I want to thank my beta invisiblehabits. She's kind, awesome and patient. Just what a hardheaded person such as myself needs.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Sometimes, yes. Dedicated to T, my hidden inspiration, and forever invisiblehabits.

“How about her?”

“Really? I didn’t think that was your type.”

“I don’t have a type per se.”

“Oh, how about her?”

“Seriously.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“She looks boring.”

“You just want a screamer.”

“I would be scandalized if that weren’t partially true. Don’t tell me you want a church mouse in bed.”

Gustav rolled his eyes as he sipped on his margarita. “No,” he said carefully. “I just don’t like chicks that do the whole fake screaming thing.”

“Ah. Understandable,” Georg nodded as he helped his friend scan the room. Tom was looking at them from across the table with a weird expression on his face.

“I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this,” he said, suddenly looking anywhere but at his friends. Gustav shrugged and laughed.

“What’s bothering you more, that we’re looking around for a partner in a threesome or that we’re looking together?”

“Not sure really,” Tom admitted, laughing into his glass. It was tough getting used to the fact that straighter than straight Gustav liked to kiss on ‘I’m straight today’ Georg. They had come clean to the twins a couple of days ago, but with all the running around that the end of a tour entailed, no one really got to sit down and talk.

Now the tour was officially over and they were sitting in some trendy bar in Rome with every intention on celebrating. Bill was in the hotel and even though Tom wanted to stay with him Bill insisted that he go out and keep up his public persona. He was really starting to hate his “public persona”.

“Imagine my surprise,” Gustav said sardonically. “Her, how about her?” He asked as he pointed to a stunning redhead leaning forward on the bar.

“Awesome taste,” Georg pushed him forward so they could both slide out of the booth. “Go charm her.”

“You can use that voice of yours. I swear it could be a weapon,” Gustav fired back. “Come on, we’ll do it together.”

“The G&G double threat. Go easy on her guys,” Tom found himself laughing as they stalked towards their prey. Poor girl never really stood a chance. A shadow fell over the table and he looked up into pretty brown eyes.

“Hi, you’re Tom Kaulitz, right?” she asked excitedly.

“Yes I am,” he nodded, holding out his hand and shaking hers.

“Wow. I did not think I would run into you in here,” she smiled and slid into the booth across from him. “My name is Zara and I was at the concert tonight. You guys did a remarkable job.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Tom tried to sound interested but it was hard. He wanted to get back to Bill so he could hold him and ignore the rest of the world for a while. The façade was beginning to give him a headache.

~*~

Bill looked at his phone and sighed. He flipped it open and pulled up their mother’s phone number and sighed yet again. This wasn’t working. He snapped it closed and started pacing the hotel room again. Bill didn’t think he would feel like this when it was over; finally the tour was completed and they would head back to Magdeburg in two days.

He rubbed his stomach and tried to will himself to calm down. It didn’t work and the one person who could calm him down wasn’t here. Bill picked up Tom’s keycard and put it in his pocket next to his own and darted out into the hallway. Tom’s room was directly across from his and he swiped the card and stepped into the dark room. It smelled only faintly of his twin, but the familiar fragrance lowered his heart rate and allowed his nerves to stop jumping.

Bill glanced over at the nightstand and frowned. It was late and Tom said he’d come back in enough time so he could hold his hand while Bill told their mother. He didn’t think he could do it without him and he briefly wondered when he became so dependent on his brother. Probably when he got knocked up. He laughed for a moment at that statement and sat down on the bed. His hand touched something soft, and he turned to see a discarded shirt. Tom was forever pulling clothes out of his suitcase and changing his mind before he walked out of the door. And they thought he was prissy?

He let his fingers graze the soft cotton before Bill pulled it into his grasp and brought it to his nose. It smelled like all of Tom’s clothes; the inside of suitcases and the smell of his skin that forever lingered. Bill breathed it in and smiled, wishing that he hadn’t told Tom to go out. Fuck the media and what everyone thought. He rolled over and curled up on the bed as he groaned at the headache that sat right behind his eyes. They came on quickly and with increased frequency and he knew he was overworked; but it was a moot point now that the tour was over. They wouldn’t be able to do any post tour appearances and that greatly relieved Bill to no end.

