54

Guest and host

The present day roles of guest and host are based on centuries of tradition. In their simplest form, the roles are as follows: the host must take care of the guest, and the guest must accept the hospitality of the host without being a burden to the host. In practice, this means that the host must offer food and drink to the guest, must make the guest comfortable, and must escort the guest when he/she departs, and the guest must reject the hospitality of the host several times before eventually accepting it. Here are some general rules of behavior for guest and host.

•When visiting a Chinese host, the guest should bring a small gift. Items such as tea, fruit, flowers, and candy are usually appropriate. The host does not ordinarily open a gift in the presence of the guest.

•When a host invites a guest to participate in an activity for which there is a fee (dinner in a restaurant, coffee or ice cream in a café, attendance at a movie or show, transportation by taxi or train, etc.), it is understood that the host pays the bill.

•In most social situations, one of the participants typically assumes the role of host, paying the bill, ordering food or drink, paying for transportation, etc. It is expected that today’s guest will be tomorrow’s host, and the obligations (financial and otherwise) associated with the host will be reciprocated on later occasions by other members of the group. This creates a network of mutual obligations among participants and solidifies their identity as a group. It is rare for people to split the bill in China, or for individuals to pay for themselves when participating in some entertainment as part of a group. It is common for individuals to have a good natured fight over a bill to establish the host for the occasion.

Many common interactions between guest and host are conducted using ritual expressions and behavior. The most common of these are presented here. Expressions used in welcoming a guest and in saying goodbye are also used towards customers in restaurants.

54.1Welcoming the guest

To welcome a guest, say:

Hupnyíng!

Welcome!

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GUEST AND HOST

54.4

54.2Offering food and drink

When the host offers the guest something to eat or drink, he or she either serves something or gives the guest a choice of beverages or food. For example:

!!

Qmng hq chá.

Have some tea.

or

! "#! "#

Nm hq kllè hq chá?

Do you drink cola or tea?

It is not polite to ask the guest whether he or she wants something to eat or drink (Would you like something to drink?), or if he or she is thirsty (Are you thirsty?). These kind of questions allow a response of ‘no,’ and imply that the host does not wish to provide food. A good Chinese host does not give the guest the opportunity to refuse hospitality.

54.3Inviting the guest to get comfortable

To invite a guest to get comfortable, say:

Qmng zuò.

Have a seat.

!"#!"#

Xitxi yrhuìr.

Rest for awhile.

54.4Saying goodbye and seeing the guest off

When it is time for guests to leave, the host has a ritual obligation to encourage them to stay. Guests have a ritual obligation to insist upon leaving. Expressions used in this ritual are presented below.

When guests leave, the host is expected to sòng the guests, that is, to see them off. When you see guests off, you are expected to walk them a portion of the way home. Modern day interpretation requires accompanying guests at least to the doorway if not to their car or bus or train, and staying with them until they depart. Even if the host does not accompany the guest beyond the doorway, he or she does not close the door when guests walk out of the house. Instead, the host stands in view of the guests, waving, until they are out of sight.

362

Additional expressions involving guest and host

54.5

54.4.1Expressions that the host can say to the guest at the end of a visit

!!

Zài lái wán.

Come again. (informal)

!"!"

Ynu kòng zài lái.

Come again when you have time.

( ) ( )

(Qmng) màn znu.

(Please) Don’t hurry off.

( ) ( )

(Qmng) hko znu.

(Please) take care.

Í20.2.2

54.4.2Expressions that guests can say to the host at the end of a visit

!!

Qmng liú bù.

Don’t bother to see me out.

Bié sòng.

There’s no need to see me off.

54.5Additional expressions involving guest and host

The opposite of seeing a guest off is picking a guest up. The verb used is jiq.

!"#$%&'()*+!"#$%&'()*+

Wn jrntipn wknshang dào jrchkng qù jiq Bái jrnglm.

Tonight I am going to the airport to pick up Manager Bai.

The verb that is used for a formal visit to someone is / bàifkng.

!"#$%&'!"#$%&'

Wnmen míngtipn bàifkng Wáng jiàoshòu.

Tomorrow we will visit Professor Wang.

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GIVING AND RESPONDING TO COMPLIMENTS

55

Giving and responding to compliments

55.1Cultural conventions regarding praise

Traditionally, Chinese people do not say / xièxiè ‘thank you’ in response to a personal compliment of any kind. In Chinese culture, accepting a personal compliment can be interpreted as showing conceit. Thus, it is customary in China for people to reject rather than to accept compliments. To a Westerner, / xièxiè is merely thanks for the compliment. However, in Chinese culture, it is often interpreted as a boastful agreement with someone’s assessment of the quality of your abilities or possessions.

55.2Expressions used in deflecting praise

You are expected to reject compliments and deflect praise of your accomplishments, abilities, and possessions, and to deflect praise of the accomplishments and abilities of those close to you. The following expressions are commonly used to deflect praise:

Deflecting praise in neutral or informal situations
!	!"
!	!"
Nálm, nálm.	Nkr de huà?
I have done nothing to deserve	What kind of talk is that?
your compliments.	What are you talking about?
(lit. ‘where? where?’)

!	!
!
Méi shénme.	Bù hko, bù hko.
It is nothing.	Not good, not good.
!
!
Zhqnde ma?
Really?

364

Compliments and appropriate responses		55.3
More formal expressions used to deflect praise
!	!
!	!
Guò jikng le.	Bùgkndpng.
You are excessive in your praise.	I cannot accept your praise.

55.3Compliments and appropriate responses

The type of compliment determines the type of response. Here are some examples of compliments and appropriate responses.

Compliment	Appropriate response
!"#$%	! !
!"#$%	! !
Nm de háizi hln csngming.	Bù csngming. Bù csngming.
Your child is very intelligent.	(She/he) is not intelligent.
!"#$%&'	!"#
!"#$%&'	!"#
Nm de Zhsngguó zì xil de zhqn hko.	Wn xil de bù hko.
You write Chinese characters really well.	I do not write well.
!"#$%&	!
!"#$%&	!
Nín de jiángykn tài jrngcki le.	Guò jikng le.
You gave an outstanding speech.	You are excessive in your praise.
!"#$%	!
!"#$%	!
Nm de yrshù zhqn gpomíng.	Bùgkndpng.
Your medical skill is brilliant.	I cannot accept your praise.
!"#$%&	!"#$"
!"#$%&	!"#$"
Jrntipn de cài tài fqngfù le.	Méi shénme cài. Biàn fàn.
Today’s meal is so bountiful.	There isn’t anything special.
	It is just ordinary food.
!"#$%&	!"#!
!"#$%&	!"#!
Nm tàitai zuò de cài zhqn hko chr.	Nálm, nálm. Biàn fàn.
The dishes that your wife made are	There is nothing worth praising.
really good.	It is ordinary food.
!"#$%&	!"#$%
!"#$%&	!"#$%
Nm zhè jiàn máoyr hln piàoliang.	Zhqnde ma? Hln piányi.
Your sweater is very pretty.	Really? It was very inexpensive.

365