what’s going on with the twins?”

Georg was lit, the movie was over, and all he wanted to do was talk. “I mean, this is serious!” Gustav nodded understandingly.

“I know!”

“I know you know! You always take things serious. That’s what I like about you Gustav. You know what to do and when to do it and then you just…” Gustav leaned forward, frowning. “Do it!” Georg found the words he was looking for, face triumphant.

“Thanks man. So, what’s up with the twins?”

“Oh, you would think I’m crazy. Hell, I think I’m crazy and I was there!” Georg rubbed his face and sighed, putting his head on the table and looking up at the drummer. “You look like an M&M.”

Shit. Absinthe could make you trip. He needed his information now or he’d never get it. Georg might be a talky drunk, but he’s not dumb, and wouldn’t fall for this again. “What flavor?” He found himself asking. He must have drank more than he thought…

Georg shrugged. “I don’t know, they’re all chocolate flavored.”

“You’re right. So, what’s wrong with Tom?” He tried again. Georg sat up, shaking his head.

“Nothing yet.”

“What do you mean, yet?”

“He’s going to want to kill the man who did that to Bill…” Gustav’s heart stopped beating.

“What did a man do to Bill Georg?” He asked, trying to keep his voice light. The bassist looked at him blearily.

“Got him pregnant.” He whispered, or at least he thought he did. Gustav snorted. It was too late, the absinthe was frying his brain and all other information would be useless. “See, you don’t believe me. Hell, I wouldn’t believe me if I hadn’t been there.”

“Wait, you were there?” He asked, frowning. Georg nodded enthusiastically, falling against the booth cushions.

“I took him to the doctor, because you know, he’s been sick for the past couple of months. Turns out he’s not sick, but pregnant!” Gustav looked to the door to make sure it was closed. If the door was closed you couldn’t hear anything that was going on inside, which was good because he liked to watch action movies late at night.

“So you took him to a doctor, and the doctor said that Bill was… pregnant.” Gustav was sober enough to know that Georg wasn’t lying. Besides the fact that he never lied when he was drunk or sober, the look on his face was purely distraught. He sat back and thought over the past couple of months. He hadn’t realized Bill had been sick that long, but looking back he had to admit it was true. He was always complaining about a stomachache, or turning in early… throwing up and eating the strangest… Oh god. “But Bill’s a boy!” Gustav burst out with louder than he anticipated. Georg flinched and nodded miserably.

“I know! The doctor said something about the patch he used fucked him up somehow. I don’t remember how…” Georg groaned. “And the asshole is trying to ignore it!”

Gustav sighed. Yeah, that sounded like Bill… He looked over at Georg, who was now snoring softly and rolled his eyes. Leaving the vodka but taking the absinthe he practically ran to his bunk where the world still made sense and could not help but look over and stare at the bunk across from his. Bill’s. The curtain was closed but one ridiculously dainty hand peeked from beneath it, hanging all by its lonesome. He stared at the polish on the well manicured nails and shuddered.

Bill was pregnant.

Holy fuck, Bill was pregnant.

If he chose to believe that was the truth. Who was he kidding? Gustav believed Georg, that much was definite and clear and …normal. This wasn’t normal. He rubbed his eyes and pulled his laptop out of his storage compartment and turned it on, squinting in the suddenly harsh light. Georg said something about the patch Bill used to stop smoking, so logically that would be the first place to start. He typed in adverse effects of smoking patch and came up with way too many results. Okay, he’d have to narrow this down.

Gustav thought for a moment and shrugged, trying male pregnancy and nicotine patch, closing his eyes and hoping nothing would come up. Hell, he was half expecting Google to laugh at him. Opening his eyes his jaw dropped. Apparently it was all over the internet… How did they not know about this?! He clicked a couple of links and his head started to hurt. The recall a couple of months back due to undisclosed chemical make up… The fight to keep the product in stores, patent disputes… There were legal claims being leveled against Smith-Kline Beecham, the pharmaceutical company, on behalf of over a hundred men. A hundred pregnant men…

Gustav fell back onto his bunk and stared at the ceiling, stunned. He heard rustling next to him and watched as Bill slid out of his bunk, glancing around sleepily before throwing him a wave and making his way to the bathroom. His stomach knotted up; Bill had been going to the bathroom all the time lately. He remembered making a joke a couple of weeks ago that maybe Bill had diabetes from all the gummi bears he consumed, and they had all laughed as Gustav was flipped off. It seemed so funny then.

Not so funny now.

Turning, Gustav unabashedly watched Bill yawn as he climbed into his bunk, waving again before pulling his curtain closed. For the first time in a long time Gustav realized he didn’t know what to do.

That pissed him off.

~*~

Bill stared in the mirror in horror. This couldn’t be happening. He refused to believe this was actually happening. He turned this way and that in the mirror, and still the evidence wouldn’t go away. It wasn’t the angle in which he was looking because the mirror told the same story. It wasn’t the clothes, or the way the shirt was ironed. It wasn’t his posture and it wasn’t his imagination.