Just the thought of the break made him think of their mother and Bill sighed, wishing he had the courage to get the inevitable conversation over with. His phone rang and he started, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out the phone. He stared unblinkingly at the phone display and swallowed the wave of fear that rose within him. The Green Day song continued to play as he debated on whether or not to pick up the phone. His thumb betrayed him and pushed the answer button, and Bill swallowed and brought the phone up to his ear. “Hi Mom.”

~*~

The table was littered with the glasses of all types of drinks, and the five people in the booth were laughing wildly at something that was only marginally funny. Georg and Gustav were draped over a stunning brunette that had enough charms to keep them both occupied as all three drank lemon shots like they were soda. Tom looked over at the girl beside him that still hadn’t gone away. “Horses?” he asked blearily. “Really?”

“Yes,” she giggled and Tom had to admit it was kind of pretty. The type he would go for if he hadn’t had something better waiting for him. “I’m quite good. You should see me jump.”

“I won’t be here long enough for that. Sorry,” Tom tried to keep enough regret in his voice. He didn’t particularly care about horses, and felt more than a little bad. Zara was doing everything right. She wasn’t overly giggly and clinging, or trying to impress him. The conversation wasn’t that bad and she had a nice smile and lips that unfortunately reminded Tom of Bill; that wasn’t her fault though.

“It’s okay,” Zara looked like she knew something was off, but before he could tactfully dismiss her Georg pulled away from the red lips of Carlotta or whatever her name was and squint at him.

“We’re going back to the hotel. Come on,” he leaned down and took another kiss before pulling Gustav’s head out of the poor girl’s cleavage. Tom brightened. The hotel meant Bill. Bill was good. That was about as deep as thoughts got right then. “You’re coming right?” he swung his squint to Zara. She blushed and snuck a look at Tom.

Before he could respond Gustav laughed and nodded. “What are you doing? Of course she is,” he smiled at her and wiggled his eyebrows at Tom. “He hasn’t seen action in I don’t know how long,” Gustav scoffed, finding himself immensely hilarious. Carlotta, wedged between the two powerfully built boys, couldn’t keep her hands off of either, and from the vaguely surprised look on the drummer’s face she found something far more interesting than kissing to do as what was visible of her arms flexed, her hands working under the table.

Zara turned to him and smiled, tucking ebony colored hair behind her right ear, “I don’t mind keeping you company,” she breathed, leaning forward and placing a quick kiss on Tom’s lips. Tom wanted to frown and say this was wrong, but Georg was looking at him and cheering and she seemed so sweet…

Damn public persona.

~*~

Curious. He didn’t think it would feel like this, like nothing. “Don’t cry Mom,” he said lowly, trying not to feel like a jerk for making his mother cry. She sniffed loudly on the other side of the phone and he felt worse, tears threatened to spill onto his cheeks if he couldn’t keep his emotions under control.

“Oh my baby, how did this happen?” she asked, and Bill could see her shaking her head tiredly. “I thought you weren’t gay?”

“I’m not. Please Mom, let’s not do this right now,” He sighed and shook his head, rubbing his face on Tom’s shirt beneath his cheek. Bill was lying on Tom’s bed as he talked to their mom.

“You’re right, you’re right I’m sorry. How… are you feeling?”

“I don’t know. Half the time I feel crazy or hungry,” he said truthfully and Bill smiled slightly as his mother laughed.

“Oh Bill… I’m sure you’re so scared right now. As soon as you come home I’m going to take good care of you,” she promised, and he couldn’t help but beam. There was nowhere safer than in his mother’s arms.

“You don’t hate me?” he had to ask, still somewhat off balance. The conversation was a lot easier than he had anticipated.

“Of course not! I just… you’re so young and even though I did want grandchildren I just never thought it would be this way,” she admitted. “It’s funny; I thought I didn’t have to worry about this when I had twin sons. Times and science has changed; I turn on the television and hear about men having children and come to find that one of my sons is in the same situation. I always thought that Tom would get someone pregnant… go figure.”

“Yeah,” he trailed off; face red even though there was no one in the room with him.

“So, what has the doctor said?”

“I haven’t been to one in a while,” Bill admitted.

“Why not?”

“I’ve been on the road, and I’ve been too busy.”

“Too… busy? This isn’t a game Bill. Things can happen to an unborn child quicker than you realize. I’m going to set up an appointment for you with an obstetrician. When did you find out?”

“About a month ago,” Bill sighed as the headache surged anew and started knocking around his skull.

“And you haven’t been to the doctor since? Bill, you should have regular check ups, every two weeks.”

“That’s not exactly feasible on the road, is it?” Bill snapped. The silence on the other line made him feel bad and he sighed again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.”

“I understand things must be difficult for you, more than I can imagine. I just… I’ve got to go,” his grip tightened on the phone and he felt a panic rise.

“You hate me don’t you?” Bill whispered, blinking back his tears.

“No! No, it’s just… this is going to take a lot to get used to,” she said quickly, and her voice was thick like she’d started crying again.

“I’m sorry Mom. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“I know sweetie. I know. We’ll talk more about this when you come home, okay?”

“Yes Mom.”

“I love you.” Bill nodded and sniffed.

“I love you too.” The call disconnected and he threw the phone over his shoulder. He heard it hit something off to the side but right now he couldn’t care less. Bill rolled over and stared at the ceiling before he sat forward and glanced at the floor. Even in the empty room he felt judged. He glared at the carpet angrily. “You don’t know me,” he hissed as he stood and snatched the tee shirt from the bed. “I don’t care what you think.”

He stormed back to his room and flipped on the television. Bill wasn’t really paying attention to the rapidly changing channels until he caught a glimpse of himself in full concert regalia. He turned back to the channel and frowned, suddenly glad for the English subtitles.

Fans are wondering exactly what he’s hiding beneath the large garment. Bill Kaulitz’ style is normally formfitting and flattering. This does nothing for his figure.

Bill blinked at the screen as it went from discussing his fashion choices to a traffic accident. The remote fell from his hands and he whimpered, curling up on his side as he tried to wrap as much of Tom’s shirt around him as possible. He rubbed his stomach but soon gave up. It only felt good when Tomi did it.

~*~

Tom watched as Carlotta was perched on Gustav’s back, laughing into a kiss with Georg. They were being loud and didn’t care in the slightest. Zara was staring at them over her shoulder with a small grin. “You guys are so… lively,” she said as she turned back to him.

“That’s a nice way of putting it,” he rolled his eyes as he laughed and tried to swipe his card one more time; stupid thing kept moving. Zara smiled up at him and rose on her toes to give him a quick kiss.

“Why don’t we go inside?” she whispered, circling her arms around Tom’s neck. She took the key from his hand and swiped the card herself. He was leaning against the door and he half fell, half stumbled into the room as he dragged her along with a laugh. “Haven’t spent much time in here, have you?” Zara looked around quickly.

“Just long enough to drop my stuff off and head to the ven-” Tom was cut off by Zara’s lips pressed against his. He moaned into the kiss, his large hands spanning her very small waist as she kissed him with abandon. Something was wrong about this, something was off. The lips didn’t feel as they should. The sounds were wrong… They stumbled onto the bed and Zara laughed again as she rolled them over so she was straddling Tom.

“God you’re so attractive,” she said breathlessly, peppering his face with small kisses that left him panting. Tom’s mind swam with too much alcohol and not much else, and he felt oddly detached from the whole situation.

He looked up and smiled at her compliment, and just as she leaned forward and pulled him into another scorching kiss… a phone rang. Tom broke away and frowned, listening. “What’s that?” he asked, trying to keep the room from spinning.

“I thought it was yours,” Zara shrugged and leaned down to kiss again when she was stopped.

“No, it’s not mine,” Tom pushed her up and looked around. Lights were flashing underneath the left end table and he slid off the bed and grabbed the phone. It was Bill’s… reality crashed down on him and Tom whimpered.

“What’s wrong?” Zara asked as she knelt on the bed watching him almost fall apart.

“I can’t do this,” Tom whispered as he stared at the phone.

“Tom…”

“Please.”

She nodded slowly. “I didn’t think this was going to happen anyway. You’ve been so tense and… reluctant… I thought maybe you would get past it. Is it me?”

“No, it’s not you,” he finally turned around. “I’m just not in a good place right now.”

Zara sighed and nodded again. “I guess I can understand that,” she said as Tom helped her off of the bed. “I had fun.”

“I’m glad,” he smiled tightly and he could see the hurt in her eyes as he kissed her on the cheek. Zara released his hand and let herself out, leaving Tom in the empty room by himself.

He was still drunk; he was sober enough to know that much. Tom refused to go to Bill like this. That was drama he didn’t need right now. He turned on the light in the bathroom and looked away from his reflection. He didn’t like what he saw right now.

~*~

“Ugh, it’s too early,” Georg grumbled as he felt the sun’s rays on his cheek. “Who do I need to kill to get the curtains closed?”

“It’s morning Georg, you should be awake.”

“Gustav, shut the curtains and I’ll give you a blow job,” he chuckled as the warm body left his embrace and scrabbled out of the bed. Suddenly the light that pressed itself through his eyelids was gone, and his face felt cool again. “Oh god, why do you have to be an early riser?”

“Because it’s nice to meet the day when there aren’t too many people up,” Gustav slid under the covers and pressed himself against Georg. “When do I get my blow job?”

“I would think you would be tired out by what’s-her-face,” he mumbled as he rolled over and trapped his blond friend beneath him.

“Shit you’re heavy,” the drummer smiled into the crook of Georg’s neck and breathed in his scent. He could feel the rumble of laughter through the other man’s chest and into his own; it tickled slightly and caused his own smile to widen.

“Juschtel, its all muscle. That’s what counts.”

“Right,” Gustav rolled his eyes and enjoyed the few minutes of silence. “Georg?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think Tom’s still weirded out about us?”

Georg yawned into the pillow and turned his face so he could look at the other man sleepily. “A little I think,” he rasped, clearing his throat of morning scratchiness.

“Why? I mean, with a brother like Bill…” Both men laughed at the comment and Georg shrugged, pulling Gustav closer to him.

“I think it’s just one odd thing on top of a whole bunch of odd things. He’s been getting used to it for the past two weeks.”

“And not apologizing to David,” Gustav shifted and found a more pleasant position; his growing erection was now pressed against the bassist’s hip. He swore that his morning voice should be categorized as lethal.

“Do you really think he should?” Georg smiled at the sudden shift of position and what it revealed. He moved his hip and was awarded a low moan.

“No, not really I guess,” Gustav panted. “He was being a jerk but Tom shouldn’t have fought him.”

“He couldn’t control himself. I mean, how would we act in the same position? Bill was offered an abortion,” Georg turned towards him and pressed him into the mattress with his weight. “I guess he had a right to be mad.”

“Do you think Jost should have offered?” Gustav groaned as his groin tightened as Georg’s cock brushed against his.

“I think Bill should do whatever he wants,” Georg rumbled and smiled at the way his voice affected the drummer.

“I think abortion is wrong,” he managed to get out before his brain stopped working completely. Georg just grunted as he concentrated on the way their bodies moved together most deliciously. It was morning and it didn’t take much to push them to the brink. With thoughts of Carlotta and everything they did last night, not to mention the thoroughly blissed out expression on Georg’s face, he shouted his release as he shuddered against his friend.

Georg groaned long and loud, hands on Gustav’s hips as he came silently. They both panted in each other’s arms and he leaned forward for a brief kiss. “Now I’m awake,” he said before he rolled off of the blond and climbed out of the bed. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Gustav lifted his head to watch Georg walk to the bathroom, and wondered if he was rubbing off on him because he was sorely tempted to go back to sleep. He grinned as he heard the shower. On second thought, there were better things to do than sleep.

~*~

Tom figured out that drowning himself in the shower wasn’t going to relieve his headache nor help him wake up fully. After forty five minutes under the water he finally shut it off, blinking away the water and cursing the fact that he didn’t tie up his hair before getting in. His locks hung in long wet ropes and he added that to the growing list of evidence that this would be a difficult day.

He should be excited; they had one more day here and they would be going home. Everything was simpler at home. Andreas was there and so was their… oh shit. Tom quickly finished toweling his hair and threw on an outfit before he ran out the door. He curse and went back; he forgot Bill’s phone on the entertainment center. Once he grabbed that and changed his cap, he went and knocked on his twin’s room.

There was no answer and Tom frowned, knocking again. Still nothing; he pulled out the extra key card and swiped. Tom stepped inside and looked around. There was no one here. Something red caught his eye and he walked over to the bed and pulled one of his tee shirts out from under the tangle of bedclothes. What was this doing in here?

Tom sighed and shrugged as he left the room with his shirt as he pulled out his phone and dialed Georg’s number. “Yeah?”

“Georg, have you seen Bill?” he asked warily as he let himself into his room so he could throw his shirt inside.

“Yeah, he’s down in the restaurant with us. Come on down,” Georg replied, laughing at something someone said. “They have pretty good pancakes here.”

“I’ll be there in a second,” Tom closed his phone uneasily. What were they talking about? He hoped they didn’t say anything before he had a chance to talk to Bill alone. It was important that he knew nothing happened. Well, almost nothing happened.

~*~

Bill sat in the booth with his friends but didn’t feel like eating. He was tired and stretched out, and on top of everything else he just felt uncomfortable. The black hoodie was making him self conscious now, but a leather jacket would just make things worse. When he suited up for a concert the leather hid his new attributes but it was a bit much in every day life.

Gustav said something clever again and Georg laughed as if it were the funniest joke in the world. “You guys are weird now that you’re dating,” he said petulantly. The two boys turned to him in confusion.

“What?”

“We’re not dating!”

“Yeah, okay,” Bill shook his head and mixed the sodden mess of cornflakes and milk.

“I’m not an expert or anything, but I thought you would want to eat cereal before it disintegrated,” Georg suggested as he frowned from behind his stack of pancakes.

“I’m not really hungry right now,” Bill sighed, pulling at the collar of the hoodie.

“What? I didn’t think that could happen,” Gustav laughed and then noticed Bill wasn’t joining in. “Are you alright?” Bill shrugged and turned around to look at the entrance. A moment later Tom walked through and looked around.

“That’s so freaky how they do that. Even after all these years,” Georg watched Tom approach in bemusement. “Nice to see you again Kaulitz. I thought you would have been too tired to come join us after that chick.”

Tom froze as he sat down next to Bill, face aflame as he glared at the bassist. “I don’t want to talk about that.” He said hastily as he shook his head and scooted his chair forward.

“What chick?” Bill asked as he cocked his head at his brother. Tom swallowed and tried to remain calm.

“I’m-”

“She was beautiful,” Gustav interrupted. “Long black hair and a smile that just wouldn’t quit. “She was kind of sweet too.”

“How do you know, you were practically down the redhead’s throat,” Tom retorted, turning back to his brother. “It was nothing, trust me.”

Bill just stared at him with hurt evident in his gaze. Georg wasn’t paying attention, he was too wrapped up in last night; “she was hot. Did you get her number?”

“No,” Tom said loudly. “Let’s just drop it, okay?”

“Fine.”

“What crawled up your ass Tom?”

“Maybe she was kinky. Maybe it was her…” Gustav chortled and the rhythm section of Tokio Hotel collapsed into very unmanly giggles. Bill looked at the two of them and back at Tom.

“I’m going back to my room,” he threw down his napkin and got up, almost stumbling briefly as dizziness welled up from no where. Tom was beside him in a second, one hand around his waist and another on his arm.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern etched on his face. Bill wanted nothing more than to just sink into his twin’s grasp and ask him to come up with him. To hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. To explain why in the hell did he pick up someone when they agreed that he would just go out and have a little fun before coming back to him?

The last thought made him wince, and he pulled away from Tom gently so he wouldn’t cause a scene. “I’m fine. I’m just going back to my room.” Bill didn’t look back and Tom stared after him helplessly.

“What’s wrong with him?” Georg asked, no longer laughing. Tom shrugged and sat back down.

“I have no idea,” he said lowly. That was a lie, he knew exactly what was wrong, but he couldn’t explain the truth in front of Georg and Gustav. They wouldn’t understand.

~*~

Bill looked up as his door opened. “I thought you were still downstairs.”

“I wanted to give you some time to cool off,” Tom said as he closed the door behind him. “I understand why you’re mad at me,” he replied as he stepped over open suitcases. They were everywhere and every single piece of clothing his twin had with him was piled up on the bed.

“I’m not mad,” Bill folded a tee shirt carefully, placing it in the suitcase just so. Tom watched him fold a few more in silence.

“I can explain,” Tom said desperately. Bill shrugged but didn’t look up; just continued to fold the shirts until the suitcase was full. Then he zipped it up and shoved it away with his foot before he pulled another one closer and started on his pants.

“I don’t need you to explain,” he said as he went to work on the underwear.

“Bill, I’m sorry! I am, just look at me,” Tom sank to his knees in front of his brother and stilled his movements by grabbing his hands. “Please.”

Bill looked up at him and sighed, “Why didn’t you tell me Tomi?”

“There was nothing to tell! I put up a show for the G’s and that was it. Once inside I told her to leave,” Tom stammered out, trying to get him to see. “Nothing happened.”

“You promise?”

“I promise,” Tom scooted forward and kissed him gently.

“So why didn’t you come back last night? I had trouble sleeping,” Bill rubbed his nose and shifted around to get into a better position.

“I got drunk,” he said truthfully.

“Oh Tomi,” Bill shook his head. “I’m not mad. I just don’t know how to feel about a lot of things. I can’t go to the club anymore, it makes me feel left out,” he admitted.

“But you didn’t go to the clubs before,” Tom said with a laugh. Bill jerked his hands out of his grasp and snorted.

“Well, let’s make fun of me feeling left out, shall we? That’s a perfect way to handle this,” he seethed as he stood and stepped over Tom.

“Bill, it was a-”

“Don’t say joke,” Bill warned, pointing his finger at Tom. “Don’t’ say joke. This is far from a joke. You promised that you would be here when I spoke to Mom. Guess what? You were too busy boozing to come back! I had to do it alone!” he screeched.

“Wait, you talked to Mom?” Tom scrambled to his feet in shock. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“When would I have? I couldn’t find my phone-”

“Wait, your phone was in my room,” he interrupted with a frown. “What were you doing in there?”

Bill closed his mouth and blushed, “I-”

“And why was my shirt in here?” Tom interrupted again. Bill’s eyes narrowed angrily.

“What were you doing in here?” he fired back.

“To return your stupid phone!” Tom yelled. Bill crossed his arms and huffed. “Am I not allowed in your room anymore?”

“No!” Bill retorted without thinking. Tom jerked back as if he’d been struck, and threw his hands up in defeat.

“Fuck, I can’t seem to do anything right then, huh? It’s still the same thing over and over again,” he shook his head in disgust. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Where are you going?” Bill stepped over suitcases trying to reach Tom before he hit the door. “Why are you leaving?”

“I don’t want to have an argument with you right now Bill, and it’s obvious that’s what you want to do,” he said calmly. “I’m going to come back when you’re mood’s changed.”

“You don’t want to argue because you know I’m right!” Bill ground out, jabbing his finger at his brother as he tried to carefully make his way around all the open suitcases. What possessed him to open them all?

“Whatever Bill,” Tom shook his head and slammed the door behind him just as Bill made it through the Valley of the Travel Bags. He stopped and stared at the door and burst out crying. What was wrong with him? He hadn’t meant to start an argument, and once it began it felt so good he just kept pushing and pushing so he could feel better.

No wonder Tom didn’t want to be around him like this, he was crazy. He sobbed loudly and shoved all the clothes off of the bed and laid down in miserable silence. Why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut? It wasn’t as if he didn’t believe Tom. He did. Bill was just so…. So angry that sometimes it even surprised him.

He sniffed and looked over to see his phone sitting on the night stand. Bill sat up and grabbed it, pressing Tom’s speed dial and biting his lip as he waited for his twin to pick up. Samy deluxe blasted in his ear before he was abruptly cut off.

This is Tom; you know what to do at the beep.

Bill stared at the phone briefly before wiping away fresh tears. “I’m sorry Tomi, I am. I just… don’t know what to say. Please stop ignoring me and come back. I won’t act crazy anymore, or at least I’ll try not to,” he sniffed some more. There was nothing else he could say so Bill hung up forlornly. Someone knocked on the door and he brightened, wiping his face and wishing it didn’t look as red as he caught a glimpse of it in the mirror. He threw open the door and frowned. “Oh, it’s you.”

Author's Chapter Notes: