It was wedged in the back, next to a jar of pickles and Bill squealed in happiness. “What? Sorry, Gustav. I found what I was looking for. No, I’m fine. Tomorrow, dinner. Yeah. See you both later.”

“Who was that?”

Bill jumped and swore as he ended the call. He turned to see Tom and blushed. “Shit, you scared me.”

“Sorry. See you still hadn’t found your boots,” he said as he looked down at Bill’s socked feet.

“Yeah, well I gave up.” Bill grabbed the sandwich and pickles and kicked the door closed. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. It wasn’t your fault, and you were just trying to help.”

Tom knew just a few months ago he would’ve shrugged the apology away and said it wasn’t a big deal, but it was. “Thank you; if you want your shoes I could still help you.”

“Maybe later. Right now all I want is this sandwich,” Bill said right before he bit it in half. Tom spun his keys around his finger and wrinkled his nose at the enthusiasm in which the food was consumed.

“I bought a couple of televisions,” Tom said casually and Bill choked slightly.

“You bought a television?”

“You weren’t bored?”

Bill stopped and shrugged. “I just watched movies on my laptop, really.”

“Well, I wanted to see something that I didn’t have to load.”

“A couple?”

“Yeah, one for the living room, one for each of the guest bedrooms and one for… our room,” Tom finished quietly.

Bill swallowed and exhaled through his nose. “Um… okay. Who’s going to do set up?”

“Someone’s coming tomorrow.” Tom wanted to jump for joy; Bill didn’t correct him when he called it ‘their’ room. Progress was slow and painful.

“Oh, well okay; as long as you weren’t planning on knocking holes in my wall, great,” Bill said around another mouthful and Tom thought he looked very cute. Apparently he was staring because Bill cocked his head and swallowed again. “What?”

“Nothing.” Suddenly Tom felt shy and cursed the blush that he could feel creep up his neck. “So, have you thought of any baby names lately?”

“God, we haven’t talked about that in forever. I kind of thought of a few, but none really made me feel like it was the right one, you know?” Bill sighed in relief as he took a seat. He’d been so hungry he hadn’t wanted to sit before he dug in. “Do you have any ideas?”

“You want to hear them?”

“Yes,” Bill said softly and smiled. “What are they?”

“Charlotte.”

“…I don’t like it.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t. I never have. How about Sarah?”

“Sounds boring.”

“So does Bill and Tom,” Bill retorted as his twin shrugged and nodded.

“True, which means we don’t want to do that to our daughter, now do we?”

“True.” Bill laughed and shook his head. “Are we ever going to figure out a name?”

“You’re only six months along. We’ll figure something out before then, don’t worry.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Oh, before I forget, the G’s are coming over tomorrow.” Bill smiled happily. “They haven’t seen the house yet and I wanted to show it off. They’re bringing dinner too.”

“Great! I guess I have to clear the rest of that shit out of the living room, huh?”

“Preferably.” Bill bounced his leg and smiled. He was going to have guests to entertain in his new house.

Their new house.

~*~

Gustav leaned against Georg and stared up at the stars. “It’s nice here; kind of quiet but you can still see part of the city.”

“Yeah, even hear it. Kind of muffled though,” Tom said as he took a sip of his beer. They were currently in the back yard, the quiet lap of the water against the side of the pool kept everyone in a relaxed mood. Tom was next to Bill in separate lounge chairs while Georg and Gustav shared the last one.

“I love it. I haven’t been out here much because it’s kind of hot, but sometimes when the sun goes down it gets just the right temperature and I enjoy the fact that I have a backyard.”

“It’s so fucking scary though,” Georg piped up and Tom raised an eyebrow expectantly. “You guys own property. It’s so grownup.”

“We know you have the maturity of a two year old, but what are you talking about?”

“I couldn’t imagine owning my own property and being away from my mom.”

“Aww, the hobbit loves his mother,” Tom cracked and Bill chuckled next to him.

“No, my mother only has me. She’s alone and I worry about her enough when I’m on tour. It would hurt her if I bought my own place, even if it were in Magdeburg. She’s already had a man leave her; I don’t want to be the second.”

“It’s okay Georg; I think it’s great that you want to take care of your mother.” Gustav turned so he could kiss the bassist on the mouth.

Tom looked down at his beer and knew that Bill was a bit uncomfortable too. It wasn’t that they weren’t used to the affection their friends felt the need to shower upon each other, but it was the ease in which they were sweet; the gentle reassurance. Tom swallowed and felt like a pussy when the telltale prickle began at the back of his eyes.

“So, when’s the house warming?”

Bill looked up and was thankful for the distraction. “Housewarming?”

“Yeah, show everyone your house, get good gifts and shit. You can be the diva of the day, Bill.” Gustav joked and Tom laughed halfheartedly.

“We hadn’t really thought about it,” he said.

“Think about it. But in the meantime, we’ve got to go.” Gustav pulled Georg up with him and yawned. “If I don’t get on the road we’ll be taking advantage of your guest bedroom.”

“If you want to, you can. Seriously.” Bill tried to scramble to his feet and almost gave up before Tom took his hands and hoisted him up. “Thanks,” he whispered quickly before he followed their friends back into the house.

“Yeah, I know, but I wanted to do sleep in my own bed.” Gustav yawned again and pulled out his keys. “On second thought, you might have to drive the first leg.”

“I saw this coming on the way over.” Georg rolled his eyes and snatched the keys playfully. “See you guys later.”

“Bye,” Tom said as he let them out. He felt somewhat relieved when the G’s left; he liked them of course, but it was nice to have the silence in the house again. The dreadlocked teen turned back to Bill and shrugged. “Housewarming?”

“I like parties. We’ll keep it small.” Bill had already begun to plan. “I’ll find a caterer and we’ll decorate and have it outside; we just have to make sure it doesn’t rain.”

“Sounds good to me; let me know what I can do to help.” Tom knew that Bill liked to plan parties by himself; he’d just make himself available for whatever necessary.

“Okay, I’ll probably need a ride to check out some caterers after I look them up online.” For some reason Bill looked everywhere but at Tom and he found it amused him as he stepped up to him.

“Okay, no problem.” Bill still wouldn’t look at him and Tom reached out and touched his arm. “What’s wrong?”

“I want to do something stupid.”

“Why is it stupid?”

“Because it is,” Bill said helplessly before he stepped forward and captured Tom’s lips in his. Tom was surprised but quickly reciprocated as he brought his hand up to cradle Bill’s head and adjust the kiss. It was so much like the kisses they used to share it made Tom’s heart ache and too soon Bill pulled away to breathe and whatever bubble they were in burst. “Shit, stupid.” He pulled away from Tom and walked out of the living room.

~*~

“Do you think they’ve worked anything out?” Georg asked after a while. Gustav roused himself from the light doze he’d begun to enjoy and yawned.

“Maybe, I don’t know. They always work everything out though.” The drummer stretched as best he could, strapped to the seat and blinked blearily at the passing scenery. “Why?”

Georg shrugged as he changed lanes. “There’s something different about them, didn’t you notice it?”

“I think it’s none of our business. They’ve always been a bit weird.”

“Yeah.”

Gustav felt himself slip back into his nap. “Wake me up when we’re halfway there.” Georg looked over at him and smiled slightly; the blond was out like a light. He could handle the trip home.

~*~

“We’re fine, Mom.” Tom kicked the refrigerator door closed and bit into a piece of pizza. “Well, I was going to tell you as soon as we’d decided to do it. How’d you find out about it?” He looked up as Bill shuffled into the kitchen. His twin yawned and winced as he rubbed the lower portion of his abdomen. “Mrs. Listing has a big mouth. You know she does!” Tom rolled his eyes and forced himself to swallow what was in his mouth before he mouthed ‘what’s wrong’. Bill shrugged and waved him off.

“What?” Tom’s hearing prickled as he heard his mother say something of interest. “Never! I promise you as soon as Bill and I figure out when we’re going to do it you’ll be the first to know.” He frowned and made a face. “Yes. Okay. No, he’s sleeping.” Tom looked up to see the relief on Bill’s face and smiled. “Sure, I’ll let him know, as soon as he wakes up. Bye, Mom. Love you too.” He hung up the phone and groaned. “God, your mother is so annoying at times.”

“What happened?” Bill came over and picked a pepperoni from atop Tom’s slice. Tom watched the topping disappear between his twin’s full lips and blushed.

“Dumbass Hobbit told his mother about the housewarming and she told Mom. She freaked out that we didn’t tell her.”

“Oh god, seriously? Georg needs to keep his mouth shut,” Bill sighed and rubbed his stomach again.

“What’s wrong?” Tom asked worriedly. “You look like you’re in pain.”

“I’m just sore. Robert said that’s normal; my muscles are stretching and it hurts as my body tries to compensate for the baby.” Bill shuffled a bit closer and breathed a sigh of relief as he dropped his head on Tom’s shoulder.

Tom put the pizza down on the table, without a plate, and brushed his hands on his shirt before he began to rub Bill’s swollen abdomen carefully. “Did you sleep okay?” he whispered. Tom didn’t want to ruin this moment; it felt fragile and skittish.

“Not really. Your daughter kept moving.”

“I’m sorry.” Tom meant it and he could feel Bill smile against his neck.

“I know.” The reply was more felt than heard and Tom realized they were swaying gently. It wasn’t quite dancing; neither were particularly gifted in that area, but it was a comfortable rocking motion. He rested his cheek on top of his twin’s hair and closed his eyes. The world felt timeless and weightless as they moved around their kitchen slowly. Everything just stopped and all that existed was Bill and his daughter in his arms. It could’ve gone on like that forever.

So, of course, it didn’t.

Bill blinked and lifted his head reluctantly. It was his phone that rang, and Tom retrieved the gadget from the table and gave it to him. It as a call from the doctor’s office; just a reminder for his appointment, after all this time they still felt the need to call. Bill sighed and looked at his brother. “Thank you, I feel better.”

“No problem. If you feel like that in the middle of the night, wake me up. I don’t mind and I don’t want you in pain while I’m asleep.” Tom tucked a bit of hair behind Bill’s ear with a smile.

“I’ll remember that. I’m going to lie down again before my appointment, okay?”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“Not so much anymore.” Bill shrugged and rolled his eyes. Sometimes he felt as if his body couldn’t make up its mind. It was a bit disturbing to think his body had a mind of its own.

“Okay, well I’ll come up and check on you in a little bit.” Bill just smiled and left the room. Tom played with his lip ring before he decided to run after his twin. “Hey, Bill?”

“Yes?” the singer asked as he turned around.

“Would you like me to take you to the appointment?” he asked hopefully.

Bill bit his lip and cocked his head. “If you’re not busy, that’d be great.”

“I won’t be busy.” It didn’t matter if he had been, Tom would drop everything for Bill if he asked. That was probably why they were in this situation now.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Tom nodded and forced himself to go back into the kitchen; if he didn’t he would’ve followed Bill up to his room. The dreadlocked teen didn’t want to force his way in, he wanted to be invited.

~*~

Bill looked a bit wary as he walked into the room and put his bag down on the couch. Stephen looked up and smiled as he wiped Nikolas’s mouth carefully. “Hi, Bill. Say hi, Nikolas.” Nikolas gurgled in response and tried to grab the cloth his uncle held in his face. “You look a bit tired today. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Bill said as he shook his head quickly, as if to clear it. “I mean, I’m tired because it was a rough night last night. She wouldn’t sleep when I was asleep. I’m sore.” He eased down onto the couch but gave up halfway and plopped down ungracefully the rest of the distance.

“I’m sure. Unfortunately that’s normal, but I’m sure Robert told you that already.”

“Yes, doesn’t make it easier to deal with.”

Stephen nodded and set his nephew on the floor gently. “So, other than that, what’s been up?”

Bill watched the child power along the floor on all fours and suppressed a smile. “Nothing really; just trying to settle in and everything.”

“New houses can be fun and exhilarating and draining at the same time.”

“Yeah.”

“…And you and Tom?”

“It’s so weird.” Bill shuffled around to get comfortable and laid his head on the back of the couch. “I can tell we’re getting better and the small stupid things I used to do, I’m no longer feeling the urge to do them anymore. I’m proud.”

“So are you going to stop being scared that you’ll screw things up?”

“I don’t know.”

“Bill, I don’t want you to get in the way of your own happiness.” The raven haired teen made a nondescript sound and didn’t look up at Stephen. “Yeah, whatever that meant. I want you to try and do things that feel right. Sometimes the mind will try to hold on to grudges that the spirit and the heart have long since forgiven. Will you try?”

“Yeah.” Bill’s voice was small and hesitant. It would be work, but maybe it was time to start putting things behind them.

“Have you asked Tom how he feels about the whole thing?”

“Not lately.”

Nikolas squealed happily and both men stopped to see the source of joy. The toddler had something in his mouth and was trying to grin around it. “What is in your mouth?” Stephen said exasperatedly as he got up and picked Nikolas up. The therapist fished his finger around his nephew’s mouth; Bill grimaced as Stephen pulled out a button. “Where’d you get this?” he mused quietly and threw the discarded bit of plastic at the wastebasket.

Bill smiled softly as Nikolas pouted as he was put on the floor again; the melancholy didn’t last long as he shrieked and saw Bill’s boots. The singer’s eyes widened as he felt a soft impact on his left foot. Nikolas loved the taste of his shoes for some reason. He reached down and grabbed the squirmy child from off of his shoe and grinned at him. “Nikolas, why do you insist on eating my shoes?” Bill asked the nine month old as he brought the baby closer to his face.

The baby just blew a spit bubble at his words and giggled before he lunged forward and latched his chubby hand on Bill’s eyebrow piercing and pulled. Bill yelped and winced as he removed Nikolas’ grip from the small hoop at his eyebrow. He wanted to be mad because it hurt, but as soon as he looked into the baby’s eyes he sighed.

How could he be angry at a face like that?

“I’m scared I’m going to screw my baby up.”

Stephen blinked and focused on Bill’s face as he stared at Nikolas. “What did you say?”

“I’m so afraid that something I did earlier in my pregnancy will make our child come out disfigured or something. Like that growth, what if it did something that you won’t know about until she’s here?” Bill rested his head on the soft skin of the baby’s forehead and closed his eyes until Nikolas made a noise and shifted so he could lie on Bill’s chest.

“What makes you think that?”

“I didn’t take my pregnancy seriously for a couple of months. I’m afraid it will come back and bite me on the ass.”

“I think your’re worrying about something that isn’t going to help you or the baby.” Stephen sighed and twisted his pen around absently. “During this stage of the pregnancy most people go through the introspection aspect. Months past the initial shock of the pregnancy and not close enough to think about the impending delivery, people start to over think things. Robert says you and your daughter are healthy. Just focus on that right now.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“So, have you two figured out a name yet?”

~*~

“No.” Tom bounced Nikolas on his lap and watched the child giggle incessantly before he fell forward into his voluminous tee shirt. “I don’t know if we ever will, honestly.”

“Every soon to be parent feels that way, trust me.”

“How many kids do you have?” Tom asked curiously as Nikolas grabbed a lock and tugged. It was so long the motion didn’t make it all the way to the guitarist’s scalp so the toddler did it again.

“Two boys and a girl on the way,” Stephen said proudly.

“Congratulations.”

“Did you want a boy?”

“Honestly I didn’t want a child at all.” Nikolas decided that Tom wasn’t paying enough attention to him as he stood him up in his lap so he fell forward onto his chest and squirmed around. Tom looked down at him in amusement as Nikolas rubbed his face repeatedly over the silkscreen design. “Are you sleepy, little one?” he asked quietly; Nikolas whimpered and reached up to grab a few more of Tom’s locks as he settled against the soft tee shirt.

“I should lay him down now.” Stephen put his pad and pen down and went to stand up but Tom stopped him.

“It’s fine. We still have a little time, you can let him sleep.” Tom patted Nikolas on the back gently and the toddler fought to keep his eyes open.

“You have a natural ease around kids.”

“I just try not to let them stress me out. They can smell fear, you know.” Tom chuckled and cradled the child in his arms so they could both be more comfortable.

“That is so true.” Stephen watched Tom with his nephew for a few minutes longer, until Nikolas was caressed to sleep. “So, did you want a son or a daughter?”

“I wanted a son. Eventually I guess.” Tom shrugged and looked back up at the doctor. “Bill is it for me; I never thought kids would be in that equation. Besides, I’m too young and I didn’t want to think of that stuff anyway.”

“But now?”

“Sometimes I feel prematurely aged. These last few months have been alternating between heaven and hell.”

“I can see where you could make that argument. What would you do with your child if he were a boy? Take him to ball games, go fishing and the like?”

“All sports can be done indoors; no need to drag anyone outside,” Tom said as he wrinkled his nose. “As for fishing and stuff, that’s not my style. I wanted someone to share my musical tastes with. I mean, I’ll love baby blob no matter what music she listens too, but it would’ve been nice to have a son to take to a Samy Deluxe concert.”

“Maybe she’ll like the same music as you do. You never know, my sister’s older child loves American hip hop.”

“American hip hop is weak,” Tom dismissed with a scoff before he became contemplative.

“I’m willing to take your word for it. Are you excited about being a father?”

“Excited and scared.”

“What are you scared of?”

“That she’ll turn out like me or Bill; either one is pretty much screwed up.”

“That’s… interesting.”

“Seriously, Stephen!”

“Look at it this way; she can’t fall for her brother because she won’t have any siblings.”

“…You did not just crack an incest joke,” Tom said incredulously.

“I would like to think I did.”

“You’re so weird.”

“I am,” Stephen said and nodded seriously. “I think all therapists are.”

“Because you sit there and listen to everyone’s problems as they bitch about them incessantly?”

“No, because I get to see parts of people they normally hide away and they don’t realize how beautiful they are. The things we overlook while we wallow in self pity and are riddled with self doubt.”

Tom’s eyes were unfocused as he stared at the small stone statue on the coffee table. “I hope she doesn’t grow up to be like me.”

“Funny, Bill said the same thing.” Stephen looked at Nikolas sleep and smiled. “Personally, I think that she could learn quite a bit about how to be a great person from the both of you.”

Tom coughed to cover up his impending tears and watched Nikolas breathe on his chest. Could he do it? Could he be responsible for the life of helpless human and not screw her up?

Tom swallowed audibly. His daughter was going to be screwed up and it would be all his fault.

And Bill’s.

~*~

“But they said they could do it for a hundred Euros cheaper.”

“It’s just a hundred Euros, Bill. I think the problem is you won’t get to have any alcohol,” Tom teased as Bill frowned and stabbed his Caesar salad.

“So?”

“I want to have a nice little bar set up and the fountain is really nice. I want our first party at our house-” Tom stopped as their doorbell rang. They were outside on the patio underneath a large black umbrella that Bill had bought to replace the hideous orange one that sat atop the pretty, wavy glass table. “Are you expecting anyone?”

“No…” Bill accepted Tom’s hand and pulled himself up so he could follow his twin back into the house. Tom was faster than him and Bill heard the door open before he made it into the living room. He rounded the corner and frowned.