He double checked the door and committed himself to listen to the voice on the other side of the phone at his ear. “But Doctor… I just… I mean, on top of everything else?”

“I am so sorry Bill, I truly am.” Doctor Santoro did sound apologetic, even though it wasn’t his fault. “This is par the course for pregnancy. If you were female-”

“We went over that Doctor. I am most certainly not female.” Bill hissed, trying to keep his voice down. “How long will this last?”

“Until the baby’s born, and for some time after that if you…choose to breast feed.” Bill stared down at his chest and wanted to pitch a fit and cry. He’d noticed tenderness for some time, and now… he was staring at what had to be the beginnings of breasts. “But Bill, we’re not sure they’ll actually work, if that’s any consolation.”

“No, it’s not a consolation. I’m about to have tits on my chest, and I’m a boy.” He retorted, turning away from the mirror, unable to take the sight any longer.

“I am so sorry Bill, again. Feel free to give me a call if you have anymore questions.”

“Thank you Doctor.” He hung up the phone and sighed, pressing his fist against his forehead and groaning.

“Bill, are you okay?” He glanced at the door and shook his head.

“Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute.” Bill responded.

“Okay.” He waited until he could hear Tom move away from the door before sinking down to the floor. He was tired of this, half the time he wanted to cry, the other time he felt numb. Bill looked at the door and wished Tom could come in and carry him to bed and hold him until he fell asleep. But that wasn’t possible with a bus full of people. What was he going to do?

Standing up with a sigh Bill turned back to the mirror and looked down at the duct tape on the counter. Taking off his shirt, he unwound some tape and wrapped it around his upper torso as tight as he dared, around and around until his chest was securely bound. Slipping on his tee shirt he sighed with relief, looking at his once again flat chest. The tape itched, and it was going to be difficult to hide, since the band routinely stripped in front of each other. Bill just resolved to go to the bathroom from now on if he wanted to change clothes. He knew everyone would think he was being weird, but it really didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

The grand scheme. What did he do to deserve this? Was it his relationship with Tom? True, if he and Tom hadn’t taken their relationship to the next level, if you could in all honesty call it a real relationship, then he wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. He didn’t have feelings for any other man and he was being honest in interviews when he said he wasn’t gay. Was this punishment? Should he start believing in God and repent?

The snort came without warning and Bill doubled over laughing. Yeah, whatever. He adjusted his back and scratched at the side of his chest, beginning to wonder if the duct tape was a smart idea. Well, he’d have to deal with it, which was all there was to it. Bill looked at the card on the counter next to his phone and stuffed it in his pocket. It was pure chance that the stupid thing was still in his bag, seeing as to how he thought he threw it out. Grabbing his phone and the tape he opened the door and gasped. Gustav was standing in front of the door, staring at him curiously.

“What were you doing?” He asked, looking at the tape in his hand. Bill’s face flamed and he tried to think of something.

“Nothing.” He said quickly. Oh yeah, that was smart…

“Nothing?” Gustav repeated, an eyebrow rising in disbelief.

“Nothing.” Bill affirmed as he walked around to his bunk. He still felt Gustav’s gaze on the back of his neck and wondered what was up with the drummer. Why the sudden curiosity? Come to think of it he barely remembered seeing the drummer awake last night on one of his many trips to the bathroom. Why was he watching him? Could he tell something was wrong? The thought rattled around his head fueled by desperation and fear. He resisted the urge to go and see if his stomach was poking out, but it couldn’t be because his shirt wasn’t tighter than normal. Looking down he frowned. Was it?

~*~

They took their final bow to the screaming fans and Tom grinned a mile wide. There was no high better than a great concert, and he loved every second of it. Backstage he was practically bouncing around, until he got to the green room. Gustav and Georg were snapping at each other for some reason, and they’d been fighting for the past couple of days. It was odd because they rarely fought. And Bill? Bill was trying to take off his make up with a shaking hand. He looked wrecked, exhausted and miserable. “What’s wrong?” He asked, coming up behind his twin at the vanity.

“Nothing. I’m just tired.” Bill replied, the response arrived with him not even thinking about it.

“You’re always saying that. It doesn’t even make sense now.” Gustav said from across the room, trying to stretch out his own ankle. Georg looked up at him and glared, shaking his head minutely. Bill looked at him through the mirror and paled.

“What do you mean?” He asked shakily, and Georg stood up; frowning.

“Nothing. He means nothing. Gustav, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, why not?”Gustav said sugary sweet, standing up and following the bassist out of the room. Tom watched them leave with a frown.

“What did he mean by that?” He asked Bill, who shrugged and soaked another cotton ball with makeup remover.

“How should I know?” He said, holding back a yawn.

“We’re in a hotel for the next three days. At least you’ll be able to rest in a bed.” Tom said, running his fingers through Bill’s hair. It wasn’t in its normal lion’s mane, and he could never resist playing with it. Bill looked at him through the mirror and smiled. “I’ve noticed you’ve stopped throwing up.”

It was true; the vomiting had all but disappeared. It still happened if he smelled something that didn’t agree with him, the same for eating something that didn’t sit well with his stomach. Other than that and his constant tiredness he was good. Better than good. “You’re always watching me.” Bill teased, sighing happily as Tom started to massage his shoulders.

“Can’t help it, you’re so sexy.” Tom whispered in his ear and he shivered, smiling. He turned and glanced up, wishing he could kiss his twin right now. Apparently he could read his mind because he smiled. “There will be time enough for that later. If you’re not too tired.”

“We’ll see.” Bill said honestly. Tom nodded, not quite understanding what was going on, but willing to accept it. He refused to fight with Bill anymore, it hurt too much. “Wonder where they went.” Tom looked over his shoulder at the people randomly walking about and shrugged. They couldn’t have gone far.

~*~

They were currently in a glorified broom closet, arguing as quietly as they could. “I can’t believe you pulled a stunt like that!” Georg hissed, glaring at his friend. Gustav just looked at him disbelievingly. “I can’t believe you got me drunk after I told you it wasn’t my secret to tell!”

“I needed to know what was going on. I knew it was something serious, and for fuck’s sake, I was right!” Gustav countered.

“It doesn’t matter! You violated me!”

“That was a bit overdramatic. Besides, it’s not like you haven’t exploited my weaknesses before either. You don’t think I notice how you always ask me things when I’m almost asleep? You know I’ll always say yes then, don’t you?” Georg looked a tad guilty. “Look man, I’m sorry, I really am okay?”

“Whatever.”

“Seriously Georg. I don’t want you mad at me anymore. You’re the only other sane person in the band.”

“I’m the only other one who’s not a Kaulitz.” Georg finished the joke lamely. “Look, I promised Gustav. You know I keep my word… when I’m not drunk.” He amended. The drummer nodded, staring off into space.

“You know this isn’t going to be handled correctly if we leave this to Bill.”

“Knowing Bill, he’d ignore it up until the baby comes.” Georg groaned and shook his head. The world had become crazier than it already was, and he wasn’t prepared for it. “What do we do?”

“Somehow we’re going to have to get it in his thick skull that he has to tell someone. Especially Tom. Did he tell you who the father was?”

“No. That he refused to do.” Georg shrugged. “Does it matter?”

“It will matter to Tom.” Gustav replied, resisting the urge to pace in such a small space. “I’ve been looking online for the past couple of days. They’re in an uproar in the States about this. A lot of men have been coming forward.”

“Why haven’t we heard anything in Europe?”

“Probably because the patch wasn’t imported widely here. Switzerland and Albania only.”

“That’s kind of random.”

“They have less strict product codes.” Gustav informed him. “It was able to pass their tests quicker than the other countries. Turns out it was still pending everywhere else, including Germany.” Georg shuddered. He didn’t want to think of a country full of German men, pregnant. “Yeah. So this isn’t Bill’s fault.”

“I don’t know if he’s even thought that far though it.”

“He’s not exactly a deep thinker.” Gustav unwrapped one of his calluses and sighed. “Thank God he’s only just now beginning to show.” Georg’s head snapped up.

“What? You can tell from just looking at him?” He asked, alarmed.

“I have four aunts, and two of them are as skinny as Bill. I’ve learned to spot the signs, especially since I know what to look for now.” Part of Gustav wished he could dial back the clock three days, before he found out what was going on with his friend. But wishing was for losers who couldn’t cope with reality. He’d cope with reality until it killed him.

“We need to tell Tom.”

“Bill would hate us for the rest of his life, and he’s younger than us, so it would be a long time. You know he loves to hold grudges, and will nurse it until we decide to shoot ourselves to put us out of our misery.” Georg shook his head. “Besides, Tom would kill me too.”

“I’ll take care of that. I ain’t afraid of no Kaulitz.” He joked, earning a shaky laugh from his friend.

“Better you than me. I already took one bullet by forcing Bill to the doctor. He’s going to be pissed that you know.”

“Bill has bigger problems than me finding out. How long does he think he can really hide a pregnancy?”

~*~

Bill panted desperately and he felt lightheaded in the best way. He’d missed this, truly did. He arched his back and moaned loudly, clutching the comforter above him inside of his fists. It felt so good and he gazed up at Tom, head thrown back and eyes closed as he grunted, thrusting in and out, driving him absolutely insane.  “Oh god…” He choked out, closing his eyes in bliss.

“Bill…” Tom groaned, grasping him at the hips and pushing him onto his straining cock, practically biting his lip to keep from growling. They’d managed to make it to their hotel rooms and put their things down before Bill collapsed in his bed, tired beyond comprehension. Tom left him alone to sleep and retired to his own room, restless and missing Bill, but he knew if he was in the same room with him for long things would turn frustrating for him.

So Tom resigned himself to an empty bed and no Bill. Imagine his surprise when a knock came around one in the morning and he opened his door to find Bill standing there, smiling that secret smile that curled his toes and pooled the heat low in his stomach. He watched as his twin sauntered in and closed the door softly behind him before he captured Tom’s lips in a blazing kiss.

The clothing they wore was dropped wherever it landed as they stripped quickly, barely wanting to let each other go. But the kiss of skin on skin was more than a consolation prize for removing the offending layers. Bill was writhing all over him and Tom could barely keep up against the barrage of pleasure. They landed on the bed and Bill had leaned forward and swiped his tongue along the edge of Tom’s ear and whispered fuck me so… so desperately Tom nearly shattered into a million pieces.

And that’s how he came to have Bill gasping beneath him, fisting the sheets and moaning his head off as he did that spectacularly amazing move where he rotated his hips just so and Tom screamed gutturally, he felt like he’d gone blind. His grip on Bill’s hips tightened and suddenly he was losing his rhythm to the impending orgasm. His twin pulled himself up and gasped in Tom’s ear, mewling frantically. “Oh god Tomi, please…” Tom groaned and shuddered, trying to hold back. With great effort he grabbed Bill’s dick brushed his thumb over the head, sliding over the moist slit and triumphantly felt him shudder and spray thick fluid on his chest and stomach with a wail. Tom shoved into him two more times before crashing into a climax himself, falling forward onto the bed as he lost motor control.

Bill lay beneath him, sighing happily and planting little kisses all along his jaw and neck. “Oh god, I needed that.” He huffed as he rolled over from off of Bill. Bill smiled and then promptly frowned. “What’s wrong?” Tom asked wearily.

“I gotta pee!” He huffed, rolling out of the bed and rushing to the bathroom. He watched his brother as he half ran and shut the door, smiling slightly as he emerged a few minutes later. “What?” Bill asked, blushing as he became acutely aware he was still naked.

“You’ve gained some weight, did you notice?” He froze at Tom’s observation. His twin saw the expression on his face and he sat up, shaking his head quickly. “Oh no, it’s not a bad thing, trust me.”

“It’s not?” Bill asked hesitantly, walking over to the bed and Tom’s outstretched arms. He sighed happily as he was wrapped up tight, leaning his cheek on his brother’s bicep.

“Nope. It looks good on you.” Tom ran his hand down the side of Bill’s face, enjoying the way he relaxed all over. “Trust me, you could start sporting a bullring and I would probably think it was hot.” He teased, earning him a pinch on the leg.

“So basically you’re telling me I can’t trust your judgment.”” Bill grinned, eyes still closed. Tom kissed his temple briefly and whispered in his ear.

“I love you; that you can trust.” He kissed him again and pulled away, to Bill’s dismay.

“Where are you going?” He pouted, smiling at the muscles that flexed as his twin moved.

“Minibar; I’m thirsty. You want anything?” Tom asked, opening it up and inspecting the contents.

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Bill leaned back and stared at the ceiling, yawning. He felt the bed dip next to him and he looked over to find himself staring at a dark brown bottle. A beer. Tom wiggled it in front of his face and he accepted it reluctantly.

“You said whatever I was having.” Tom reminded him, taking a long swallow. Bill looked at him hesitantly, and he nodded, taking a sip as well. It felt good going down, and he took another swallow. Everything was good, everything was okay. His brother was watching him weirdly. “Why are you acting like you’re not supposed to be drinking it?”

Bill just looked at him and laughed weirdly. “No reason.”

~*~

Gustav couldn’t take it anymore. Bill’s inability to tell Tom was interfering with Georg, and that wasn’t fair. So he texted both twins and told them he wanted to meet in his room for some video games. Tom was up for it, but Bill didn’t feel like playing, he wanted to take a nap.

Of course he did.

But Gustav wouldn’t take no for an answer. Tom showed up first, bragging about bringing his A game and other well rehearsed bullshit, and a few minutes later Bill arrived, looking harassed. “I don’t want to play Tomi…” He whined as his twin shoved a controller in his hand.

“This is fun Bill. You’ve been sleeping all the time lately. We’re going to have some fun with someone else, now sit.” Tom patted the bed next to him and Gustav smiled disarmingly. Bill finally caved and started playing the racing game with them. Twenty minutes in everyone was laughing and joking around; defenses were down and everyone was at ease.

Time to ruin it.

Gustav crashed his car on purpose, and Bill crowed as he finally pulled ahead. Tom smirked and tried to catch up with his twin and the drummer wracked his brain for the best way to do this. He couldn’t tell Tom himself, because he would probably be punched in the mouth with good reason. No, Bill had to tell him, and he needed to be prodded. “Bill?”

“Hmm?” He asked, unconsciously leaning as his car navigated a turn. Gustav stood up and walked over to the door. He would need to make a quick exit after he said what needed to be said.

“Don’t you have something to tell Tom?” Bill frowned and accidentally pulled his finger away from the acceleration button, looking over to him with trepidation.

“What are you talking about?” He asked lowly. Gustav smiled back.

“You have something you need to tell Tom, right?” He looked at him pointedly, watching the color drain from his face.

“What is it?” Tom looked back and forth between them curiously, putting down his controller.

“I think Gustav’s mistaken.”

“No, you went to the doctor; now tell Tom what you found out.” He nodded quickly and turned, walking out of the door and closing it quickly. Bill cursed under his breath and Tom stood up, facing Bill.

“What is he talking about? When did you go to the doctor?” He asked fearfully. Bill looked up at him and sighed, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“I… I went in Lisbon.”

“Wait… when you and Georg went shopping?!” Tom’s voice became higher as the realization dawned. “Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have been so mad at you! And why did he go with you but not me?! I’m your twin!” Tom sputtered, pacing in front of the bed.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t know I was going. Georg told me we were shopping and then he took me to this doctor’s office.” Bill turned the wireless controller over in his hand, clutching it as if it could give him strength to withstand the stare from his twin.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I don’t know…” He whispered. Tom came to kneel in front of him.

“What aren’t you telling me? What did the doctor say?”

“He said that my tiredness is due to anemia. I have to take iron supplements.” Tom nodded and rested his head on Bill’s knee.

“That’s good. That’s easy to deal with. Did you get them?” Bill shook his head. “Ugh, Bill… how are you supposed to get better if you don’t do what the doctor said?” Bill shrugged. “That was it? The way Gustav made it sound you were dying or something.”

“…Or something…” He mumbled, looking away from his brother. Tom frowned.

“What else is there Bill?” He asked, the hair rising on the back of his neck. Tom could tell something was still wrong and needed to know what it was and quickly. “Bill!”

“Tomi, I’m going back to the doctor to get a second opinion, I’d rather tell you then.”

“A second opinion?!” Tom jumped to his feet, panicking. “Is it cancer? You can’t die Bill, because if you die I’ll die!” He started pacing again and Bill stood up, trying to get him to stop moving.

“No Tomi, I’m not dying.” The dreadlocked teen stopped and looked at his brother suspiciously.

“Are you sure?”

No… “Yeah. That’s not what the doctor told me.”

“Then what did he tell you?”

“You know that nicotine patch I was wearing to stop smoking?”

Tom nodded. “Yeah…” His eyes widened. “Oh! It was the stupid patch, wasn’t it? It was making you ill. I knew something was up with it, he got it from fucking Switzerland.”

“The patch had some things in it that wasn’t listed on the box.” Bill swallowed and willed himself to continue. He looked down to see his hands shaking. Tom was staring at them too, and was getting steadily more concerned.

“Just out with it Bill, you’re scaring me half to death.”

“I’m pregnant Tomi.” He blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer. Tom looked at him and laughed.

“That’s funny.” He laughed again but realized Bill wasn’t joining in. “Bill… you’re joking. I know you are. As much make up as you wear and no matter how pretty I think you are, you’re still a boy.”

Bill sighed and rubbed his temples, and everything that happened at the doctor’s office, everything between him and Georg came tumbling out in one go. He barely took a moment to breathe; he had to get it all out before he lost his nerve. When he was done he looked up into Tom’s stunned face. “I’m sorry Tomi… I…”

Tom eased himself into a chair and stared at the ground in shock. His baby brother, his twin… pregnant. His twin brother pregnant. Pregnant! He gasped and started hyperventilating. Bill moved towards him and Tom’s eyes widened, pushing back against the chair in disbelief. “I don’t believe you.”

“I didn’t believe it either, but I can’t… I can’t pretend anymore.” Bill looked at his brother and pleaded. “Say something Tom, please.”

“I’ve gotta get out of here. This is insane. You can’t expect me to believe this!”

“Tom, what else can I say to make you believe me? I mean, why you think I’ve gained weight!” Bill implored, trying to get him to understand. Tom shook his head.

“Because you’ve been eating like a fucking pig lately!” He said bluntly. Bill recoiled as if slapped. Without another word he ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Tom felt unable to breathe; rushing out into the hall and looking around. Bill was nowhere to be seen. Good.

He couldn’t deal with his crazy brother right then. Tom’s head hurt and his stomach was uneasy like they always were when he received bad news. This… his brother actually believed he was pregnant…  Tom walked down the hall in the opposite direction of Bill and almost ran into Gustav. “Tom!” The drummer frowned. “Did you and Bill talk?”

“Not fucking now.” Tom spat, shoving past his friend and running to the elevator. He didn’t care how rude he was, he just knew he had to get the hell out of there.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Nope.

Gustav stared at the elevator doors, willing Tom to come back, but of course it didn’t work. This had blown up in his face, and it was his fault. He turned to find Georg coming up next to him, looking confused. “Do you think the two of you could inform everyone on the floor what’s going on?”

“Where’s Bill?” Gustav asked, ignoring the bassist’s comment.

“In your room, right?”

“Wrong. It went badly.” Gustav explained what he saw, and the exchange between him and the guitarist.

“We seriously stepped in it. Is Bill in his room?”

“Don’t know.” They stopped in front of it, Gustav knocking quickly. There was no answer. “I don’t think he’d respond if he were in there anyway.” Georg said; shaking his head slowly.

“What do we do?” He stopped and thought. “Wait, the front desk, we can get a duplicate key from them.”

“Or, I can use the extra key card I snatched from Bill, since he’s forever dropping things.” Georg held it up proudly and swiped. The two boys stepped into the dark room, looking around. It looked wrecked, and still no Bill. Georg turned as he was nudged, the only light was coming from the closed bathroom door, and they could hear retching from where they stood.

“Bill?” Gustav knocked on the door, both pressing their ears against the door. “Bill, come on, you’re going to make yourself sick!”

“No I’m not; I spent the better part of the last couple of months throwing up and it hasn’t killed me yet! Get the hell out!”

Georg groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he thought quickly. “What happened Bill?”

“Get the fuck out!” Gustav frowned at the door, shaking his head.

“We can’t do that Bill. We care about you!” Georg smacked him on the arm, looking at him weirdly. He sounded like someone from the suicide hotline. They stopped as they realized they heard nothing from the other side, not even cursing. “Georg?” Gustav began to panic.

“Yeah, I got it.” Georg stood up, and with one well placed shoulder the door burst open, revealing Bill, curled up on his side, unconscious. “Shit. I could kill him.” He said, reaching down and picking Bill up from the floor. He looked frightened. “He’s light as a feather…”

“I don’t need this. I’m going to have an ulcer by the time I’m twenty one dealing with these guys…” Gustav followed them to the bed, and watched as Georg laid the teen down gently. “What should we do?”

“You know we should call an ambulance.” He said, pushing Bill’s hair off of his face. His forehead was slick with sweat, and he looked flushed.

“But we can’t.” Gustav finished his thought. He was having a crisis of conscience. Did Bill’s secret mean more than his health and the health of his unborn baby? He shook his head. It was no longer a question. He ran over to the phone on the nightstand and picked it up.

“Gustav! He’s awake!” The drummer dropped the phone and came back over to Bill, who was crying weakly as he stared up at the ceiling. “Bill, what happened?”

“It’s all my fault… it’s all my fault and now he doesn’t love me anymore.” The singer choked out, closing his eyes again. “It’s all my fault…” He continued to murmur.

“Bill!” Gustav watched Georg try to interrupt the heartbreaking litany, but Bill wasn’t listening. He lay there with his head in Georg’s lap, whispering to himself, refusing to open his eyes at the bassist’s cajoling. “What the fuck happened?” He asked, looking up at Gustav.

“I… tried to get Bill to tell Tom.” He shook his head. “I don’t think it went well…”

“You think? What are we going to do now? I could kill him!” Georg spat again, and Bill started crying anew. Both men looked at Bill, and Gustav wanted to kick himself. For a few minutes the only sounds in the room were Bill’s intermittent sobs. “What are we going to do Gustav?”

“I’m going to fix this.” He nodded slowly.

“How? We don’t know if this can be fixed.” Georg said sadly, running his hand down Bill’s cheek. He loved Bill like a little brother, and Tom too, but for some reason it was always Bill who needed looking after. He felt it was his job to look out for the band considering he was the oldest, but often Gustav would beat him to the punch. He had great faith in his friend, but how could they fix something when they didn’t even have all the pieces?

“It can, and it will. I made a mistake, but don’t get it twisted, I will make this right.” Gustav’s mouth was set in a grim line as he turned and abruptly left. His anger grew and festered as he walked down the hall and waited for the elevators. Taking a deep breath, he exited at the lobby and thought for a moment. Tom wouldn’t have left the building, so that meant the bar.

Sure enough, as soon as he walked into the darkened area he saw familiar spill of dreadlocks at the bar. Balling his fists he walked over and sat down quietly next to him, staring angrily. “Don’t fucking start Gustav. What do you want?” Gustav had no problem arguing in public with the older Kaulitz; it was the younger one that liked to raise his voice and cause problems.

“Bill needs you.” He said simply, and Tom snorted and motioned for the bar tender, shaking his glass.

“No, he doesn’t.”

“Tom-”

“Gustav, do you believe it? I mean, it’s obvious that you know, so how did you react?” Gustav opened his mouth and closed it. Honestly he didn’t believe it at first…

“Look, I know it takes some time to get used to, but right now Bill is upstairs crying his heart out and he’s going to make himself sick.” He watched Tom nod to the bartender as his drink arrived. “Alcohol isn’t the answer.” He snapped quietly.

“Then what is, oh mighty Gustav? Knower of fucking everything. Where are the answers? Gustav has them.” Tom mocked, swallowing half his drink in one go. “Leave me alone, I will deal with this in my own time.”

Fine. Common sense and reasoning did not work. When people asked Gustav could honestly say he tried to be civilized.

He put his palm over the lid of Tom’s glass and refused to budge. The older Kaulitz twin glared at the hand before turning to look at him. Gustav smiled tightly and leaned forward, looking for all the world as someone just sharing a quick secret. “Are you listening Kaulitz, because I’m only going to say this once. We’re going upstairs, you and me, okay? Now whether or not you get to maintain your dignity while we do it is entirely up to you.” He hissed. Tom pulled back, surprised and skeptical. Gustav shook his head quickly. “No, I wouldn’t try and see if you could take me, I would snap you in half like a match. If I were in a better mood I would promise I wouldn’t touch your pretty face, but if you don’t get your ass up and come with me I’ll pound on you until you stop moving, making sure to beat that piercing from your mouth, got me? And when people ask what happened, I will tell them gladly that I stomped your ass into the ground.” Gustav held his arm out, motioning for Tom to go before him. There was a split second hesitation until Tom looked into the drummer’s eyes and saw he was deadly serious.

*

Bill was staring up at the ceiling, tears streaming into his hair as Georg sat next to his head, trying to give him comfort. It wasn’t that the bassist was ill-equipped, it was just the one person he needed had abandoned him. He felt numb inside, and sighed against an impending headache. He’d been crying for the past half an hour, and was surprised to still find he had liquid left in which to leak. The door opened and he heard talking, but Bill zoned everyone out until a familiar face loomed over his own.  He turned away, closing his eyes as he realized Georg was speaking to him. “What?” He croaked, trying to avoid bursting out into fresh tears.

“Tell us who the father is. He needs to know.” Bill shook his head and turned over to his side, staring at Tom next to the bed.

“He never told you who the father was?” Tom asked, unable to keep a look of profound relief from his face. In that second Bill hated his twin. Gustav shook his head.

“No. Flat out refuses.” He crossed his arms, trying not to run over to the bed and shake Bill. The father should be in this room right now, agonizing over this at least half as much as they are.

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want me, and he definitely doesn’t want the baby.”Bill wiped his eyes, sniffing. Tom’s eyes fluttered shut as he tried to breathe.

“Maybe you sprung it on him; maybe he needs a minute to figure out how he feels about it.” Tom said, not looking his brother in the eye. “You have to admit, this is pretty fucked up.”

“Maybe he should remember who is carrying the fucking baby and try to have some compassion!” He replied hotly. Tom opened his mouth and closed it abruptly, nodding slowly.

“Maybe.” He said softly. Georg looked down at Bill and sighed, looking to Gustav and jerking his chin towards the door. The drummer nodded slowly and both boys went to extract themselves from the situation. Bill watched them leave, and wondered if he should leave too. He didn’t want to be anywhere near his twin.

Shit, it was his hotel room.

“Get out Tom.” Bill said tiredly, sitting up and hissing at the headache that decided to arrive.

“Bill…”

“No, I think you’ve hurt me enough today, don’t you?” Tom bit his lip and nodded, turning for the door. His hand touched the knob and he released it, suddenly feeling sick. He couldn’t do this, couldn’t turn his back on his brother, his soul mate, again.

“No.” He turned back to his twin, taking a step towards him. “No, I won’t leave you again.” Bill curled up until his cheek was resting on his chin, arms clasped tight around his legs. “Bill, I can’t pretend that this is okay…” Tom ended awkwardly, not quite knowing what to say.

“Do you think I think its okay? That I found out I was pregnant and went, ‘this is what I’ve always wanted!’?”

“I guess not.” Tom walked across the room and sat down on the bed next to Bill. They both stared at the nondescript carpet in silence. “What are you going to do?”

“What do you want me to do Tomi?” Bill asked tiredly. He wanted this to be over, one way or another. Tom shrugged, still staring at the carpet.

“Do you want an abortion?” He asked slowly, not sure if he wanted to know the answer, or even how he’d feel about it if he told him.

Bill laughed hollowly, sniffing. “Yes.”

“But what?” He knew his twin, and a huge but was on the horizon.

”But I’m past the legal abortion period.” Tom’s heart dropped into his stomach for the fourth time that day.

“How far along are you?!” He burst out without thinking. Bill flinched and sighed.

“About halfway through my third month.” He whispered. Tom looked at his twin’s still very slender form and raised an eyebrow.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Doctor Santoro said that people start showing at different times.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.” They sat in the first awkward silence they’d had in years, neither knowing where to look.

“So, we’re doing this…” Tom inhaled deeply to fight off the impending panic. Bill finally looked at him.

“We’re?”

“Look, I’m not going to pretend that I’m not still freaked out about this, or that I’m one hundred percent okay with it just yet… but I do know I love you, and I want to support you especially when you’re going through something. When you hurt I hurt, remember?” Tom scooted closer, and this time Bill didn’t pull away.

“Tomi, I’m not okay with this either. I’m weirded out every day and I’m either trying not to scream or trying not to cry.” Bill looked at him blearily, tears beginning to form again. Tom pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around his shaking brother. “Half the time I feel out of control and alone.”

“You’re not alone, I promise.” Tom whispered into his hair, holding his brother tight. “I’m so sorry Bill… you must think I’m a dick for what I said in the room.” He said, referring to the pig comment, eyes widening as he realized just how cruel it was in hindsight.

Bill sighed into the curve of Tom’s neck and nodded. “But I know you just can’t control your mouth when you’re scared.” He said, response somewhat muffled from the voluminous shirt. Tom laughed; a nervous sound that seemed sharp in the silence of the hotel room. “What are we going to do Tomi?”

“I don’t know Bill. I… I don’t have an answer right now.” Tom pushed the rising panic and fear out of his mind and suppressed it, laying down on the bed and bringing Bill back with him. He fell into the automatic gesture of rubbing his twin’s stomach, smiling at the way he relaxed almost immediately.

“Mmm… Tomi, that feels so good.”Tom looked down into Bill’s face, eyes closed and brow furrowed with a slight headache. He placed a kiss on his forehead and looked back up at the ceiling. Tom felt like he’d been stretched tight and released over and over again that day, leaving him feeling too loose and unsteady. His world and everything he knew about science had been blown to bits and Tom, as the older brother, was responsible for putting everything back together.

Especially since he had a hand in blowing it up. Tom removed his hand from Bill’s stomach to rub his face, but Bill’s hand caught his before he got halfway there, pulling it back to his stomach firmly. Tom couldn’t help but smile as he realized Bill hadn’t opened his eyes once. He sighed and continued rubbing, closing his eyes and trying to contain his laughter. It escaped in a quiet chuckle that didn’t stop, swelling into full blown laughter. Bill cracked a smile and followed until they were both giggling madly. He opened his eyes to see Tom’s face, and his laughter died.

His twin was crying, unable to stop laughing at the sheer lunacy of everything. The panic he kept pushing back was no longer willing to go quietly, and it sat in his chest and ballooned, and yet he still couldn’t stop laughing. Tears formed and slipped down his cheeks, falling quickly as the laughter finally left and he was allowed to just cry. Bill sighed and clutched him closer, trying to give him some of his strength but he was scared to the core. If Tom was breaking down on him, then who could he depend on?

“Tomi, it’s going to be okay, alright?” Bill said, kissing him on cheek as the arm around his waist tightened. Tom was practically choking, trying to take in a full breath and no cry. “Tomi, please calm down, please. You’re scaring me.” Tom looked over at his brother with wide eyes, trying to get his breathing under control. “Tomi, we’re going to be fine. We’ll get through this.” Bill promised, looking him straight in the eye. “As long as we’re together, we’re going to be fine.”

“Yeah?” His twin asked, looking utterly lost. Bill looked at him and nodded, wondering if it were lying if he didn’t believe it himself.

“Yeah.”

~*~

“How does that make any fucking sense?” Gustav asked, pouring himself another drink quickly. They were back in Bill’s room, and apparently the twins had made up because Bill was happily eating a plate of fries, dipping them in the butter with gusto. Tom looked away from the sight with a slight grimace and turned to him.

“Seriously Gustav, how can we let anyone know?” He asked, staring at the beer in front of him. “We’re going to handle this ourselves.”

“But you need check ups, rest and a balanced diet. Do you honestly think you can do that on tour?” Georg asked skeptically. Bill nodded.

“We’ll make it work somehow.”

“You should tell David.”

“Fuck no! It’s his fault anyway.” Tom retorted, shaking his head. “No, this goes no further.”

“Besides, you know we haven’t broken even yet on this tour. We can’t cancel, we still owe the label.” Bill reminded them. Gustav growled. Listening to Bill speak was like a paradox. The words reached your ears making perfect sense, but the brain said something’s off with the logic. You just can’t figure out what.

“Shit.” He said aloud, knowing this would be a bad idea. He’d go along with it for now, but if he saw a problem Gustav realized he’d have no problem blowing a whistle, any whistle he could find, as loud as he could. Georg shrugged, and snatched a fry from Bill’s plate, dipping it in the butter and putting it in his mouth. “Dude, what the fuck?” He hollered, blanching.

Tom shuddered. “You’re so gross, Georg…” He shook his head, looking disappointed. Bill just watched him interestedly.

“Well?” He asked curiously. Georg swallowed and tilted his head back and forth, thinking about the flavor.

“Guys, it’s actually not bad. I think it could use some ketchup, but other than that it’s not that bad!” He said, nodding slowly. Tom leaned in close and sniffed. “What?” He asked irritably. “What are you doing?”

“Just checking to see if you were drunk.” Tom said sweetly, and everyone burst out laughing.

Author's Chapter Notes: